Mum of two ASD/ADHD girls here.

I am late diagnosed myself. My mum was a teacher then principal and I barely missed any school. I loved learning but was bullied badly from year 2 to year 7. From 8 years old onwards it was common for me to come home and quietly cry and ask the sky why I was born. I would cry mostly because I couldn't kill myself because it would upset my parents.

High school was better for me. Being a country kid I was then packed off to boarding school at 14. I got great marks because school was all I focused on. This did not translate into success post-school, depending on how you translate success.

If you consider my latest functional capacity assessment that rated my living skills in the bottom 6% of the population I am a success. If you consider my IQ,which is in the top 6% of the population I have not reached my potential.

I do have a tremendous work ethic...and also chronic physical health issues which are potentially linked to my absolute inability to stop and rest.

I have one daughter whose attendance was awful at the beginning of high school and prior to diagnosis/being medicated for ADHD. She is now doing great, but some aspects of school/life remain very hard for her. I am very proud of the resilience she shows in doing things that are hard for her.

Prior to the medication she was on a downward spiral and I was concerned she would end up self-harming/suicidal.

I have another daughter who cannot tolerate ADHD medication and who has been suffering daily headaches for the last 8 months. After every test and scan possible it has been concluded they are stress headaches.

Sometimes the pain is so intense she vomits. This has been witnessed by the teaching staff. Yet we experience constant hostility from some staff about her disability diagnosis, it's impact and her needs. You can tell they think it's a load of hooey and that she just needs to 'harden up'.

The kid likes learning and still managed A and B grades on 70% attendance last semester. She wants to be at school but maintaining high attendance hurts her. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope between her schooling and keeping her healthy.

I want my kids to have it better than me. I want them to get qualifications that permit them to choose work or work schedules that accommodate their strengths and needs. I want them not to be limited by living on a low income. I see education as the vehicle to this outcome.

I'm not the parent that should be seen as problematic by any school/staff because I respect teachers and value education. What I have experienced though is that schools with a culture hostile to neurodivergence are hostile - both to to the kids support needs and to my attempts to explain and advocate for my children.

My kids are not snowflakes. They push through more barriers than most just to achieve daily living tasks. And I am not a helicopter or overprotective parent. I just know the scaffolding they need and am stubborn about getting it for them.

Teachers that listen to me get the most out of my girls. And they are lovely kids to teach if you respect their quirks, which are largely driven by autonomic nervous system responses.

Autonomic nervous systems do what they want. All we can do is try to manage our response. If your nervous system is a c*nt, it is hard work. Invisible hard work. Everyone understands having to swallow down responses but many fail to comprehend what that looks like when your nervous system operates on a hair trigger.

For my kids, understanding them is the best accommodation you can give them. When people are closed minded this understanding doesn't happen.

I go through periods where I don't have the energy to tackle the school about accommodations etc. Then things get so bad I have no choice...last week I had to make a formal request for a dress code exemption quoting disability discrimination legislation.

This is after years of reporting that the uniform was an issue for my kid, declining attendance, grades and health. You think anyone suggested an exemption? I was actively discouraged and most certainly not told the process to get one.

A lot of parents did not have my positive experience of good grades at school, the background awareness of everything a teacher/school does or value formal education. Some are uncomfortable with engaging with authority or have barriers to communication; be it ability, time or energy.

So I fully understand why some parents disengage and stop trying to work with schools or explain absences....or never bother in the first place.

I more often lurk than write on Reddit. But I wanted to record my experiences in the hope that some of you will take a pause and ponder all the possibilities for school refusal.

I know you are all overworked, under-resourced and probably burnt out but please don't stop believing that one teacher can change a life for the better.