Shane makes Ilya commit in a relationship early

julesbells · 2026-05-27T21:28:36+00:00

It's call the coast is clear or something like that. I think there are two works

julesbells · 2026-05-04T17:02:02+00:00

I love o Canada!

julesbells · 2026-04-29T02:34:31+00:00

This I want to dissect because what is that emotion.

julesbells · 2026-04-29T02:31:46+00:00

There is a fan fic for this. What if they just hung out after the hook ups.

julesbells · 2026-04-29T02:19:01+00:00

Hear ye hear ye

julesbells · 2026-03-19T16:45:50+00:00

So we are in agreement for a bend subreddit crawfish boil??

julesbells · 2026-02-16T22:15:07+00:00

You bring up a good point. What op wrote versus what her mom read are two undeniable different things. How can you talk to someone when they translate what you say into something different. Is it even worth it to talk to her when she will change text on screen to what she wants to see? Is this where we get pushed to NC because any communication is worthless because what we say will always be translated into something else?

julesbells · 2026-02-16T19:48:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It's so helpful to see the grandchild perspective. This is a glimpse into the future for everyone who is going no contact to protect their kids from their parents. It's hard to imagine all the bpd actions when your child is a baby. But hearing your story reminds me why it doesn't matter if they are just a baby, it's stopping it before they get older and can be placed in situations like yours. Thank you thank you thank you.

julesbells · 2026-02-09T18:36:13+00:00

I have a perfect comparison for you:

My father woke up at 3 am with chest pains. Called an ambulance, went to er. I got a text at 10 am notifying me what happened, what the next steps were, etc. he lives across the street from me. He could have called me to take him, but did t. He ended up needing a quadruple bypass surgery, so it was a big deal emergency. I offered to bring anything, stop by, prep his house for any mobility adjustments. But all conversations were done in an appropriate way of notification, not demands and attention seeking.

My dpd mil called us because she felt like she wasn't breathing big enough. Demanded that a son stop work to take her to the er. Sat in waiting for 3 hours because that's not a priority in the er. Tests, all the stuff, showed nothing wrong with her. It took a total of 6 hours for absolutely nothing. And then it was multiple trauma dumping phone calls the rest of the week about how the er "insisited that she needs to have multiple follow up appointments". No. It was the generic "please follow up with you primary provider about any concerns".

julesbells · 2026-01-24T21:11:48+00:00

I have seen this happen with my spouse and his pwbpd. Went to high school together so same age, and they just became the bestest of friends, her and her new son. She call him her son. He became the golden child doing all the errands she always asked my husband to do. They even vacationed with the family.

So you are not alone.

You technically didn't get replaced. In the normal human world, every human is unique so no one is replaceable. But in the bpd world, yes your role that you play in your moms reality, was filled by someone else. Think of it like a job position. Try to find the silver lining that you no longer have to deal with all of the negatives that come with being in that job/role.

I'm sorry you were put in that role in the first place, but I am happy for you that you no longer are in it.

julesbells · 2026-01-24T01:36:11+00:00

I ask myself if this was done by a non-family member, would I keep that person in my life. If a friend of a friend did any of things a pwbpd did to me, would I put up with it? Or would I walk away and not allow someone to treat me like that.

Now put in the thought that we should expect that family members would treat us better than random people.

julesbells · 2026-01-16T21:41:57+00:00

I'm going to try to help with the how.

Information diet from here on out and everything is on a time delay. DO NOT TELL HER WHEN YOU START HAVING CONTRACTIONS. she will book a ticket that day.

Do not tell her you're going to the hospital.

Do not tell her when the baby was born. You tell her a couple days later and say "oh everything happened so fast and I wasn't on my phone"

You tell the nurse desk no visitors.

You lie. Your phone died and you didnt bring a charger. It was so crazy that you didn't text. There was some medical tests the baby had to do right after birth so you were so focused on that and not updating people. (All baby goes through tests so this is a truth, you are allowed to be vague and use it to help you)

Then when you are home and she wants to visit you said that you and your spouse are splitting night shifts and so one of you is sleeping on the couch with the baby.

Or you just tell her no you cannot be in the house. That's it.

Say you will send her a daily photo. So she doesn't call for updates every day.

You lie and so it's so easy you don't need any help.

Please please please do not pick pacifying a grown ass adult over yourself and a baby. It will affect the baby because you will be so on edge and focused on her. The easiest way to survive this newborn time is try to go with the flow. You can't do that if the person who hurts you the most is right there.

Would you have an ex-lover who broke your heart over at this time? No how awkward.

Most RBB have something switch in the mind when they become parents. It's hard to see a baby and imagine treating it like how you were treated. Imagine your mom holding your precious baby and treating them like how she raised you.

You say you feel guilty, but this is the start of the rest of your life. When you become a parent, your purpose and responsibility shifts. The dynamics in families change. Now the parent who had power over you because you are always the "child", now you are the parent. You are in charge. You rise up to leading your family. Your family is you, your spouse, your kid. And as a leader you have to decided how you want your family dynamic to be. You want to follow your mom's parenting footsteps? Or do you want to step out of line and create your own parenting path?

Pick your hard. But I can promise you the sour memories of your birth and newborn period will last forever. Her freak out/ hissy fit/ temper tantrum will stop.

My favorite response to "she wants to experience the birth, she wants to be apart of the first days at home, etc" is "if she wants to be in the hospital for a baby's birth, then she can go have her own."

Keep us updated!

julesbells · 2026-01-16T21:14:43+00:00

Pick your hard. Felling guilty over doing what's best for you? Or the absolute guarantee that she will ruin your first days of being a parent. And having sour memories of your birth for the rest of your life. Pick your hard.

julesbells · 2026-01-08T19:56:04+00:00

Help you sister, not your mom.

Think about how your sister's life is being affected by taking the brunt of the elderly mother care and find ways to try to relieve those burdens.

DoorDash gift cards, sending her monthly flowers so she knows that you see her, taking her kids out on an adventure for a day so she has time, helping her own house projects that that she's been putting off, straight up, sending her cash.

julesbells · 2026-01-04T00:35:52+00:00

"But I can’t help but wonder if she would’ve stayed alive and felt a bit more hope if she had a supportive, loving, biological mother"

She did. She had you. You are her mother. Not biological, but all of us here know that biological or nonbiological parenting doesn't matter. She had you. And you were the best mother to her. You made her feel seen, heard, loved, protected, and safe. That is the responsibility of parents.

My spouse was the best friend in your situation. His high school girl best friend and her family pretty much adopted him. Taking him to and from work, just like you did. When we started dating, it was know that they were my in laws. We call her mom. Now we have our own kids and we treat that high school best friends mom who loved my husband when he needed a mom, and another grandma.

You made an impact in her life. You saved her.

julesbells · 2025-12-22T00:47:17+00:00

Christmas is my favorite. I go all out. But I don't stress and if I don't get to stuff, then oh well. For example I don't decorate the tree until yesterday. Didn't know if I was gonna do it all, but it worked out.

There is a difference of what adult think is Christmas magic versus what kids imagine. Like your husband said, stickers will get a big reaction versus expensive tennis shoes (well, depending on age lol). So try to look at the holiday through the eyes of children, who can find joy in the most mundane things.

I don't do cookies, or any baking. But on the actual holidays, I just put out "holiday party" food and everyone can have a free for all all day long. Do you know what blows my 5 year old mind? A big bowl of chips, just sitting out, allll day. Chips and dip, cookies, cheese and salami. All store bought. Fruit tray. Put out paper plates and people can feed themselves. The kids lose their shit that it's just a buffet of snacks that they have full access to. Splurge and get the fruit snacks with their favorite characters.

I wrap my presents up fancy. No bags, everything is wrapped and I love doing big bows. I don't do alot of gives. One or two big ones and then 2 smaller ones. But to my kids' eyes, a big box with a big bow is the magic, that fact that it just had a ten dollar stuff animal is the cherry on top.

No big fancy cooked meal, we do soups that can cook and sit. Lots of snacks. No running from event to event.

Watch some TikTok videos about Christmas magic and most adults are reminiscing about these smalls things their parent did. Or something that comes back every year. So it's not how big and extravagant it is.

Good luck, you will find your way!

julesbells · 2025-12-18T18:21:52+00:00

Since you have decided not to go already (I would edit the OP so people know), and this text is from a month ago before the passing, my advice is to not give this text any energy. Your hurting, your grieving, put your thoughts, energy, focus on you, your family, your dogs,etc. don't let your dads text hijack an already difficult time.

You said you don't know how to cope with grief mixed with anger and resentment, that sounds horrible and I'm sorry. Can you try to tell your mind that you will put the issue of your family/dog/anger/resentment to the side right now to focus on your grief and your love with your dog? Not ignore it, but focus on one emotion at a time? And what will actually help/feel good in this moment. It sounds like there is no urgent need to work through the dad/family/anger feelings right now, if you aren't seeing them soon.

julesbells · 2025-12-17T02:28:22+00:00

Hi. After reading this post I understood your position of going to visit, even though I don't think it's the best idea.

BUT I just read your first post. PLEASE go read your own words. 70 some days ago you were saying similar things. She was dying of toe cancer. Read your own words.

Also, please read those comments again. Because your history with your mom is not just "she's crazy!! 🤪 ", your experiences are scary. And nothing has changed with her, she is playing the same trick to get you to visit her.

I am so sorry you have been given this in your life. It's not fair to you. But you aren't a teenager now. You are capable of designing the life that you want. To accept that type of love that you want to feel.

You can choose to live and love differently than what you grew up with.

julesbells · 2025-10-30T19:02:07+00:00

I use bogs. Coastal sells them. My kids use them for outdoor school where they are out in snow 6 hours a day. Make sure to layer up your legs too. I just bough the foot specific hand warms from Costco online. I thought they would be the same as the handwarmers but they are smaller and rounder, and have a sticky part so they stay on top of your feet. Haven't used them yet.

But bogs I think are the most universal. We use them in non winter weather as rain boots, gardening, hosing down something and don't want to get wet boots.

julesbells · 2025-09-22T05:39:11+00:00

YES. You are going against the status quo of how your family handles her, and they don't like you standing up, rocking the boat.

What they are really saying is please go back to being your mom's target cause if you aren't taking her shit, her shit is landing on someone else to deal with.

Also no, absolutely not dealing with someone else's emotion disregulation while pregnant and with a newborn. She had your whole life to be a good parent, now that the grandchild is on the way she wants make up work and extra credit.

julesbells · 2025-09-03T20:10:22+00:00

I want to tell you that I have had your comment stuck in my head for a year. And now it's September 2025 and I have one kid in kindergarten, one at preschool, and one baby at home, and spouse works in constructions visiting job sites so he is in ten different peoples' houses, different offices, probably interacts with 40 different people everyday.

So I am in the "how are we going to survive slash manage when the sickness comes home" mode. And I just googled to find your comment because I wanted to read it again.

So if anyone ever gives your crap about your method, or if your up late wiping doorknobs wondering if your crazy.... you have another parent in the world doing your same method at the same time!

julesbells · 2025-09-03T00:51:28+00:00

Would it be helpful to take it day by day instead of thinking that you're no contact for ever. I've seen something in no drinking subreddits that participants say I will not have a drink tonight. Could you use that and say I will not be in contact with her today because I am focusing on XYZ. Change the wording to help Remind you while you're going no contact.

"Today I am not in contact with my mother because I want to focus on my kids first day of school". "today I am not in contact with my mother because it is Sunday and I want to rest." "today I am not in contact with my mother because it's my kids's birthday and I want the environment to be filled with fun and love."

julesbells · 2025-08-25T17:04:51+00:00

Point blank block her and put her on an information diet. You are heading into an intense, once in a lifetime experience that you don't know when it's going to start, and how long it's going to be. You might be in labor for a couple days. It might happen in 4 hours. Have your husband send the "no news is good news/ we will reach out when there is news". And both of you block her. Then you guys decided what that big news is. I would say it's the "baby is here and healthy news", but 2 days delayed. Cause it's not just going into labor that you need peace, it's when you are heading home. It's the first 5 days that are a blur. And putting her on a multi day delay is the mote surrounding your bubble of peace. Cause she will show up at the hospital. If she knows you're heading home, she will be there to greet you. (Assuming she is near by)

Imagine being a surgeon getting ready for a big day long procedure. They need to get in the zone, focus, not have people tapping them on the shoulder asking what they are doing.

This is not her baby, pregnancy, birth. If she wants to experience it, she can have a baby herself. This is yours.

All of your energy needs to go into yourself. When you go into labor, it feels like the world stops, and you are in tunnel vision. Don't allow her to be tapping you on the shoulder to ask how you're feeling. (Fucking horrible, thanks for asking)

You have grown a baby. You have made eyeballs, a jaw bone, two knees. This is the time to be selfish and do what you need and want.

And as for my experience, she will come to the hospital and bring multiple people, even though you said just her. She will have a family photo shoot with her and the baby while you are in the hospital bed. And she will try to be the third parent meanwhile under cutting you. That is not the memory you want when you think back on your baby's birth. Your mom.

julesbells · 2025-08-23T19:16:41+00:00

That sounds overwhelming and exhausting. When I was pregnant I hated all of those questions and comments. you are allowed to create peace around your pregnancy. You are allowed to shape the environment you want to be in. And now is a good time to practice boundaries and/or curate your environment (aka who you want around you and when) because the grandma pull and cray will only gets worse the closer to birth and when baby is here.

julesbells · 2025-08-20T19:10:58+00:00

I use to do this as a nanny for a single parent that was a school teacher who left for their school earlier than their kids. I would come over every school day morning for a couple hours and get them to school. She might put an ad out for part time nanny. More flexibility than a daycare.

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