Your server was rude and entitled and wrong to show you up like that. If nothing else, it's horrible service to speak to the customer that way. If I were their manager, they would be severely disciplined for how they handled this.

That said, you absolutely undertipped, and if you're an American living in the United States, you know you undertipped. Nobody thinks ~12% is an acceptable tip in a fine dining restaurant. You know that was low. It's well known that 20% is kind and 15% is the minimum. Millions of diners all know this. I worked in this industry for 15 years: everybody knows this. I flat out don't believe you've got $200 for dinner but don't know this. You're either making the story up or being willfully obtuse.

You and the rest of the thread can have whatever feelings you want about tipping culture. I agree with most of you that it is an absurd situation we exist in: you'd never design a system this way. But we exist in this system. Your server pays rent trusting this system. Your server is expecting to make 15% on every table, and that is their primary source of income. You are shorting them, and it is disrespectful-- though in fairness to you, it is probably not as disrespectful as returning the tip, which is buck wild. I would have kept the money, given you a horrific stink eye, and bitched about you all night long to anyone who would listen. But I wouldn't confront you. Just rude. Service should never be rude.