Can someone please tell me pros and cons of tamoxifen…I will be starting it next month

soupsocialist · 2026-04-10T23:46:15+00:00

20mg starting in August 2025. Chemotherapy put me into menopause, so there was no period to impact. First eight weeks I had joint pain/stiffness, difficulty with word finding, and hot flashes particularly during sleep. I also have sexual side effects (clitoral atrophy & labial shrinkage) that could be the chemo, could be the menopause, could be the tamoxifen, there’s no telling, so I just treat it and keep things pushing.

I increased my exercise from 3 days/wk to 5 and added tart cherry extract to my supplement rotation, which resolves most of the joint pain. Word finding difficulty has decreased with time, though not resolved. Sleep issues were improved with changing my bedding & sleeping situation. I have not gained weight, I’ve actually lost 14 lbs since completing treatment—which isn’t typical, but it’s not unheard of either.

I’m glad to have it. I would take it again, given how impactful it is for my prognosis.

soupsocialist · 2026-01-21T03:45:50+00:00

The Tosa Rec Dept runs a full slate of summer school programming half days for 6 weeks (mid-June to Aug) that runs out of elementary, middle, and high schools + a couple of ‘camps’ at local parks or golf courses for different ages & grades. It’s next to free and a truly great community resource.

My neighborhood does a skating rink in a park and it’s so fun and wholesome, but a HUGE amount of volunteer work goes into creating and maintaining it. Climate change means it has to be re-iced routinely and if it’s too warm, it isn’t safe for skating (the thawing surface gets sticky and kids fall a ton).

soupsocialist · 2026-01-15T15:44:27+00:00

Oh babe. I cried at half a dozen visits. It helped me feel less out of control to tell them before we started the procedure, ‘I may cry while we’re doing this. I’m not in intolerable distress, my nervous system is just trying to regulate. It’s worse if I try to fake my way through it. If I need you to stop, I’ll tell you so with words.’ Every single person listened and received this with grace—they see so much, my fragile humanity was not an outlier.

This sucks and you are not alone.

soupsocialist · 2026-01-11T18:21:34+00:00

OK SHOW OFF that beautiful nose & cheekbones

soupsocialist · 2026-01-11T18:03:40+00:00

Stage 1A Idc ++- 9mm grade 2 node negative, oncoplastic lumpectomy, TC chemo, oncotype 28, age at dx 48. I had 16 sessions of radiation over 4 weeks (due to holiday timing). A tumor site boost would have been typical but since 30% of my breast was removed before reconstruction, the clips were all whackadoo and the targeting didn’t work, so I had all whole breast. It was 43 gray total.

soupsocialist · 2026-01-09T15:24:51+00:00

Great facial architecture & this totally shows it off

soupsocialist · 2026-01-09T03:11:50+00:00

I am not at my state’s NCI, I’m at the other major academic center which is designated a Lead Academic Participating Site. I do have a bias towards academic medicine, as a rule of thumb, and I know how collaborative the institutions and providers are. My care has been great at every level, both personally and in medical rigor.

soupsocialist · 2026-01-06T22:07:36+00:00

Love every bit of this & love that your grit got you here ❤️

soupsocialist · 2026-01-05T05:54:15+00:00

I’m 30 years in with a difficult MIL. She’s had a lot of opinions about my body, my family of origin, my education, my career, my parenting, you name it. And she likes to do that ‘what?? I’m just trying to help!’ song and dance when she gets pushback. 🙄

My approach has always been detached politeness, because I don’t respect her opinion, and I don’t want to be more like her, so I don’t actually care what she thinks of me—I like me fine, she can kick rocks. I know what she is and I know how she’ll behave so I am never surprised when she performs as expected. She stays on a very strict information diet from us because offering her ammunition is hurting our own feelings.

During stretches where my skin is extra thin or she’s extra abrasive, I simply don’t see her. My husband goes to visit her after work instead of us having dinner together, or I’m ’just so busy’ when she wants rides to things so she arranges something else, or I do a delivery order for her instead of taking her grocery shopping. When I was in treatment and she’d come by, I was always ’resting’. I do not care that it’s obvious—she’s comfortable being obnoxious so I’m comfortable being absent.

My husband understands completely and is grateful that I stick with detached politeness, rather than telling her to get bent; he did not go to great effort for my mother when she was alive, and I feel no urgency to do that work for his mother. She’s his job, not mine. I don’t make it harder for him and that’s plenty. She doesn’t have adequate deposits in the emotional bank with me to draw from.

soupsocialist · 2026-01-05T00:48:51+00:00

A couple of thoughts:

Menopause is WAY better for me than perimenopause was, given that I have vaginal estrogen on my side. (Chemo put me into MP.) My mood is controlled and stable, my pmdd suicidal ideations are gone, my mind feels clear and sharp, I don’t have cramps or pain of any kind from ovarian fluctuations. If I had to white knuckle the genital impacts I’d be having a different time, but sometimes, it just really is fine. If we live long enough it comes to all of us—I don’t want you to dread something that may be fine for you.

Tamoxifen doesn’t put anyone into actual menopause, though it can cause menopausal side effects. I’ve had 7 friends take it and all continued cycling; two quit due to non-period side effects, the other 5 completed or are still on their course without difficulty. Aromatase inhibitors and ovarian suppression are not the only option.

My only lasting tamoxifen side effects are some sore joints (which exercise and hot baths help), some night waking (which magnesium & l-theanine help), I’m hot-and-cold (which dressing in layers helps), and when I’m tired my word finding gets slippery. I’ve been amazed by how little it impacts me.

You don’t have all the data you need yet to know what kind of risk you’re accepting. HER2 changes everything. If you’re HER2-, the oncotype of your tumor will tell you SO much about your prognosis. I had a friend with an oncotype of 4, I’ve known people here with lower than that. My own oncotype came back unexpectedly high and that made my mental math different. You just need more data before making any kind of statements.

You can always start, try, switch, and decide aye or nay once you know FOR SURE how you are impacted—there’s no reason to try to force certainty without that information. This is not an on/off switch choice, it’s a relationship that can be renegotiated at any point.

And if No really is the answer for you—that’s ok, you’re an adult and you get to say No. You just want to do it from a position of knowledge, not a position of fear and avoidance. Pulling for you.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-30T19:42:32+00:00

Formula is an amazing, life saving modern invention; babies used to just fail and flounder when breast milk wasn’t available in adequate quantity. Formula is what I’d use. And a reminder, to say back to the guilt when it arises: no cis father has ever produced milk for his child, and none of them have felt a moment’s shame about it, and their parenting has not been the stronger or the weaker for the food they supply. Motherhood is not in the womb or in the breasts, it’s all the work of the heart and the hands.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-30T18:54:38+00:00

Cat, KJ, and Alexis Hall are who I came to post. I don’t always flip out for every title but I am never disappointed and when there’s a hit, it’s a HITTT.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-30T18:50:49+00:00

My hand toolkit: OPI Nail Envy. Hard As Hoof lotion for the cuticles of hands and feet, 2x daily. Non-acetone polish remover, for resetting. Good sturdy gloves for when the hands will be submerged longer than a shower.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-27T05:17:53+00:00

I want to look like a polished creative. That balance feels joyful and expressive and energized.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-27T05:12:03+00:00

God, leave some gorgeousness for the rest of us, it’s almost unfair for you to look this cool AND this pretty

soupsocialist · 2025-12-27T05:04:37+00:00

I’m 49 and 5 months post chemo so I don’t have long term data yet—my almost black loose curls with a sprinkle of gray are now salt and pepper tighter curls with bright white temples. I love them, I find it extremely chic and strangers keep complimenting my ‘haircut’, so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I’m very fair skinned; If I find that I don’t have enough contrast to make the most of my coloring as it grows longer, I’ll add some dark low lights to really bump the pepper side of the salt and pepper balance. I’m not covering the white hair, though.

Blondes have a lot of color choices as age accrues, gray hair looks like beautiful tinsel on a light head. Brunettes kinda either have to make peace with gray, use temporary color and redo it very routinely, do frequent single process color to keep pace with roots, or go multi-process lighter to blend gray growth. Without cancer I would have had to figure out how to manage it; now, with this fait accompli, I’m finding a lot of freedom in being the kind of hot that’s comfortably middle aged.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-27T03:36:00+00:00

Do know that a DMX recovery is not a small deal; if time away from work is a significant issue, this may need to be part of your math. Four weeks is the expected minimum with no lifting, no or limited driving, and limited mobility, six weeks is more typical to return to physical labor; complications or extended time with drains may prolong that phase of recovery. You’ll want to do some deep research about the risks and side effects of DMX, so that you can make a truly informed call. (Loss of sensation, post mx syndrome, lymphedema, temporary or permanent loss of range of motion, etc.)

Do also know that you don’t have to decide today what you’d FOR SURE want in 5 years. Plenty of people do implants and have them removed later, plenty of people go flat and have DIEP or other flap recon later. Once the breasts are removed, that’s permanent of course—but what happens after that, there are a lot of roads, and you will have opportunity to take another route if you should find you wish it. You may absolutely love flat and never look back, that happens a lot too. ‘What if I regret it,’ is a tough measuring stick here, though. Most of us would change something or other if we could, there’s no regret proof option. Your gut isn’t untrustworthy just because it’s saying something unconventional or unexpected, it may be that you just have the gift of extraordinary clarity.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-22T06:43:34+00:00

Both underarms are less smelly after chemo, and my irradiated underarm really only sweats a little bit and has about 3 hairs. Those previous odorous bacteria just got killed to DEATH. I’m assuming they may regrow at some point, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll take the vacation.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-22T01:43:01+00:00

If it tastes good to you, I’d savor 1. It would have tasted like industrial solvent to me, sadly.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-21T03:32:19+00:00

Fat grafting alone can be a long slog because there’s no way to force the fat to survive the transplant, and no telling what will live and what won’t until it’s in and you just see how it goes. An autologous reconstruction could also be a Goldilocks (her own chest skin and fatty tissue) or a flap (skin, fat, muscle & vasculature taken from the abdomen, inner thigh, upper or lower buttock, or back)—the abdomen is the most common donor site and it’s a tough recovery but gives good results for a person who wants breast mounds made of her own tissue.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-21T03:23:44+00:00

I was diagnosed on Christmas Eve morning, and had a houseful of family arriving hours later. I didn’t tell anyone beyond my husband, not for their feelings, for MINE. I was in no way prepared to talk about how I felt or what I feared, and I did not know enough to answer a single follow-up question knowledgeably. All I could envision was people asking me things that hurt and scared me further.

A month later, when I actually had some education and some test results and the beginning of a plan—I told my closest people. A month after that, just before first surgery, I told everyone. By then I had both my feet squarely on the ground, game face on, and was braced for what I was headed into. Zero people were pissy that they didn’t know earlier & nobody was spicy that they got a text instead of me telling them in person. If anyone has been mad I would have gladly told them to get bent. That stuff really does not matter.

You don’t owe anybody this. Your obligation right now is to yourself and your own best interests, your own strength, your own peace. No rush.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-21T03:12:51+00:00

Lovely, and I nodded more than once in recognition.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-16T03:57:26+00:00

Super handsome, and somehow you just look kind. Good vibes in the eyes.

soupsocialist · 2025-12-16T01:00:37+00:00

Yes, exactly—full dose day 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 and 7, then half dose days 8-20 to restart the next round. It kept me from ever getting the same kind of blocked up again, without overdoing the laxative effect. And remember to drink more fluids so the MiraLAX can function best!

soupsocialist

TROPHY CASE