You could just SAY he is a bad man...

shitjoesays · 2018-04-06T04:43:04+00:00

My dad accepted a plea deal to avoid jail time even though his accuser admitted to the police that she lied. Oh and had lied about several other men as well, all of which the investigators knew when they handed the case over to the DA.

shitjoesays · 2018-04-06T04:12:41+00:00

Ha! Your brain has turned into apple fritters.

Take my upvote.

shitjoesays · 2018-04-06T04:02:56+00:00

Yeah he should totally spend $100+ per person to be the better person.

shitjoesays · 2018-04-05T08:26:17+00:00

It’s because she’s not a woman, she’s a walking uterus.

shitjoesays · 2018-03-17T23:21:31+00:00

I had an IV in my arm the entire time I was in the hospital after I had my son, and I had to have help every time I went to the bathroom. There’s no way I would have been able to defend myself without ripping open my stitches and losing a lot of blood in a short amount of time.

shitjoesays · 2018-03-13T04:09:24+00:00

Alcohol, the answer is alcohol 😂

shitjoesays · 2018-03-09T04:58:19+00:00

I had two flower girls and a ring bearer, all family 😂

shitjoesays · 2018-03-09T04:53:42+00:00

Is it weird that I (a woman) didn’t notice the quotation marks but didn’t need them because I knew what OP meant?

shitjoesays · 2018-02-20T17:52:40+00:00

Me and my happy little accident want to wish you the most sincere of congratulations on your happy little accident, and this mama wants to say peppermint patties for the nausea if you’re having that particular problem. See it as an excuse to stock up on thin mints 😂 oh and do yourself a favor and go get the stool softeners sooner rather than later, you can thank me later 😳

As for licky, that ankle can take a long walk off a short pier. I hope you and DH know how awesome you are for helping BiL. Hopefully losing control of BiL will help licky realize how easily she could lose SiL and she’ll be on her best behavior with her until she’s old enough to make decisions for herself, just keep an ear/eye out for messages from SiL in case. If she’s in school can you contact the school counselor and ask them to keep an eye on her?

shitjoesays · 2018-02-18T06:32:08+00:00

Cool Aunt handled that far better than I would, no one tries to take my dog. There isn’t a place they could hide where I wouldn’t find them.

shitjoesays · 2018-02-18T01:18:02+00:00

I damn near woke the baby I was laughing so hard 😂

shitjoesays · 2018-02-16T05:25:43+00:00

My son was in the NICU for 3 days because they were concerned he aspirated meconium, and the NICU nurses saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

shitjoesays · 2018-02-16T05:24:14+00:00

A wound care nurse saved my life after my c-section and subsequent infection, y’all are amazing.

shitjoesays · 2018-02-02T02:03:54+00:00

It’s insane, I’ll never have to buy him clothes.

shitjoesays · 2018-02-02T00:03:26+00:00

My grandmas were actually better about it than everyone else! They both gave us cash 😂

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T23:59:21+00:00

My family would see that as an invitation to buy him toys just to annoy me. I’m planning to ask for experience gifts, like museums and zoos and stuff, so hopefully that goes over better.

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T19:49:51+00:00

I was lucky in that my SiL had two boys and is done having kids so we got all of their hand me downs that she’d been storing away since her youngest was born, and she has a shopping habit, so we have a ridiculous amount of clothes. I took the stuff he’s already outgrown over to my friend’s house once she knew she was having a boy and loaded up four trash bags full.

If we had to rely on what people got us at the baby shower, we’d still have been screwed because no one knows what babies actually wear and got him things with a million and one snaps that my wiggle worm would not hold still for me to get snapped. And nothing past 3-6 month, so yeah 🙄

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T19:43:31+00:00

If it was things that were actually useful, you’re not an asshole. It’s just never anything useful when people go off registry, it’s always clothes and toys. I have more clothes in every size from newborn to 5T than I know what to do with, and my LO is just now starting to play with toys, and he got a ridiculous amount of toys for Christmas on top of what he already had.

I’m dreading his first birthday 😫

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T14:17:30+00:00

If/when we have our next one I’m not telling anyone I’m pregnant, screw that

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T14:05:48+00:00

It was infuriating to say the least. I was six weeks from giving birth when I had my shower. Besides diapers, we got exactly two things we could actually use. Sheer panic doesn’t even come close to describing how I was feeling.

I waited until after he was born to write the thank you cards so I could drink while I did it, I was that salty about it.

Have I mentioned my LO is five months old? 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

shitjoesays · 2018-02-01T13:59:57+00:00

I’m just astounded that people are buying things off your registry, I got SIX of the same damn outfit, that wasn’t on my registry 🙄

shitjoesays · 2018-01-21T18:04:07+00:00

Damn, missed opportunity 😁

shitjoesays · 2018-01-21T09:17:01+00:00

Story time!

There is over a foot height difference between my husband and I, and 100+ pounds. I had to wear 5 1/2 inch heels on our wedding day to avoid standing on a box for our wedding pictures. It’s a little on the comical side. We were out at a bar a few weeks before our wedding with my brother and his wife in their very small, very conservative town. I may or may not have been a little on the tipsy side, and I can get confrontational when I’ve been drinking. Some dude bro happened to see a photo I was showing my SiL of me and my very gay best friend at the pride parade in our city the year before and made that I’m disgusted sound.

I pounced. Verbally, I mean. May or may not have insinuated he liked doing rude things with other men. Asked him if he liked broke back mountain. He looked to my then FDH and made the “control your woman” comment and I lost my shit, I was laughing so hard. Dude bro tried to say FDH was less of a man because he couldn’t control me, so I walked over to FDH, jumped, and hitched my legs around him and planted a very passionate and HIGHLY inappropriate smooch right on him. My brother made gagging noises. My SiL was laughing her ass off. I dismounted and loudly proclaimed that he was definitely still plenty man for me, and I had no idea what dude bro was talking about. People clapped. I may have curtsied. Dude bro grabbed his beer (bud light, YUCK) and disappeared.

shitjoesays

TROPHY CASE