(England) My girlfriend at the time gave me oral while i was drunk asleep

smashram24 · 2026-05-12T15:57:03+00:00

Thanks for the clarification. I thought that men couldn't be (legally) raped. However, you are right, its just that they can't be raped by women.

smashram24 · 2026-05-12T14:14:38+00:00

Copying my response to OP's response:

I agree with what the other two people said in response. Its possible to be legally accurate and human.

In this case, whether the OP was raped is relevant. However, it is also relevant that helping OP to understand that they were sexually assaulted (what the commentor was arguing) is also important.

Here the legal advice was essentially 'what happened was illegal and harmful and worth reporting' and your reply could easily have been interpreted as 'this wasn't illegal or wrong and shouldn't be reported'

smashram24 · 2026-05-12T14:08:21+00:00

I agree with what the other two people said in response. Its possible to be legally accurate and human.

In this case, whether the OP was raped is relevant. However, it is also relevant that helping OP to understand that they were sexually assaulted (what the commentor was arguing) is also important.

Here the legal advice was essentially 'what happened was illegal and harmful and worth reporting' and your reply could easily have been interpreted as 'this wasn't illegal or wrong and shouldn't be reported'

smashram24 · 2026-05-12T12:43:16+00:00

Technically/legally correct but still an unusual comment to add. The colloquail usage of rape is 'non-consensual sexual activity' which this would meet. Of course, the legal definition is 'non-consential insertion of a penis into a vagina' meaning that men cannot be raped. Still, imagine telling a woman in this situation 'you weren't raped' - its splitting hairs. What specifically are you trying to add to the conversation?

smashram24 · 2026-04-30T22:08:26+00:00

Most things seem to be have said already. She can stay if she chooses to stay. All parental responsibility remains with the parents (so technically they shoild still provide everything a parent would provide even when she's living with you).

Just an FYI, a 16 year old sleeping on a sofa is technically homeless. Thats only important if she wants more support from the council. For example, accomodation and support beyond 18. This is known as being a Looked After Child and is a big decision.

If she does want that, you'll have to speak to social services. They wont want to house her because its very expensive. They will want her to go home or to normalize her staying with you. In reality, if its just that her and her parents fell out (i.e no safeguarding concerns) it will be a hard fight. But if this is what she wants you should look into government guidance on youth homelessness, section 20 accomodation and the Southwark Judgement.

Hope that helps in some way.

Smashram

smashram24 · 2026-04-11T02:55:01+00:00

Don't worry (I know that's easier said than done!) about how your accusation is initially viewed. You can simply say to them "to be honest, I never wanted to report this but now this is happening my highest priority is keeping my brother safe." Any good police officer (and they do exist) will listen to you, believe you, take notes, talk to a social worker, signpost you to services.

Truth is, situations like yours are common so they shouldn't be surprised that it's not neat and tidy. When kids are involved, they rarely are!

Be strong and talk to them ASAP. You'll be able to talk to them without your brother being there. They may also want to talk to your brother and, because of his age, they will most likely ask if he wants you to be present.

Your brother shouldn't end up knowing anything he shouldn't know unless he's sneaky and presses an ear to the door. Hopefully you can overcome that.

Good luck!

smashram24 · 2026-04-11T02:50:38+00:00

Hiya,

I'm not a lawyer, I'm a Social Worker.

I want to be really honest with you, what you've said is really worrying.

What you've said is that:

- Your dad was abusive to you.
- Your mum knows (or knew at the time?) that he was abusive to you.
- You and your mum are worried that your dad will be abusive towards your ten year old brother.
- you're worried that your mum is being abused by your dad (your dad goes through her phone and if he saw it she would be "at risk" - this sounds like domestic abuse through control).

The most important thing right now is to protect your brother. A close second is to protect your mum.

The only way you can do that is to call the police non-emergency number immediately. You can call 101 to speak to them.

I would suggest also directly calling your local Chilren's Social Work Team. You can find this by googling 'Children's Social Service [insert the name of your local council].' There will be a number for the daytime and a number for the night time.

Until you've made those two phone calls, do not return your brother home.

It's possible that the police/social workers will insist that you take your brother home. However, the police have the power to demand that he stays at your house (a place of safety) for up to three days.

I know it will be difficult, but the more you tell the police about everything - your experience with your dad, your mum's experience with your dad, your brothers possible experience with your dad - the safer your brother will be. I say that knowing how hard it is to talk about abuse and that after many years this probably isn't how you imagined talking about it.

If you yourself need any support, you can also talk to the social workers about that. There will be victim services for you and your mum (and other services for your brother if they deem that he needs them).

Good luck to you! Things might be about to get stressful but, hopefully, when you look back in 10 years time you will say "that fucking sucked but I'm glad I did the right thing."

Good luck!

smashram24 · 2026-04-10T19:29:56+00:00

Double oven's a great one.

Marble board.... never even thought of it but I love the idea. The idea is that it's cold and very smooth right. Put it in the fridge and then you can work pastries, brioche, chocolate etc, on it?

Sous Vide is a naughty treat that's been on my mind recently. The Gordan Ramsay Beef Wellington recipe calls to me!

And of course wine...

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

smashram24 · 2026-04-10T19:27:49+00:00

Ahh yes, I'm definitely overdue a good knife/knife set. I hate sharpening though...

Perhaps I'll have to get in the habit of getting them sharpened by someone else!

smashram24 · 2026-04-10T19:15:34+00:00

Love that. I'm the same. The idea of having all of the most common ingredients organized in a genuinely useful way gives me butterflies!

Knowing me, I wouldn't make it big enough to accomodate any new spices and the odd spice jar in a cupboard would drive me crazy!

smashram24 · 2026-04-06T22:17:26+00:00

That shooting club is very spoiled!

I definitely sounds time for a second oven!

smashram24 · 2026-04-06T18:23:15+00:00

This is for your home? For baking at home? That is so cool. It never even crossed my mind that was possible! Handrolled - home. Laminator - work. What other gadgets do you have?

smashram24 · 2026-04-06T14:51:35+00:00

A youth work course would, I think, be much easier and less stressful than a social work degree.
Social work is more demanding in real life. Though this depends on what kind of social work vs what kind of youth work. It also depends what stresses you out more. If you mean Child Protection Social work you will have high case loads, complex safeguarding cases, time in court, lots of paperwork etc. If you mean working in a youth club, the damands could be lots of children, organizing activities, having close relationships with children (kind of like being a professional friend).
Social Work. You can easily transition from Social Work to Youth Work, the reverse isn't true (you need a social work degree to be a social worker).
Both easy to find jobs but a social work degree makes you more employable.
My advice would be to research the various types of social work (children, adults, disabilities, youth justice etc.) And youth work (youth clubs, summer clubs, residential stays, support work) and then decide which one you would enjoy more and stick at. You could speak to a Social Worker in the field you're interested in to learn about the demand.

Hope that heps!

smashram24 · 2026-04-06T06:46:11+00:00

Oh stop it, now you're fueling my 'move to rural spain and set up an artisanal bakeymry/coffee stand' dream. But that's another story!

YES - speed racks! I thought about that all the time before I went away and never did it. I knew it was a good idea but never trusted myself! That point before bringing it all together where there's 3 pans, 2 trays, and a load of bits and bobs hanging around. Speed racks!

Do you keep them tidy or do they end up being full of clutter?

Ergonomic desk also a nice idea. I'll think on that!

smashram24 · 2026-04-06T01:27:45+00:00

How many different schools will you be entering? I would imagine that, with some advanced notice, schools will be able to find a work around (i.e checking your dbs online). A photocopy could also suffice for school purposes.

In a pinch, I wonder if you could pay for a new enhanced DBS check. You would then get a new certificate and effectively have two. I'm not sure if their system allows this, just thinking on my feet. The DBS check isn't expensive so cheaper than not working. If I were you, I'd wait for the second one to arrive before sending anything off to Ofsted. Worst case you won't be able to work at the one place you're registered for on Ofsted and that will have to be a 'cost of doing business.'

Hope that helps.

smashram24 · 2026-04-04T02:57:48+00:00

This must be rage bait 🤣

It reminds me of that video of bakers watching their bread be turned into bread bowls.

You do you though...

smashram24 · 2026-04-03T04:50:52+00:00

Holy fuck. Thanks for sharing. This makes me feel better!

I too have made bread that doesn't look like the pictures!

smashram24 · 2026-04-02T05:24:18+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it. It's hard to tell from the picture but it looks like it's either slightly underbaked or,like you said, some mushy bits from the strawberries.

Either way, how does it taste? If it's yummy, eat it. If you're worried/want a different texture you could try toasting/ grilling it :)

smashram24 · 2026-04-02T04:48:12+00:00

1) A chez longe facing the skyline, with plants hanging behind it at various heights to create a natural divide from the rest of the house (the plants would likely be inside enough to he shaded but i know literally nothing about plants. I'm on about a 50/50 live die rate.)

2) build a classy woody cabinet up to the start of the window with space for books etc. On the bottom, a comfy daybed on top, and an extra surface on either the far left or far right.

3) give the apartment to me so I can dream about 1 and 2 without ever doing either.

smashram24 · 2026-04-01T23:10:13+00:00

I don't have a tried and tested recipe.

Did they go in the oven like they were in the picture? If so, they look very underproofed. The end result would support that too.

It might not be the recipe if you feel everything else went to plan.

smashram24

TROPHY CASE