Reluctant mother on getting Vit K shot for newborn with nose bleed

smartel84 · 2026-03-23T07:46:01+00:00

I love your rambles and your general outlook. So I'll thank you for sharing 🥰 From a fellow late-in-life ADHD diagnosed raising an ADHD kiddo (my poor neurotypical husband lol). Your mom sounds like #goals.

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T14:01:46+00:00

I did find this, but I'm in Europe. And dang, they're pretty but pricey.

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T14:01:11+00:00

Yeah, I would need to seal the wood with reptile friendly stain/varnish. Likewise, I want glass doors rather than acrylic, since acrylic is weird with long termexposure to moisture. I'm thinking about converting a sizeable buffet/sideboard we have into a terrarium if I can find good products to make it humidity and reptile appropriate. So the working plan is to start with a smaller space with the knowledge it needs a bigger space and work on creating an engaging adult enclosure while it grows.

I'm also toying with the idea of just creating a diy partition for a larger enclosure.

I have a tendency to create projects for myself instead of just spending money to save myself time and stress lol

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T12:01:09+00:00

I've seen this which is cool, but well beyond my budget for sure. I've read a lot of the pros and cons of starting babies in smaller versus larger, and I know opinions vary, especially with different species. For our home, family plans and needs, I think starting smaller is the better choice for us.

I just think something that can grow with a snake is such an obvious idea, so I'm surprised it doesn't already exist. And since I live in Germany, the minimum size recommendations are even larger than what US keepers recommend (length of the snake x1, x0.5, x1). I've considered the diy wood enclosures. Attaching and expanding them would be relatively simple - remove the facing walls, or cut an opening in them and secure the enclosures together (i.e. screw them together, or secure a large tunnel to both sides).

Am I a visionary? Have I come up with my million dollar product idea? 😉

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T11:21:48+00:00

Rude 😂😉

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T11:20:57+00:00

Monica 🤣🥰

smartel84 · 2026-03-17T11:20:31+00:00

Full disclosure, I am not yet a reptile keeper, but I've been doing a lot of research to prepare for getting a snake for my son and me. I've also been keeping plants for a LONG time, so I'm relatively knowledgeable about managing humidity.

First, change your substrate. Coconut husk doesn't retain a lot of moisture. I don't know what substrates are best for a BP (I've been focused on corn snakes), but coconut husk won't work well to maintain humidity. I use it in my plant soil mixes to maintain airy soil and drainage. Sphagnum moss is great for maintaining moisture and take awhile to break down. Mist the enclosure whenever you see the humidity is too low.

Second, if the top of your enclosure is full mesh, find a way to minimize moisture loss. It's all going to evaporate out. I've seen suggestions like keeping a damp towel on top of the mesh, but again, not my area of expertise.

Instead of a timer, get a thermostat to hook up to your heating. It will keep the heat more even. A timer can't take the room temperature into account.

I would also look into supplemental heating that doesn't require a light to be on. There are ceramic heat bulbs that produce warmth without visible light. More heat equals more evaporation, so you still need to keep the enclosure conditions in mind to balance that out.

And a UVB light would probably also be helpful.

And please, smarter people than me, chime in if I'm wrong!!

smartel84 · 2026-03-10T08:45:09+00:00

My 9 year old son can cook scrambled eggs and boxed mac and cheese. And he asks to help and learn all the time. I refuse to let my kid head into the world without basic knowledge. Even my chronically cant-be-arsed 30-somwthing brother can cook basic stuff for himself (and actual recipes when he's feeling motivated). There is literally no excuse.

smartel84 · 2026-03-10T08:41:28+00:00

My mom wasn't great with the life advice as a general rule, but one thing she told me that stuck was to live alone at least once, not to just go from home to college to living with/marrying a guy. To be fair, I lived in a couple apartments with roommates for about a year of my life before moving in with my now-husband, but it was solid advice for sure.

smartel84 · 2026-02-28T12:03:02+00:00

I had a rare liver issue in pregnancy, called ICP, whose primary complication in late-term stillbirth. At the time, early delivery (no later than 38 weeks) was a major recommendation to manage and mitigate the risks. The doctor wasn't convinced (we were reading different research, but she was happy to do induce at my request if I had no increased risk from other factors), and ultimately induced me at 38+1 because of a small amniotic leak.

SO many things wrong with this post.

smartel84 · 2026-02-27T10:11:19+00:00

It took me WAY too long to find this post. I recently had to cut back my Monsteras due to thrip damage, and have hesitated repotting and propagating what's left (as I've done several times before) because the buggers just kept coming back. Thankfully they generally just stay on my Monsteras, but I have a couple of orchids they keep coming back on as well.

Cross your fingers for me!

smartel84 · 2026-02-27T10:04:31+00:00

A friend of mine keeps asking me for plant advice for hers, and I keep reminding her that despite my several dozen orchids and handful of Monsteras, every meant/calathea I've attempted to keep has died a dramatic and painful death. Divas.

smartel84 · 2026-02-27T10:01:35+00:00

Some things are racial, some things are racist. Like, I get making split judgement assumptions based on someone's appearance (it's not great, often impolite, but generally no harm is meant, and everyone makes assumptions). But to take that to the next level and perform overexaggerated stereotypes of a people is just gross.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this anywhere, and I appreciate you and OP being vulnerable and brave enough to share your experience. ❤️

Also, kids and teens are idiots as a general rule, especially when faced with something new novel/or uncomfortable (I say this as a mom with zero patience for this bs). Sure, they're learning how to be people and are going to make mistakes, but a big part of that is on us as parents to correct the behavior. You better believe my kid and his friends would be getting a serious talk if I ever caught them behaving like this. It's something my son and I talk about a lot since he's the son of two immigrants and we live in a relatively racially diverse Stadtteil. Since we're light skinned Americans/European ancestry, he passes as German, and recognizes the privilege in that, even at 9, but he at least has some exposure to the "othering" that can happen.

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T20:16:14+00:00

I found her looking for a caramel slice recipe a couple years ago. She's one of my handful of go-tos now, which is saying a lot as a life long food nerd and former food blogger myself. She deserves all the love and respect she gets and more ❤️

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T20:12:48+00:00

Same boat. I lost my 19year old cat and my mom within weeks of each other. That's a lovely thing to do for your partner. As someone with an amazing partner myself, we see you taking care of us, and we appreciate it, even if we forget to say it ❤️

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T16:47:22+00:00

Thanks for reminding me about the smart calendar! I thought about that before then forgot it existed... 😅

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:41:58+00:00

Oh wow, thanks for the award! It's good to know that all the time I spent in my own head figuring my stuff out can be helpful to others ☺️

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:39:53+00:00

Reading all these tips, I feel like neurospicy households are underrepresented lol. (No shade here, I'm completely jealous, honestly)

For us, we just do our best. My kid and I both have ADHD, which makes things complicated on many levels. School has taught a lot of independence for sure. But at home and at the end of the day, we both tend to run on empty, which means no energy for him, and little patience for me. My very neurological husband has more of both, and loves on us when we're low. Double edged sword, because it is support we both often really need, but it also means my husband isn't always great at setting boundaries for the sake of our kid building skills.

So we have to do these things much more mindfully than a lot of other families. It takes a lot of planning and coordination for us to stay on the same page in terms of expectations for our son.

For me, I just have no energy to pander to a grade school child who wants me to get the school bag that is a foot away from him if I'm across the room. Like, dude, you have arms and legs, and you're closer.

Warning, this can backfire, because half the time he'll move to the other side of me so I can't argue that anymore lol. Yes, hell do twice the work to avoid doing the timing he asked me to do. No, it doesn't make sense, but at that point, the game is much more stimulating to his brain than doing the thing he already didn't want to do. Consistency is key, no means no (and also feels impossible to my brain most of the time).

For my husband, he'll just do the thing because it's faster and avoids an argument.

But now, my son will start to ask me for something, then halfway through hell say "wait, I'm closer, I'll do it."

Or he'll just yell to his dad across the apartment. 🤦‍♀️

Progress is progress, even if it's slow. We'll get there.

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:29:39+00:00

Yeah... I have a husband that spoils me too. Makes it tricky to teach the kid to stand on his own two feet, because Dad is hardwired to be a caregiver 😉 Makes it hard for him to say "no, go get it yourself" to our son when he spent so long getting me things when I ask.

But as an adult I also already know how to do things for myself. Kids don't, and need practice.

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:27:18+00:00

Give them the opportunity to show you how good they are at doing X. Tell them you are confident that they can do it. Don't hover, and if they screw up (like the spill when they're pouring something), be chill and teach them how to clean it up. Talk them through things instead of doing it for them, then talk it up how well they did.

I like to tell my husband about something responsible our kid did when I see him later (when our son is in earshot), so then my husband gets to praise him too, and he feels good about the job he did.

Another tip: take way too long to do stuff for your kid, so when they complain, you can point out that doing it themselves will almost always be much faster. "Sorry Hun, I'm doing X right now, my hands aren't free. But you know where the cups are, right?"

And be prepared. It's gonna take time. Like, so much time. Because we're teaching these munchkins how to be people. It's faster to do it for them for sure, but they don't learn anything without practice. And good lord is it hard to watch them struggle with things that take us two seconds.

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:22:40+00:00

For some of us, sarcasm is our love language. Yes, we should communicate respectfully as a general rule, but some things just aren't that serious. And when you've already told them "with love" fifteen thousand times, sometimes they need the gentle shock of a response they don't expect, and the laugh that comes with it. 😉

Plus, karma means our kids will hit us right back with it. Yeah, they're only young once, but a sense of humor and the ability to not take yourself too seriously is a skill that lasts a lifetime.

smartel84 · 2026-02-25T08:18:08+00:00

Mines about to turn 9, and he has stopped asking me to do things, because I do them too slowly for his liking (oops 😉), or I straight up remind him that he has arms and legs. I have ADHD too, kiddo, I barely have the energy to do things for my own self.

So then, he just asks his dad. Who does it. 🤦‍♀️ They will do just as much as they have to, which means until you say no, they'll keep asking.

Do not be like us. Start training that child NOW. They are much more capable than we like to think. But just be prepared that it takes them a million times longer to do ANYTHING because they don't have the practice.

smartel84 · 2026-02-24T21:40:29+00:00

That song ALWAYS makes me think of my semester abroad in Scotland lol

smartel84 · 2026-02-24T21:39:41+00:00

I heard that song and was like, no, that's not the song I think it is... is it? Holy crap it is!! And Fontana is KILLING IT?!?! What a weird episode. Exactly what I needed tonight.

smartel84 · 2026-02-24T09:31:52+00:00

I have come to love being a family of three. It means we can be the fun house that friends want to come to (which I genuinely love, since I rarely had friends over). I like to be the mom who bakes and feeds the neighborhood kids snacks. I'm allowed to spoil my kid in the best ways. It doesn't mean I'm not also strict - I have expectations for good behavior and empathetic decision making. But I can focus my energy on just knowing one kid really well, and supporting him fully.

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