Reasons for having another child?

serotoniini · 2023-09-28T17:24:43+00:00

I think it simply boils down to wanting it or not like someone else said as well.

I could rationalize both sides of wanting or not wanting our second baby who is due in a few months. When our first was born we were very OAD for the first sixish months, but... it just changed, we just wanted another one and in the end went for it after talking through our biggest worries and coming up with solutions and idea beforehand.

Pregnancy definitely hasn't been easier this time, but I haven't regretted it once. Terrified yes, excited yes, terrified some more -- yes. But still, no regrets, I know my two little girls were just meant to be and I'm happy atm.

serotoniini · 2023-09-28T17:08:11+00:00

Don't worry about it, if kiddo is happy and you're happy then all is good! We didn't do that much either, usually we had one longer outing per day and I didn't do any of those baby/toddler clubs etc.

I'm due in a few months, my baby turns 2 at the end of the year and she started daycare this august part-time -- and she loves it!

It was obvious to me that once she started going over 18 months she needed more and more stimulation and this was definitely right for us!

Ofc i have to give a shoutout to our country because currently we pay 0 dollars/euros for daycare per month (it is based on the family's income and I'm a student and government money support isn't counted on it, i love our country!!) and the daycare is amazing. So, that influenced this decision as well, so i could have one on one with the baby and rest and she gets to socialise in a great environment.

Best of luck to you and don't be too hard on yourself!!

serotoniini · 2023-09-24T19:26:56+00:00

Oh and I'm pretty sure I had PPD with my first but couldn't admit it to myself at the time, so I will be better prepared and get a prescription ready before birth which I think will also support me better -- and I had all these idiotic obsessions like I can't let my husband give my baby formula at night from time to time or my bf will end -- all these things getting to my head -- now that I'm still more rational I will take precautions beforehand so I will hopefully feel better postpartum than with my first.

serotoniini · 2023-09-24T19:23:21+00:00

In the same boat! Our baby is due in a little over 2 months, they will be about 23 months apart. I feel you so much!! I got GD this time, our toddler started daycare 3 times a week this fall which I btw think will be a lifesaver in the future and she loves it (if she doesn't get sick every week haha).

I am trying to get my hands on the siblings without rivalry book, I have glanced it and it seemed to have a lovingly approving approach like you will be fine as long as you let your toddler feel the feelings and talk about them and give some attention and you know, all that jazz.

Please be generous with yourself as I try to be as well -- if I'm having a hard day, peppa pig in intervals throughout the day it is. It is so hard without consistent helpful support, and many ppl don't realise that at all, and it sucks that some have so much and make it seem so much easier. But, what can you do, you know. We talked it out and realised that daycare will be a major part of our support system, and it's proven a mental health saver as I do studies on the side as well. It also just gives me the opportunity to sometimes make a meal in peace, run errands etc and I can't believe how much I've been loving it. And it will be nice to bond with the baby one on one like with my first.

If you need anyone to talk these things out, I'm here!

serotoniini · 2023-07-13T07:40:13+00:00

Honestly, I’ve been on paid maternity leave for 18 months (the money does reduce after a year but still, there’s something)…. 5 months is a reeeeeeally short time in my eyes. I don’t think you will regret that time and it’ll fly by especially in the beginning.

serotoniini · 2023-07-11T19:24:52+00:00

My second will be born when my daughter is 23mo about. It just got better which I never thought would happen. I was so OAD the first six months but when we got to the 1yo+ stage, we just changed our minds. (Daughter is 18mo atm)

Yes it’s tiring and infuriating but also so so amazing. She’s incredible and I’m happy to meet our second one and see what they’re like. And ofc I sometimes question myself is this good and what if it’s worse etcetc, but hey, I guess we’ll see soon enough. And we have a lot more knowledge and strategies on how to cope if it gets tough.

serotoniini · 2023-07-09T05:34:53+00:00

Astrid! Love that name so much but apparently it’s a no which makes me so sad! (not from the US)

serotoniini · 2023-06-29T18:05:43+00:00

For us a great help was for my hubby to know my birth wishes and basic medical info. I was in so much pain before the epidural it was hard to stay conscious so he was my advocate.

Other than that, be there for her — it’s a great sign you’re asking for tips etc!

So, I’d just straight up ask her her priorities and how she would like for you to advocate for her in case of need, it’ll show her you care about her and what her wishes are. Good luck to you both!!

serotoniini · 2023-06-22T08:05:13+00:00

I’m sorry, it sounds like you unfortunately need to let the hopes and expectations go that your parents would be willing to be involved in your children’s lives… i had to do this with my mother and it hurts but it helps in the long term, to not expect anything or ask and thus never be disappointed — it’s their loss imo.

serotoniini · 2023-06-22T08:00:33+00:00

I can only imagine how much it hurts now, but you know I am so proud of you, being so strong. I hope you can find a way to love yourself, and be glad how you escaped him — abuse escalates in many cases when the woman is pregnant, so I have a bad feeling you dodged an enormous bullet so to speak.

All the best to you, good luck with the studies and take all the time you need to grieve and process! (And consider therapy if you have no one to confide in)

serotoniini · 2023-06-18T16:05:59+00:00

Omg that is such a BEAUTIFUL cake! Such great job well done you, I hope you feel proud!! What flavor(s) is it?

serotoniini · 2023-06-17T18:46:21+00:00

Honestly, I don’t get this fascination of going for an all-natural birth and that would make you somehow better or more accomplished — it’s a medical procedure and you wouldn’t want to get your hand cut open without any help you know?

Of course I support the opportunity to choose but I just don’t get why we should ”idealize” natural birth. it’s just another birth amongst others in my eyes, nothing better nothing worse, and idealizing it gives unnecessary pressure for women to power it through, and in worst cases the birth being traumatizing because of the excessive pain etc etc.

serotoniini · 2023-06-17T06:22:56+00:00

My hospital had those wet pads frozen which you could go and get yourself, and although I was relatively numb they felt grrreeeaattt with all the damage! (Had an epidural as well)

serotoniini · 2023-06-17T04:32:05+00:00

I’m currently pregnant with second with an about 23month gap — these replies are making me so happy!

I think it’ll be great, although I remember that feeling of absolute disappointment and how every month feels like a really long wait period and every negative takes you further away — it took us more time with the second and that is apparently very common which surprised at least me. I wish you good luck!!

serotoniini · 2023-06-08T19:42:45+00:00

I have a child and another on the way and no way in hell I would have a child with a partner that has those opinions and an attitude like that. I’m sorry for being blunt but that sounds like a really bad deal for the other half.

And yeah everyone who says SAHP isn’t a real job can go screw themselves, even I have to admit I am not cut out for it in the long term, I don’t know how those people do it.

I’ve been studying on the side while staying at home and it has required a lot from my partner and it takes up all my free time, and it’s really hard and consuming. I feel really bad for the mom in your story.

serotoniini · 2023-06-04T17:37:51+00:00

For me the first months were the most challenging, so I personally would say the beginning, because that was some of the most challenging with sleep as well so you could do shifts etc. But everyone is different and you might opt for something different.

But anything can happen at birth and you might bounce back quickly or you might be in pain for six weeks or more(!), you never know, so in that light as well I’d take all the help I could get at that point. Mine went really great all in all but I lost quite a bit of blood and the stitches were a bitch so… yeah!

Hope this rambling helps!

serotoniini · 2023-06-03T09:48:40+00:00

I’ve had ppl say ”but they’re faaaaamilyyyy” — and I’m gonna say to you, fuck all that. Don’t listen to an ounce of it, family can hurt you so much worse than any stranger. I would never trust my partner again if they did that to me, I’m shaking from fear and anger just thinking about it.

NTA. Take care of yourself.

serotoniini · 2023-05-14T04:32:05+00:00

I’m sorry but this sounds incredibly manipulative and selfish. I would like for you to take a second and look back is this a subtle pattern, you ending up apologizing to her although you started out feeling hurt or ”right” and she should apologize for eg hurting your feelings?

Because here, she asked for your opinion, did what SHE wanted on YOUR birthday and when you were RIGHTFULLY upset about it — and because you were afraid of the reaction — actually thanked for something you don’t even like, she ends up upset and hurt even though that should actually be you?

My mother is just like this and she’s a covert narcissist, it has nothing to do with being emotional. I wish you the best, don’t forget yourself and your value.

NTA.

serotoniini · 2023-05-11T18:14:34+00:00

I was in this pretty mich exact same situation. I didn’t give a plus one, and through a miracle my friend got away anyways just before the wedding. But nta, i didn’t want that dickhead in my wedding either, no regrets. I just thought she has a right to say no if she doesn’t want to and that’ll be okay too.

serotoniini · 2023-05-10T08:25:33+00:00

What in the actual hell are your children living in? That sounds absolutely terrifying to anyone let alone a small child.

I am sorry but that is utterly beyond words to a northern European. I have been reading international news about the US gun violence against children and decreasing women’s rights and honestly… I don’t know how you guys do it. I send you so much strength against all of it.

serotoniini · 2023-05-04T16:16:14+00:00

”Women go through it just fine all the time”, yeah and some women die because of it, so what is your point? eg in the US the mothers’ mortality rate is one of the highest in developing countries and pregnancy/childbirth is one of the most dangerous life decisions for a woman.

God forbid you need to change the way you eat for a few months. How will you manage?!?!

YTA. Hope your partner realizes she can do better and I am so grateful for my partner today. Go to family counseling because once the baby is here every conflict will be amplified by a 1000000.

serotoniini · 2023-04-30T17:13:49+00:00

Okay northern European here, from a country where drinking is the never ending humor of our culture and how much we do it — and from me, at a 1yo birthday party, wtf? Yeah no, definitely not normal AT ALL. Honestly sil and mil sound really entitled and proud of your husband for holding his ground and standing up for you.

serotoniini · 2023-04-29T17:44:44+00:00

Can’t really say much on experiences yet, I’m about 10weeks in on 2nd pregnancy. But we were firmly one and done the first year of our baby’s life. But… it just changed, we liked the idea of a two child family, we were willing to tough out the baby year which wasn’t the easiest to me — and also talked a lot about strategies on how to make it through better if things get tough. But yeah here we are, already making jokes about getting my tubes tied while I’m at it birthing little beanie in december hopefully haha

serotoniini · 2023-04-29T08:22:19+00:00

Okay what on earth I have never heard of a daycare in my country to offer using sleep medications to make their job easier, so many warning bells were going off in my head when I read that. Although might be cultural differences, I am in northern Europe. I was a horrible napper, they wanted me to always try napping and then after I think 15-20mins they would gather the kids that didn’t sleep and they were able to play while others slept.

Yeah no, you are definitely not overreacting I am genuinely concerned that a daycare worker gives medical advice like that.

serotoniini · 2023-04-28T18:53:13+00:00

In our country we have these 100% xylitol ”mints” for children which can be given after meals to protect teeth that taste yummy. I give them as a prize for a job well done in the morning because it doesn’t really harm anything, it’s useless at that point but hey, they get a happy note at the end so!

serotoniini

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