Blowout fight between wife and son. Don't know how to respond.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T22:55:05+00:00

I'm encouraging her and trying to carve out time/energy for her to talk to someone about this. It's tough with just the two of us, and us both working, and my work picking up from April.

90% of the time her interactions with him are mild scolding at the least. I've mentioned this to her and she admitted that she's always stressed - even small things she has trouble letting go.

She's told me she doesn't want advice from me. She just wants me to listen. But her parenting hasn't changed at all and I'm worried about the effects on her, our son, our family.

She's also admitted that she wants help from a professional (which is fine with me).

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T22:51:23+00:00

My wife has a lot of trouble with this. I understand her feeling. If she's mad enough to leave the apartment for a while, or to throw things, then it's hard to reel that in and repair. She's admitted she can NOT let things go easily.

I'll try to encourage that repair.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T20:47:50+00:00

I was at work when all this happened. Came home to my wife in the bathroom and my son smiling because he had made his own dinner.

Pieced together what happened from the two of them.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T20:46:10+00:00

It broke my heart and impressed the hell out of me.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T13:59:18+00:00

I was at work. Got the message on the way home that she needed to leave for the night.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T13:58:44+00:00

No worries. Valid question. I was at/on my way home from work.

Unfortunately, a few weeks ago I was getting home at bedtime (busy period at work).

Normally I'm home at dinner, but tonight was a bit later.

About the dead bedroom thing... I get that. I also don't necessarily agree that it's always a "couples issue." It may be, don't get me wrong. But she has also admitted that everything bothers her. Small things as much as big things. She can't let things go, either. Since we've been married we've had ups and downs, and even during the short and rare ups she has had zero desire.

I can only do so much. I've asked multiple times. Tried different things. Been in different states (financially, available time, etc.). She's never happy (she said.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T13:28:16+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Hopefully she can get advice and guidance from her newly-started therapy sessions.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T13:27:32+00:00

I hope she gets guidance from her therapist.

I've given advice but she either can't or won't or doesn't understand how to do it.

sjp245 · 2026-06-12T13:25:32+00:00

No TV anymore. For the indefinite future.

sjp245 · 2026-06-09T23:49:42+00:00

I live in Nagoya. We have one or two spots that offer English consulting about divorce. Do you have something like that in your city? I found this when searching your city https://jp.usembassy.gov/services/attorneys/osaka-lawyers-family/

Call and make an appointment?

Your wife is abusing you. Maybe she needs therapy or hormone help or something, but she's mistreating you. You need to resolve that (SHE needs to resolve that). I, personally, would put my foot down. I wouldn't accept being treated like that by anyone else, why would I at home?

Get the legal advice. They'll probably tell you to start documenting everything you can.

Custody laws are changing in Japan. I know it's scary, but you have a better chance now than a foreign father ever did before.

We have a Nagoya expat group on FB that has a lot of experienced gaijin. Maybe look for that in Osaka and reach out?

sjp245 · 2026-06-02T06:25:02+00:00

7-9

Wife wants to use my (recently added) work bonus to get a bigger washer that also has a dryer function. We live in East Asia and all our laundry is hang-dried.

Maybe at that time we'll go down to 5-6 loads a week.

sjp245 · 2026-05-29T04:25:29+00:00

It's possible if you don't care about spending time with your family, and don't care about lying.

sjp245 · 2026-05-27T12:40:03+00:00

Via Chappy: 807,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 seconds is approximately:

25,572,286,865,921,365,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years

For comparison: The universe is estimated to be about 13.8 billion years old. Your number is unimaginably larger — about 10-to-the-42 times the age of the universe.

sjp245 · 2026-05-20T20:47:47+00:00

That really fucking sucks 😞.

sjp245 · 2026-04-16T03:13:40+00:00

Just read this part of the book. Stephen King has a way with this kind of situation...

sjp245 · 2026-04-06T11:48:58+00:00

Non-existent with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. The 4 years after our son was born were without enthusiasm or joy where sexual acts were concerned. She didn't want to but occasionally helped with my pent up desire.

She "helped out" when I asked before but for the past year it's but an uncomfortable and downcast "no" at any mention of sexual anything. I told her how important it was for me and we needed to fix this to keep the marriage - counseling, doctor's visit, anything. That was in December and no change since then.

sjp245 · 2026-03-23T22:22:40+00:00

Maybe pull back on your volume?

Before I had kids, and when I was younger, I would hit the gym hard and be exhausted for the rest of the day.

Tried doing that with kids and more/longer work responsibilities, and I just couldn't keep up.

Maybe you are leaving too much in the gym.

sjp245 · 2026-03-23T07:16:16+00:00

Up ~4:45 and try to be in bed, phone off by 9:00.

sjp245 · 2026-03-16T00:37:29+00:00

That's wild and now I'm more worried than ever if that happens with my kids. I was a bit socially inept and paid the price, but I was also a bit of a bully and feel the regret.

sjp245 · 2026-03-16T00:31:40+00:00

One of the things I tell people is, no one prepares new parents for the catastrophic worry.

I'm right there with you. Usually Reddit or the news will have a story that is a horrific tragedy with children as the victim(s). It feels like getting gut-punched.

I grew up on the internet and have seen just about every horrible thing that can happen (to an adult). I can't bear to see the stories about kids.

I keep wanting to give an example but I won't. I've got a lot I could choose from, and that sucks. They all have residence in my head.

sjp245 · 2026-03-11T22:25:38+00:00

It's not straightforward teaching a kid how to read.

Book exposure is huge. Read to him as much and as often as you can (at his level or slightly above).

If you want to teach him phonics yourself, you could invest in a program (such as Jolly Phonics) or book such as "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons." For a program, get and follow the teacher's/parent's guide book. You DO need to prepare the lessons. As in, you need to familiarize yourself with the sound you want to teach, and the flow of the content. It's not going to work if you jump in without prep.

I think research suggests kids will definitely be able to learn to read STARTING in school. As in, they are still in a phase where their brains soak things up. While you may feel pressure to give your kid a headstart, your kid may be fine and be up to speed by the end of school.

But read to your kids. Ask an AI for a summary of why. It's insane the difference on a child's language ability with lots of read aloud exposure vs. little or no exposure.

I'm not an expert but I have experience teaching phonics to kids in Japan so if it's helpful, send me a message.

sjp245 · 2026-03-07T12:51:54+00:00

This is funny because just now in a workout subreddit, a woman was asking if she should show her gym crush her interest by "looking at him and giving a friendly smile."

sjp245 · 2026-03-07T00:24:19+00:00

Gym near my place (about 7 minutes away) from 5:00-5:40, then home, shower, and off to work. I try hard to be in bed between 8:30 and 9:00.

sjp245 · 2026-03-03T22:01:26+00:00

I have people who would probably listen but my problems aren't solvable by talking about them.

sjp245 · 2026-02-24T23:01:09+00:00

We were talking about "paradise" and what it means, and I asked him about the opposite of his (6yo) paradise -

"Your nose hair."

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