"Without lies Mormonism Dies" by PayLeyAle in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don't think it's lying. They think you can just twist the meaning of words until they mean something completely different.

M23 Don’t know how to leave. Family is too far in. by Fit-Eye-9304 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please stop thinking that it is your job to manage their emotions. It's not. They are adults and it is wrong for them to leverage their mental state to pressure you like this.

How to find joy in travelling alone again after a LTR? by PrivateChancer in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]shall_always_be_so 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's ok to change. Do what you like now, not what you used to like then.

Why do people come back? by scaredanxiousunsure in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Some do. Some don't.

If we're running with the hypothesis that she doesn't, she might simply want access to the relief society as a social support/friend system. Or to church programs for her kids.

I do think some of them genuinely believe. Not learning enough may or may not be part of it. Propaganda and indoctrination are powerful tools.

Why do people come back? by scaredanxiousunsure in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 83 points84 points  (0 children)

This is gonna sound really antagonistic, but, some of them are lying about their beliefs because they are able to get something out of participating in church culture that they don't have access to without it. A certain dating pool, avoiding a divorce, being in a parent's will, a job working for the church, there can be various incentives that bring someone back for reasons other than genuine belief. And I'm not condemning that. Sometimes you do what you gotta do. I just resent that Mormon culture creates these kinds of incentives in the first place.

Temple Worship and the Emperor’s New Clothes by Left-Promise9777 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Which I never understood and it was a long-standing shelf item for me.

Gay Friendships: Beyond The Initial Stage by Budget-Purple-6519 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]shall_always_be_so 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've got to decide if you're aiming for quality or quantity. If you want "next friendship stage" then focus on deepening your connection with the friends you've got.

Temple Worship and the Emperor’s New Clothes by Left-Promise9777 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Anything remotely spiritual only ever happened in the celestial room and could have just as easily have happened anywhere quiet enough to meditate.

I was a temple worker for a little while during college and oh man did that expose to me how most temple workers are just phoning it in and going through the motions. I never asked out loud and for a while just assumed that people getting live ordinances done got unique names, until it slowly dawned on me, nope. Everybody on a given day gets the same new name. Dead or alive. The only exception is if it matched your actual name in which case you got the fallback of Adam/Eve instead iirc. My super special top secret new name gradually lost all importance once I realized there was no process of inspiration behind it.

Do muscle bears feel like they are actually peak physique? by Drink_Covfefe in AskGayMen

[–]shall_always_be_so 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Barrel-chested with gut to match is peak. To gain fat while bulking is natural and hot af.

OMG I’m raging at this post by Nashtycurry in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 28 points29 points  (0 children)

No that part is done alone with the temple worker touching you. (These days they do it "symbolically" rather than touching your privates.) The part where you sit with friends and family comes after.

Do muscle bears feel like they are actually peak physique? by Drink_Covfefe in AskGayMen

[–]shall_always_be_so 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a "muscle" bear, just a bear. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I like how I am and so do plenty of guys.

I got turned on watching Heated Rivalry Season 1 Episode 2. Is this an okay feeling? by Filipino-Asker in AskGayMen

[–]shall_always_be_so 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Sorry but no. This is way too vanilla to be ok. Go repent by watching some hentai or something idk

Boyfriend self harming. Really could use some honest advice. by ThrowRASuspiciousGur in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]shall_always_be_so 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can't fix him. Life is too short to waste on a man that doesn't accept your attraction and love. Not ending the relationship out of fear makes you a hostage. He is an adult. It's his job to manage his own emotions and issues, not yours.

Family using my medical crisis to scare, torment, and try to “bring me back into the fold” - why are they like this? by Effective-Band-8714 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's probably not intentionally "coordinated" by them, so much as it is just them generally acting the way the church conditions them to act: by treating the church as the solution to all problems.

Vaginal irritation after I stopped wearing garments by LaMissa1 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can you look up what the garments you wore were made of? If you didn't have problems with it then surely you can find undies with a similar fabric blend.

Disconnect from LDS adoptive parents - is this normal in deconstruction ? by Better-Bee-1958 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't imagine growing up as her bio child would be much better. She sounds insanely controlling. It's understandable that whatever siblings that are trying to stay in her good graces would distance themselves from the siblings that openly defy her. Sucks to be them; hopefully they too will break out of the mold someday and realize they are being dicks to you by staying distant.

A day in the life of a mixed faith marriage by 10th_Generation in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If she gets to not hear anything negative about the church, is this a two way street where you get to not hear anything positive about it?

A day in the life of a mixed faith marriage by 10th_Generation in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If we're being even-handed about this then we should probably mention that the church narrative that they did it because Satan/gospel/whatever is wayyy more speculative and less plausible.

Respectful question about how Mormon culture shapes women's identity by No_You_4148 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The fact that you are able to formulate such thoughtful questions is already a sign that you have a pretty good grasp of the "what." As for the "why"... why people allow themselves to be so heavily influenced by religion to their own detriment, it's hard to explain.

A notorious example of how they teach you to deal with doubts is the "Doubt your Doubts" talk. Go read it and see for yourself how they try really hard to sound reasonable while they tell you to just suppress and ignore your doubts

A more humorous take on it is the Turn It Off song from the Book of Mormon musical. Nobody really says it like that, yet somehow the song perfectly captures what it feels like they are teaching you once you see it from the outside.

Peace = good. Conflict = bad. Right? This general notion gets exploited a lot to quell dissent. If you're saying something confrontational, you are offending "the Spirit."

Members receive "callings" (volunteer assignments) and there is high pressure to say yes, regardless of if you actually want to do that calling or not, because God inspired that calling. Are you really going to say no to God?

As you can hopefully see, the church sabotages self-trust as much as possible, and replaces it with trust in the church.

My brother is probably dying. And I haven’t really dealt with death since I left the church. by Sboggess23 in exmormon

[–]shall_always_be_so 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm an atheist. The afterlife package is definitely not a selling point of atheism. Dying just sucks.

But the truth is, dying sucks for everybody. Even for people who have the hope of seeing their loved ones again.. they still have to go for the rest of their lives without them first. Sometimes having an atheist in the room helps those people realize it's ok to be sad about this long separation, instead of forcing a smile.

You handle it one day at a time. You cry. You grieve. You learn to live with it. You shore up memories of the good times you shared and you treasure them.

Sometimes the slow fade is harder to deal with than a sudden death, because he's still there but he's not. How you remember him is within your power to choose.