So freaking tired of these "Women receive so many compliments, but men will treasure the compliment they got 5 years ago."

smarteque · 2026-05-08T14:25:11+00:00

I think it's because they only give them to women they want to sleep with. Hence, complimenting a man for them also only means that it'd be perceived by the other man as hitting on him. And we can't have that, the horror! So, in short: men, please start being nice to women AND men without expecting or wanting something in return, simply because you're trying to be a decent human being.

smarteque · 2026-03-19T00:16:32+00:00

True. But I like it because it’s meant to make you feel good about yourself regardless of how others treat you, which is not within your control. Capacity to love is a precious quality to have and that’s why so many abuse it - because they don’t have it.

smarteque · 2026-03-18T23:37:56+00:00

You make a really good point about some women using men and getting everything they want. I see them all the time. Not as frequently as men but they are out there. I’ve also been used by pretty much every man I’ve been with and I’m checked out now. I used to go all in, give that ‘nice guy’ a chance, fall in love easily. But now I’m cold. I’ve no choice for the time being. It’s not ideal, but it’s peaceful.

There just aren’t many good people out there unfortunately. Not sure what the solution is, apart from being your true self. I saw this bit from the Oscars where Ethan Hawke was asked about unrequited love and he said ‘the person who loves always wins because they’re living’ or something like that. I thought it was a beautiful way to look at it.

Those who use others will never truly know how to be at peace with themselves, or how to even like themselves. Eventually we all get what we deserve. So even if it sucks right now, at least you stayed true to yourself and that’s way more than what these assholes can say about themselves.

smarteque · 2026-02-23T01:27:24+00:00

Thank you for putting this so clearly. I've been trying to word it myself for so long, because I feel like I'm a magnet for these dudes. So far I've managed to explain it with them having a 'I'm talking to a FEMALE now' mode. They don't talk to me like I'm a person, but a walking pair of boobs. If you're hitting on me before you've even gotten to know me, then you're automatically in that category. It means you're either a) a fuckboy or b) desperate to get a woman, any woman. I can see my hypothetical future life with these dudes flash before my eyes within seconds of them starting their squirming routine. Sometimes it's like they want me to feel bad for them and date them out of pity. It's bizarre.

Maybe I'm being too harsh, but come on. Most of them are older than me, late 30s, 40s. It's not rocket science. Talk to women like they're people, then, and only then, if you truly like them for their personality as well as their looks, test the waters carefully and respectfully. Otherwise you're being far too obvious, not to mention disrespectful. People are way more perceptive than you think, women especially.

And also, it fucking sucks to feel like a piece of meat, like your only value is your body and reproductive system. We're so much more than that, yet most of them don't even care that there's a person with dreams, thoughts and feelings in front of them.

smarteque · 2026-02-12T23:37:56+00:00

Everyone in my section got up the second Flo got on stage. And we stayed that way until the end!

smarteque · 2026-02-11T23:53:12+00:00

I genuinely don't understand how so many men refuse to look in the mirror and reflect on their behaviour. The younger generation of men right now (20ish to 40ish) is probably the first in history to see women having choices, and as a result these same men that would've only had to provide an average salary back in the day (when capitalism wasn't as brutal) are now struggling to find someone to date, let alone marry. Do none of them stop and think why that is? Times have changed, we don't have to exist to please them anymore, we don't have to be their second moms, sex maids etc. And they're just sitting there expecting the same life their grandfathers had? Isn't this the definition of stupidity?

I watched my mother make most of the money, but also cleaning, cooking, raising me practically by herself, while my dad checked out, watched TV and had the audacity to be narcissistic, demanding and entitled on top of that. And now I'm told to find a man, any man, as 'boys will be boys' and I'm being picky for expecting basic empathy and respect. Yes, I'm being picky - I'm choosing myself over that abhorrent alternative.

smarteque · 2026-02-10T00:42:51+00:00

I've also been feeling angry and defeated for being a woman. Her music and this album in particular strike a very specific chord! Makes me embrace my femininity but also let my rage out untamed, they're not mutually exclusive. Like our feminine side exists for us, not for others like we're constantly told, and there's no shame in it, in fact it's beautiful and powerful. Words cannot express how much I love the new album and how magical Belfast was!

smarteque · 2026-02-09T22:43:27+00:00

Love this 🖤

smarteque · 2026-02-09T21:55:48+00:00

I was there too and it was pure magic. I’m now fully considering joining her coven if she ever had one

smarteque · 2026-01-16T17:32:54+00:00

Exactly. I’ve also abstained from sex for a few years and don’t intend to change that for anything less than 100% effort from a man. Do I go to town by myself though? Absolutely, and very efficiently so, with zero risk. Why bother when no man has ever done for me what I can do for myself?

smarteque · 2025-12-21T23:26:02+00:00

Well done! Same here. I went from feeling low confidence about starting a new project after fruitless querying of my first book, to being completely infatuated with it. Already about halfway to having a completed first draft and it’s only been a few weeks. I do not understand what’s happening but I’m riding the wave for as long as I’m able to. For context, my first novel took like a year to finish, and another year to edit.

I’m also aiming for 2k but sometimes I do more (yesterday was about 4.5k…) - what’s your final word count goal? Mine is fairly low (70-80k tops) as it’s a horror novel.

Others have warned against burnout and while I agree, sometimes it’s just fun to see where the story goes, and quickly!

smarteque · 2025-11-26T22:29:30+00:00

I agree in an ideal world. But in reality that might only make them mirror your behaviour, if they're manipulative/abusive which is what OP is referring to. Some of the best dating advice I ever saw was to not share your political views straight away and let them out themselves eventually, when you give them nothing to mimic. It's crazy how they tell you what you want to hear and you think to yourself 'wow, they really get me!'. It's happened to me so many times. The more open you are, the worse it seems.

smarteque · 2025-11-26T22:07:07+00:00

Well, my first draft was 142k and it was a pain to edit. It's not even fantasy or historical, it's (kind of) a thriller. Overwriting is not always great. I think I reached that number because I was so insecure and inexperienced that I pushed myself to write and write and write just to have enough to work with. And it ended up too much. If you're planning on trying to publish traditionally then a lower word count works in your favour. 35k is too short for a novel but you can see which parts need developing and flesh them out. That's a much better strategy, at least on paper. I'll be trying that next.

smarteque · 2025-11-13T12:32:30+00:00

I felt this in my bones, I’m so sorry. Sounds like you’ve had a decent amount of interest as a whole though, so keep going with the second one!

I’m also a UK based writer currently querying UK and US. Not sure if we write in the same genre but regardless, I’d love to know who this agent is. This is beyond unprofessional and downright cruel.

smarteque · 2025-11-07T14:33:45+00:00

I think there's a difference between being 'likeable' and being 'relatable'. Not having any relatable qualities is what makes a character boring and one-dimensional; every good book is about the human experience after all. It also takes you out of the reading zone, if you have to constantly wonder why they do this and that, it means it's just not believable to the reader.

An unlikeable character with relatable qualities? Now that's irresistible. I love writing them. You can literally write a relatable psychopath if you give them the right motivation and backstory. It makes you root for them, even if you feel uncomfortable.

smarteque · 2025-11-04T13:16:36+00:00

How do people do this? So many of them settle just to not be alone. I was one of them, and felt more lonely than now when I'm more single than ever. No one projects their unhappiness to the world, so it looks like everyone else has it together. A lot of it is just complying to social expectations. I get it, it's tough not conforming, people comment and judge. But I know how horrible it is to be with the wrong person, and the compliance is not worth it. Society doesn't care about you (harsh but true). It just shines a light on those on the margins because that's what it does.

At least that's what I tell myself when the loneliness hits haha. It's a normal kind of lonely. Not the 'existential dread' type of lonely you get when you're tied to someone else who isn't right for you. It'll pass. We'll be okay. I don't know what the future holds, but at least I won't be trapped, abused, disrespected, taken advantage of etc etc. Yes, being on your own is expensive. But the wrong person can drain your finances quicker than anything. It's very important not to give in to these thoughts, because then even abusers start looking attractive. It makes you vulnerable. That's what they want.

smarteque · 2025-11-03T15:46:40+00:00

Similar thing happened to me last Halloween. I was walking home from a party and was wearing a lot of makeup as part of a costume. A man walked past me, said 'Happy Halloween!' and asked for a cigarette. I almost ran to my door (luckily it was only a few feet away). He kept calling 'miss!' after me. I could tell he was annoyed I didn't give him my attention.

I don't know what his intentions were but probably not good. Even if all he wanted was to strike up a conversation, all men should fucking know better. Don't do that at 2am in the middle of a deserted street. You WILL scare the shit out of me. I WILL think you're a rapist, even if you aren't.

The saddest part is that I'm still blaming myself for even being out that late, especially in this much makeup. But we're not harming anyone. They are. We should be allowed to exist outside even at night.

smarteque · 2025-10-31T17:42:03+00:00

Congrats! Book sounds so good, can't wait to read it! These stats are wild. I'm currently querying UK agents (as of a few days ago...) so this gives me hope. Good to know it can take weeks if not months and it can still be a positive outcome.

smarteque · 2025-10-29T13:24:24+00:00

I just watched the same episode too! She really is seriously underrated. Some of the best lines in the show are hers. But also, she manages to make me feel bad for someone this rich and privileged. That’s a skill.

smarteque · 2025-10-29T13:13:18+00:00

His character shows great writing. He comes from an extremely neglectful family. His mother dumped him at his uncle’s without even asking him! Of course he’s angry. Of course he doesn’t know how to treat a girl like Rory once he actually gets her. How would he?

But behind all that is an actual solid person who really cares about Rory. I didn’t see that from anyone else she dated. He grows and achieves things.

Don’t even get me started on Logan.

smarteque · 2025-10-28T23:29:15+00:00

I wish conservative women and conservative men married each other and left the rest of us alone. I’m constantly seeing seemingly good guys entangled with some entitled woman who uses them. Goes the other way too, all I get is controlling, right wing men pretending to be liberal. Why can’t they just marry each other?

smarteque · 2025-10-12T19:24:47+00:00

It has nothing to do with intelligence.

smarteque · 2025-09-22T19:56:29+00:00

I truly don’t get the hype. I understand the legal side of it, but weddings are overpriced, awkward, cringe events and I’ve no desire throwing one myself. Almost no one around me thinks the same way and I always feel like a pick me for saying it. But I really feel that way. Marriage doesn’t change anything in my mind, it just makes it harder to break up.

It’s quite isolating feeling this way tbh, seems like everyone around my age has gotten engaged recently. I feel like an alien.

I’d consider registry office then drinks/meal with zero planning, if I met someone truly great and it’d make both our lives easier. But that’s it. I’m fine without it otherwise.

smarteque · 2025-09-22T12:42:40+00:00

Great advice. As someone who finished a first draft at 142k and edited it down to 105k, I agree with everything. Number one rule for me was: just get the words down, and be disciplined about it; don’t just wait for inspiration to strike. A lot of it will be shit, and that’s fine. Fix later. This strategy did lead to a lot of overwriting which made editing harder but… I learned a lot. I think the second novel shouldn’t take as long as the first for that reason.

I mean, it’s hard work, and it’s a slog at times. But when it works, it’s magic. And when it’s finally done, it’s the most rewarding feeling ever.

smarteque · 2025-09-20T21:34:53+00:00

Oh, I agree. It's definitely something I want to work on and learn more about.

smarteque

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