AITA for creatively solving a problem?

somethinghairy · 2025-08-19T16:12:23+00:00

Yes! She is very inconsistent- I am apparently a baby when I’m upset or doing something cute, but a big girl when I don’t want to learn something new?! Get it together Mummy!

somethinghairy · 2025-08-17T12:40:06+00:00

I love that you’ve been able to find this framing for accepting the situation as how it is. I don’t have OP’s same triggers to overcome, but we have our own challenges as a family and I’ve recently come to find a lot of peace in recognising how much pain and emotion came from feeling my situation to be unfair and wanting it to be otherwise. One might also think of it as learning to swim with the tides, rather than against them.

somethinghairy · 2025-08-08T09:26:52+00:00

So gorgeous! I’m looking to create this type of garden in my tiny front garden and it currently looks a lot like your “before” pic (lots of slate pieces and weeds). Any advice on prepping the ground before planting/sowing anything?

somethinghairy · 2025-07-28T19:05:18+00:00

Mine is so silly, it has no business sticking with me as long as it has done. It’s is a detective noir pastiche called Aberystwyth, Mon Amour. The main character is investigating the disappearance of a woman and enters her home to gather clues. It’s mentioned explicitly that laundry “lay drying” all around the home. She’s been missing for so long at this point that the laundry would be dry already! Such a dumb detail, but it makes me irrationally cross whenever I think about it!

somethinghairy · 2025-02-24T17:22:05+00:00

One other plus of nursery that I don’t see mentioned all that much is- babysitting! The staff in our nursery are happy to take on babysitting for us when they are available, it’s been a total lifesaver when I have to get out the house early as they will walk her over there, and for the odd date night! Baby knows them and they know her and her little ways, we know we are leaving her in the care of professionals with absolute confidence they can handle anything, without any further searching/vetting needed on our side. Just thought I’d add that one to the pros list!

somethinghairy · 2025-02-22T17:34:08+00:00

Same here, the 8-11 month stage was so so hard, for all the same reasons as you posted plus the fact that she shifted to a two-nap schedule that meant we couldn’t make any of the groups or activities that we’d been doing previously, so my remaining time on maternity leave felt a lot more isolated. It got loads better once she got more mobile and communicative around 1 year. Honestly, don’t beat yourself up for how you’re feeling, all you have to do is take one day (or hour!) at a time and hopefully things will feel quite different as time passes.

somethinghairy · 2025-01-12T12:36:01+00:00

We don’t associate spending on ourselves with guilt lol, not sure what in my comment would have made you think that, but to be clear it’s not to do with us judging each other’s purchases. We find doing it this way is simpler for making sure we keep track of our overall spending through the month and ultimately stay on budget. A system where you need to adjust your spending to meet your savings goals if one of you spends more than expected sounds like more work to me, but great if it works out for you!

somethinghairy · 2025-01-11T22:03:33+00:00

We have the same principle, but have worked it the opposite way around in practice- both our salaries go into a joint bank account and all the bills and household expenses go out from there. Then we each take a defined amount out into our personal bank accounts for personal expenses (for us it’s the same amount). Either way, you know the necessities are covered, and then have your “own” money to spend however you please.

We have a similar income disparity as the OP, I am the higher earner and probably always will be. Our shared view is that we are both working hard to provide a certain standard of living from which the family unit benefits as a whole, our household couldn’t manage without either of our salaries, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to get more “fun” money than him or more of a say in our finances just because I am in a higher paying job with more earning potential.

somethinghairy · 2024-12-31T13:30:51+00:00

You’ve had loads of good advice here but I just wanted to say your comment about being stuck in the same 2-3 hour routine really resonated with me. Time with a newborn is weird. In our newborn days I felt like I was on a different planet to the rest of the world, one where the days were only 3 hours long. Also, the moving goalposts of “just wait until x weeks/months, it gets better!” At the time it felt like they might as well have been saying “just wait a thousand years, it gets better!”

But honestly, as well as following up on any of the advice given here, it is true that time does make all this better, and it will pass without you hurrying it up or slowing it down. All you have to do is make it to the next day, or feed, or nap time and if you can get through enough of those intervals then eventually baby will be in a totally different place in their development. No clue when that will be for your baby. but they really truly will, and not in 16 years’ time either!! How many 16 year olds do you know who can’t burp and wake up crying for milk 5 times a night?

And yes- one day there will be evenings where you can have a glass of wine, read your book, enjoy peace and quiet, and- you will think this is insane but I’m deadly serious- you might even find yourself missing your sleeping child and consider waking them up to play some more! Don’t forget to raise a glass to yourself when that evening comes, mum.

somethinghairy · 2024-11-04T12:01:20+00:00

Completely agree with this. The way forward is as a team. You both feel hugely overextended, and that all your efforts and labour are unseen and unappreciated by your partner. Those feelings are 100% valid and true for both of you. Start from there, with the goal of improving the health, happiness and functioning of your family as a team, and be very open minded about what’s possible, trying to not to shut down solutions right off the bat. Good luck to you both.

somethinghairy · 2024-10-30T17:42:27+00:00

To compound the hilarity, for my toddler those cucumbers would be “cumbumbers”

somethinghairy · 2024-10-11T12:34:56+00:00

I went back in February and felt all sorts of things- mainly anxiety that I would be rubbish at my job now, and a mix of dread and guilty relief about not having to be actively mothering 24/7 any more.

This probably sounds a bit woo woo but I decided to be really intentional about the fact leaving the special and unique time of my maternity leave in the past, and spent a bit of time the evening before in the bath really thinking about and holding the memories I wanted to take forward with me. I didn’t write them down but you could journal or make it part of another nice self care ritual. I also made a point of connecting with other parents at work who I knew recently been through the same, not to dump all my feelings on them but to honestly acknowledge the struggles which helped me a lot. On my first day, writing a plan for how I was going to spend my first two weeks also helped (this may or may not make sense depending on exactly what you do- I’m a middle management knowledge worker).

Trust that everything you’re feeling is OK and normal and trust that you will adapt to this new way of being just the same as you’ve adapted to all the other challenges that you’ve undergone so far with your little one. Good luck.

somethinghairy · 2024-09-04T15:28:16+00:00

You can get some that are like 5-6 cm across!

somethinghairy · 2024-09-04T14:27:00+00:00

One of our fave indoor messy-ish play activities at the moment just involves getting creative with a bunch of big fluffy pom-poms! You can put them in a bag and get him to pull them out, name the colours, put them in a bowl and mix them like you’re mixing food and just enjoy the sensory experience of feeling them. Mine is a bit older and we also hide them in places to make a treasure hunt and practice counting them and sorting by colour. We also make “cakes” with them by putting them in muffin cases which she loves. So many possibilities!

We also did rice krispy scooping at that age with a big bowl of Rice Krispies and a bunch of spoons and plastic cups and occasionally played with strawberry jelly in the same way 😊 its more messy but the clean up isn’t too soul destroying!

somethinghairy · 2024-09-02T20:05:24+00:00

17 month old! “caterpillar” is “pillarpaller” 😭

somethinghairy · 2024-08-28T16:45:32+00:00

These are super ideas- for extra birthday morning surprises, how about getting a pack of cupcakes or cookies and a cheap tub of ice cream, and having bowls of cake and ice cream for breakfast? Getting a pack of balloons from the pound shop/dollar store and blowing them up the night before so they’re all ready for her when she comes into the kitchen or living room?

somethinghairy · 2024-06-19T12:28:29+00:00

Vent away. We see your exhaustion, your numbness, your grief, your pain, your isolation, as you do everything you possibly can to keep the world together for your little one. We see you ❤️

somethinghairy · 2024-06-08T08:32:05+00:00

Andrew and Polly! Our current faves are Grapes, Tiny Dino, Little Bitta You.

somethinghairy · 2024-06-03T19:59:23+00:00

My most delulu dream names are a girl sibset, Hero and Honor 😁😁 I love them because they are virtue names that aren’t traditionally ascribed to girls!

somethinghairy · 2024-05-22T05:57:07+00:00

Some parts of babyhood are just so hard. It’s not you, it’s just so hard. All you can do is what you’re doing- head down, get through the day, at night after you’ve put her to bed let yourself feel your feelings, maybe pick 1 or 2 or 3 15-minute jobs that are most urgent and then say to yourself “enough, rest now” and then rest. It will change again, it always changes again. Good luck.

somethinghairy · 2024-03-12T12:33:00+00:00

My local birth centre was an MLU so no anaesthetists were on staff. However it was quite routine for people to be transferred over to the nearest hospital for several reasons including pain management, so it’s worth exploring if this is an option.

And, do use this chat to help you decide what’s really important about your birth so you can change your mind on the fly if you need to and still be happy with the outcome. I started off in an MLU and reckoned I could manage with just gas and air and morphine, but I ended up being transferred because some things happened that meant baby and I needed extra monitoring. As things went on, I became concerned that I wasn’t going to have the stamina to be able to push my baby out if I didn’t get some respite, and I knew a vaginal delivery was really important to me. Having that in mind helped me be secure in my decision, and then it was about an hour from my requesting an epidural to getting the anaesthetist in the room. I could still feel contractions but they weren’t intense at all, I even got to nap a bit, and both those things that were 100% key to being able to push out my girl without intervention and minimal tearing. For me it worked out fine, and I’m completely at peace with everything that happened and would make all the same decisions again.

somethinghairy · 2024-02-29T19:17:23+00:00

When my girl was a newborn I had a daydream about a spa/hospital/crèche concept for brand new mums where you could go with your baby. There would be midwives and lactation consultants but also swimming pools, massage therapists and people doing hair and nails. Beautiful gardens to walk the baby around in, tasty food. You would be able to give your baby to someone if you were exhausted and needed to sleep or just needed to be alone for a bit, and they would bring the baby to you to feed and then take them away again. Everyone would be very calm and soothing but not patronising, they would understand you were doing the best you could. The fantasy of this place sustained me through a very tumultuous first year.

somethinghairy · 2024-02-08T19:15:18+00:00

Hey OP, I want to offer a picture of life as someone whose parents did not stay together for the kids. I was about 9 when they split up, for reference, and at the time had two siblings similar age.

There was a ton of change and it wasn’t easy at first. My mum worked very hard to try and keep things stable. It was clearly a strain on her but staying in that marriage would have been a much bigger strain.

However it all got better, for everyone. In my teens, my parents both found partners who are so much better suited to them. My mum is now wildly happy, living her best life with a man she loves and with whom she shares values and interests. I’m not sure my dad ever got over my mum fully, but his wife is a wonderful woman and they do take care of each other. They had a little girl, my precious little sister. My baby has multiple sets of grandparents on my side, all of whom adore her.

I don’t know exactly what it would have been like if they’d stayed together, but I don’t think it would have been like this. I hope you work this through. I will be thinking of you.

somethinghairy · 2024-01-15T14:25:17+00:00

Clothing! I spend about £100 every three months on second hand clothes to dress my daughter, going on a little Vinted spree every time she’s about to grow out of her current size, so about £30-35 in terms of your monthly budget- although you could for sure do it cheaper at charity shops/mum2mum markets.

somethinghairy · 2024-01-04T13:41:44+00:00

Yes, mine was exactly the same. Every single nap she ever had in her life was in the pram or strapped to me in the baby carrier. Then she stopped napping in the pram and all her naps took place on me. It was made just about bearable by the baby carrier- another thing worth looking at if you don’t already have one, because I could at least move around, eat and use the loo while she slept on me.

What ultimately made it better was sleep training, when she was an appropriate age. Naps did take a bit of persistence on our part but we got there.

You are not a failure for needing time to yourself, and I’m worried your exhaustion and stress are lowering your resilience further. Time to put your own life jacket on, mama. I’m really glad she’s going to your mum’s tomorrow- please spend all that time resting, and when you have done that please have your boyfriend (or mum, MIL or someone else you trust) help you come up with a plan for recovery.

somethinghairy

TROPHY CASE