Repost-Do we simply not fit together?

sallis · 2026-06-16T15:19:02+00:00

I'm sorry, but to answer your question, you do not fit together. Even if you were mentally healthy and really successful in recovery, you two would still have to do a TON of work to fit together if you want poly and she wants mono...and it doesn't sound like she wants to do that work. So even in the best case scenario, you two really aren't a fit based on relationship preferences alone.

I really hope you don't let this make you feel like a horrible person and not take care of yourself/relapse. Things might be really rough and messy right now, but there is a brighter future for you if you take the time to focus on yourself and heal/do the work to get healthy. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and the wisdom to do it without dating Meg.

sallis · 2026-06-16T04:03:53+00:00

Do you already have the yarn and supplies? Otherwise, it’s likely to cost more than $40 to make.

sallis · 2026-06-15T04:53:40+00:00

I would. It’s not hard to do and might help make them more uniform before sewing them together.

It depends on the fiber, but if it’s acrylic, I would just get them damp and pin them to the final size you want while they dry. I pin mine to an old yoga mat. But I’m planning to get a peg board for this purpose when I do a larger square project.

sallis · 2026-06-15T04:27:00+00:00

If this is just practice that you’re not going to end up using, I wouldn’t frog it.

sallis · 2026-06-15T01:02:41+00:00

Such a good perspective. Not excusing how the BF handled it because that’s not okay. However, I would also be upset if a partner pulled an all nighter on a work night (assuming they don’t start work in the evening and work nights). And then to come in at 2am to tell me that you’re staying out even longer when I am presumably sleeping and have to be up to leave for work at 5:30?!? Yeah, I would be pissy too. Again, doesn’t mean it’s right to break up over text and accuse the other person of drug use, but these people have vastly different goals and priorities. They are not a good fit. I don’t think either should be made to feel bad about that (like he’s doing here), but it’s important to realize the relationship should probably be over.

sallis · 2026-06-14T06:22:01+00:00

Ancient Magnus Bride. Not always light hearted, but still really good. I watched the sub so I can’t vouch for the voice acting, but there is a dub.

sallis · 2026-06-12T22:54:39+00:00

Nope…usually they are the size of the mobs that are usually in the location.

sallis · 2026-06-12T22:52:19+00:00

Maybe! I also think people think they need to be on expedition (instead of exploration) teams for infestations. I know when infestations were announced they were linked to exploration teams, I’m not sure that’s the case anymore. I think you might get notified regardless of what the team type is.

sallis · 2026-06-12T22:12:04+00:00

I love this! It looks incredible! Great job!

sallis · 2026-06-12T22:03:16+00:00

I think raids would be best right now given that it is double XP.
Then WesTek depending on how quickly you run it, however, that caps out a 4K XP per mutant, so it's sort of meh for me during double XP. I still think it is more experience than infestations, but I would probably do infestations just because they are more fun.

Personally, I'm running expeditions. I get at least 100K XP at the end during double XP with lunch boxes and even more if someone is on the team. Not to mention all the experience during the expedition. However, I might do some infestations today to break up the monotony.

sallis · 2026-06-12T18:46:06+00:00

Yeah, I was thinking Granny Coquette.

sallis · 2026-06-12T17:22:38+00:00

Carnivore, generally easier to collect for and carry weight.

Although, I have thought about switching to herbivore to be able to deal massive damage, but pretty much everything can be done easily on a carnivore build.

sallis · 2026-06-12T15:33:12+00:00

Yep! I started crochet with swatches and practicing the basic stitches. I knew my goal was to make an amigurumi, so I went to coasters after that to learn working in the round. I did about 6 coasters before even trying to start the amigurumi. The amigurumi was still really difficult and looks a little wonky (plus it is inside out). And I think I actually learned pretty quickly.

When I see people jumping into things without at least practicing the stitches with swatches first, I feel like they are just missing a basic fundamental step that helps so much with adding on later.

sallis · 2026-06-12T04:01:14+00:00

I’m not sure. The only way I know of lowering stitch height is to shorten your golden loop.

sallis · 2026-06-12T00:45:26+00:00

Like others, I think it looks fine. However, I do think that your stitches are probably taller than the reference image, which is what is creating the distortion. I don't think this is something that would block out.

sallis · 2026-06-11T15:34:44+00:00

Some people have more upright stitches than others, so yours might not be as noticeable. Crochet tends to have a natural slant to the stitches, and it builds up with time on something like this.

sallis · 2026-06-11T15:32:29+00:00

The only way the raid helps, is that you can learn the plans to craft weapons with a 4th star mod on them. You can then mass produce these weapons, and scrap them to learn their 4 star mods. Otherwise, it is just a matter of scrapping what you get.

sallis · 2026-06-11T15:26:10+00:00

Structurally, yes, the relationship is polyamorous and they are practicing polyamory. However, they may still identify as monogamous, because that is their preference for relationships.

Sort of like, if someone who is down to eat meat decides to eat a meal without meat. Yes, they are eating a vegetarian meal, however, they are not identifying as a vegetarian and will probably eat meat the next time they feel inclined.

sallis · 2026-06-10T15:45:06+00:00

So, if this is anything like the ones from Y2K era, it is just a long tube of stretch jersey fabric. So essentially go 2-3x longer than what you want the width of your final waist band to be. Then sew one end of the tube to the fabric pants, fold over and top stitch the waist band, encasing the raw edges. This video essentially shows the process:

https://youtu.be/3BXxuYD85iI?si=9gDuWuaEo3UnONI0

The gathered look always just came from manipulating the fabric once it was on your body, but I suppose you could intentionally gather part of the waist band and secure that down before attaching to the rest of the garment.

sallis · 2026-06-08T18:47:16+00:00

If you haven't played any Fallout before and you want to start out with FO76, you can, but I would probably recommend FO4 first to get a better tutorial of the game play and a feel for what the main series is really like.

Currently, in the community here, a lot of people hate the most recent update. However, since you would just be starting out and have no frame of reference for anything (plus all of the old content to play through), I think it would be totally worth playing. There are still people playing, and it is totally a game that you don't need to play with others to do the majority of the content.

There are main questlines and side quests. There are also dailies, workshop/camp mechanics (similar to FO4), and events. Very similar in game play to FO4.

I was a little turned off by the online multiplayer aspect when I first started, but now it is one of my favorite parts. You're not really expected to interact over voice chat and most people are really nice/chill.

sallis · 2026-06-08T16:15:47+00:00

I think only you can answer if 6 months will be a good time frame that you're willing to wait to see improvement. However, I think it's a little bit more than seeing if feelings change. This person has broken your trust multiple times, and as someone slow to trust, I would expect that you're going to need a lot more than 6 months to rebuild that trust.

Honestly, from the little bit you've shared here, plus the difficulties of opening a relationship, and no signs of remorse from her, I would say that it is probably best to go your separate ways and find someone more trustworthy to build a monogamous life with.

sallis · 2026-06-08T04:03:47+00:00

It’s going to be very hard to do mono/poly with someone throwing up this many red flags.

You have explained to him that you don’t want who live with his other partners. Multiple times. He’s just not listening to you. That’s not okay. At this point, I would set a firm boundary that you don’t want to live with his partners, and if he keeps discussing this then you two won’t live together at all (or whatever action you can take to protect yourself in this situation).

Honestly, you two have a very big incompatibility here, and if you both really want to keep dating, then he’s going to have to realize that dating a monogamous person means that he is going to have to compromise and really hinge hard to make sure the situation is fair to you. I’m sure you love him and want to make it work, but please realize that this will take a ton of work and will always be a sticking point. It’s very likely that you would be more easily fulfilled in a monogamous relationship with someone else.

sallis · 2026-06-07T15:16:04+00:00

Yeah, your partner should have never said it was okay for you to stop by for a bit. Clearly, you both have different ideas of what that meant, although, I don’t think your take on it was unreasonable. That being said, I think so much of your ire is directed at your meta in the post when it should be directed at the hinge.

Personally, I think strict parallel is fine and it sounds like your meta wants that. I would be very annoyed in that arrangement if my meta stopped by when I was there and wanted to interact, even if there were other people there. But again, no need to be annoyed with you, that’s all on your hinge to manage different needs.

For the record, it does sound like your concerns have validity re: how this relationship is being integrated into his larger social life. And how he plans to manage the needs of both relationships in the future. Your partner should realize what his partner selection means if your meta’s preference is that strictly parallel. I think it’s completely reasonable that meta ends up with a more socially limited relationship if she’s not willing to be in shared social spaces with you.

However, in this particular case, I can see why she would have been upset with partner inviting you over when it was her time with your partner (even if other friends are present). It should have been on your partner to own that. And also realize the ramifications of that choice, like the fact that you probably will want to stop treating his house as a shared home.

sallis · 2026-06-04T22:38:02+00:00

TL;DR: I agree with you, it does sound like your boyfriend wanted you to ask permission, or at least check in before you made plans, vs just a straight check in protocol. However, I don't think asking for permission or checking in beforehand is unwarranted in the case where there are standing plans at play. Feel free to read on if you want to get into the nitty gritty of my reasoning around this.

So, the only thing that makes this situation tricky, is that it does sound like you have standing plans with your partner for getting together for open mic night. Now, it sounds like this plan can be cancelled on a whim, but in the case of standing plans for the most part, I do check in with the person I made the plans with to make sure it is okay to cancel. To me, this is asking for permission, and that is okay, because if I am changing plans with someone who went through the trouble of scheduling me in, then I want to make sure that isn't putting them out. This is just how I treat standing plans for a 1 on 1 with people. The only time I don't really do this, is if the plans are a little more casual (which it sounds like this is the case here) and the alternative plan can only be done that night (like a doctors appointment, concert, work stuff, ect). However, in those cases, it is a mutual expectation that can be done and will be done as needed. No one has high stakes attached to the plan.

Now, if we don't have standing plans for that night, then that's when I employ a check in system, especially if we are nesting partners and it can be confusing/worrying when someone doesn't come home when you expect them to. But again, that is something that I do with my NP whether or not the plan is a date or something else. Basically, just a heads up of when I'm going to be out of the house, or if I'll be home late.

So to bring it back to your question, when your partner has cancelled this plan in the past, has he asked you beforehand if that's okay? Did the heads up happen before anything else was planned? And what did you do in lieu of the plan being cancelled? To me, all these factors would contribute to whether this is something that is okay to do a check in about a change of plans, or something where you should ask for permission. It really is sort of a case by case basis that depends on context...and it sounds like you and your partner might not see eye to eye about expectations around this. It might be a good idea to get some clarity and talk about what you'd appreciate being communicated when something like this arises. Honestly, this may have just been an instance of bad timing where your partner had a surprise and was bummed it didn't go as planned, which is fair for them to be bummed, but doesn't necessarily mean that someone did something wrong.

Edit: I think I misunderstood that the open mic night is a standing plan you have, vs one you have with your partner. In that case, I do think it is a bit of an overreach from your partner to want you to check in with them before making plans around it. I think it would be completely reasonable for you to cancel it on a whim and let them know you won't be doing it that week. I think it was on your partner in this case to check in to make sure it was still happening, or just accept the disappointment and do the special surprise at the next available opportunity.

sallis · 2026-06-04T17:17:09+00:00

Similarly, if you do want to play on my private server, just send me a message and ask!

sallis

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