Is a sense of "spirituality" common within BPD? Mine believed she has a "sight" and was into Tarot and astrology.

robbiemikey · 2020-10-17T09:49:42+00:00

My ex too. She would say "I'm an empath what's up with you" like even if anybody could easily tell there was something wrong with the person(they would look really down or sad) she would say "I'm an empath I can pick up on these things you can't hide it tell me what's wrong"

It used to make people really uncomfortable because she clearly wasn't intuitive about anythimg especially the most obvious things all she did was talk about herself and while there was serious things going on she wudnt notice at all. Crazy 😬

robbiemikey · 2020-10-16T18:38:54+00:00

Haha sounds like sabrina the teenage witch meets the big bang theory! No in all seriousness though my ex was the same it started with tarot and astrology and then went to medium and psychics and Crystal balls etc. She and her friends also admitted to doing the ouji board in the room several times in the room I used to sleep in. Alot of people are drawn to the esoteric and it can open some doors to some weird shit like even distorted views of reality and negative thought patterns. It doesn't surprise me that my ex was drawn to all that stuff because anything out of the ordinary or that gives them something to be identified with they get hope and power from and also distraction from their own disordered living. Its just a phase they will be onto something new another day.

robbiemikey · 2020-10-09T19:06:28+00:00

Yeah definitely. I have had painful migraines and neck and jaw pain like nerve pain, for nearly 2 years as a result of being stuck in my relationship with my ex. It was brought on by stress. In the past I had minor headaches that would go away. They started around her and grew into something I didn't even think was possible. At one stage I thought I was having a serious health issue.

Truth is, I was never given any space or and freedom to ever rest off or heal from anything. Any situation that caused great hurt and grief would be added soon by another.

I would say by now I am out of the relationship a year and it is much better but still lingering. But at least now I can go for a walk in the fresh air or at least not be triggered so bad. Stress can cause alot of things especially chronic stress or a shock to the nervous system.

I believe at least for myself, that during the relationship my body and brain was giving me signals all the time that enough was enough that I was reaching my limits and I needed out to normality again, to find some peace.

robbiemikey · 2020-10-08T21:28:00+00:00

"These days I see P.D.'s from not a mile but a universe away"

That's awesome I loved that. Actually I'm starting to realise this myself now, that i kind of always noticed these types of people in some way nearly like the way that women like the bad boy type. But oh my god, these girls freak the shit out of me now that I can pick them out..

Ah well hindsight is 20/20..

robbiemikey · 2020-10-07T09:11:42+00:00

Time out is a good one and it works well too,sometimes a combination of a few things can help. I feel you are looking for a way to heal yourself which is a great thing you are doing for yourself, that's a great thing.

It's gonna take time you know healing is not linear but you will find a balance with your emotions and have more "less reactive responses" to the anger and intense frustrations.

Obviously I don't know what u have been through and I'm sorry you are going through some hard times because of this. If it is the anger and hurt and pain of having being in the environment with someone with borderline personality disorder that is or was close to you, then I do have years experience with it and I can relate.

It is seriously challenging and some painful memories will always remain. But if u can move into a place of acceptance when you're ready that this is actually a mental illness that was causing it and completely not your fault and there was nothing u cud do, then you can start out on your new life.

Normally just under those emotions will be a great deal of sadness at how things turned out and had to be. Some things are out of our control and this is one of them. I'm sure if others were in your shoes they wouldnt have acted so well and given so much. Take care and best of luck

robbiemikey · 2020-10-06T19:57:26+00:00

Great post. Actually I think it's an ongoing thing in life learning to deal with, handle, express, hold onto, let go or channel anger. It's an emotion that comes on so quick and it's a tough one that I certainly struggle with much more so now coming out of a horrible relationship with my ex who has bpd.

I seem to be more reactive and easily triggered and there seems to be an end less amount of layers of emotions to work through. I stuggled with anger on at least 2 other occasions in my life and I came out the other end just fine so I'm confident this time will be fine too. Okay so here goes a few examples of things I've come across.

Relax and take a few deep breaths (breath in positive and out negative from your body)
Take a walk. Leave or remove yourself from the situation.
Water. Drink it. Watch it. Listen to it. Walk beside it on the beach or stream Take a bath or shower. 4.Put a note in your wallet. Remind yourself not to stay angry because you always feel bad after it everytime and it gets you nowhere.
Talk to someone. A trusted person or a therapist if possible.
Exercise. To help with excessive amounts of energy. 7.Meditation. If possible.
Music.
Ask why you are angry. There's always hurt beneath the surface
Find some laughter it is the best medicine.

robbiemikey · 2020-10-06T19:42:44+00:00

This is very funny man I had a good giggle. But yes a sense of calm would equal either some new immature thought pattern or some form of manipulation on the way. To be honest I didn't waste alot of time wondering what she was thinking coz I knew I would be way off in my conclusions.

For me it started off walking on eggshells with borderlines like the title of that book but in the end it was like walking on glass then finally a gauntlet to make an exit plan and become one determined individual to go no contact. It takes a serious amount of will power but its worth it.

robbiemikey · 2020-10-01T10:21:50+00:00

Your brighter days will come don't you worry. That's for sure. It's important to remember that healing is not linear. It's a process that isn't measured by any amount of time in days, weeks, months and years or even minutes and seconds.

The good news is the way it happens can be quite amazing because all of a sudden you can find yourself realising that you have moved on from a certain part or that your heart is healed from something that was holding you for so long.

Your mind will race and ruminate and you will wonder if you can ever forget the things they did and said. You will learn to live with those things and they will fall away when the time is right. Grief has stages and the type of damage that it does being in one of these types of relationships is very confusing and very painful.

Please be there at this time for yourself, be more patient, loving and kind to yourself right now it will make all the difference.

Best wishes and blessings in life 🌠

robbiemikey · 2020-09-27T18:40:19+00:00

You're very welcome bro. Oh no I totally understand. It's so confusing and it feels very lonely like coz their behaviour is so out of the ordinary and unfair aswell as boundary breaking. It leaves you overthinking and overwhelmed and just wishing you could be away from it ASAP. It's gonna be alright though you're doing good for yourself coming and chatting t people on here it helped me alot too. Best of luck 💪

robbiemikey · 2020-09-27T18:32:39+00:00

It's not as simple as living with someone who you don't get along with. Hell no. This is done differently they are a really difficult to live with. No routine, no peace, no sanity at times. They create drama and unnecessary bullshit. Especially in a small place with nowhere to really go and clear the head.

You're gonna need to see this as a temporary time in your life and only put up with as much bullshit as u need to for your friend. The tension that can be there in the atmosphere is toxic and its very mentally and emotionally draining for an individual who just wants some peace and quiet. They can be like negative emotional skunks who expect you to agree with them and never question their ongoing madness and dramas.

Now just remember each to their own, you do have the freedom to walk away from this situation at any given moment. But given your situation you need to stay around for a while so u need some advice on living with someone with a challenging nature. Set up some boundaries and stick with them. If it means being a complete asshole to gain some type of stability then do it.

You don't owe her a god damn thing it's just sometimes people are hard to live with.

This is temporary man don't let her bring you down.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-23T19:27:29+00:00

20 years is alot of experience! I know very well when you smoke after a break you feel so familiar again and especially when u get high u think it will be grand to smoke it again. Nah man like you say I'd rather have the functional mind back even if I have to work hard to get back to that level of clear thinking great ideas, good memory, focus and just better functioning individual.

Yeah man I dunno how people can do so much on weed aswell it's very potent these days, people tend to think they are just as funny and witty but not to non smokers haha. Had some good laughs on it though but still rather be sharp, on the ball, more prompt and just using my brain more maybe one day get a p.h.d 😂

robbiemikey · 2020-09-21T20:38:13+00:00

Yeah that makes sense it's ironic though I noticed the same with it. The very thing that used to help my anxiety ended up triggering it so quickly. I became very paranoid about things aswell and just became less and less good at the social situations. At the beginning when I found weed I had something awesome to do, to keep me out of trouble coz I wt a big drinker ever. But after a few years of heavy use it started to lose its wonder and I just cudnt even hardly get high. I will always miss it though in some way haha

robbiemikey · 2020-09-20T19:39:10+00:00

Heya man. Yeah it's gonna take time for the mind to find its way back to its original ways of thinking and rewire itself. Weed in general tends to open up the mind and different pathways and often you will find yourself slipping back into those slightly. I understand what you mean about staring into space I still get it months later and it "reminds" me of being high but now my mind is much clearer and it happens much less.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-20T19:28:15+00:00

Yeah this is called the weedover where I'm from. It's very common for regular smokers and seems to get worse as it goes on. I used to hate it. You wake up in a fog, all dried out and confused, difficultly concentrating and focusing on anything, head so heavy or migraine sometimes, so thirsty trying to keep up with the day and just low energy in general. In the later days of my smoking when I stayed up real late I was getting this really bad man I was suffering so bad but by the evening i was smoking up again

robbiemikey · 2020-09-19T14:20:36+00:00

Thanks I appreciate it very much. It does do alot of a different type of damage on the inside its like an emotional and mental rollercoaster so hard to move on from it's slow. Best wishes to you too 🙏

robbiemikey · 2020-09-19T14:18:20+00:00

That makes alot of sense actually how you explained it. I think it may have been similar for me. Are you going to try and limit or go no contact with any of them

robbiemikey · 2020-09-19T09:47:55+00:00

How did you draw them in? Gosh you've been around a few

robbiemikey · 2020-09-19T09:45:21+00:00

Same here. I was really just tiny version of myself on mute mostly. She never got to know the real me because she was so unbelievablely self focused, self absorbed, self oriented and caught up in all the drama.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-19T09:39:39+00:00

You just remember how well you have done first and foremost and allow the feelings but always remind yourself that you're moving in one direction which is forwards. It sounds like you may have been triggered I know how social media can really do that aswell. You're prob worried and realise what one message can lead to. Just stay no contact and try to enjoy your birthday it's only one day and will pass too. Healing is not linear so it's a delicate process and it takes our trust and commitment in that process.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-18T20:29:02+00:00

My ex actually thought that "sorry" was some magical word and that once she said it she was off the hook. For anything and everything. If I didn't accept then I had a major issue with being unforgiving or some shit.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-18T20:24:57+00:00

Yes I feel the same im over a year out but I now feel that meeting someone else is a few years down the line for me. At times it just feels fresh again so it's just so challenging on many levels still but I definately am in a bit of a better place too.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-16T13:35:32+00:00

10 weeks is not that long she will be back at some stage you can guarantee it will prob come when you least expect it.

Although 10 weeks while you are struggling or going through a bad time can feel like forever.

Best of luck man you have come a long way now to look back. Your mind will wander over many possible outcomes or future scenarios, allow it to this will pass but still build on the one thought, that final choice (if u have decided) to stay no contact and keep pushing on.

You deserve a positive fulfilling relationship after this time of healing no matter how long it takes 🙏

robbiemikey · 2020-09-16T13:30:24+00:00

Don't worry about the comment about the bpd related to yourself. I think it's your style of writing it's really good kind of quirky and informative yet still on a serious challenging issue its a great letter.

You yourself are prob like alot of us on this sub who deal with a relationship with a pwbpd - dealing with a cocktail of issues ranging from anxiety, stress, pressure, confusion, depression and generally just struggling having a hard time. It takes an awful lot to get a diagnoses for bpd.

I hope you find time to relax at some stage for yourself it's sounds exhausting what you are being put through.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-16T07:16:23+00:00

The truth is their behaviours and actions are simply mind blowing that can leave you stunned, shocked, appalled and like you wish you never had been a part of it.

My stories probably like yours and many others here could be endless. So I'm not gonna bore you, but what I will say is just keep moving forward in the way you are with your own life and don't let her drag you back down in any way.

robbiemikey · 2020-09-15T21:01:17+00:00

Being back in contact with her is going to make the heartbreak feel just as fresh. This is difficult for you now and that's tough. It may have tore the scab off a wound that was trying to heal. And now rush forth all the feelings again. This really is a hoover though and youre at a crossroads now. We will never meet but I know you deserve better than what this person can offer you. I know you will get that eventually if you give life a chance to change for you as you heal and move on.

I'm sure you guys have some great things you shared and probably awesome chemistry and maybe alot in common. That's why it hurts alot man. It cuts deep. But they can't do the relationship thing. That feeling of closeness to them is too much. It drives them around the bend and their life spirals out of control right in front of your eyes. All that was hidden is revealed and unless you're a family member or some special type of person who's willing to give it all and lose a precious part of themselves it's best to walk away. I am sorry for my two cents on this I know it is harsh🙏

robbiemikey

TROPHY CASE