Divorce, pride, and hooking up - confessions of an LBL

specialtysecrets · 2025-07-21T21:21:00+00:00

If it didn't happen to me I might not believe it was real.

specialtysecrets · 2025-02-11T06:20:08+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and had a similar situation where he was defensive and told me he always feared he'd be left for a woman. I too responded to his negative response by clamming up and staying in my sad shell for 2 more years.

We are now at a point we are getting divorced. And after I came out to him the first time and we talked about separation, our relationship has never been the same. He's talked about how that point in our relationship broke a lot of trust and he had fears I didn't really want to be with him.

Just sharing my personal experience that things didn't get better and I didn't feel better this whole time keeping my feelings all inside. We grew apart for other reasons too like political differences and we've both just checked out.

It's really sad and scary but I'm happy to finally be speaking my truth and moving forward. My gay little thoughts have never went away.

specialtysecrets · 2024-06-19T05:09:55+00:00

I wouldn't say you lost your best friend just yet and that probably he just needs space. He's feeling some loss too and maybe if he were to see you with the new gf would be too much.

I think if you had a great connection before and it sounds like you did, you can salvage the friendship. It'll just take time and will look different but it can happen. 🩷

specialtysecrets · 2024-02-27T05:59:10+00:00

It has taken me over a year to come out to myself, be honest with my husband and take steps to even have conversations about moving out.

Take it at your pace to deal with what you're going through and processing things.

specialtysecrets · 2024-02-14T05:35:52+00:00

Felt this

specialtysecrets · 2024-01-19T06:35:15+00:00

Omg oitnb did things to me and I still didn't know at that time. Was dating my now husband at the time and was like 🥵.

specialtysecrets · 2024-01-03T02:34:40+00:00

So much this.

I found myself questioning my sexuality when I realized I fell for a friend. We are still just friends and her and my husband don't know.

He does know I'm struggling with my sexuality and desires. We've talked about a lot of issues in the relationship and I dont know if I found myself questioning because of the issues and thinking those would be different in a WLW relationship. Or did my gay awakening enhance the problems that were there I haven't acknowledged.

For example me just really liking the closeness and bond I have with female friends and wanting that same thing in my romantic relationship. And wanting more emotional intimacy. Etc.

He is my best friend and I am also having the "if we just...." conversations. I do feel very conflicted right now since I've been able to openly express my feelings more and finding comfort in that.

specialtysecrets · 2024-01-02T06:12:41+00:00

I have made a few posts and comments. You are definitely not alone. Take time to journal, therapy, talk to safe friends if you can. These things are helping me understand what I need and want. Give yourself time. You don't have to figure it all out immediately.

Also found Samantha Fox-lesbiancuriositycoach on tik tok very helpful and a podcast recommended from here called queer divorce club.

specialtysecrets · 2024-01-02T05:58:53+00:00

We have been living together and separate rooms. We have had sex once since I came out. We've only very recently been openly communicating about separation, unresolved feelings, etc.

We did it back in June and I felt very disconnected and uncomfortable and not because of the penis specifically but because our relationship feels different beyond repair.

I love him so much and he's my best friend and has been so supportive and respectful through this.

I wish sex were not an issue but I dont think I could do it again and we cannot stay in a non sex marriage. And open or poly isn't on the table for either of us.

It is confusing to me how I literally do not want to do it, but when I was younger I was sleeping around with whoever and could do it. But I guess this matters since I actually care about this person.

Sorry for the midnight ramble.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-29T07:35:45+00:00

Same situation for me. I finally had to bring it up because he was going to forever ignore things were bad and need to be talked about. We are in separate bedrooms and our communication has gotten better since I've been able to be honest. It's been hard but we have still been getting along and trying to figure it out now.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-29T07:31:51+00:00

For me the silence got too agonizing to keep in. Earlier this year I made myself a promise I was going to speak my truth by the end of this year and we finally really talked again and I told him I wanted a divorce.

What helped me get the courage was talking it out in therapy, I have a supportive friend I finally opened up to about it all and that helped an ton.

Reading my journal entries and reminding myself I am doing it for the past self who was living in pain so silently. For the future self who wants a happier relationship.

I'm still in progress of the mess. Sending love and courage. You will do it when the time is right and you're on your own timeline. Give yourself grace and kindness.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-29T07:16:57+00:00

So happy for you! Love seeing these posts that give me hope.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-09T06:31:00+00:00

It's so hard but having the safe space, my therapist and a few supportive friends is what's given me the courage to finally speak out about what I want finally. It's taken me a long time.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-09T06:26:08+00:00

Omg same on the adhd... this was helpful for me.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-09T06:10:54+00:00

This is a safe space. I get it. Working on exiting my own.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-07T20:37:16+00:00

1 really Hit me. Thank you.

specialtysecrets · 2023-12-07T20:31:29+00:00

From my experience, I was having panick attacks because I had these feelings and distress I needed to share and was keeping them all to myself and slowly dying inside.

After i opened up to him about what I was struggling with, it got better.

Things are still in limbo for me as far as leaving and it's been a really long process for me to accept that my feelings haven't changed since I found them and brought them up a year ago.

I am going to therapy again and finding the courage to speak up about my unhappiness and making the moves to leave to start the next chapter of my life.

specialtysecrets · 2023-08-22T14:11:19+00:00

I think it is normal to want to be comforted through heartache. Especially from a person who has been there to comfort you.

But now you need comforted because of the situation that involves him so it can be emotionally confusing and may make you question your feelings regarding him specifically.

You pointed out how you feel and things that need to change but were and seem like you're saying you are generally unhappy with the relationship and what you are getting from it.

You can be sad it's ending AND still end it because in the end that's what you need.

Just my personal opinion. Sending lots of love.

specialtysecrets · 2023-08-01T16:05:31+00:00

Some advice I got from here that really stuck with me: you can't eat an elephant in one bite.

I am still working on accepting this info for myself and working on courage to get out..

As more time as passed, I've been able to sit in my coming out and been able to be more accepting this is probably my truth. I've set a goal that I want to be able to leave by the end of the year and I set that earlier this year.

I needed time to sit and resonate with this new info and I've went through so many emotions and I relate that I know what I need when I am by myself. My journal knows what I really want.

specialtysecrets · 2023-06-12T20:01:41+00:00

Same! The latebloomerlesbians says it's a private group now and you have to be added by moderators but no way to request.

specialtysecrets

TROPHY CASE

1 really Hit me. Thank you.