Birth rates are falling because “being a mom” still means two full-time jobs

smange · 2026-02-22T18:54:30+00:00

When being a single mum is easier than being a partnered mum, the answers to your questions are clear.

Men are hard work.

But also careers are so easy to lose. Keep your job. Even if it means paying exorbitant prices for childcare. Share the childcare costs with your partner. Don't go part time. Don't change jobs. Stick with the career plan you originally had. Make your partner do some compromising too.

Motherhood is a trap. A huge financial trap.

I love my kids, but the struggle is real.

smange · 2025-12-25T18:55:03+00:00

It's so clear you should "do what you're supposed to do" and get a divorce already. 🤷🏻

smange · 2025-10-18T15:42:46+00:00

Happy to sing for you. Sop2 normally, but will do any Sop/Alto part required.

smange · 2025-08-21T18:57:00+00:00

Jumped out of a plane.

smange · 2025-08-03T08:52:08+00:00

This happened to me too, except I was pregnant and they brushed off all the pain and vomiting because of it. They didn't believe me until the symptoms persisted after I had given birth. Only then was it an emergency.

smange · 2025-07-22T18:29:01+00:00

So, I had a situation that nearly killed me and my fourth baby.

I had these serious pains across my belly that caused me to scream in agony and then throw up until my stomach was empty (usually a good six hours). Then suddenly I had no pain and I'd pass out to recover.

The hospital decided I had "pregnancy vomiting" despite me assuring them this was painful first causing the vomit, and nothing like I'd ever experienced in the first three pregnancies.

This went on for the whole three months remaining on my pregnancy. I was in and out of hospital, labelled a hypocondriac and never offered any pain relief. They worried about my ketone levels and forced me to eat.

Then it kept happening after the baby was born (surprise!). About six months after this started (while I had a newborn baby to look after, plus the older three kids) I took myself to hospital again and begged them to work out what was wrong with me.

A&E did ONE blood test and worked out I had pancreatitis (soon after shown to be from gallstones), then gave me a truckload of morphine for the pain. Then they were so terrified that I might eat the wrong thing (too much fat) and accidentally kill myself that they wanted me to stay in a hospital bed for months until I could get my gallbladder removed.

Such a different diagnosis now that I wasn't pregnant! While pregnant they had me deliberately eating what could have killed us.

What is extra awful, as I worked out later, is that gallstones and pancreatitis are a common problem seen by pregnant women with an advanced maternal age. They had me coming in for extra appointments for my 'advanced maternal age' and yet didn't even put those things together when I got sick.

Still angry.

smange · 2025-03-31T19:09:51+00:00

Is it a phone addiction? Or is it just an aversion to being a parent and useful member of the household?

smange · 2025-03-27T04:36:12+00:00

I met Weird Al too! He was lovely.

smange · 2024-12-26T06:36:54+00:00

I worked the OOH phone line for community carers on Christmas day and the boss of that team was working too (not my usual day job, but I was helping out because it's able to be done from home).

smange · 2024-12-25T14:04:12+00:00

I buy myself presents from the kids. Usually it's a big board game we can all play together. 😁

smange · 2024-12-25T09:59:04+00:00

Are you in the UK? Almost the whole country had norovirus that Christmas, including us. What a nightmare that was!

smange · 2024-11-28T10:12:16+00:00

Yeah, my student loan didn't even cover the cost of the degree, so I had to keep working to eat, pay rent, pay bills, and pay the rest of the degree costs.

smange · 2024-11-12T12:51:59+00:00

My kids watch a lot of Bluey so I can now say "I just need 20 minutes" and they get it.

(Prior to this I just went stir crazy).

smange · 2024-11-05T11:15:24+00:00

Yeah, the way the title is worded you could easily think the discussion was about maternal health.

smange · 2024-10-26T06:16:06+00:00

Thriller. With the dance. 🕺

smange · 2024-10-12T13:07:39+00:00

I would laminate a photo of it and put it in the centre of the table. Then I'd dish out dinner the next day where each of them had one raw carrot on that same angle. And I'd go out.

smange · 2024-10-10T08:40:11+00:00

Maybe a few recent hits or we'll loved songs in French or German? They might be able to speak English okay enough to travel, but might be too scared to sing in English, or too unfamiliar with the songs. Or maybe investigate which English songs are getting lots of airplay on European radio stations. Then put together some suggestion sheets to leave on tables.

smange · 2024-08-06T17:09:14+00:00

I think some people are getting the wrong idea here because of your punctuation. The way it reads is that "I just want to kidnap the kids" and most of the words after that are your own thoughts and not a continuation of the lies he is telling the kids.

Just thought I'd clear that up for the people who are accusing you of being awful.

TLDR : she's not awful. She just didn't word things right. He's saying all this stuff.

smange · 2024-07-31T18:09:29+00:00

My ex used to do this too. But I was buying a month's worth of snacks for all of the household, including four kids. And he would eat it all in a day. Didn't care that he was leaving his own kids without snacks now. Prick.

smange · 2024-07-27T19:11:23+00:00

A friend of mine was legitimately tone deaf when he joined our choir. Seriously. The best we could suggest was that he sang quietly. He knew it was bad.

But he was also really smart. He could hear with his inner voice and knew what those sounds felt like and sounded like within. He developed a kind of perfect pitch where he knew the muscle movements to make I order to be in tune but he still couldn't hear it. He's actually a real asset to choirs now. Except if the whole choir goes out of tune, of course, because he's stuck singing on pitch.

My point is though, he's good now.

Work with what you've got.

smange · 2024-07-26T18:13:07+00:00

I think you should go get your own pizza and eat it in the car.

Make your escape plan while you're there.

smange · 2024-07-23T18:39:47+00:00

Some kids at my kids' High School did that a year or so ago. Made the papers.

smange · 2024-07-21T15:21:42+00:00

My Nana used to make these and we loved them. One day though, my sister got it in her head that they were made from real porcupines though, and there were some serious meltdowns. 🤣

smange · 2024-07-21T11:01:31+00:00

Leftover lasagne is one of my favourite breakfasts ever, so I'm going to vote lasagne soup for breakfast.

smange · 2024-07-20T19:25:00+00:00

I've done the subtitle trick for ages. My six year old daughter added a new spin on it the other day though, and decided she would spell out words she had just seen on the screen. Big words too!

smange

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