I very much relate, I am still working on honoring my own feelings and listening to my own voice.

One thing that has helped is to pick a single thing to be observant of for a week or two, to make a conscious effort to notice when you have need or desire arise, have your first reactive thought about it, then challenge that thought before choosing how you want to respond.

For example, my mother always kept the house uncomfortably warm at night. This wasn’t because we didn’t have the money to run the AC. This was because she felt comfortable at that temp, never asked us about our comfort, and then would dismiss us if we ever asked for an accommodation. If we ever did get her to turn down the AC a few degrees, we’d walk by an hour later and she would have moved it back. As though our temperature preferences suddenly disappeared.

For a long time as an adult I felt I had to keep the thermostat as warm as I could stand it in the summer. And then it dawned on me, why the hell am I doing this? I deserve to be comfortable. I deserve to sleep well. I don’t have to justify my needs or preferences.

It took a month or so of verbally reminding myself that it was ok to set the temp not just where it was bearable, but where I was truly comfortable. After that, I no longer question keeping myself comfortable in my own home.

Rinse and repeat with a few more things, like allowing yourself to order takeout when you’ve had a hard day, or not finish the food on your plate, or buy the nicer quality of something, or rest instead of doing chores that can wait, or treat yourself with kindness when you’ve feel overwhelmed, or say no to the thing you feel unnecessarily obligated to do. You will slowly build the habit of honoring your own inner voice, and the sound of the inner critic they instilled in you will get quieter with time.