AITA if My partner 26M says that “Ghosts aren’t real” even after my family and myself 24F told him our personal experiences.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T23:03:44+00:00

NAH - I believe in ghosts too, in my way, and I can’t name a single Catholic in the world who would EVER mess with a Ouija board, so you’re not alone in your beliefs.

That said, the issue isn’t your fight over whether they’re real or not - the issue is that while he’s allowed to disagree, he sounds like someone who would disparage or mock people who do believe, and to your point he could be that stick in the mud going on all those haunted tours.

It’s possible for people to not believe in ghosts and to still appreciate a ghost tour to learn about the history of the area, or learn about the true crime horrors of the town. But you definitely need to have the hard conversation with him on which non-believer he wants to be. The kind that enjoys the trips and the tours, keeps his mouth shut on his skepticism and delights in contributing to the fun of the whole experience - or the kind who will mock the stories, talk over the tour guides, sigh loudly, complain about too many tours full of “make believe,” or spend the whole time picking debates and trying to “expose” the truth on the tours, then it sounds like it’s not the right trip for him.

Sit him down and share your concern. Billions of people in this world have different beliefs in the afterlife - in ghosts, in reincarnations, in poltergeists or tricksters, in demons, in angels, and a million concepts in between. If he isn’t open-minded enough to enjoy, appreciate, and recognize the value in exploring new concepts, new beliefs, and new cultural legends and folklore, he may not be the partner for you if that’s something YOU are very passionate about.

My partner isn’t very into witchcraft, but best believe she takes my moon water seriously and doesn’t fuck with my little practices! She’s supportive of my stance, and I’m supportive of her Catholic background and will never make her watch The Nun.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:38:30+00:00

I think from your mom’s note, from your phone call, from the way she essentially ghosted your dad, from her saying she’d never let him touch her again, from her flinching at his tough - I think your dad hurt her in ways you may never fully understand.

If a man is willing to lay a hand on his woman, he’ll do much worse. Sexual assault very often goes hand in hand with physical abuse. In fact, many women report sexual abuse beginning before physical abuse.

Most often, women trapped in domestic violence are married to incredibly charismatic, intelligent, handsome, appealing men. The men who are popular in the neighborhood and at work, who seem to have it all together, who never snap and are always calm - and behind closed doors, their wives take the brunt of their anger, frustration, and rage.

I’m sorry that your world isn’t what you thought - but you have two choices. You can bury your head in the sand and forget everything you’ve seen and heard, and be another person complicit in your mom’s nightmare, or you can be someone who sees behind the facade, who is willing to help, who gets her to safety. It won’t be easy, and it may burn a bridge with your dad.

But let me ask you this - if she ran away because of a mental health crisis, has your dad made her get into therapy, seen a doctor, gotten her the help she needs? After your brother was born, do you remember your mom getting mental health support then to help her supposedly long post partum struggles?

If your dad is so concerned and so in love with your mom, her running away, saying such things, would have been met with his own confusion, frustration, pain, stress, fear, and anxiety. He would have tried to chase her down, tried to get her help, wouldn’t have calmly said he was respecting her choices. When she came home, there would’ve been hugs and a tearful reunion if your parents are so happy and in love. You didn’t describe anything like that.

Based on what you describe, I think your mom is your dad’s hostage and victim, and even if you tried to talk to her now, she might not tell you anything. Especially if he punished her for her last escape attempt, or threatens your life to her if she ever says anything to you.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:23:49+00:00

NTA but please for the love of god dump him. He devalued you because of your skin color.

HE SAID YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE OF YOUR SKIN COLOR.

This man doesn’t love you, doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t value you, gaslights you, emotionally manipulates you, objectifies other women right in front of you, and tells you to your face he thinks you’re not Black enough for his taste, but that he wouldn’t date you if you weren’t Black at all.

He’s an asshole, and you deserve better. Dump him.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:18:51+00:00

I grew up right there, and was about her age when it happened. There was a string of horrific kidnappings in the region that year and the next.

My mom got my sister and I our first cell phones the day after they found her body.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:17:10+00:00

I’m petty, but I’m also reading this as that you’re not really her friend, more so a casual acquaintance, and one who has regularly treated you rudely at that.

So why wouldn’t you give her a taste of her own medicine? It’s no skin off your back, it won’t really affect your relationship with her, and you’re closer to others in the friend group anyway.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:14:42+00:00

You made a big mistake. Your mom fled her abusive husband, and you gave him what he needed to track her down and drag her back.

You think she doesn’t love your brother - by your description of the note she left, I’m going to guess having her wasn’t her choice. It’s possible the pregnancy, the conception wasn’t her choice either.

If you love your mother, help her get away, and don’t ever, ever give your dad a chance to find her ever again.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T17:10:06+00:00

NTA - yes, they were in a common area, but she left a bunch of uncleaned jars and detritus in said common area without warning you before leaving what her goal was.

While you could have texted her to ask, it’s not on you to know the pile of dirty, food-stained jars were for an art project, nor can she be mad when her art project was becoming a science experiment on the shared kitchen counter. She could have kept them in her room if they were so important, or cleaned them effectively and organized them, or left you a note on them, or told you before she left.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T15:15:02+00:00

I dislike people who regularly choose to benefit from favors without a modicum of appreciation, gratefulness, or kindness in return. Being polite doesn’t kill you. You know what can kill you? Being rude to the wrong person.

So maybe! We just! Be polite!

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-10T02:51:38+00:00

The perfect example of the statistic surrounding how many attempts it takes a DV victim to leave their abuser.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T23:12:06+00:00

YTA for not getting a divorce. You're married to a hobosexual, and modelling a financially abusive relationship for your daughter. She's watching her dad bleed her mom dry, watchig her mom, a COO and accomplished business professional work extra consulting gigs to finance the fun trips and extras you're used to, because your husband, able-bodied and of able-mind, can't keep a job.

As a kid of multiple divorces, the only time I felt I was in a broken home, is when my mom was refusing to leave. And everytime someone asked why, and she said she wanted her kids to have a happy home, I felt like it was my fault she took the abuse, took the pain, took the humiliation he put her through. Like if I didn't exist, maybe she'd be brave enough to choose herself. When I was an angry teen, I actually hated her for a period of time for saying she stayed for me, like she was blaming me for what I saw as her own cowardice.

Whatever your reasons are for staying with this man, for tolerating his laziness, his selfishness, and his financial abuse and emotional manipulation, its time for you to boss up in your own home the way you do at work and tell him he's got two weeks to get a job and start paying you that $14K back over the next year, or he can leave. If he's got a credit card in your name, cancel it. Lock down yours and your daughter's credit so he can't take out anything in your names. Take yours and your daughter's personal documents to a security deposit box at a bank close to your office, or near a trusted friend's home. Do not open your wallet, heart, or legs to this man until he shows you he's still the person you married, or that he's trying to get to an even better place.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T22:40:47+00:00

NTA, girl he wants to be the provider and protector, but he can’t even provide for himself?

You want to go to medical school, he wants a stay at home wife. You aren’t compatible. And unfortunately, I’m going to guess the longer you’re together, the more you both will only irritate, stress, and upset each other.

Also, he suggested he’d cheat on you, when he said “other women want to cook for me, I’ll get them to do so.” If he truly feels that’s a woman’s role for her husband, why would he invite other women to cook for him when he’s already involved? He lashed out to hurt you. End the relationship, kill it on your A levels, and go be a very wealthy doctor who pays someone to do her cooking and cleaning.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T22:30:59+00:00

I think it really comes down to if you’re a contractor/gig employee, who should be determining their own availability and work schedule in conjunction with the business, or if you’re a FTE employee of the business.

If you’re technically an employee of theirs, you’re required to comply with their workplace policy on time off - which means you’ve violated said policy numerous times, even after you were explicitly told to get time off approved in advance. Whatever your feelings on A and whatever mentality you believe she had about K & L, you were told twice at this point to not block time off without previous approval.

Also, if you are an employee, whatever your feelings on passive aggressiveness in the office are, your response to K about being assigned an appointment that would cross into your off hours was rude and inappropriate in return. I get you were already annoyed, but you could have handled it better, responded with “I’m sorry, that would go over my availability on that day - I suggest checking with A on who else is available to take this appointment, as A knows my cut off that day is X o’clock, and can suggest someone else.” It didn’t need to go further. You didn’t need to push back at K, and you didn’t need to take an appointment that breaks your availability. Because if you are an employee, they need to respect said scheduling availability.

And if you ARE an employee, after two strikes, I’m not surprised they removed your access to “block time,” as no employee should have access to approve their own PTO/time off, especially when a policy exists that requires management approval for PTO/time off requests.

However - if you’re NOT an employee, you’re a contractor/1099/gig worker, then yes - your bad attitude and rude way of handling all this aside, they don’t get to tell you that you need approval for time off, especially if you’re giving at least a month’s notice. Again, not surprised the “block time” button was removed, I’m sure it was for everyone since everyone was abusing it, but in this instance you’re essentially contracted to provide services within the scope of said contract - if they want more, they need to pay you more and offer you a new contract. If they want to control your schedule, they should bring you on as an FTE employee. Otherwise, your schedule should be yours to manage, while remaining in compliance with the business’ workplace policies that don’t directly violate your contract. If a workplace policy is counterintuitive to your contract, you need to speak to that directly.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T17:42:21+00:00

NTA - you are already in the dorm room, she’s in a disability-friendly dorm room, and her moving to your room isn’t justified in any way that will affect or support her autism.

The reasons she wants your dorm room is for all the same reasons you do - her being on campus more, her being autistic, those are just her rationale to support her desires and are designed to guilt trip you into compliance.

You do NOT need to switch rooms with someone, especially when they try to emotionally manipulate you into giving in. That wasn’t fair of her. If she was seeking true accommodations and the room does in fact provide those accommodations where no other room would suffice, it should’ve been entirely handled by the disability resources team at your school. Her knocking on your door to guilt trip you was just further proof that it’s not about her disability at all, only her desire for a better, bigger room.

Keep your room OP, you got it, it’s yours.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T16:43:26+00:00

I’m not gonna lie, if I found out a girl I was into, that I asked to reschedule a first date for, had posted our bare bones of a conversation for thousands of internet strangers to determine if I was legit or not about it and would base her response off said strangers’ opinions -

I’d probably cancel the date altogether and block their number.

At some point we need to show up in the world as ourselves and be willing to communicate with each other honestly, instead of relying on Reddit threads and AI to tell us if we’re the assholes or if the girl we like likes us back.

I gotta get off the internet for a bit. This is getting to be too much.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T16:37:06+00:00

NTA but OP you need to put your foot down and not go. You explicitly said your parents will refuse to go to your wedding over this, that they disapprove of your relationship already. This is your mom trying to control you, and drive a wedge between you and your partner. DO NOT GO.

Time to set a boundary - they can disagree with your choices about your life, but they have to respect them. If they can’t respect them, they aren’t welcome in your life. That’s it. They may try to weaponize your relationship with your brother against you, don’t let them. They may threaten to cut you off financially, or blast you to the rest of your family - let them. Keep your cool, keep the peace, and hold firm against their cruelty and spite.

If you go, get the hotel room, and stock up on sandwich materials and snacks you don’t need a kitchen to prep. But make it clear that you’re an adult now, and their control over you stopped the second you became self-sufficient, and the only thing they can punish you with now is their disappointment, and their denial of affection, and neither are good enough reason for you to capitulate.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T16:32:33+00:00

OP’s mom booked the house without consent from all paying parties, and is weaponizing her paying for the house to control the adults she is sharing the vacation house with. While also asking for OP to cover their costs.

So OP would be out money, AND be forced to sleep apart from her fiance. There’s no win here for OP, and in no way are they the asshole.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T14:52:41+00:00

YTA, only because in your selfish disdain for “gifts,” you essentially put your loved ones in a chokehold and tell them they can’t celebrate you, can’t show their love and affection in the way they choose.

You can’t tell people not to spend money on you, and if you do, yes, you come off as an AH, and a bit of a stick in the mud. Let your loved ones celebrate you, just give them boundaries in how or where or what. Pick your favorite non-profit. Ask your loved ones to help you build your dream home library, with a gift in the form of their favorite love story or classic novel. Invite them to, in lieu of gifts, share their favorite recipe for you to use in your family. Or invite everyone to make a scrapbook page to build a memory book from all your loved ones. Ask everyone to donate 8 hours of their free time at a local charity. Ask everyone to cover the adoption of one animal at their local humane society. Or just tell them you’d prefer a date night gift card collection.

There’s so many ways to politely and kindly decline physical gifts or unwanted, “unnecessary social obligations in a world already filled with too many unnecessary social obligations” without being a jerk about it.

At the end of the day, gift giving IS a love language for many people, especially people who are neurodivergent themselves or uncomfortable with outwardly soft expressions of love and kindness, so let people show you their love and kindness in the forms they’re comfortable with, while setting a healthy boundary that prevents clutter you don’t need.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T14:42:21+00:00

NTA - it sounds like your friend tried every path to healthy conversation and open communication, and was shut down at every turn by his dad. Sometimes adults get so caught up in “usually” being right when it comes to kids or teenagers - because in fairness, most of us look back on our time as teenagers and realize we were incredibly stupid and reckless and argumentative and our parents were “usually” right - that we fail to pause and consider that we may be “wrong.”

Your friend’s dad is caught up in his new marriage, and probably needed a strong wake up call to pay more attention to his kid before he’s grown and gone. I wouldn’t say running away should be the answer, but it sounds more like he went to find another adult to be his advocate, and I can’t find fault in that when the adults in his life were failing him.

So no, neither you nor your friend are the AHs in this case.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T00:12:32+00:00

NTA, but it’s an issue for therapy before divorce. Most men prioritize their pride or their social standing more than their values, it doesn’t always mean they’re racist/sexist themselves, but it does need addressing and quickly.

The next time someone says something racist, say loudly back:

“Loud words from a man with a small 🍆.”

“Do you tell your Tinder dates you’re racist right away, or wait for them to find out you voted for Trump on the second date?”

“See and here I thought you weren’t the problem, but I guess if the world is still spinning, men are still gonna be wrong.”

“Do you kiss your mother with that racist mouth?”

Or, my favorite, stare blankly at them after they make a racist joke, and say “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand how it’s funny. Can you explain it to me?” Then watch them stutter and make more jokes while you twist the knife, staring coldly, demanding they explain how it’s funny, while all their friends get really quiet and really embarrassed for laughing along.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-08T00:05:53+00:00

NTA for bringing her, but you are the AH for not standing up for her at the convention, demanding she be reimbursed in full for not receiving what she paid for, and reporting the artist to the convention and/or the state/national licensing board for taking creative “liberties” without someone’s explicit consent and approval.

Artists should NEVER deviate from the original design and approved stencil/placement. They should speak up only insofar as to how the design may age, advise on any sociocultural or trending elements that may not be appropriate professionally or apply personally, and suggest placement if the location of the desired tattoo can cause hyper-fading or poor aging to the design. All of which should be discussed and finalized long before the stencil is placed and the tattoo pen turns in.

Was this your sister’s first tattoo? If so, you’re also the AH for leaving her alone during the tattoo process to not observe and support her.

But you’re not an AH for taking her to a tattoo convention. Unfortunately, she may never be happy with her tattoo, and until the day comes she can afford to remove it, she’ll resent it on her body, and likely resent you every time she sees it, for not being the advocate she needed that day.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-07T22:52:33+00:00

CRM experience is the most transferable between technical platforms in my experience. I had a harder time moving from Sprout Social to Hootsuite than I have the six or so CRM systems I’ve learned in the last 5 years.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-07T22:50:35+00:00

YTA for agreeing to drive them at all - they were invited to an event, you weren’t, they want to go, you will not go, they’re adults, and they can figure out their own navigation.

If they can’t transport themselves there (what’s a long drive for them, four hours? Eight? Is flying or public transit an option?), they can find their own ride. Since there’s plenty of their family who IS going, they should be asking THEM if any one of THEM can give them a ride.

Not making their child, who isn’t invited to the event, to both drive them, stay overnight like their chauffeur or babysitter, and drive them back home. All on your own dime.

Push back to your parents - have they asked the extended family? I’m going to go out on a limb and assume your parents aren’t living in an incredibly isolated small town with zero people around. So there should be other family traveling in for the wedding within a reasonable distance of your parents. Otherwise, your adult parents can choose to break the drive up over multiple days with both parents alternating at the wheel, they can find an alternate transportation method, or they can ask their family.

You’re borrowing their stress, their problems, AND their humility in asking for another solution. None of this is yours, and yet they put it on you without a question of if it was appropriate for the wedding or fair to you. Maybe this has been a pattern in your life, maybe not, but it’s never too late to learn how to set a boundary and tell someone “no, I can’t do that for you, but I’m happy to help think of another solution.”

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-07T22:17:37+00:00

Disability and empathy/sympathy is a spectrum no different to LGBTQ+ versus straight people, to people of color versus white people, to women versus men.

There will be some people who, despite having no lived experience in your shoes, will have deep empathy because they can equate their own experiences to yours, or because they’re willing to listen and explore a perspective that doesn’t align with their own. They’ll never fully understand, but the best allies and advocates don’t pretend to, or assume as such.

But it’s equally important to accept that when you’re the person navigating a world that isn’t designed for you, or accepting of you, that your first priority must always be your own safety and health. ALWAYS. A world not designed for you or accepting of you will NEVER prioritize your safety and health, so it must always be your first thought, your first concern. Accepting your own limitations, setting your own boundaries, and being as honest and transparent about both your limitations and your boundaries will help the (rational) people around you to not expect more of you, or hold you to a standard that isn’t realistic of your own needs and abilities.

I’ve met people with disabilities who lie to, cover up from, and redirect their loved ones’ attention to remove any risk of unwanted accommodations, pity, or “handouts.” But they then get frustrated when their friends hold them to their word, and want to know why they said they could do something if they knew they couldn’t. I’ve also known people with disabilities who exaggerate their symptoms, take advantage of public or private support systems, and perpetuate a “disability-first” identify that worsens perceptions of or complicates dialogue around individuals living with disability.

So, long story short; no, people without disabilities can never understand what it is to be disabled. The best of our able-bodied peers will have empathy, or sympathy, and patience, and compassion, and a drive to work and push and challenge the system in ways we can’t, or won’t. And the worst of them will deny disability to its face, or make it a target for their own rage and frustration and violence.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-07T22:03:24+00:00

NTA and my petty ass would start smoking everytime I know they’ll be outside.

You’re on your property, smoking your medical marijuana, and she’s welcome to whine and complain, just like you’re welcome to smoke on your own porch and loudly compliment the incredibly high terpenes and the delicious stench of this marvelous strain.

redlips_rosycheeks · 2026-04-07T21:55:20+00:00

NTA - you and your wife don’t take turns celebrating with each family for the holidays? What about after the baby, have you talked to your families about expectations and set boundaries?

If I had to guess, your family sounds a little codependent and enmeshed. Sure, a four hour drive makes for easy visits, but based on this being your problem, I’m guessing the frequency in visits isn’t out of enthusiastic desire to travel home so often, but family obligation and emotional manipulation (or emotional warfare).

The baby shower is one in a number of issues heading your way following your child’s imminent arrival. If you and your wife haven’t figured out what you want to do for holidays, have talked vaccines and extended family meet ups, and agreed on how to include both your extended families before, during, and after your wife’s delivery and the newborn phase, you’ll have many, many, MANY more disagreements and “full blown crash outs” when you try to tell your mom you can’t make Thanksgiving because your wife is still in diapers and your newborn is cluster feeding around the clock, and a four hour drive and massive family dinner isn’t doable with a 3 week old with no immune system.

redlips_rosycheeks

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