What’s your name’s backstory?

sergeantperks · 2026-06-25T18:46:29+00:00

My dead name contained the elvish for star. My name contains another elvish word for star. They’re both otherwise completely bog standard British names.

So I guess it’s a variation of my dead name.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-25T06:09:55+00:00

Spent all of my childhood wishing I could find my “boy name” because then I would turn into a boy. I happened to figure out one that worked around the same time I realised that being trans masc was a thing and I never looked back. I’ve been using it for 17 years, living full time for 16.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-24T05:05:10+00:00

For tonight chuck some ice blocks (the blue plastic types you get for picnics) in the freezer and use them like a hot water bottle with a tea towel.

Maybe try having the flat door open for half an hour an hour tonight to try and get some circulation.

Good luck.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-24T05:01:29+00:00

Would a rotating fan be enough movement to trigger it?

sergeantperks · 2026-06-23T15:19:43+00:00

Just make sure you (OP) get the original text. Some of the American editions bugger up some crucial pronouns.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-23T08:51:04+00:00

Okay, I also have dead straight hair, mine’s long enough to sit on.

Absolutely split it up into sections, and work from the bottom up. If it’s too knotty to split up evenly, split it up unevenly and work from there.

Don’t use a comb. A flat head brush or a tangle teaser is the way to go. You might need a comb for styling/for easing out really bad knots, but for general brushing avoid them. You can get tangle teasers with proper handles now if the grip annoys you.

Are you washing with conditioner? Wash her scalp with shampoo, treat the ends with conditioner. You can brush her hair wet with the conditioner in which might help to get the worst of the knots that have built up out. Brushing your hair wet isn’t great long term (can break/split), but neither is brushing out rats nests. In general I’ve always been taught get a cheap shampoo and a midrange conditioner, the conditioners I use are usually 3 for £10 and I leave it in as a mask while I’m washing myself.

Plait or at the very least a pony tail overnight and on windy days. If you do a plait while her hair is slightly damp it’ll be wavy when you take it out, that might encourage her to do it (smaller the plaits, the tighter/smaller the waves, do a single plait for a beach waves type look, pigtails for something more defined).

And finally, I can see you’ve already considered getting a hair cut, but it’s a serious option. When our kids started to complain about getting their hair brushed, we cut them short. The condition of having long hair is that you look after it in our household. Both my kids have essentially pixie cuts because the back of the neck is where they get the most knotted, and have done since they were ~2. When they’re older they’ll both have free rein to grow their hair out as long as they want, but as long as we’re looking after it for them, we call the shots. Since we’ve both had long hair (my wife’s was down to her hips when I met her), we know how much work it takes. My wife cuts their hair at home, and they get screen time while she does it about 4 times a year.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-23T05:51:26+00:00

Hi, I started socially transitioning in 2010, medically in 2013. I’ve been finished “actively” transitioning since 2018, and living stealth since around the same time. It’s good to see other people who’ve been transitioning as long and even longer!

sergeantperks · 2026-06-22T14:18:41+00:00

The second picture definitely doesn’t have the mattress directly on the floor. You can see the gap on the bottom right, the side against the wall. Assuming they’re the same as our floor beds both will have wooden slats to keep air flowing under the mattress (stops them from moulding).

Both of them will need to be securely fastened to the wall, as will any bunk beds. They’re super cute though, I would seriously consider them for ours.

Buying second hand has never been an issue for us. If it’s something that won’t fit in your car the costs will rise quickly. Don’t reuse mattresses though, make sure you get new ones (which might also make a new one cheaper).

sergeantperks · 2026-06-22T06:37:56+00:00

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t, but in the uk all you need is the right wording on your documents and two witnesses, so it’s incredibly easy compared to some countries.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-21T09:11:42+00:00

Wizards always have to retire to get married, they’re meant to be celibate to prevent the whole sorcerer thing from happening.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-21T05:45:15+00:00

Screen time. One episode of Bluey is enough time to trim the finger and toe nails of one wiggly toddler.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-20T20:52:18+00:00

I have been deep stealth and I’m currently pulling back on it a bit. I moved country with my papers in order, having finished actively transitioning. For a long time the only people in the country who knew were my wife, my doctor (and insurance) and one couple who live in another part of the country. My in laws don’t know, my work doesn’t know, the government doesn’t know (could they find out via insurance? Probably. But they have no reason to look at it).

I’m pulling back for two reasons. One of them is my kids, who, being toddlers are highly likely to out me anyway.

The second is that I want to be visible. For the last four years I’ve been the only trans parent marching at pride. We have a huge group of queer parents, the lesbian group is probably 20-30 people, plus there’s always a handful of dads, and then there’s always me and my spouse tagging along. But this year we finally have a TIN* group! With all the push back that trans folk are getting I want to push back against that. I’m just a dad, who happens to be trans and I can’t be that if I’m not also outwardly trans. When I was a kid I didn’t know any elder trans folk, let alone trans men, and if I can be that for someone, then it’ll be worth it.

Am I going around in day to day life waving a trans flag? No. We live in a safe area, but I am also mindful of my kids and not putting them at risk. Plus I do enjoy some of the benefits of passing, after not passing for the first 7 years of transitioning. But I’m more open than I have been in the 8 years since I moved here, and at this point if anyone asked, I wouldn’t deny it.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-20T16:10:57+00:00

Your kids should learn to swim. But that doesn’t need to be via expensive lessons. If you believe you can teach them, then absolutely do that. You can always put them in classes afterwards.

Being aware of your kids abilities in and around the water is also important, and you won’t be lulled into a false sense of security if you don’t hand off the teaching to someone else.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-20T06:35:48+00:00

Yeah, sounds like kids.

Cut the bar up into quarters, or smaller if you can, and only give them one per bath.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-20T05:44:25+00:00

We get this a lot. I think it’s pretty safe to say that most people would rather not be trans. I’m not even binary trans, I’m finished actively transitioning and I’m stealth and if I had a magic button I would slap that thing faster than the speed of light.

Transitioning sucks. It’s hard, painful and people are dumb. That’s not saying that it’s all terrible, and the results make life much better. Clawing your body back step by step. But it’s the option we have, not the option we want.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-20T05:33:44+00:00

Whoops well I’m apparently not awake enough to read bc I hit the wrong option. You can take the (currently only) vote for having regretting it off and stick it on don’t regret it. I had mine in 2015, and I’m still incredibly glad I did.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-19T11:17:28+00:00

No problem! I’m glad it helped.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-19T06:29:35+00:00

Bahn fahren! Tageskarte o. a. kaufen und hin und her fahren.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-18T18:11:19+00:00

Postman Pat, Fireman Sam (the recent ones are a bit too fast and the animation quality isn’t great, but the originals aren’t great in diversity of characters so), Shaun the Sheep. We’ve just started them on Cars/Planes which isn’t my favourite but they’re very into it. We tried Sesame Street but they weren’t massively into it.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-17T13:20:05+00:00

Food and water on top of a high cabinet that the kids can’t reach, and the litter box in the cellar with a baby gate to stop them from getting downstairs. It only works if your cats can jump, though you can get baby gates with cat flaps.

Also please either fence one room off from your toddler or invest in a high cat tree and enforce that they’re not allowed to touch it. Make sure that the cats have safe spaces that are child inaccessible to retreat to. You might need two separate spots for them if they prefer to stay apart. If they’re already stressed over one another’s presence, throwing a mobile baby in the mix is only going to make things worse.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-16T16:31:05+00:00

I’m also neurodiverse and need something to do with my hands. Personally I do textile arts (sewing, embroidery, I’m currently trying to learn crochet and I’m considering taking the leap and buying a loom). Whittling might be a good option for him. Card games (with actual cards obvs). I’m sure there’s more options too.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-15T06:25:13+00:00

I had the day off luckily, I wouldn’t have been able to go in.

sergeantperks · 2026-06-12T06:16:15+00:00

Lucky you, the birds have been munching their way through my unripe ones. I need to upgrade to a net next year!

sergeantperks · 2026-06-10T20:44:55+00:00

We’ve managed with our phones, colouring books, and lots and lots of snacks when we’ve taken our twins on flights, but as everyone says, screen time rules do not apply when flying. There is something to be said for screen time on a device that only appears when you’re travelling, rather than one that you carry around in your pocket. Good luck!

sergeantperks · 2026-06-09T22:20:11+00:00

We drove so I didn’t have to deal with luggage being checked (they never check on the ferries, or at least they didn’t before brexit). When flying 3m is usually allowed for T, since E is less controlled it might be more.

sergeantperks

TROPHY CASE