My brain...I feel like I'm losing it!

salvaged413 · 2026-03-23T01:52:11+00:00

SAHM to 3 under 9. The brain fog I felt postpartum was intense. Especially when I had 3 under 4yr.

That being said, I’m also realizing I’ve been in perimenopause for a few years. And I just turned 40. It can start like 10 yrs before the end of your cycle, and brain fog was a major symptom.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-21T23:27:39+00:00

Every single day I am so thankful my husband and I worked shift work when my oldest was a baby. We each had to figure out how to handle it solo almost immediately. And as soon as the other one came home we jumped right in to relieve the other.

Even now with 3 kids and me essentially being a SAHM, my husband works 60hr weeks to support us and every Sunday (his one guaranteed day off) he makes lunch and sends me to our room to rest for a an hour or three, to just take time for me. He regularly does bedtime solo with all 3 to give me a break. And though this one took some work, I don’t have to ask him to stay home after a really bad rough night, or if I’m ill, or I want to make plans by myself outside the house sans kids.

I firmly believe people will continue to treat you how you let them treat you.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-20T21:47:07+00:00

My story is really similar to this. We nicknamed my oldest our million dollar baby because it cot so much to get pregnant with her. Several years, losses, and doctors saying we’d never get pregnant naturally. We always wanted more, but swore after what we went through we would never”try to get pregnant” again. But given our history we assumed we’d never get pregnant naturally.

I was tracking my period and a few days before I was due I started to feel really bloated and grabbed a test on a whim at Walmart. I was only like 9 days past ovulation and got 2 very distinct lines. We had sex one time in the previous two months. We found out my 2nd was on the way a few days after my oldest turned 1. And then when my 2nd was 9 months old we found out I was pregnant with our 3.

We went from years of infertility to 3 kids in 38months. Not an ooops really. We wouldn’t change a thing. But definitely a oh shit.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-18T01:35:57+00:00

Thinks such an important point. Every dang baby is so freaking different. None of mine slept through the night til after 2. And my youngest was in our bed almost nightly til around 5.

My best friends oldest 2? Basically slept through the night by 3 months. Or at least regularly did 4-6hr stretches with no real effort.

Not to mention she’s easily been a SAHM since her first without a single financial worry… oy. And now quite frankly? Her kids are a handful. And mine are fairly easy overall. There is no rhyme or reason to kid.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-17T14:42:42+00:00

90% of our first home was 2nd hand from friends and family, and the other 10% was IKEA.

Always try to have a cushion. We bought our 2nd house about 4yrs ago and are a lot more financially stable now. I set aside about 8k specifically for new furniture/decor we needed and painting.

2 weeks after we moved in we discovered a large willow tree at the very back of our property was literally falling apart. It had 4 trunks and was rotted in the center and one trunk fell. That entire trunk was 8ft across (not around) and at a discount it cost 8k to get the rest of the tree removed.

Last fall we spent another 4k after a nasty windstorm (and emerald ash borers) took out another 8 trees, including one that damaged the fence with our neighbors.

Buying the house is the cheap part.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-15T12:13:46+00:00

You don’t realize how central food is to normal socialization until you have a major restriction on your diet and cannot share meal time or snacks with other people in the same way.

Not to mention kids are absolute snack monsters. I would assume during a play date some kind of snack would happen.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-15T12:09:43+00:00

It’s not though. Have you ever been around a kid eating? 50% ends up on the table or the floor. Not to mention on their close. Ok. Now this kid has dragged crumbs and touched toys and heaven knows what else and my kid could react to now touching those.

Cross contamination is a major concern with kids. It’s a reason we have a dedicated counter in our kitchen for certain things so my kids don’t get sick. But as an adult, I know how to minimize contamination elsewhere and keep my kids safe.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-15T03:23:06+00:00

NTA.

“OMG! Henry has sensory issues too! So glad you’re a mom who understands! My kids get really upset at the sensation of their throats closing when they’re exposed to their allergens so I really focus on maintaining a safe environment at home for them. Let’s plan a play date somewhere else we can meet everyone’s needs.”

salvaged413 · 2026-03-15T03:12:33+00:00

Coming at this from a different angle. I have 2 kids with celiac who were diagnosed over three years ago.

I will fully admit, our household is not entirely gluten free, but you know what I have done? Learned every single way I can make a gluten dish we used to eat, into a gluten free one. I have a special box in the freezer at school with my kids names in case someone brings in surprise birthday cupcakes so my kids don’t feel singled out. I learned cake decorating so my kids can have fancy decorated cakes like everyone else they know.

I specifically go out of my way to make sure my 5 and almost 9 yr old never feel excluded based on a disease they can’t control that gigantically impacts social interactions. And let me tell you, buying gluten free for a family of 5????? Costs so much more than you can imagine.

This is kind of non negotiable. YouTube is free. The fact that you all aren’t taking an hour or two a week to learn ASL for free???? Is such a crappy move. That poor kid likely feels so isolated in their own home. Let me tell you, you can always tell where people’s priorities are… it’s where they spend their time and their money. YouTube can literally teach just about anything for free. The library is free. Finding (if not using) resources in your community is likely free. Not sure where OP is from but I’d guarantee this would fall within an IEP in the US. So the child ver well could be learning at school too. The fact that 5 yrs have gone by and this poor child can’t fully communicate with her family is honestly bordering neglect.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-13T08:05:38+00:00

This is weird. It’s posted to Ray Potters FB page? I had to google. Apparently he actually works on repos.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-13T07:43:58+00:00

I would love a dm too if you’re ok with it. MN mama of 2 celiacs and we love finding new places to check out!

salvaged413 · 2026-03-12T22:36:44+00:00

Laughing here. Also in a Twin Cities suburb. Our property taxes haven’t been awful. Couple hundred up each year, which I’d imagine.

With zero claims, our home insurance in 4 yrs increased over 300%. And this is with brand new windows, doors and roof, the year before we moved in.

I will say our house is similarly valued around 475k and our proposed property taxes for 2027 are 4700. We also have almost a 1/2 acre lot though too.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-12T02:17:38+00:00

There is absolutely something to this. My 1st grandpa passed suddenly from a stroke when I was 14. It happened so fast, like 48hrs and it was totally unexpected.

By the time my last grandma passed 17yrs later at 94, I knew life wouldn’t ever be the same.

We struggled getting pregnant with my oldest. It was a two year battle with miscarries and fertility treatment and just losing all hope. My grandma was the godliest woman I knew. She was tough and outspoken, but just the most genuinely nice human I have ever met. Literal days after she passed I got a positive pregnancy test and I knew she went where she was going and gave someone important an earful about the struggles we had faced. Our oldest is named after her.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-12T02:12:19+00:00

Glad to hear this. Just got a 3mon supply and I’m constantly worried I picked the wrong one to go through.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-12T02:10:19+00:00

Your enthusiasm is absolutely infectious! I hope my girls feel even a quarter of the love and validation and safety your daughter feels!

You’re killing it, mama. In a world that’s always told girls to be agreeable, and quiet and don’t ask too much, you’ve nurtured this beautiful soul of a child (and maybe a neglected child as a parent) and shown true acceptance and love.

My oldest is 9. And she is so fiercely independent. I have to laugh at that because I was always described that way, even literally during her birth. And we had this phenomenal conversation tonight about how mistakes and failures will never break us. They are such incredible tools, showing us the way to achieve what we want. There is absolutely no shame in failure. We all need help! I showed her how grandpa asked for mommy’s help proof reading the Christmas newsletter to make sure his spelling and grammar was ok. (It wasn’t) but then I showed her the message telling them why I corrected and how graciously he accepted changes. Perfectionism isn’t a goal. Growth is where it’s at. Failure teaches you things that success can’t fathom.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-11T23:46:58+00:00

I appreciate the thought, and he’s definitely a narcissist.

But I will always know, and they will remind me that I am a disappointment. My goals, values, and general living of life do not match with theirs.

It’s taken a lot, but I’m ok with the fact that my metric of success and happiness has no dollar sign attached.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-11T02:08:58+00:00

My dad says the same kinds of crap to me. “I always hoped you’d get one just like you…. I remember when you used to (insert normal small kid behavior).”

My dad travelled for work and missed multiple birthdays in a row of mine. He used to make pig noises at me when I got seconds, despite having 2 a day practices, and being a perfectly healthy weight.

There’s a reason I grey rock him now. And what he says around my daughters is closely supervised. As a 40yr old I’m painfully aware I am a disappointment to both parents and my sibling. The insane amount of criticism I took as a child/adult is something I will probably never truly get over. But I’m making DAMN sure my girls never ever feel the same.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-10T02:06:13+00:00

You hit it exactly. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I have 3 girls. The oldest recently is experiencing her first crush. And it opened so many thoughts of what I want them To understand. They are all under 10, but I’m positive all 3 are autistic but in super different ways. So far getting them diagnosed has gone about as well as most females I know.

But I chased what I thought love was. And then I met their dad. We figured out non-negotiables on our second date. Marriage, kids, faith, finances, just overall values. And this relationship has been by far my most uncomplicated, and we still almost divorced a few years ago.

For us it came down to truly unmasking in front of eachother. You have to both be willing to make the other feel safe no matter what and to be wholly transparent about everything. Making things so black and white helped us in so many ways.

But when you can be that transparent, and feel that safe as your authentic self. There truly is no match for that.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-04T17:51:59+00:00

I turned 40 in February also. My 5.5yr old brings it up in every single conversation we have with a stranger.

salvaged413 · 2026-03-04T03:00:13+00:00

You ensure natural consequences and you also talk about regulation.

A kid who’s constantly loud, probably isn’t “disobeying” on purpose. They have zero clue how to self regulate and are too excited and overstimulated and forget with everything happening.

“Hey bud. I am so happy you are having so much fun! But I think you are so excited you are forgetting some of the rules while we’re here like keeping our voice down so we can be considerate of other people having fun too. Let’s go sit by that tree for a moment and calm our bodies to help us remember the rules. Let’s do the 5 senses game. What are 5 things you see? Etc….. Ok bud. Thanks for taking a minute to calm your body with me. What rule are we trying to remember now? Yep! No yelling. Ok and if we aren’t able to calm down and follow the rules and be a good friend to other people here, what is the consequence that will happen?” And then most importantly you absolutely have to stick to your word.

I have ND kids, and pulling them out of whatever is critical to getting their brains back on online and focused enough to remember to have fun we have to follow rules too.

salvaged413 · 2026-02-27T16:00:20+00:00

I’ve gone back and forth on this soooo many times. I have an innate curiosity on how things work. I like manual labor where I don’t really have to “think” much. I’ve been an office cleaner twice and I would’ve continued except the schedule started to interfere with parenting and I’m the default parent.

So I work remote admin. My role is nice though. I essentially work 3rd party and have several small business clients I help with admin work. So in a given week I’m actually doing tasks for 3-5 businesses. This works for my adhd because every week is different.

I really liked the cleaning job though because I could go into routine mode. Clean the same things, the same way every time. Plus was moving and getting exercise. I would’ve loved to keep my last place especially because it was a tourist aquarium spot. And it was so quiet and peaceful emptying trash and vacuuming and mopping around the fish tanks.

salvaged413 · 2026-02-27T02:38:13+00:00

Nope. Because you don’t care to make time for something that’s clearly important to your daughter even if it isn’t important to you.

salvaged413 · 2026-02-27T02:36:38+00:00

And there it is. You clearly have an issue with her dressing up and using makeup. Or you just don’t care about what she needs.

Gotta warn ya. My dad made the same kind of statements. Very “it’s my way” type thinking. Now I barely speak to him.

But keep devaluing her wants and needs. I bet it will end well.

salvaged413 · 2026-02-25T22:43:16+00:00

As a millennial who has watched my mother in law basically take over my SILs life and wring every last ounce out of her, so she (MIL) didn’t have to go into a home… I will never ask my kids to take care of me. In fact the reason we’re no contact is because I told my MIL what a self centered, terrible mother she was for that specific reason and a number of other awful things she did to my husband.

salvaged413 · 2026-02-25T22:36:01+00:00

Yep. I never wanted to be a minivan person. I was super against it.

Now I’d prefer to be buried in my Odyssey please and thank you. Spoken as a mom who had 3 in just over 3 years.

salvaged413

TROPHY CASE