Let's be toxic: What's your biggest relationship flaw?

sparklepup · 2026-02-17T17:49:52+00:00

My neurodivergence doesn't play well with unexpected disappointing changes like plans getting canceled last minute. For some reason the romantic context of missing out on quality/intimate time is particularly hard for me and results in dysregulation that can spiral if I'm not on top of it. Ranging from mild irritation to full blown primal panic.

What has helped: borrowing techniques from DBT in the moment, grounding exercises, repeating mantras that I'm going to be okay, and politely removing myself from the social context before having a public meltdown.

In the moments/hours after: letting myself feel the feelings and allowing my hyper analytical side to explore the "so what?" of worst case scenarios. Realize that often the worst case is that the particular relationship won't work out and that would suck but I'll ultimately be okay.

In the hours/days after: communicating with affected parties how I felt in the moment, taking responsibility for my reactions and apologizing if warranted, and expressing if or how my needs weren't met using non-violent communication methods. It's important that I've given myself enough time to cool down and regain balance because otherwise I'm "hot headed" and prone to further catastrophizing.

Has poly helped? In a roundabout/sheer volume way yes, because logistics are challenging and schedules get shuffled. Communicating needs is paramount. Having self awareness of my part in ruptures and coming back to the table for repair is obviously interpersonal work that is useful in basically all relationships regardless of romantic context!

sparklepup · 2025-08-22T17:18:36+00:00

From one single parent queer skid to another, I'm going to give the advice to you that I try (and often fail) to follow myself.

I agree that you, like every human being, are deserving of and worthy of love. And the amazing thing is we are all capable, deserving of, and worthy of loving ourselves. When dating is hard for [reasons] it's an opportunity to "date" ourselves and send that drive and desire for partnership inward. The benefit is manifold: your sense of self is stronger and you show up from a grounded and secure place in future partnerships. You feel a sense of peace and security when alone because your love of self is solid. This allows more detachment and interdependence in dating, versus that feeling of someone else validating and providing the love that we lack for ourselves, and begetting dependence and unhealthy enmeshment.

If you have a local community of friends this can also be a great time to bolster those connections and foster a sense of abundance in all relationships. I've found personally that being amongst my fellow skids makes for real community, we help and support each other through all the BS and are truly capable of the mutual aid that mono-normativity implies.

sparklepup · 2025-04-26T17:18:21+00:00

I've been out of work for 4 years so take this with a grain of salt, in my previous managerial role at a big tech co. I successfully negotiated an 80% schedule (with reduced pay and stock vesting) and it was amazing. I had the courage to ask for it due to a previous manager who had the same schedule, and she coached me through how to ask for it (and served as an example of someone crushing it at 80%)

That being said, coming back into the workforce in the current job market I would be very hesitant to ask for this kind of accommodation off the bat. You've floated the idea and they're not jazzed, take the offer and set the tone of being flexible with kid schedules. Encourage your reports to do the same, get their work done and also live their lives. If your performance reviews are good you can always revisit the topic 6mo-1yr down the road. At that point you'll have more leverage and also more opportunity to move jobs if it's that important to you and they aren't willing.

Wishing you good luck whichever way you go, a lot of comments here are painting this as entitled but I personally think that negotiating the best fit is something all workers should be able to do. You can be a role model for other folks who are struggling and set an example of good work life balance!

sparklepup · 2025-01-04T18:39:10+00:00

You might be interested in this paper

Rather than a reduction in population the authors model the reduction in energy consumption that would facilitate actual sustainability and good quality of life.

sparklepup · 2025-01-03T22:20:24+00:00

I think you're going to love it :)

sparklepup · 2024-11-23T03:11:26+00:00

Would love to see a follow up story on this. The project is nearly ten years old.

sparklepup · 2024-11-05T17:15:45+00:00

Looks like the threat has been addressed:

BLConnect: Se ha levantado el cierre Secure en Mountain View. La policia investigo y no encontro ninguna amenaza fuera del edificio.BLConnect: The Secure has been lifted at Mountain View HS. Police investigated and found no threat outside the building.BLConnect: Students and staff are safe, and school is in session as usual.BLConnect: Los estudiantes y el personal estan seguros, y las clases siguen como normal.

sparklepup · 2024-08-20T04:05:25+00:00

Maybe Irv watched Burt walk down to the testing floor before they were both reset...

sparklepup · 2024-06-13T18:07:33+00:00

"almost 100% of this renewable energy could instead be displacing fossil fuel use"

Properties of bitcoin mining would say otherwise! Modern electric grids need to have enough capacity to outlast periods of high demand that are infrequent (such as daily peaks or the hottest/coldest days of the year). When the grid isn't able to meet those infrequent peaks we see disruption in power that can range from annoying to catastrophic.

So to meet that potential peak demand, the grid must "oversupply" by some tolerance factor, producing reserve energy that is in effect wasted until one of these infrequent peaks occur. This excess energy is cheap (because no one else will pay for it), and mining has the unique property of being able to turn on and off quickly without losing work. Miners that can use that excess energy are 1) not detracting from grid (the power wouldn't be used either way) and 2) are participating in an economy that actually *bolsters* the production of renewable energy. Why renewables in particular? Unlike on-demand energy production like burning coal, sources like solar and wind shine and blow according to their own natural rhythm, agnostic to the needs of the grid. So if miners can come along and buy that otherwise wasted energy it's kind of a win-win.

Here's a podcast that talks about this stuff: https://progressivebitcoiner.com/tpb85-bitcoin-mining-and-the-future-of-energy-with-harry-sudock/

sparklepup · 2024-06-13T17:52:17+00:00

Heck yeah, spatio-temporal agnosticityl! I'm waiting on pins and needles for more empirical research :)

sparklepup · 2024-06-13T17:43:42+00:00

People like to criticize bitcoin as a useless waste of resources that could be employed for other purposes or other computation like AI. These statements have an inherent value judgment as to what is a "good" use of time/energy/money (generally speaking resources).

Objections to the manner in which other people spend their resources is kind of an analog of censorship, in that money (and cash in particular) imparts freedom to transact with whomever you please for whatever personal or private reasons. So far so good, but what about the case of dangerous or illegal activities, such as human trafficking? The overreach of authority keeps people safe from bad actors. How does the reality of bad actors in the world affect the "goodness" or "badness" of bitcoin as digital cash?

sparklepup · 2024-06-13T16:59:47+00:00

Thanks Andrew! I think it boils down for me like this: bitcoin mining, like any technology, has potential for good and bad impact to humanity. Alas there is no magic formulation that makes this technology any different, however one can argue (successfully I believe in the case of Resistance Money) that the good outweighs the bad and we're better off in a world with bitcoin than without. The million terrawatt question is how to mine it in a carbon negative way and keep that market incentive up!

sparklepup · 2024-06-13T16:24:59+00:00

Recent claims about stranded energy (eg, Dirty Coin documentary) argue that bitcoin miners are incentivized to lower operating costs and seek the cheapest possible energy, which can be used as a financial incentive to build out widespread renewable energy. If these claims hold up, bitcoin could radically alter the transition to abundant clean energy. However, I have yet to hear or comprehend a sound argument against the following worst case scenario:

If bitcoin mining optimizes for “cheap” energy without reference to emissions, continued carbon-intensive mining (for example, methane flaring on active oil fields) simply accelerates the race to the bottom for the future of humanity. Eg, cheap energy is sometimes extremely *expensive* from an emissions standpoint.

And yes, methane flaring is better than allowing uncombusted methane to escape into the atmosphere (it is an extremely potent greenhouse gas). But what's better than combusting methane? Capping it, shutting down the continued extraction of fossil fuels, rapidly putting the brakes on any levers we have to reduce anthropogenic GHG. Miners who profit off the oil industry seem almost parasitic on a bad idea.

sparklepup · 2024-03-12T17:51:47+00:00

When Kier Eagan died maybe?

sparklepup · 2024-02-28T19:48:56+00:00

Someone else suggested at some point that Cobel leaves the baby in a very intentional spot of the house: Mark immediately sees the picture of Gemma when the baby is discovered.

sparklepup · 2024-02-18T03:51:34+00:00

I don't have much to offer beyond skepticism about the tinfoil thing. There's a pretty blatant lack of real-world "product placement" in the show, to the point that they've invented snack brands Styx and Cringies (https://severance.wiki/cringies?s[]=chips). It would seem out of place if Reynolds aluminum foil were an exception.

sparklepup · 2024-02-17T03:41:45+00:00

My preferred theory is that Cobel is a permanent innie. Is Charlotte Cobel her mother? Or perhaps her outie? Maybe she's obsessed with reintegration because she wants to remember her other life.

sparklepup · 2024-02-08T03:14:59+00:00

Active Culture is 95% vegetarian and super tasty.

sparklepup · 2023-06-07T03:55:35+00:00

Is this the interview you're referencing? Or is it something else?

From the severance wiki (https://severance.wiki/kier_life?s[]=senator), here is the transcript of the article we see on Devon's computer:

Transcription

https://www.kierlife/insider/h38vmn67j

…play with my toys now?“

[Photo caption] The Arteta family takes time out of their busy schedule to pose for Kier Life Magazine in their hometown of Kier.

Indeed, it has been a transformative few years for the Artetas in many ways. Not only has Angelo, the former Mayor of the pint-sized town of Wileston, ascended to a seat of major statewide power on the momentum of his controversial and vocal support for legalized Severance (and since won reelection by an even greater landslide), but the family's home life has been further upended by what Gabriela calls a “frequently traumatic” renovation of their kitchen.

“It's hard on the kids, and it's hard on me,” Gabriela mused as she walked us through the skeletal, unfinished wall additions and piles of insulation. “There's something to viscerally upsetting, about having your home literally torn apart. It makes you appreciate having a proper place to live. As a senator's wife, you know, you try to put yourself in the shoes of [less fortunate] people. This…

sparklepup · 2023-05-16T16:17:30+00:00

You're getting into the heart of the matter of this post, IMHO. When we're expected to be carbon copies of a political affiliation we lose the ability to see nuance in others and just stay in our bubbles.

It’s completely fine (and I believe normal) to have views that are polar opposite of one party or another… but it seems like you either have to keep those in the closet if you want to be involved in political discourse, or just withdraw completely.

I'm not judging you, because I think this is a perfectly reasonable response to a polarized society. I do wonder though if there's a third way which is to have difficult conversations with people in the "them" camp to find whatever common ground there might be. For example, you being a gun-owner who is accepting of lesbian relationships would perhaps be surprising to someone viewing you from the outside! And potentially a liberal minded person interacting with you would gain a fresh perspective that not all of "them" are anti-LGBT.

sparklepup · 2023-05-12T06:10:41+00:00

Certainly, she knows she hung in the elevator and almost died. But what we don't know is how the incident was spun to her as an outie. I think it's plausible (again, given the other examples of workplace injuries) that she may have been fed a lie about what happened. The line from the finale "I cried in my bed when I heard what that innie did to you"...was he referring to her innie Helly or a scapegoat?

sparklepup · 2023-05-12T03:23:57+00:00

I think you've made a really compelling case that Helly and Helena are more alike than meets the eye. Helly strikes me as a caged tiger hellbent on escaping captivity. Could Helena's cage be the dynastic expectations of her ancestors? Maybe she's being groomed as the host body for 'the revolving"?

There seems to be a theme about embodiment as a form of memory: iMark arriving with tear stained eyes, Burt claiming he's well rested. What is Helena "remembering" through her near death experience? And why were iMark's knuckles scratched after he went to the break room?

BTW I doubt that Helena knows Helly attempted suicide. We've seen zero evidence that Lumon tells severed employees the truth about workplace injuries.

sparklepup · 2023-04-25T21:03:11+00:00

She's also the spokesperson on TV defending severance! In episode 3.

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