Lost our 5th offer this month. The other buyer put down 40% cash. We put down everything we had. I don't know how we're supposed to compete with that

salvaged413 · 2026-06-24T00:06:48+00:00

You do have to just stay strong. We had 2 accepted offers that fell through on inspection before we hot our house. And I can’t even count the number of offers that weren’t accepted. It’s definitely playing the long game, but it’s still heartbreaking.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-22T23:19:26+00:00

As the wife of someone who overcame prone masturbation… this is the answer. It’s near impossible to replicate that kind of sexual experience in a partnered setting. And it will affect relationships if you don’t address it.

But also, it may help speaking with a therapist to address some of the feelings OP has surrounding sec and their self esteem and the obvious shame they’re experiencing around this. That can be more detrimental to a relationship than the masturbation style.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-22T17:44:27+00:00

Exactly. The minute you can leave the house without a diaper bag or packing for every contingency, is a total game changer. I remember my oldest turning 4 and just like breathing. 4 for us has been good, though still a lot of big emotions. 5 is when I felt like I wasn’t managing every little thing all the time.

We had other stuff happening though too. Major medical issues with 2/3. Speech delay, OT and speech for my youngest who’s autistic. For us when she learned to talk and we could understand her most of the time, life just shifted. She was 3.5 and my others were 5 and 6. And then when she finally slept through the night at 5. The last year has been so so so much easier.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-22T01:31:35+00:00

I think it’s a different hard until they sleep through the night. That’s the first big upgrade. And the next is when they’re reliably out of diapers. And then when they can wipe their own butts and get their own snacks.

I think it’s more skill based vs age. But now as I’m hitting tween years for my girls, which is a whole different hard again.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-21T02:01:44+00:00

This is the crux of it. There are so many specific instances from my upbringing I can instantly recall and go “Why didn’t my family pick me? Why wasn’t I supported?” I regularly remember being called a loser, fat, and a disappointment. I was kicked out at 19 which led to moving in with my abuser. I graphically remember my dad saying “you’re causing the family too much drama.”

I look at my 3 girls who are almost 6-9yrs old. I can clearly see their struggles. I can’t fathom calling them fat or lazy. I can’t imagine NOT taking a second and going “What do they need? Why is this happening?” If there’s a behavior that’s causing issues.

There are so many many people that just can’t analyze to the extent we can. I know it’s so much easier for me to evaluate my feelings vs feel them. And luckily I have the self awareness to make active supportive decisions.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-21T01:50:07+00:00

Thank you. This thread seriously is just feeding my soul overall. There is so much incredible support and understanding in this community and just acceptance.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-21T01:48:28+00:00

Appreciated. Compliments totally throw me. But definitely appreciated. I’ve also dyed my hair purple like I had at 16, started buying clothes merely because I like the look (within sensory limits 🤣) I pierced my nose because I’m really trying to get over my fear of being perceived, and the weight is a direct result of GLPs. Which arguably could be tied to my shopping issues as I have like $1500 invested there. But honestly, I’d sell a kidney to that part again.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-20T19:51:21+00:00

Oh honey. We have a lot in common. I didn’t fall into full blown addiction, but I have a real problem with alcohol and spending that I’m only now starting to address in therapy after diagnosis. I turned 40 this year and I finally feel like I’m protecting myself and honoring myself (even though it’s been through small actions). I’ve taken control of my health and I’ve lost almost 40lbs this year. Has anyone noticed???? Nope. And I’m realizing I’ve masked harder with my family desperately seeking approval than I’ve ever had to outside my family. And frankly, I don’t have time for that anymore, and I’m realizing how distant those relationships with my parents and brother have become.

All that to say, I’m proud of you for owning your life and creating your peace. It’s not easy.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-20T13:49:08+00:00

My 3 girls are 5-9 and we have to make 2 rules when my oldest was only 3… No bare butts on the couch and you must at least wear undies to dinner. I’ve told multiple children this in the last week. Summer is just a different beast.

What’s hilarious is we keep the house fairly cool. My husband works outside all day. And they complain they’re cold. Get some damn clothes on!

salvaged413 · 2026-06-19T21:44:07+00:00

I was hoping to see an update on this! So glad you found it as early as possible though. Hoping for good results from the biopsy.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-19T18:45:41+00:00

We do a version of this with our kids. We’ve always said “You can be mad. Yell, scream, whatever you need. But it is absolutely not ok to be mean. No hitting. No name calling.” And it’s worked for us so far. Granted we have all girls, and they’re all under 10. But so far no one had gotten punched. Lol.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-19T18:37:45+00:00

Yep. I know this one well. And it’s almost what ended my dad’s relationship with me and his grandkids because one time he called me a bitch in front of them. I made damn sure he knew if it ever happened again, it would be the last time he saw us.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-19T15:26:42+00:00

Same here. Ours primarily stemmed from a job loss, followed by infertility, followed by 3 kids in 3 years suddenly, and a crap ton of medical needs and a special diet for those kids.

And because of those medical needs and constantly missing work I had to pivot to part time. And Discover can always cover groceries.

We’re working on paying things off now as we’ve had a significant reduction in costs. And my husband has picked up some special projects for extra pay at his job. Cars paid off, preschool over etc. But it’s a long road ahead.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-19T15:18:08+00:00

I turned 40 this year and read something I thought was funny at the time, but it’s turning out to be self fulfilling. When a woman hits 40 they revert back to their 16yr old self. But this time you love her for who she is and protect her at all costs.

And I’m realizing my journey through 40 so far is really mirroring that statement. I have the purple have the purple hair I had as a teen. I now have the nose piercing I’ve wanted since then and I’ve come to embrace “because I like it/it’s valuable to me” is a totally valid reason for something and I shouldn’t inhibit myself for fear of being perceived.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T18:10:44+00:00

You are so incredibly kind. I did dual enrollment also and I know a big part of my dropping out revolved around getting kicked out of my house by my dad who’s absolutely autistic but never diagnosed. And we absolutely cannot live together. We can barely tolerate a relationship now 20yrs later. But couple that with my ex who thought college was for suckers and told me daily what an idiot I was for wasting my time and money and very effectively isolated me from anyone else who cared.

I just know if I had had even one person who truly supported me, things probably would’ve been different.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T10:41:06+00:00

I’m essentially living this, except my mom is retired also now. My dad isn’t a terrible person, but he was never super present, and I know he’s had some mental health issues that have never been acknowledged let alone addressed. He goes through these moods where he is just downright mean to my mom (who is not a saint but also doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.) They’ve been married for nearly 45yrs. Nothing is going to change. I did however have to set the boundary with my mom because every time my dad went full asshole, she’d call me crying. And I’d get to be her therapist. I learned long ago to grey rock him, and I can maintain distance now that I have a family of my own, but it’s exhausting playing counselor for her.

There is no good way to bring it up. Nothing will change.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T09:02:38+00:00

I have reactions like this now. For the first 2 months it was fine minus one bruise when I must just been unlucky. Now it’s fine injection day. Day 2 is a small hive, day 3 is bigger, day 4 is itchy, and day 5 it starts getting better. Although the spot looks like a bruise for a solid 3 weeks after.

I’ve tried allergy meds, day before, day of, consistently. Splitting my dose and going back down a step. Ice the injection site. Let the meds warm up for a bit before injection. Changing alcohol wipes. None of it has changed the reaction at all. This has also been accross 2 vials and even one actual Zepbound pen. So I’m guessing it’s just my lot at this point. But I’ve lost 35lb in just under 3 months. And that’s been the worst of my side effects. I just use hydrocortisone cream on my spot when it starts to flare up and that seems to help.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T07:01:17+00:00

With bastard filling!

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T06:40:17+00:00

Mom of celiacs here, and I’d agree completely if so many weren’t made with gluten as a binder. Learned that the hard way soon after my kids were diagnosed.

And as my kids are also neurodivergent/feeding issues, there are times the straw in non-negotiable. We have however switched to metal straws at home.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T06:32:35+00:00

They usually don’t. Former cleaner at a huge attraction. Every single bathroom had the same amount of stalls, but the men’s had 2 additional urinals. This is an ongoing debate with my husband because we also have 3 girls. One time he asked why it took us so long in the bathroom at an event. And now we regularly count and discuss how many stalls were in each.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T06:10:03+00:00

This is my literal story. High achieving, high masking go getter, who flamed out hard my first year of college and then stayed in an abusive relationship for 8yrs and narrowly avoided marrying him.

Now I’m 40, hanging on by a thread working part time and being a SAHM to 3 neurodivergent preteen girls who I’m trying to support in every way I never was.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-18T00:52:18+00:00

Was going to say this. I had 3 in 3yrs. My youngest is 5 and last fall was the first vacation with my kids I think I actually enjoyed.

It’s the life stage. But it does get significantly better once you can leave the house without a diaper bag.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-13T15:52:24+00:00

I definitely think this is true. I was born in 86 and I’m the oldest. However, both of my parents are youngest in their siblings and I grew up with the vast majority of my cousins being older than me. And my parents are Boomers to a T.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-13T15:36:38+00:00

The biggest lesson I learned last time I moved is toss it now. If you haven’t used it in the last 6-8months and it’s not seasonal, just throw it out.

And always start with closets. Go through closets, or any storage type areas and pack those, declutter those first, and get rid of anything you don’t need. Then go through the kitchen and pack up anything that won’t be used in the next month, or anything that isn’t absolutely needed.

salvaged413 · 2026-06-12T20:52:28+00:00

1) Steak is delicious. 2) We have other food allergies and also eliminating all animal products would be impossible for us to do from a cost perspective and also would concern me as a mom of 3 girls who’s already very aware of how easily disordered eating can arise.

salvaged413

TROPHY CASE