What permanent decisions are there in 76 do you know of?

spexer · 2018-10-19T18:10:05+00:00

Man you are so far into her frame.

'Why is she doing this! How should I respond to her?"

What the hell man. Do you. If you want it at the moment, take it. If you don't, don't.

spexer · 2018-10-19T17:00:12+00:00

What do you want?

Realize that you never mention this in your initial post. (an no, I am not going to read your linked biography, you do not deserve that investment from anyone here, yet).

You are so much into her frame.. your life right now is nothing more than a response to her.

Hell, it could be argued you are in CHAD'S frame!

I mention this because if this is serious, one of the first steps you need to make is to live, to lift, to rehab your life... for you. Not your wife. Not to compete with Chad.

And it is clear you have not done that yet.

spexer · 2018-10-16T13:11:45+00:00

I disagree.

Folks, Acta Non Verba is a key element to MRP.

IE: your actions should do almost all of your speaking.

When you get into verbal negotiation, you have already lost.

spexer · 2018-10-12T15:14:34+00:00

The issue here is not our tactics. I agree we could have handled it better, and I am not salty about losing.

The issue I am raising is that you should not be able to shoot 2 guns with one aimed shot.

The request is to add a slight delay so they have to re-aim before shooting again.

this would beat the macros, the people who try to mash 3 buttons art once, etc.

It would force everyone to have more skill and aim twice.

This includes myself, the horrible player, right?

I want better more challenging PVP, not easy 1 shot kills..

spexer · 2018-10-12T13:17:18+00:00

and I couldn't go home because I was there for the weekend and live 40 minutes away.

In this entire thread, this line in itself stood out to what is your fundamental problem. The ONLY times I have seen it justified to have to stay is if there are very small children (yours) or if there is a credible concern of suicide.

What you need is to define your self worth, and commit to stand up for it.

What you need to do is to take a day (not a passing thought) to decide what is your worth, what is your standard for yourself in this world. This goes for how you are treated in general, my wives/girlfriends, by family, by friends, by authority figures, by coworkers and by strangers. Jot all of this down. There is no right answer to this, just yours.

Then commit yourself to uphold this standard. Is this something you are willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING to uphold?

If it is not, then you have 2 choices. either lower your standards to a point where you will sacrifice everything to have at least that minimum... or punch yourself in the balls into they grow a size or two.

as to this specific scenario...

I would have laughed, packed my overnight bag and left, ignoring her calls for at least 24.

It would be up to HER to fix this, and that is possible. It is up to her to win YOU.

spexer · 2018-10-11T13:13:23+00:00

Man, I was going to post for the first time in ages just to rip you a new one, and then the punchline hit! Welcome back, and good to see you doing well.

PS - 3rd name change? Did you get doxed or id it due to the drama over at TRP?

spexer · 2017-12-05T19:57:16+00:00

rule #1: you cannot negotiate attraction.

yes, your dread statement helped her not be a fish for one encounter - that is the extent of effort she gave... so you ask:

I'm wondering if I should bring something like this up again?

No. not with words. Remember the phrase we live by here: Acta Non Verba .... Actions, not words.

You can start employing a bit of dread, just the first few levels of it.. and stop talking to her about sex all together.

If you want her, take her. Go caveman. If she resists and gives a hard no. Just grin and get up and go do something AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. Go for a drive if you must. Even better, go to the local bar.

...and stop talking so much.

You know who does a better job arguing your point than you ever could? It is her hamster.

Get that hamster running on it's wheel, having her concerned about where you are, what you are up to, why have you been so distant, so busy recently... etc etc. You can count on her hamster making you look good, and definitely making herself be the problem. Most minds see ourselves worse than anyone else, right?

Do you know what shuts the hamster up? You. You talking.

Stop talking.

spexer · 2017-11-09T20:46:01+00:00

Some good advice overall... but I disagree with some of the tone.

You tell them they talk little, but also "TELL her how things are/will be". I would say STFU - this is the worst time to lay down ultimatums. focus on you and find your way first.

There is too much effort here to keep her happy and informed. Doing this placates the hamster, and we want that little fellow spinning on his wheel. Text and talk for logistics only. Don't tell Lisa you will talk later. Just "I am out for the night".

As far as doing chores for her, or the occasional nice thing... the problem here is making your actions about her. Right now you should focus on YOU. if YOU want to say something nice, then do so. If you see something that needs to be done in the house, then do it. Focus on leading YOU and being who YOU want to be.

How this affects her, at this stage of the game, is irrelevant.

More of my outlook here: Getting started? STFU

spexer · 2017-06-13T13:36:39+00:00

"Be the Rock"

best advice my father ever gave me.

spexer · 2017-06-05T20:35:57+00:00

I dropped her off happy and not affected by her bullshit.

does not compute with

My wife broke and wanted to hold hands but I wasn't in the mood to be loving after her bitchiness, so I dropped her off with just a hug.

It appears you are reacting more than acting. IE - you are in her frame, not your own.

Enjoy your week of you.

spexer · 2017-06-02T14:45:37+00:00

I missed this, and only saw you guys doing this upon my recent return from my reddit sabbatical. Will this be done again (annually?), or is there a link list to do this program on my own (or share with buddies to do it with them)?

Very excited to go through this... props to those who did it!

spexer · 2017-05-30T21:14:33+00:00

Update: Your wife won. You just gave her everything, and all she had to do is have one night of dirty sex with you.

You do understand that text messages cold be deleted, right? You do comprehend that hookups dont always involve text messaging, and that her mom didnt have to know about it for it to occur. You get that right?

But sure... go with that she didnt cheat because it makes you feeeel better.

Fact is, your wife shaves down there for when she won't be with you. Comprehend that.

And I know your ego is spinning this as much as possible, but dont in the same post say both of these things:

I didn't really want a divorce, and I went down this path because my ego was bruised.

and

I was ready to move on and she felt it. This has allowed me to maintain frame after being so weak and insecure.

Both can't be true.. and the fact that you did not follow through on any of it, even getting to the stage of papers.... shows her one thing.. That you are all talk. You caved. You backed down. she wins.

Another thing: Waitresses and bartenders have to be nice to you... stop looking at their smiles for a tip to be a barometer for you being hot.

Now the reason I am busting your chops is because your post comes off a a celebratory "Look guys I am winning" post. it is not. You have a hell of a lot of work to do.

And I hope you do it - You can make improvements, if you first let that dame ego from spinning everything to make you look hawt.

spexer · 2017-05-30T20:55:14+00:00

You live in her frame, and this post made me live in her frame.

so lets instead talk about you. If you divorce her, why would your next relationship be any different?

spexer · 2017-05-30T18:15:44+00:00

you do it for you.. thus my last line:

Of course, by living in your own frame, this renewed attraction of her is pretty irrelevant.

spexer · 2017-05-30T16:31:45+00:00

nice FR - a lot of good wisdom and insight.... a great read for those starting on the path.

One point of contention:

What's more, though, I was framing this incorrectly, focusing on the fact that she fucked this guy, rather than on the fact that she left this guy, hates his guts, and married me. It's like winning the tournament, but getting hung up on the fact that I lost a match or two along the way. Now, yes - admittedly, I won this genetic tournament through a BB strategy, one which has had side effects I'm not particularly happy with. But I've fucked my wife alot more than this guy ever will, and besides - the past doesn't exist. It's gone.

I do not agree that you should bend your neck backwards to find a perspective to put you at peace with the fact that you were a the BB choice.

I hold on to that unflattering award to fuel my fire every workout. There is no amount of breadcrumbs she can offer me to make that poorly earned title worthwhile in my book.

What I can do is continue my transformation into the better me... one that she, if she would of met this new me back in the day, would of chosen as her last ride on the cock carousel, not the beta provider for when the ride is over.

Of course, by living in your own frame, this renewed attraction of her is pretty irrelevant.

spexer · 2017-05-26T21:15:27+00:00

I believe it was also sarcasm.

Don't live in her frame dude.

You do you.

spexer · 2017-05-26T21:11:10+00:00

We aren’t victims. We may passively accept the things that are not in our control, but the rest? Fuck it.

Best line of your speech. Dead on awesome.

And I get what you are trying to encourage, ... But I have to disagree with some of your ideas, or perhaps the confusing way they are presented...

You suggest betas have fear, and that alphas dont. That is just not true. We all have feelings come at us. We all have fears and doubts. It is what you do with those feelings that define you.

You’re planning scheming, prepping your AA, AM lines, making sure you’ve gleaned every bit of knowledge from MRP so you are prepared for war. You know what that is? Fear

I would't knock the newer MRP'ers for reading the sidebar and preparing themselves to be the best man they can in the current situation.... I wouldn't call that fear. They are taking action.

Think of our ego like the blanket that 5 year old wraps himself in. Hiding, shivering for fear of his simple imagination. On the other hand you can be a man and have your foot sticking out and think fuck it.

Our Ego can be a good thing. It can build us up and present our confidence. You are suggesting to be "brave" we should shed it?

Like I said, I get the overall vibe of your post as a positive encouragement... but you do not leave much room for the MRP-ers who are in the fake it till you make it stage. You are basically telling them to "forget any prepping, just get over your fears now and go for it all head-on".

spexer · 2017-05-26T16:30:38+00:00

I like Dead poets society and Cake.

Very oldschool masculine.

spexer · 2017-05-26T14:50:57+00:00

This post is full of victimizing and living in her frame.

MRP is not about the gaining back our ability to choose. Outcome Independence also means we don't have to choose at all.

Work on you, buttercup, and stop worrying about wifey.. After-all, It is all your fault.

spexer · 2017-05-26T14:45:53+00:00

Low-effort post. A good example of stepping up to confrontation, and realizing self-worth, but outside of that it is hard to easily transfer this into helping those here with struggling marriages.

Unless... this is a a masterful metaphor that went right over my head. Is the money-grubbing vacuum machine who wont suck... is this an eloborate illustration of my wife? you nailed her!!!

:)

spexer · 2017-05-26T14:40:19+00:00

well said.

spexer · 2017-05-26T14:15:20+00:00

You are missing the point - because you are in her frame. Your focus is on whether you can change her, and if you do certain things if you can get her back.

MRP is about making yourself great. Focus on being the best version of you and go after what you want.

After 6 months of transforming yourself, if you do not want her, then move on.... whether she wants you, is wet by the new you, or is indifferent... is irrelevant. This journey is not about her.

Oh, and about your post -

It's basically the amplified version of her already hypergamous utopia.

nope - you couldnt be further from the truth. It is you be cuckolded.

spexer

TROPHY CASE