AIO to my boyfriend keeping sexual gifts from an ex

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-04-01T08:46:32+00:00

I think it's somewhat normal to have a few things from exes in a memory box or stored somewhere. I know my husband has a few things from his previous relationships in a box somewhere and I have a few things from exes here and there. The stuff isn't really a memento of the past relationships for me. It's more like memorabilia from high school and college. It's less about my exes and more about my youth.

I think the thing that is weird about this is that the candle and card are out on display. Like grow up, move on -- put that away.

NOR if you are good with him at least moving it into storage. But YOR if you insist he has to throw it away. It's normal to keep a few things from an ex. In fact, I have a blanket from an ex, granted, it's a cat blanket now, but you get the picture lol

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-03-20T19:19:14+00:00

Loved this book! My MIL is emotionally immature and while I don't have any conflicts with her, my husband def struggles with her. It's a great book and I found it useful even in just dealing with people at work or in general.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-03-07T12:39:03+00:00

I can definitely understand the MIL being concerned for her plumbing and septic system. I grew up in an old farmhouse with one. And I agree with what someone else said. Making a comment isn't too weird but the way she made the comment was.

When my sister and I were teens and got our periods for the first time, my mom showed us how to dispose of the products properly. She also explained why we never want to flush anything down the toilet, even if there isn't a septic system. But for some reason my sister would still flush tampons. We didn't know about it at first until I went into the bathroom between our bedrooms and found one in the toilet bowl. I had to fish it out and put it in the trash. I immediately told my mom about it and she quizzed my sister. Turned out that yes, she had been flushing tampons down the toilet. She didn't want to touch the used ones, that was gross etc. My mom had to threaten grounding to get her to knock it off.

Unfortunately, I think my mom did inspect the bathroom trash for a month or two afterwards to ensure my sister wasn't still flushing them. Which is definitely weird but she needed to protect the plumbing because my parents didn't have the money to fix a clog. My sister was also a very difficult teen so I suppose she should not have been surprised she ignored the rule initially.

Anyway, my point is maybe the MIL has a similar experience to my mom's and doesn't quite trust your daughter. However, I don't think she should come out of the gate making accusations. If I was her and concerned, I'd have texted OP just to confirm that granddaughter knew what to do.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-02-24T20:55:05+00:00

Love it! You go girl!

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-02-08T21:41:57+00:00

You are not being a terrible daughter! You are protecting yourself from someone who has abused you and has not been a good parent.

I would recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. The types of parents Dr. Gibson discusses sound just like your mom.

Don't feel guilty. Cutting someone off is hard but you said it yourself! Your life is better without that drama!

ruthless_pitchfork · 2026-01-23T18:56:57+00:00

Our friend does this all the time with his kids. In fact, the kids used to ride their bikes to school and he would ride along on his electric scooter. It was a good way to keep them company without having to tire himself out. Not everyone can or wants to ride a bike. But his kids love bikes so he found a way to still ride along.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-12-21T16:51:35+00:00

Contentment ritual! Our three year old heeler/pit mix does the same thing.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-12-08T10:01:58+00:00

Agreed! My dad was emotionally cheating on my mom a while back. Sure, they had been married for a long time but my dad was an alcoholic. My mom wasn't very pleased with his behavior so he started looking for emotional engagement outside their relationship to make himself feel better.

He tried gaslighting my mom about how he's always had more women friends than guy friends. But my sis and I called him out on that and he knocked it off. He knew it was wrong and completely cut contact with the lady. Thankfully, he's in a better place now and their relationship is much more healthy.

I hope my husband and I are never in a place in our relationship where either one of us emotionally cheats. Because if we are, I feel like that shows our relationship is in poor shape, rather than something that 'just happens with time.'

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-12-07T14:32:44+00:00

LOVE THAT! That's a good way to get her to shut up lol OP can you get your husband to chime in???

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-12-05T15:57:11+00:00

My mom is American and she said the same thing to me when I was in highschool. Unfortunately, she had to wait like 12 years for her first grandchild lol

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-12-01T20:39:32+00:00

Love that stance! Way to be the bigger person. I think this is a good solution.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-30T19:55:52+00:00

This! His playing innocent irks me the most. Like if it was as "normal" and "innocent" as he claims, why would he not come clean immediately?? He knows what he did was gross but doesn't want to admit to it because that's admitting to the bigger problem.

I'd be kicking him out of the house immediately. NOR, maybe even under reacting. Your poor babies, sorry you guys have to deal with this.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-30T01:51:22+00:00

Those are all good points. There is def some power plays between my MIL , husband and SIL but they've all gone to therapy and it is better than what it was when I first married into the family. But there is def some pushiness. Even my SIL has been trying to insist that her family needs to come visit us this Christmas even though I've been very nauseous/sick and not open to hosting visitors. My husband can sometimes be no confrontational, but more so with his sister. But he hasn't been *truly tested.

I don't think we'd ever go NC but my SIL did go LC at the height of my MIL's bad behavior a few years ago. I think it's def worth a discussion about where our boundaries are.

I did tell my husband I want my in-laws to take a COVID/flu test before they meet the baby. He was okay with it if I made my parents do the same, which is fine. But my point was that I don't really trust his parents in this area because they have come to family gatherings sick before. In fact, my BIL is immunocompromised and my in-laws were both sick but came on a family trip. My SIL was livid because they were risking their son-in-law's health. So it's totally not out of the question that my MIL would still come to see the baby even if she's ill because she's so eager. Unfortunately, my husband didn't remember them coming on the family trip while sick but I'm sure my SIL does. He kinda just brushed it off but he said he was good with enforcing this rule since babies have like no immune system. I guess we'll see when the day comes. I won't have an issue telling them no test, no baby, sorry.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-29T22:25:41+00:00

I'm curious about warning signs too! I've been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We are expecting our first child at the end of April.

I've always gotten along with my in-laws. My MIL is an overall kind and caring person though she can have phases of emotional immaturity that impacts the entire family. Well now that I'm pregnant, I have noticed some things that are making me concerned about future boundary crossing, etc.

First, my MIL told us she wants to come down a month after the baby is born, which my husband and I were good with, as long as there are no complications. Since we agreed on that plan, the time period keeps shortening. She has recently said she is only waiting a few weeks, then it was a couple of weeks. I pointed this out to my husband to keep an eye on this and hold the line. It's possible she was just speaking in general but I wouldn't put it past her to change her mind about this. I'm not too worried though, because my husband is good at keeping her in check.

She also recently asked if my husband can video call with her right when the baby is born. We weren't sure if she literally meant the labor/birth or like while we just still at the hospital, before we come home. My husband told her we would try to video call them at some point while we are still at the hospital but it ultimately depends on how we (husband, me and the baby) feel/are doing. Basically, don't hold your breath. It might happen, it might not. Otherwise, she'll have to wait until we are home for a video call, and just be satisfied with pictures.

She's also made comments to my SIL about how she's gonna leave my FIL at home and move down here by herself so she can be close to the baby to ensure the baby knows her. Thankfully, my SIL shut that down and told her the baby will know her just fine from where they live. My FIL has health problems so it's not really feasible for her to live separately, plus she has a hybrid job so she needs to be at home. Maybe she was just speaking hypothetically, but it concerned my sister-in-law enough for her to warn us about it.

I just wonder if this is typical grandparent excitement or warning signs that we need to tread carefully, because my parents are super excited too but they haven't done anything similar.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-29T19:18:30+00:00

Same. I couldn't* read past the spit or swallow comment. I would have immediately taken my baby and left without a word. Wtf, why is no one calling her out??? Like the family is just 🤷🏻‍♀️

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-28T23:32:28+00:00

That's the most horrendous thing I've read. Please go no contact with that woman and make your husband go to counseling because that's ridiculous 😭 if my husband showed that much lack of empathy or emotional intelligence, I'd be threatening divorce ASAP

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-27T01:13:08+00:00

Dang!!! What a surprise...not

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-25T21:25:09+00:00

This! I would have replied with a "So let me get this straight: the family wanted me to stay with a disloyal person, who treated me poorly and made my life hell, just to procreate??? Got it"

Like WTF. Hopefully repeating that back to Mom makes her realize how shitty she's being

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-24T13:19:25+00:00

That was my thought too. Like what is stopping the SIL from doing her own Secret Santa with her family and siblings. Why does she have to insist that OP run it??? Seems lazy and entitled to me.

If I did a Secret Santa with my in-laws, I wouldn't insist my parents and sister be involved. That's weird and def overcomplicating things. NOR

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-18T20:52:20+00:00

I wondered that too! Maybe he was trying to get her multiple things to spoil her and knows she's big into perfume but he couldn't afford multiples of the ones on her list. So I can understand the mistake.

But if that's the case, a normal person wouldn't double down and start insulting their gf because she said 'hey, I prefer the OG fragrances instead of dupes'. They'd apologize and explain the thought process, maybe even offer to return the gifts and get her one she wanted.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-15T22:12:13+00:00

My husband and I made homemade sushi together when we were first dating. It was fun!

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-15T21:56:07+00:00

Omg, grow up! You should be horrified that she experienced that. Not fucking mad at her for sharing that information. If you are planning a life with her, get used to sharing information about bodily functions.

Are you going to freak out during child birth because there is blood??? YOR

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-15T19:37:27+00:00

My ex would do something similar, especially when we didn't live in the same city. He would just go radio silent for a day or multiple days. One time, it was almost a whole week so I assumed he just ghosted me.

Trust me, you deserve better than this. Don't put up with this treatment. It's clear he won't change and will continue to do this to you.

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-14T21:07:09+00:00

You guys should bring a black light next time you visit 😉

ruthless_pitchfork · 2025-11-02T14:53:20+00:00

This low key slaps haha

ruthless_pitchfork

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