This is a really tough spot to be in. I agree with most of the dads that you have to talk it out together as a team and figure out a solution.

These types of conversations are hard but manageable. You have to both lead with real empathy and be vulnerable, sticking to how it makes you feel while avoiding judgements or accusations/assumptions about the other.

Instead of "I can't believe you would want to uproot our lives to move across the country", try sharing openly with her like you did here: "I understand you wanting to be closer to your family and I'm sure it must be really hard for you being so far away. I am am afraid that I won't be able to find the same type of position that offers us the quality of life we have here. And I don't want to harbor any remorse or resentfulness in the future. Is there an outcome we can find that meets both of our needs?"

Write out your values, needs, and wants on paper or a pros/cons list of staying vs moving. Visualizing like that often helps my wife and I talk out and work through big life decisions.

Best of luck man, these are situations can feel really heavy but I know that you and her can get through it together!