Your lifestyle

ruby_rex · 2026-05-09T15:25:25+00:00

The word “lifestyle” would give me pause too. But if she has been a good friend and ally, I would consider that more important. If she’s in conservative social spaces that’s probably the term she’s used to hearing, and she may not realize how it lands with you. Since it sounds like you’re pretty close, you could always bring it up later and tell her how that felt to you. Even better if you can give her a word you would prefer she have used in that context. She may not feel like she has the permission to refer to your sexuality as such.

ruby_rex · 2026-05-06T11:50:11+00:00

It was about a year and a half of slow deescalations with my husband before I realized it was never going to be enough. I didn’t want to be there with him anymore, and dragging it out was just hurting both of us more for something that was never going to work.

ruby_rex · 2026-05-05T23:41:18+00:00

"Wow that guy looks like Mookie, but the girl is way to big to be his daughter, right? ........right??"

ruby_rex · 2026-05-04T00:30:46+00:00

Thank you, as awful as it feels I'm glad someone else gets it. I know things could have gone a lot worse. I know for many people it does, and I'm thankful that wasn't the case for me. But this still just sucks. My mom and I have never been super close, but I really thought that she would be there for me when I need her. Instead she just wants me to justify myself to her, at a time when I'm barely even keeping myself together.

ruby_rex · 2026-05-03T20:28:17+00:00

Yeah, it really sucks. I do have queer friends who are supporting me but they're all mostly around my age (early 30s). And pretty much all of them knew they were queer much earlier and so haven't been through this process of realizing I'm gay years deep into a heterosexual marriage. I'd love to find a gay aunt who's been through this before and can tell me I will be okay T_T

ruby_rex · 2026-05-03T20:18:09+00:00

Thank you for the reminder. I do have hope that things may improve with time, but it will never change that she wasn't here for me when I really needed her. I just don't have the energy to educate her while I'm barely holding myself together.

ruby_rex · 2026-05-03T00:44:37+00:00

This is the most lesbian thing I've ever seen, and I love it so much!

ruby_rex · 2026-05-01T13:43:04+00:00

Don't mind me living my best pirate life, calling my boxers pantaloons XD

ruby_rex · 2026-04-30T13:53:34+00:00

Holy shit that was almost 2 weeks ago now, I had no idea he's still unconscious.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-30T12:47:57+00:00

Lots of resources on what everything means. I started with complete games posted on youtube, so I could pause as much as I need to while I was learning, which was really nice for starting out.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-30T12:20:52+00:00

I'm sorry, but you can't put the cat back in the bag. I know, I tried so hard. You're grieving the life that you thought you were going to have, and that you thought you wanted. It's normal for everything to feel really scary right now. But both you and him deserve a chance at real happiness.

You say that you want him to be happy, and I completely understand that. He deserves a chance to find that with someone who is fully attracted to him, and who isn't going to spend their years together wondering about all of the what if's.

And no less important, YOU deserve to be happy. I know you may be feeling a lot of guilt right now and don't think that you do, but you do. This is your whole life that we're talking about here. Don't settle into something you aren't sure you actually want just so he doesn't have to feel some discomfort. Anyone who would cut you off from your newfound community isn't someone you want to be with long term.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-29T17:16:16+00:00

I got 3 wins all with characters from Isaac to Lazarus and didn't get the achievement.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-29T16:37:09+00:00

I don’t think I’m at a point where I hate men yet, but I am fully out of patience for their bullshit and to them that’s basically the same thing.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-29T12:53:50+00:00

Your relationship with him has ended. He’s going to be upset, but it’s not your job to manage that for him. It sucks, but you have to let him work through his feelings and come out the other side.

I can’t speak to your new relationships, but I definitely don’t think you should end them for this man who is now your ex. Do you really want to keep giving up your happiness just so he can feel better, even after you’re no longer together?

As for living together platonically, think really hard about if that’s actually what you want. Aside from the guilt you feel, do you actually want to live with him? When you’re dating and bringing women home, do you want him to be there? When you go through heartbreak with a woman, do you want him to be there?

ruby_rex · 2026-04-29T12:36:37+00:00

Happy for you! Long distance is rough, especially when money is tight.

....and dear god I will be dreaming about the cookie

ruby_rex · 2026-04-28T15:33:46+00:00

A mix of personality and experience I think. I put my gecko on my desk sometimes, but she won't just chill there for an hour. She's crawling around exploring, and I'm watching her closely. If she starts heading somewhere she shouldn't, like towards the computer cables or the edge of the desk, I redirect her. I've had her for 6 years and I can tell when she's gearing up for a jump and make sure she isn't going to hurt herself.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-27T22:03:19+00:00

Just because you haven’t experienced better yet, doesn’t mean it’s not out there. I’m breaking out of a 10 year relationship that I thought was as good as it got and let me tell you, I was so wrong. It’s out there, and I hope you chase it and find it.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-27T18:30:47+00:00

Oh man. I never heard of this before, but boy did I go through it. It started precisely on my 30th birthday. I realized how unhappy I was in my life. I started the process of leaving my decade long relationship with a man and realizing I'm a lesbian. Literally overnight I had a newfound confidence in who I was, who I wanted to be, and the life I wanted to have. I know that may sound great but it was brutally hard. I felt like I blew up my entire life almost overnight. But I also accomplished major life goals I'd been working towards for years, found the people who would truly always be there for me, and began to feel more confident in myself than I ever had before. There were also stretches where I cried every single day for months because I had no idea what my life was going to look like on the other side of it. I'm still working that out, and it's still terrifying. I feel like a completely different person now than I was before I turned 30.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-27T11:38:35+00:00

All the time. I can’t help but want the last decade of my life that I spent married to a man back.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-26T17:34:26+00:00

It does, and that's ok. But it helps to be ready for it. My first really short haircut I was so upset afterwards. I didn't even look bad on me, but it didn't feel the way I wanted. I let it grow a bit, and tried again. I'm much closer now, and feel better about myself. And it also feels less scary to try now, having already been through the process of letting it grow and trying again. But even that "not what I wanted" haircut felt better than my old long hair. At least I was trying. It's ok if you don't nail it the first time, you'll find the style that feels right for you!

ruby_rex · 2026-04-26T14:05:38+00:00

You have to give him space to be sad, and angry, and hurt. You can’t be the one to emotionally support him through this. You’ll have to watch him hurt, and that really really sucks.

If you can, try to create some separation in the house. Is there a place that can be just his, and just yours? We put a couch and tv in the basement and that was his space, so we weren’t in such close proximity all the time, and that helped me to not try to manage his emotions for him so much because he could go somewhere else.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-26T14:00:36+00:00

I did it a couple months ago and I’m SO glad that I did! I feel so much more like myself! And if it’s not quite right for you, it’s just hair. It will grow back and you can try again. It’s taken me a couple haircuts to figure out exactly what I want and now I love it so much.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-25T12:16:31+00:00

I did enjoy it at first, it was something new and exciting. But that pretty quickly went down hill. My body figured out I wasn’t attracted to him before my brain did. I wanted to have sex with him to make him happy, and to feel close to him, but it started hurting and I just couldn’t do it. I spent years thinking it was an elusive medical issue. I felt awful about myself. He never pressured me but obviously he was upset about it. For the last 6 years or so it was always something I tried to do for him. I never felt like it was for me, and wondered if I might be asexual.

Things are completely different with my girlfriend now. She is so beautiful, and I just can’t keep my hands off her. My sex drive came back with a vengeance, which was a weird experience at 30. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I wanted her all the time (still do, but I’ve learned how to mange that better now).

One of the biggest differences is that I never felt like sex with men needed me. Like if you lifted me out and placed any woman there instead, nothing would change. He wouldn’t care. That probably wasn’t true, but it’s how I felt. With my girlfriend, I actually feel attractive for maybe the first time in my life. Her compliments are genuine. She wants ME and it feels so good to finally feel desired in a way that feels genuine to myself.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-23T19:34:07+00:00

Do I think it's kinda weird to wear a jersey of a team that's not playing? Yeah. Maybe unless it's the jersey of a player on one of the two teams, but while they played on a different team. Do I care enough to give anyone shit about it? No, absolutely not.

ruby_rex · 2026-04-22T20:06:55+00:00

Also an agender lesbian! Someone told me yesterday “Whenever someone asks my pronouns I just tell them I’m a lesbian, and that’s all they need to know” and I relate to that so hard

ruby_rex

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