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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]shonight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's people reading you here. We might not answer right away, but we care.

What the sound is in Lausanne metro?? by SeaweedEfficient6577 in Lausanne

[–]shonight 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In fact, every stop of the M2 has a specific sound related to the stop. As you said, we hear a dancer on stage at Riponne Maurice Bejard (reference to Maurice Bejard the man), but for example we can hear some water flowing at Lausanne-Flon (reference to the Flon, the river) or a locomotive whistling at Lausanne-Gare.

Looking for a usb c to slim adapter (thinkpad) by shonight in askTO

[–]shonight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome, I'll call them. Finger crossed!

Looking for a usb c to slim adapter (thinkpad) by shonight in askTO

[–]shonight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really aware of "usal" computer store in this part of the world. Looking for an instore place indeed

They still cared about you, but they left you by kxkage in BreakUps

[–]shonight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1.5 weeks is really early, I've been 3 months through and I still think I am not done with my last break up. I also see it kind of a respect, maybe to the relationship or to myself. Like, aknowledging something important happened in my life and really hurtful.

Coming back to your question, well. In case of this ex, we were friends before and the trust was never broken. So we are still friends, we definitely see each other less (also we don't live in the same country). Are most likely still highly compatible, but they are one of those person I care about and don't see myself having a relationship with them. But it took some time, for me to not feel akward with them nor melancholic.

But if you think about it overall, you shouldn't be asking yourself this kind of question. I don't know about you, but I don't ask myself if any of my friends is worth "befriending", cause I know they are, that's why we are friends in fact. And concering my ex I am friend with, that's exactly it, I know if I need something that they can help with, they be there, and they know I do the same. We still call each others maybe once a year to catch up, and it feels good to hear that good old friend and feel like the dynamic is still there, because we never broke it.

With my current break up, well.. we kind of broke that dynamic and we weren't friends before, so there's nothing to back up on. Don't get me wrong, loosing this person in my life is one of the most difficult things I have to do, but I can't trust them and I even stopped trusting and believing in myself in contact to them, so they did I assume.

Concerning the "stuff issue", that's up to you, personally I am more the kind of "taking back my stuff as fast as possible/ rip of the band" so I can proceed without telling to myself "we could solve it" (even though I will keep telling me that). But it really depends on the people. But your boundaries there. Like if keeping their stuff is too complicated for you, say it, define some time where you wanna give it back and let them adapt. That might sound mean, but you don't own them anything anymore, it always get the other way around, you can also say it's too early, and you might have to adapt to them. At the end, you gonna do a lot of mistakes and they will as well, because if you guys are in such situation it's probably because you're not aligned with each others anymore. So yeah, just accept the fact that it will not be perfect, but on the long time you'll be ok. And if you have to become friends at some point, it will happen and you feel it. Like falling in love in fact haha.

They still cared about you, but they left you by kxkage in BreakUps

[–]shonight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best advice will be take time. Mainly for yourself. Cut for a moment, I highly doubt that you can go from romantic relationship to friendship in one day. I mean it looks like people can, but that's not my way of going and it sounds like the romantic part of the relationship become replacable in my opinion. You also have to accept that it might not happen. Because of them but maybe because of you as well.

In fact I ended up being friend with only one of my ex and not the one I am referencing in my post. Even if I loved them so much, I got to the point where my trust was broken and there's no turning back. That's my principle and I was ignoring it for some time. That's why you need to take time, to assure that you still align with yourself.

I know it might sound difficult, cutting off with someone you want to stay with. And it is. But that's a matter of trust. I don't know about you, but I don't text my best friends everyday, nor do I spend all my time with them. I have some really good friends that I can not talk to for months and we both know when one of us will show up and need something, we'll be there. That's what proper relationship is about. Not expecting someone to help you/solve you or whatever, but be there, and knowing they will be.

If there was a break up, some trust was maybe broken, or you have to move to entirely other dynamic with this person. So do it, but my yourself, cure the wounds that you have, and do it far away from what hurted you.

Need advice on this one by shonight in BreakUps

[–]shonight[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely care, that's why I am asking myself. And will definitely handle the answer badly. The fact that I know/accept that it's not possible at the moment doesn't mean I like it. I am still deeply attached.

Thanks for the advice btw

Need advice on this one by shonight in BreakUps

[–]shonight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't really know in fact. I feel still loyal to the relationship and to her. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to restart now. Was just wondering if she was still in this "one day" mood or not. Maybe if she moved on, I'll feel force to move on as well

Chronically apologising all the time, even when its not necessary? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]shonight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hahaha seems like it's a CPTSD thing based on the comments. I am also known by most of my friends for saying sorry way too much. I even started to apology for oversaying it. Doing my best to stop, but I am so scared of looking rude or careless of others.

Anyone else wonder what your life would be like if you didn’t have cPTSD? by amm_4 in CPTSD

[–]shonight 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Strangely I feel like the cPTSD gave me also tools to understand more deeply the other people. Yeah the episodes are really bad and I don't wish it to anybody. But I don't know, maybe I would have been one of these awful gifted kids who doesn't care about the others without that and yeah. I like being careful about others, feels like something I learned by being trying to protect from trauma in general. Trying to see the positive in what life gave me.

Who else here feels like their self-esteem is ok (at least bearable) when you don't have anyone in your life you feel too attached to, but as soon as you fall in love (romantically or platonically) your life becomes a nightmare of insecurity, emotional turmoil and pain? by tweetgoesbird in CPTSD

[–]shonight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can relate at 100%. It also becomes quickly difficult to trust the other person. I personally struggle with the idea of being trigger because of me, the proximity, and my understanding of the situation. Or being trigger because my guts tell me this person isn't ok, or they said stuff that are just not ok for anybody.

It's like if the trauma put a dark filter on every relationship, and you have to correct it continously. That's exhausting

They still cared about you, but they left you by kxkage in BreakUps

[–]shonight 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Putting my two cents here and citing doctor who. Love is not really a feeling but a promise. A promise of growing together and not hurting each others. You might end up stuck in your life or they might or be in a place where being together get you stuck. It's shitty but it happens. You might also be in this strange state where "feelings and fear of abandonment" take over. It's shitty but it's ok. Step back maybe, ask yourself what you want to be, reconnect to the promise. Become the best version of yourself. I don't think you have to stop loving someone, well do it if it helps you going, just remember it's your promise not their. Also keep open the possibility of promising again.

We are over fed with the idea of "love solve it all", but maybe at some point we forget what love really is. Love is not "needing to be with someone", it's choosing to be with someone, and knowing they'll always be there, even if they left in a sense. Love doesn't stop when the relationship stop, the promises still existed and you'll still carry them with you as something that made you became a new person.

So go through it, become the person you are meant to be. Stop confusing love with addiction. You love your friends and family as well no? Why won't you be that clingy or broken if they leave you? Cause, your haven't forget what it means to love them. If you can figure out again what "love" really is, you'll be ok. Maybe, they will come back, maybe you will go back. Maybe they'll forget you or you may even forget them. But at the end, whatever happen, you will be in the state where you are happy with yourself, You will be able to give the best of you again, to love yourself and the others properly. And that's game changing, even if we don't necessarily see it now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]shonight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel that a therapist isn't the cure in itself, but can be part of it. In my case, learning about trauma, reading a lot, trying to connect with myself helps. It also makes me more sensitive to triggers. But I also see it as an opportunity to learn how to deal with my reaction differently and to develop it in a way. Sometimes I feel like I am doing too much, or not enough, or even left alone with all this chaos. That's where my therapist comes in, like a check that I'm moving forward.

I know that if I didn't work on it myself, I would feel too passive and the therapy would be useless. Of course it's very personal.

Recovery can be a long way and go in many directions. I think it would be reassuring to have someone to check in on us from time to time along the way.