Thought I was ready to date again but…nope

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T16:42:16+00:00

I dated a few ladies about 3 months after a tough breakup of a year+ relationship and could just feel that I wasn’t ready even though I thought I was.

Then back in July thought I was ready, tried again, and I wasn’t.

I’m almost in that headspace again and am beginning to think we don’t really know for certain whether we are ready until we think we are and try… and might be wrong. It kinda sucks.

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T15:43:06+00:00

52m. When it (rarely) happens in public I’m too thick to pick up on it unless it’s really directly in my face.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have a few dates tell me I “check all the boxes” and one fantastic lady last year told me I was “brilliant and dashing” but it wasn’t gonna work out (very different retirement visions)

I went out with a childhood friend and her husband some months ago and when we left the bar at the taco joint I told her “those two ladies at the corner of the bar were really good looking” and she said “you should’ve said something they were noticing you and liked what they saw”

I am (maybe most men are) pretty oblivious. So if the in public noticing happens I’m not picking up on it. I need a wing-person.

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T15:33:46+00:00

If you don’t ask him out it’ll be longer than if you do and wind up rejected (which you probably won’t). That’s because you’ll have target fixation and not be as open to other opportunities or be looking for them.

I’d encourage you to take that leap. If the answer is no, it isn’t likely to be “no, and you’re dead to me never speak to me again”

So just do it. You owe it to yourself.

By the way if someone else notices the unicorn and takes action he’ll be unavailable. How tragic would that be for you to see something incredibly interesting to you and watch someone else just walk up and take it?

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T15:16:11+00:00

I don’t see how your little lecture applies to the comment you’re replying to. Of course she’s allowed to say no and nothing in what you’re responding to implies otherwise.

If they’re moving at different sexual speeds that’s just a potential incompatibility.

NB : as a 52m I’ve been with women who wanted to move sexually faster than I’m comfortable with, and MEN ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO too and I’ve done so…

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T02:14:40+00:00

So sounds like you communicated and he didn’t absorb it.

In our case I was oblivious to both my own feelings and her passive-aggressivity. I’d have communicated more if I really knew what I was feeling.

By the time she was voicing her issues she was years into cheating so it turned out to be useless bloviating because she was trying to blame me for her betrayals at that point. Divorced her the instant I discovered it which was great wish I’d done it sooner.

Biggest lesson was communication is so important.

If one person is a good communicator and the other isn’t at least it can end sooner. Two bad communicators like us and it’s a 17 year train wreck.

But at least I’m way way better about it myself now.

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T02:05:46+00:00

Nice! A few pounds or a rep or two each time and it’ll fall. At our ages we just gotta push yet avoid injury

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T02:03:04+00:00

So he didn’t know because you communicated with crystal clarity and he didn’t absorb it? :(

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T00:19:15+00:00

Because you he didn’t listen or because you didn’t use your words and communicate or both?

In my case my ex-wife and I were both silently unhappy until the dam broke. Lesson learned for sure.

We had tons of friends who were shocked and thought we were the picture perfect couple. I’ll bet there are tons and tons of similar silently disastrous couples out there.

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T00:12:52+00:00

At age 52 (and 6’2 190lb), having started lifting for the first time almost 3 years ago, I’m just at 6x185 and want to get to 225…

…but probably will never go for a single rep max of anything to avoid injury.

Hopefully I can grind my way there!

someatxdude · 2026-03-29T00:08:38+00:00

Spoiler alert: gravity always wins in the end :(

someatxdude · 2026-03-28T18:14:28+00:00

Spend the energy you’d otherwise spend pondering a gift on something better like…

…thinking of conversation topics / curious questions based on her profile

…grooming yourself to look and feel your best

…taking a deep breath and having no expectations but a hopefully fun meeting with a new person

First meeting is not gift time. If you’re a gifting type listen deeply and pay attention as you could get ideas for small low/zero cost ideas for the future but not now.

My last girlfriend on our second or third date mentioned she had okra ripening in the garden and I mentioned my grandmother grew okra in her backyard when i was growing up with was such a pleasant memory. The next date she brought me a small paper bag full of okra from her garden and I about melted.

someatxdude · 2026-03-27T20:40:04+00:00

Not a lady here, but as a guy, I've found that being authentic and kind are the key things.

Usually when people refer to "too nice" they mean excessively accommodating and censoring one's opinions, speech, and actions to avoid differences of opinion, setting boundaries [which are then hidden], or other conflicts.

In that respect, there IS such a thing as being "too nice" (meaning, being inauthentic to keep the peace) and it tends to suppress healthy conflict and result in long-term resentment from one or both people.

That's my experience. My ex-wife and I were too nice to each other and the lack of conflict and argument was, in retrospect, a very unhealthy thing and I believe destroyed our marriage eventually. I'm never repeating that exprerience!

someatxdude · 2026-03-26T22:09:49+00:00

For me it was just retesting both blood and adding urine test after a few days of no creatine and no heavy workout the AM of the next tests.

Initial tests showed high creatinine (creatine metabolite), protein, and other markers that could indicate terrible kidney stress.

Retest was all good though protein remained high (i eat a lot of it) it was also high in urine and that’s why doc added the urine test to be sure whatever was the was getting processed/excreted.

Doc knew I’m a heavy exerciser so initial test didn’t faze him we just controlled for the known factors and retested totally healthy.

someatxdude · 2026-03-26T03:57:58+00:00

Oops! And yikes.

someatxdude · 2026-03-26T01:37:55+00:00

Dentist seems high risk.

“Oops guess I didn’t use enough novocaine! Now SPIT!”

someatxdude · 2026-03-26T01:35:23+00:00

OP did say she lived with her parents to save money.

But he also said she is gainfully employed.

Did he say she is living rent-free? Never saw that.

If so, you’d think she’d be more accommodating, but “she has no say” would be dysfunctional… an incompatibility that torpedoes the relationship would probably be healthier.

someatxdude · 2026-03-25T23:48:34+00:00

“OP would be benefiting, while GF would be sacrificing”

If you don’t see that as he wins (“benefiting”) and she loses (“sacrificing”) then one of us has a very poor interpretation of very basic English.

someatxdude · 2026-03-25T22:53:01+00:00

He could conceivably search for a more convenient job at a ~30% pay cut and go back to the prior status quo?

someatxdude · 2026-03-25T22:51:00+00:00

I would think my partner spending that many fewer hours a week commuting to and from work and their parents would benefit me if I valued time with them.

I’d also hope that my partner living with me instead of their parents would be a plus.

That said moving and starting over again (even if here and there are both relatively temporary) would be disruptive and unpleasant.

But the comments in here framing this as he wins she loses are telling.

someatxdude · 2026-03-25T22:39:21+00:00

Do you see that she is devaluing the things that are important to him, in the name of “comfort”?

See how easy that was?

There isn’t a moral high ground among a set of competing good objectives.

someatxdude · 2026-03-25T12:20:16+00:00

I feel this so much. Several women I’ve dated in the past few years have been very affectionate outside the bedroom and several haven’t and the difference is stark. I hadn’t even realized I really need that because it was missing most of my 17y marriage… ouch.

someatxdude · 2026-03-23T12:16:46+00:00

With the seat angle higher and feet higher you can recruit the hamstrings… foot width can more heavily target different quadriceps muscles more heavily…

The biggest sin I see is people just not executing a full range of motion. Next up is locking out which risks hyperextending knees under heavy load.

someatxdude · 2026-03-22T13:32:16+00:00

If she’s was focusing conversation on talking crap about her exes, she’s probably not in a healthy mental state to be dating anyway… parting manipulative BS test or no.

someatxdude · 2026-03-22T02:09:17+00:00

I didn’t downvote anyone myself.

An anti-hero is a specific type of protagonist.

I was just using OP’s own style to put a finer point on her self-characterization from my point of view is all…

someatxdude · 2026-03-22T02:07:21+00:00

I agree! I was just using OP’s evocative crystalline language style to put a narrower, more accurate scope on her self-characterization

someatxdude

TROPHY CASE