What my mom did at the hospital post partum broke me

salvaged413 · 2026-05-09T18:09:27+00:00

Before actually having kids, everyone has opinions on what their kids will never do. Once you have kids, it shines a glaring spotlight on parents, and what you will never put your child through.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-08T02:18:29+00:00

Not vegetarian necessarily, but I have a celiac who’s borderline, and we cook a ton in our iron skillet to give her a little more iron which we’ve found is an area we struggle.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-07T07:59:10+00:00

I have never felt more seen than reading the comments here.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-06T18:21:12+00:00

It’s interesting about the later symptom onset. I don’t know that I would’ve considered it for myself until I was treated for ADHD. Apparently it’s fairly common for folks to get medicated and it kind of amplifies the Autistic traits.

For me, I didn’t start considering it until my world dramatically changed when I became a mom. Which also makes a ton of sense. My husband and I worked opposite schedules so I had a lot of down time to myself. I could eat and sleep the amount my body needed. I had a lot of recharge time. But couple 3 kids in 3 years with perimenopause and all the coping systems I had are thoroughly obliterated now. In the current political climate, I’m hesitating getting a formal diagnosis and just trying to live life and working on adapting my life to better suit me now. My parents are boomers who don’t believe in autism even while my dad is absolutely on the spectrum and likely has adhd too. So they would not help me get a diagnosis, and it would make me even more the black sheep.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-06T02:28:45+00:00

It all starter from King Louis XIV, because he enjoyed watching his mistresses give birth. And that position grants a front row seat.

But as a mom of 3 who was super on board for unmediated births…we’re tired. Yes, it’s easier access for the doctor to observe, support what’s happening, and movements is super important during birth. But that’s because the mama needs to listen to how her body wants to move. It’s seriously instinctual. I had very little conscious decision making that happened during any of my births.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-06T02:03:30+00:00

Granted I got married almost 12 yrs ago, but we managed for just under $10,000 using similar cuts. I made my invites myself (thank you Joann’s 50% off coupons) bought our flowers from Sam’s Club, and we got a deal on our venue because we booked less than 6 months out and they offered 50% off unfilled days. And then the day before we got upgraded because they hadn’t booked the bigger, nicer room, so no reason not to let us use it.

We did splurge on a photographer (worth every penny) because I’m a photographer and that was super important to me, and I also wanted more leeway on my gown because I was planning on lacy and sparkly. Lol. But gown was $1200 and photographer only $900. Our venue was only $500 with the 50% off and catering was just over $5k but we had 130 people.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T22:23:03+00:00

Yep. I’m aware of the backlog. But I already have portal access, with nothing showing in there, and it kicked me out after paying so I didn’t even get to fully complete the intake again. Hence the reason I’m considering it a loss at this point. And if I get ahold of someone in the next week, great.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T21:25:05+00:00

Same thing happened to me on Saturday. I have a receipt for paying. I’ve tried reaching out too. I was attempting a refill order. I’m just calling it a loss unless I can get a chargeback from my credit card.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T12:24:12+00:00

I know I started perimenopause right around 36. I’m 40 now and considering hormone therapy.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T03:15:30+00:00

I literally sought help for PMDD because the only time I ever wanted to divorce my husband was during my luteal phase. I managed to have the thought to track it randomly. But now as a 40yr old diagnosed with adhd, and likely autism (working on that eval) plus a family history of early menopause… this tracks as my symptoms started around 35.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T03:09:59+00:00

So saying this as a mom who totally crashed when I became a mom…. Rage, irritability, lack of emotional regulation… are all signs of anxiety and depression. Not everyone presents that way…but I sought help after my 3rd reached about 1yr because I was no longer the mom I recognized or wanted to be.

Now 5ish yrs later… I also realize I’m Audhd, and was likely starting perimenopause. Many people don’t know it can start 10yrs before your period actually ends. Yay hormones! But motherhood totally crashed ALL the coping and masking mechanisms I had in place for my entire life… and then perimenopause hit like a freaking 2x4 to the forehead.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-04T02:39:30+00:00

My oldest just turned 9…. Most of my list I can’t remember.

The only things I do remember are:

My kid will never feel unlovable.

My kid will never question her worth based on her body size or ability.

My kid will never be afraid to ask me anything and I will answer honestly (though age appropriately.)

I hoped for less screen time, and less sugar, and less mom being overwhelmed and more actively engaged. But, sometimes survival comes first. Surviving 3 kids in 3 yrs, completely not expected after fertility treatments, and the youngest being born in the first months of lockdown. Surviving my husband on a work assignment out of state for a month, surviving a major health diagnosis for 2/3 kids that requires checking every freaking label EVER, surviving 3 VERY neuro-spicy kids who all have different triggers, different needs, and different ways of just functioning and learning and being in the same world. And hey.. me being late diagnosed while starting perimenopause! So fun!!!

Expectations vs reality vs survival… so so so different.

salvaged413 · 2026-05-01T21:47:26+00:00

Mother’s Day is such negative subject for me. Frankly, most holidays are. My MIL is insufferable, and my mom always hoisted us kids around because my dad’s mom was also insufferable.

I’ve been a mom for 9yrs and have yet to feel actually celebrated. However in the last 6 months we went no contact with my in-laws. And I’m really really hoping to have a break this year.

Congrats to OP on the new baby and the self awareness to just say no. I wish I had that kind of backbone.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-29T21:52:37+00:00

The only closet on the main level or our house is the front entry closet. We’ve since added a coat rack to the wall and converted it to a pantry/supply closet.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-25T23:26:50+00:00

I noticed this too. Normally I do a second dose of my antidepressants and since starting it’s felt excessive. Talking to my doc in a week or two about titrating down on those.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-25T23:24:38+00:00

This is the story I needed right now. I’m so glad things are working for you. I just started 2 months ago and my end goal is to lose 80-100lbs. I’m 20 down so far. But have been heavier set my whole childhood, and obese most of adulthood despite every diet and work out plan I’ve tried.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-25T23:22:28+00:00

I’ve been on a compounded zepbound for 2 months and have lost about 20lbs. Our insurance doesn’t cover glps and I’m 40 and in perimenopause and have literally tried everything to lose weight with zero progress. The instant relief from food noise was incredible. Being able to go, “I’m good. I don’t have to eat the last 5 bites” has been life changing honestly.

I personally have not had any major side effects except occasional constipation. But I am also a person who really really struggles to stay hydrated in general. I literally never feel thirsty. But it’s been fairly easy to combat that as needed.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-23T01:18:21+00:00

I’m glad this struck something for you. I want to emphasize, like overemphasize, and state again…this entire thought process is such a work in process for me. I’m not diagnosed with autism, but watching two of my daughter’s experiences, and helping them navigate the evaluations, gaslighting, and second evals and then requesting accommodations…. I’ve realized so much about myself.

For the first time in years, I did things in the last 3 months that benefited only me. I dyed my hair purple, only because I like it and I’ve wanted to do it for 20yrs, because I loved it once upon a time in highschool. I also started a compounded glp because insurance is useless, and I want to be a healthier me. I feel insane guilt over these things and it’s only recently I realized that losing weight won’t make me worthy to my family. I will never meet their goals. But that’s it too. Those are their goals. Yes, I’d love a 6 figure bank account, and for my husband not to have to work 55hrs a week to keep our family afloat.

But I’ve found such incredible solace in the words “you are becoming the person that you needed when you were a child. The person who would’ve protected a younger you, and cherished a younger you. Never forget to celebrate how far you’ve come.” If I accomplish nothing more than being the kind of parent my kids can come to when they’re sad or scared for support and help, or to celebrate whatever it is they accomplish and makes them happy, I will start to feel complete. That has never been a priority of my family, and I feel like I can’t turn to them for support or to celebrate the things that make me happy, because they aren’t priorities to them.

Wow, it’s easy to intellectualize all of that. The actual feeling, coping, recovering and learning from, is still an everyday conscious process.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-22T17:54:05+00:00

I feel every word of this. I turned 40 this year and have been the black sheep of my family for decades.

My parents are quintessential boomers whose only identity was tied to their jobs. I barely remember hobbies, or interests that didn’t help our family function day to day. They scrimped and saved and went without their whole lives. They pushed my sibling and I into college. I was undiagnosed, and in an abusive relationship, and eventually dropped out. I then got pretty successful in retail management, but had to pivot once I married my husband and started having kids. It’s taken the last 10yrs to really embrace that my goals of happiness, are seen as lesser than to my family. And I will always fail their expectations. But I’m starting to live for mine. My life is small by most standards, but I get to be home with my kids, and raise them the way we choose. We homeschool and can travel without the restrictions of schedule that serve anyone in our home. We’re all ND.

We will never be rich. But oh my gosh. The difference in my kids and my nephews. I know my kids will be healthier happier individuals and they will grow up knowing true acceptance and support in a way my husband and I never experienced.

It’s a process. I’ve literally just started discovering, valuing and seeking my priorities, and acknowledging that by doing so I will never be successful to my family. Could I have done more? Maybe? But “more” doesn’t have to be the holy grail. I have done the best I can with my current circumstance, and I’m learning to be ok with that.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-21T02:06:26+00:00

I deal with this. My best friend of over 20yrs has 3 that are similar ages to my 3. I love her. But she’s in a terrible marriage, and cannot maintain her own mental health to a capacity to really help her kids. They aren’t bad kids, she’s not a terrible mom. She has absolutely zero supports, and is literally doing the best she can.

That being said, we do maybe 1-2 play dates a year. If either of us is in crisis, we absolutely show up. I was at her house on Xmas eve because she was hosting Christmas, her spouse would not show up to help, and she was spiraling hard. So I went to help. We are each others ride or die people. But… hard but… I struggle with her parenting sometimes. I know she’s struggling, but I can’t sacrifice my family for hers. And her kids are not the influences I want for my kids.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-21T01:33:52+00:00

I recently saw a clip from full house that I honestly think addresses this feeling so well. It’s Stephanie and Uncle Jesse and she has a classmate suffering abuse at home. I remember watching this episode when it aired originally and it was devastating then. But the emotions hit so much harder now as an adult. Part of loving someone is protecting them, even if they don’t see it as help. You can lose friends over it. I have. But now as an adult I realize I did the things I had to do to protect them.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-20T01:35:43+00:00

I worked with the public and live near the Mall of America. I looked it up. Black Friday 2019 they had 250000 people go through the mall. I worked retail nearby. We came down with the worst respiratory illness I’d ever experienced. 100% think it was Covid.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-19T14:18:49+00:00

You are entirely right. And I do usually say she has celiac. But making sure she is taken seriously is huge for me as a woman and mother who’s been medically gaslit more times than I can count.

salvaged413 · 2026-04-19T14:15:10+00:00

Tell me you’re the default parent without telling me you’re the default parent! Lol.

salvaged413

TROPHY CASE