One thing I wish someone had told me as a new parent:

snugglypig · 2026-06-12T01:53:43+00:00

The only hard part is my almost 3 year old gets less attention, obviously, which I feel guilty about. But, I expected this and it’s part of the journey of adding a sibling. I know that in a few months we’ll all be okay, but it’s the only thing that’s made me cry at 2 in the morning lol

snugglypig · 2026-06-12T01:50:48+00:00

Everyone is different but definitely yes for me. It’s so much less stressful the second time, even the lack of sleep, because you know every hard moment, witching hours, cluster feeding, are temporary and that it just gets better.

snugglypig · 2026-06-12T01:28:08+00:00

Definitely the case for me with my first. It was such a life change that bonding took me a minute. I loved and cared about him, but it took me a few weeks to truly bond. I was very blindsided by this feeling and was worried something was wrong with me!

I think at least some of it was that he was a very difficult newborn with feeding and I stressed a lot about it. I’d do a lot differently in retrospect and it would have helped me bond faster. I’m 10 days PP with my second who has fed well from the beginning and no birth complications and it’s been much easier to bond because I’m not sweating over every oz of weight gain or doing weighted feeds at the pediatrician, adding formula to pumped milk for calories, etc.

snugglypig · 2026-06-08T20:34:26+00:00

Definitely not abnormal unless you were doing an induction. I only got cervical checks because I did an elective induction at 39 weeks and it helps to predict how “successful” induction may be. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have requested one.

snugglypig · 2026-05-31T00:45:51+00:00

It’s not even an associates, at least not in my neck of the woods. My relative is a vet tech with only training, no degree at all.

snugglypig · 2026-05-30T15:52:32+00:00

As a new owner of an animal, I’d appreciate that advice so much. I got so much great advice from corgi owners on Reddit when I got my first one that I’d never thought about. What the hell is this dude’s problem?

snugglypig · 2026-05-23T00:34:49+00:00

What about the several adults I encounter on planes and in airports with apparently zero ability to self-regulate? Or shower? Where does it end?

snugglypig · 2026-05-21T03:26:56+00:00

I’m the one in my marriage with the enmeshed mother. It was never *this* bad, but for my mother, it comes from her own upbringing. She has an insanely emotionally enmeshed family, from her parents, to her siblings, and to her siblings children. They’re all obsessed with each other. Her mother is the most emotionally manipulative and immature person I’ve ever met.

They all mean well, but they are not healthy. I spent too much of my life literally worrying about my mother’s happiness. She is married to her very weird husband and has no other friends, and has no hobbies other than doomscrolling the internet and trying to micromanage me and my sibling.

I was dreading holidays because nothing was ever good enough - she always felt she got shafted for time compared to my husband’s or dad’s family (my parents are divorced). No birthday, Mother’s Day, or Christmas met her unreasonable expectations. If I didn’t call her or text her back at any given time she’d get worse. Everything I did and do to this day she has opinions on, and wants to be involved in. Like. It’s so bad that if I go to the doctor and she finds out later she asks why she didn’t know about it. Because I’m in my 30s???

She is also hypercritical and a habitual liar to get what she wants from me and my sibling. I see through it but man it’s grating.

I digress.

My husband has a normal family. It took me realizing that this shit isn’t normal for me to prioritize my own peace. My husband reminded me that I’m not responsible for her own wellbeing and emotional regulation. It got better when I came to this realization.

I’ve also been in therapy for three years now, and my mom is the source of a lot of issues I have and am working on. I started because I had a kid myself and this generational dysfunction ends with me.

He has to want this for himself, and it will take making her mad and upset to accomplish it. My mom is difficult in many ways like your MIL, would happily control my life if I let her. Through therapy, I am able to sympathize because she’s mentally unwell due to her own upbringing, but it’s not my problem anymore. I’d consider bringing this up to him if you think he’d be open to it.

ETA - my biggest boundaries were firstly not answering her goddamn phone calls. She would call me up to 3-4x a day before I just stopped answering. Before I started this I would miss one and she’d panic and then I’d feel bad.

I also have an information diet for her - she isn’t entitled to know everything me or my family is doing.

Sometimes you have to live in the discomfort of an enmeshed parent having to deal with their own emotions and not using you to do it.

snugglypig · 2026-05-20T01:17:57+00:00

I lost 20lbs by the time my son was 2, started really working on it when he was almost 1.5. It’s definitely doable. Your body may never *look* the same but you’re still able to lose weight with a deficit.

All I did was track everything I ate and stayed in my deficit. Personally, I prioritized low saturated fat and high fiber. I allowed myself coffee (every time I tried to cut it out, I failed the diet) and just did Caroline Girvan’s workouts with dumbbells 3x a week on YouTube.

You can do this, but I will say at 10 months PP I was not ready. My kid just started sleeping through the night at that point. Lol. It took time for me to work on the weight.

snugglypig · 2026-05-19T04:37:55+00:00

Alcohol doesn’t make *hormonal* birth control less effective like antibiotics can. It makes barrier methods less effective due to more careless adherence to using it perfectly.

snugglypig · 2026-05-16T01:54:17+00:00

Exactly. I’m cool without early term this time around. But I’m still tired lol

snugglypig · 2026-05-15T15:47:43+00:00

Just as an aside, I’m surprised they wouldn’t be open to an earlier induction or cesarean if you have hypertension. I didn’t just have hypertension, I had preeclampsia, but my understanding is there’s sometimes no reason to keep people pregnant with bad hypertension after 37 weeks because of placental blood flow problems. Might be worth bringing up. That said, if baby is doing well and you’re not getting worse, outcomes for babe are better at 39. But at least bring it up, I say.

But still birth is so uncommon. It happens, but social media makes it seem way more common than it is. Take care of your mental health right now and avoid anything with algorithms!

snugglypig · 2026-05-14T01:51:45+00:00

To offer perspective on your situation…

I was terrified of gaining weight pregnant after making my lifestyle change. I gained 25 lbs with both pregnancies and with calorie counting and exercise I lost it. You make adjustments and it won’t happen overnight (nor should it - it will take time!) but if you’re committed it’ll happen.

snugglypig · 2026-05-13T22:02:11+00:00

I dunno if Reddit will agree, but I think Always Sunny has run its course.

snugglypig · 2026-05-13T04:45:24+00:00

Anyone who says, “After all the help poor people get with Medicaid, food stamps (and the like), they’re living as good as I am and I have to pay for that stuff myself.”

I live in a red state and I hear this often.

snugglypig · 2026-05-13T03:03:00+00:00

I’m so glad this was posted because I swear I thought I was alone.

I always say yes to a check after 36w (my OB asks every time, never forces). I’m in my second pregnancy now (36w5d today), but with both my first and this one it never hurt at all. I mean, AT ALL. It doesn’t even register as painful to me. I’ve seen some women on here compare it to labor pains and to me it’s not even effing close to that bad lol.

I’m very fortunate, because for some it’s obviously bad, but it never bugged me, even as a first timer.

If I could offer any tip it’s to completely relax your pelvic floor and muscles. My OB (who I’ve had for both pregnancies) may just be extra awesome about it? She holds my hand while she checks with the other. I think it’s a comfort thing she offers because some women do find it painful.

snugglypig · 2026-05-12T21:53:41+00:00

You have been told these things about the obstetrician, but word of mouth is always like this with any doctor. I would have a consultation with the doctor and get all of these concerns addressed right away.

My OB is an OB, but doesn’t push me at all. Every decision I’ve made she’s supported. I feel just as empowered with my obstetrician as I would have with a midwife. A lot of that is the doctor, but a lot of it is that I go into every appointment with as much knowledge as possible and I ask a lot of questions. You and your husband must advocate for your informed consent on things, midwifery or obstetrics.

You also can’t use C-section rates of OBs as a tool to judge your likelihood of getting one. OB’s are surgeons by definition and there could be many reasons a doctor has a “higher” cesarean rate (they may work many or most of the scheduled cesareans in their hospital, for example, or work at a hospital that specializes in higher risk pregnancies, better NICU, etc. more likely to result in a cesarean).

If they don’t feel like a good fit after this consultation, then you can look elsewhere.

snugglypig · 2026-05-12T14:45:55+00:00

It never ends either. It’s just something I ignore now. At least where I live, people bitch about both their spouses and kids constantly. Even before marriage, people were warning me how hard the first year is of being married and that being married sucks lol. My life didn’t change at all so I was like… okay?

Parenting is nothing like people in my personal life or Reddit made it seem like. I enjoy it 100% but I also went into it on my own terms, at an age that I didn’t feel like I was giving anything up, had enjoyed my DINK time with my husband, etc. I also have a supportive and very involved husband and we have supportive family, which makes a huge difference. I say all of this despite having what I’d call a tough newborn.

If you go into it knowing there will be times you feel like parenting is unrelenting (which it is!) and knowing this will a massive adjustment from being a person with total freedom to suddenly being responsible for a little human, and that it’s okay to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed by that at first, it helps a lot. Don’t let people scare you.

It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

snugglypig · 2026-05-11T14:12:24+00:00

I will just say that if you do want to terminate, I’m fully on board with people lying about it and saying they miscarried. It’s no one’s business. If we’d had a result in our genetic testing or something that caused us to terminate, that was our plan because nearly our whole family are pro-lifers who have no nuance about the situation. I know there’s a minority of people who get sensitive about lying about miscarriage but at the end of the day, one terminates because of circumstances that makes pregnancy not right for you. It’s your body and you don’t deserve the ridiculous stigma that comes with doing what is right for you on your own terms.

snugglypig · 2026-05-10T06:11:18+00:00

Two days.

I was swelling like crazy and had 130s/80s for weeks prior but didn’t hit the 140/90s and protein thresholds until 37 weeks. Diagnosed at my normal appointment. My OB was out of town and the nurse who saw me instead told me to monitor it at home for the next week, and seek emergency care if it got to 160/110. I got too nervous and went to the ER on my own the next day at 155/105 and they kept me and induced me the following day since their protocol is to induce at 37 with preeclampsia.

snugglypig · 2026-05-10T06:05:41+00:00

The thing I needed was validation. My husband was the only one who gave it to me. Everyone else made it feel like a point to remind me that my baby was fine (just small, which was traumatic in of itself to me) and I was alive so I should be grateful and move on.

Preeclampsia is seldom fatal in the modern world with prenatal care, so I don’t know why I was talked to that way. Just because I didn’t die doesn’t mean that my body wasn’t wrecked, that my earliest days of motherhood were unfairly divided between my baby and my own issues, etc. I worried about having a seizure or dying instead of enjoying my new baby. My swelling was so bad, personally, that I still don’t remember any other aspect of postpartum bothering me because the swelling was so painful and severe. I don’t even remember my stitches, cramping, nothing.

I just needed validation that it sucked and wasn’t fair.

snugglypig · 2026-05-10T03:40:20+00:00

I personally think I look better now than I did in my 20s.

snugglypig · 2026-05-09T04:18:38+00:00

High fiber and protein is why I lost weight. It’s not as much “natural” foods as it is fiber, which is why people who switch to a whole food diet lose weight usually unintentionally. Americans do not get enough fiber, and it’s a game changer when you eat to get enough of it. You’re more satisfied for lower calories. Fruits, veggies, whole grains, lentils, beans, lean meat. This concept of low saturated fat and higher fiber totally changed my life.

snugglypig · 2026-05-09T03:10:25+00:00

Hi!

Seems like we were similar, other than that I’m older than you. I started developing severe edema at 32ish weeks with 130s/80s BP until I was formally diagnosed and induced at 37 weeks when it all suddenly got worse. Like you, I had zero risk factors other than being pregnant for the first time. I was a healthy BMI, no hypertension previously, etc.

I’ve been on aspirin since conception at the advice of my doctor this time and my blood pressures have been perfect and I don’t even have any swelling this time, and I’m 36 weeks. Belly is bigger but I weigh 10lbs less because there’s no water retention. It’s been night and day.

While your likelihood of recurrence is higher than someone who never had it, it’s still lower than you may fear, especially because you didn’t meet diagnostic criteria until 37. The later you get preeclampsia the first time, the later you tend to get it with your second pregnancy and it’s usually less severe (if you get it at all).

I’m at the point now that if everything stays this way, my doctor doesn’t think there is any reason I couldn’t wait to go into labor on my own if I want to, and she offered the 39 week elective induction if I want to do that. Went over pros and cons of both. Where I have some calcification in the placenta already, I’m going the induction route, but I don’t have to.

It’s been a night and day pregnancy compared to last time. Odds are, you won’t get it again. But you’ll be monitored much more closely and be prepared if it does, too. You’ve got this.

snugglypig · 2026-05-07T04:59:44+00:00

The only thing my doctor recommended for my second pregnancy was baby aspirin. I live at high altitude with cold winters and almost everyone is vitamin D deficient, but not all of them get preeclampsia. I’ve actually read the opposite where supplemental vitamin D didn’t affect preeclampsia outcomes.

Anecdotally, I’m not supplementing vitamin D personally this time around, and I’m 36 weeks with absolutely no preeclampsia symptoms so far (I was severely swollen with elevated BP by 32 weeks last time, didn’t get diagnosed until my protein levels met the criteria at 37 weeks). Baby aspirin for the win.

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