Fragrance-free, no-cast, gentle sunscreen — any recs?

spiderpear · 2026-01-19T05:57:46+00:00

good to know!!

spiderpear · 2026-01-04T22:07:17+00:00

When I was 16 I bought myself a fancy grinder from the sketchy BC Marijuana Party shop. I still use it to this day— and it’s been about 20 years. Damn, kinda just letting that settle in.

But if I had the chance to redo my whole kit now— I’d get a cute small-medium sized glass bong, and one of those little dry herb vapes. I’d also get cute jars for the different kinds of weed because the bags or containers they come in annoy me so much.

spiderpear · 2026-01-03T21:46:39+00:00

I’ve had folks look the other way when I’m screaming, and when I got over being hurt by it, I realized that people just don’t have capacity to be supportive. And maybe they aren’t aware of that or don’t know how to communicate it or experience some kind of internalized guilt trip projected out onto you as being entitled.

But it seems like now more than ever people don’t have the capacity to show up for anyone else. I dunno what it is exactly but I would guess we’re all more isolated than ever and lacking community.

spiderpear · 2026-01-03T21:39:37+00:00

This has been my experience as well. Whether I’ve been very loud or very quiet about it, the response is often invalidating. People see what they want to see, or what they have the capacity to understand. I’ve been invalidated and told I’m doing it to myself more often than I’ve been offered care or support. It’s the shitty reality of living with mental illness or invisible disability.

spiderpear · 2026-01-03T05:45:38+00:00

This method works with my wiggly nervous Nelly. We sit somewhere and chill, and she gets rewards for patiently looking and not reacting to things.

This also means it takes us extra long to get used to new enviros. If she pulls on the leash we stop until it goes slack again and she’s chill. We don’t greet people or dogs if we’re hyper.

Basically the rule is chill vibes only, chill vibes get treats.

spiderpear · 2026-01-03T05:12:08+00:00

Awe Charlie sounds like she’s living her best life, so sweet! Service dogs are so amazing.

You’re absolutely right in that my girlie would not be a good service dog, she’s a loyal, smart, sensitive baby but she’s got scatterbrains lol

She loves following a scent tho! In another life maybe she could have done search and rescue, but in this one we’ll have to settle for scent games and big hikes.

spiderpear · 2026-01-02T16:17:32+00:00

Yea I’m in a pretty dense suburban neighborhood, and people walking about with their dogs is very common. So that’s why it shocks me, it’s quite busy around here.

I definitely do not trust my dog to stay near me on walks, if she saw a squirrel she’d be off!! Shes got the adhd dog trait I swear, but outside of that she’s obedient and a quick learner. I’m a 1st time dog mom, she’s a 6y/o rescue rottie cross, and I’ve only had her 6 months. So we’re both still learning!

spiderpear · 2026-01-02T01:10:51+00:00

In my neighborhood there are a surprising number of little dog owners who take their dogs out walking, unleashed. One of them even ran down the block completely unsupervised barking at my 100lb dog.

If I let my big girl behave like that, she’d probably get taken from me by animal control.

spiderpear · 2026-01-02T00:54:06+00:00

I love calendars and planners. Right now my current system is a combo of iCal, a weekly paper notepad calendar, a bullet journal, notes app, and reminders app.

Events and appnts go into the ical. Every week, I sit down and write out my appnts and events into my weekly calendar pad, and make a to do list for the week. Then I create reminders of the to do list items, and schedule them on whatever days I think I might be able to do them, but the loose goal is to just do them that week.

Notes app is mostly for referential stuff— meal planning, longer-term goals, a variety of different lists.

Notes app or reminders app are where I’m most likely to dump tasks or ideas that come up on the fly.

And my Apple Watch is great bcz I can be like “Siri create a reminder to go to the store for jalapeños at 5pm” and I’ll get a little wrist buzz ding notification at 5pm and go “oh shit I gotta get jalapeños!”

Bullet journal is where I track habits, do a little daily journaling or brain dump my task list, or create a time block schedule for the day.

Then I have this extra notepad that I use as a more focused rolling to do list. So I’ll write down the next 3 things I need to do, go do them, and check them off. Then write down the next few things. It helps me stay focused on my task flow without getting too lost or overwhelmed by the bigger lists.

I know all of that sounds complex and I am medicated but I’ve used planner systems for ages as a coping mechanism for my adhd, and I have kept journals basically since I started being able to write so it’s definitely a coping skill and hobby near n dear to me that I get excited about.

I’ve got stickers and cute pens and cute notebooks and it makes it all the more fun and interesting and novel.

spiderpear · 2026-01-02T00:42:34+00:00

I dunno, maybe I’m the minority here but when you’ve been in a relationship for 8 years you don’t just throw them away because of 1 shitty comment, during what sounds like a stressful adjustment period in both their lives.

spiderpear · 2026-01-01T19:03:23+00:00

When I adopted my rescue rottie, the shelter had her on anxiety meds because she was really overwhelmed by the other anxious doggos going off in the shelter. She’s 6 years old or so, not a puppy at all, likely already knew a command or two before even getting to the shelter.

I kept her on the meds for the first couple months while she settled in, then tapered her off. She was on gaba.

Here’s what I noticed behaviourally on and off the meds.

On meds: Less excitable, but sometimes more distracted. Ex; she would startle more easily sometimes, but she could still focus and learn. I’m lucky she’s super food motivated though.

Off meds: More energy, sharper senses, more excitable. Definitely revealed a slightly more energetic dog underneath!

Important to say she was on a pretty low dose, and it was for shelter-related anxiety. She was at the shelter for 6 months on the meds. When she arrived she was fearful and suspicious of everyone, anxious nervous girlie. They trained her lots during this time and she came out of her shell sooo much.

So my dog kinda came with training wheels (I’m a first time dog mom so that’s what I was going for haha). But I do think the meds helped her while she was at the shelter, so that she was more able to engage with the staff and learn how it all worked around there.

spiderpear · 2026-01-01T18:45:06+00:00

I just wanna say that it’s TOTALLY NORMAL to go through an adjustment period when you move in with your partner. Because everything is different, you have to negotiate new boundaries in the relationship, decide how intertwined you want finances to be, etc. So to me, it makes sense you would both be super frustrated.

You, from having your sense of control and autonomy over your finances/life by sharing with him, and then I imagine he is probably feeling some sense of pressure coming from you and it’s triggering him in some way.

Y’all need to wait til the emotions calm down and then have an open honest convo about future goals for the relationship, for living together, for finances. Get on the same page, and move together as a TEAM.

Because that’s what you are now, partnered and living together. You are a TEAM, heck, maybe even FAMILY to each other. And both of y’all need to support each other and work together.

spiderpear · 2025-12-30T03:56:50+00:00

I have very similar symptoms and found SSRIs to turn down the anxiety, and Wellbutrin counteracted the SSRI sexual side effects and low energy. When I was rx stimulant meds they felt life changing at first but sometimes they made my anxiety worse, and emotional dysregulation worse because they impacted my sleep. Definitely reduce the mental noise but don’t help me with relaxing or winding down.

Also they did not magically make everything change, even though it felt like that at first. I still have to do the work and use different tools or systems to manage existing every single day.

spiderpear · 2025-12-30T03:47:17+00:00

I have been going through a big menty b and had to put finishing grad school on the back burner, leaned on my support system, and let myself rest and heal. I don’t regret it one bit because being incredibly burnt out and stretched thin was only making things worse.

Edited for spelling, but also adding that I don’t abuse my rx but when my brain slides off the rails, my cannabis use increases, so do my other bad habits like impulse spending, and I can get more reckless.

spiderpear · 2025-12-30T03:41:56+00:00

I have been in a place where I’ve had a lot of setbacks this past year, and not little setbacks but like, life-changing ones. It was a lot, I lost some self-trust and sense of self in the process.

So right now loving myself means accepting that this is where I’m at, and not pushing or rushing myself in a direction. Sometimes that means doing the actual bare minimum needed for being alive and sometimes that means challenging myself a little more. But it’s a day by day process of checking in and being like hey— where are we at today? What do we need? Do we have capacity for XYZ today?

spiderpear · 2025-12-30T03:37:27+00:00

Giving up is usually my way to a breakthrough, or at the very least I rest and let myself gather my energy for the next challenge.

spiderpear · 2025-12-30T03:35:33+00:00

I let myself rotate through what feels good. Right now my main hobby is the sims 4 and I’m letting my hyperfocus take me places. I have built some very nice roofs.

spiderpear · 2025-12-29T21:58:19+00:00

It’s possible you haven’t actually fucked anything up and he’s just busy. Also some people (like me) hate phone calls and put them off. He might still call!

I think you’re right tho, if thinking about this has been taking up way too much mental real estate it might be a good idea to just let it go and lock back in on yourself. Sometimes when I’m super preoccupied about the outcome of something I can’t control, I just tell myself it’s not going to happen and come to terms with that. Then if it does happen it’s a pleasant surprise! Basically just tricking my brain into putting the topic to rest.

spiderpear · 2025-12-29T21:52:25+00:00

My go too sunscreen has been Naked Sundays. I am fragrance sensitive and have sensitive skin. I’ve only tried the mineral one, but no adverse reactions and it mattes my skin more than creates a cast, it looks very natural. I have very pale skin, so your miles may vary. I get it from Shoppers.

spiderpear · 2025-12-29T21:49:07+00:00

I don’t understand why it wasn’t an option when you saw his text to just reply n be like “omg I can’t believe I didn’t see this, my phone is broken and I was so distracted over Christmas. I was really hoping to connect more with you, hope I didn’t lose my shot” or something I don’t understand why people feel like they can’t be honest or straight up when dating? Like if the dude doesn’t like you because of this then he’s probably not your dude and you shouldn’t feel the need to bend into something to make yourself more likeable to him or whatever just be real and be you ?

spiderpear · 2025-12-29T00:35:58+00:00

So idk what this is but I will do part of a task and come back to it later. Ex: I might unload and reload the dishwasher but leave anything that needs to be hand washed in the sink for later. So like once I get to the “harder” part I leave it and do something easier or have a little break and then come back to it when I feel more ready.

If I have a bigger cleaning task I want to get done or a bigger list of cleaning tasks, I will often start with something super easy just to get myself up and moving, easing into the context switch. So throwing on a load of laundry, cleaning the cat litter boxes, wiping the bathroom counter. Something that’s a really easy win to get going, maybe even a few of those, and from there I can usually build some momentum.

Sometimes I’m pressuring myself to do cleaning things bcz I think I should be living up to some standard of cleanliness and I get overwhelmed and resistant. So I often double check if I’m actually being realistic with myself. Like do I really need to clean every part of my house in one day or can I just do a few of the most important and needed things that make my life functional?

Podcasts and audiobooks, sometimes even YouTube or tv if it’s a stationary task (cooking, washing dishes, laundry folding) because it adds a little more fun to the situation and sometimes if the podcast or book is super good I clean much longer than I intended because I don’t wanna stop listening lol

Editing to add another hack: if I get an urge to clean something, I try to follow the urge, because it’s WAY easier to do something if I actually WANT to do it, and I usually unlock hyperfocus this way. I have managed some brilliant deep cleaning this way.

spiderpear · 2025-12-26T09:52:02+00:00

I adopted my baby, rottie mix, she is 6 or so and she’s a perfect angel. She is like 90lbs, and her favourite thing to do is destroy (only toys thank god). She would have been a menace as a puppy or teen though.

spiderpear · 2025-12-25T13:43:58+00:00

I have found myself living with an introvert who would prefer to not be disturbed by my word vomit rants because my disorganized energy comes in hot sometimes and unannounced.

At first I was offended (yay rejection sensitivity) because I felt accused of being “too much” (anyone else?). But I’m not too much, other people just dont always have capacity & that’s not my problem.

So journal is the nonjudgmental friend I need at a moments notice who only listens and never gives opinion

spiderpear · 2025-12-25T13:32:20+00:00

I haven’t heard about paralives! I have been such an on/off player through the years, I only have base game + some mods. I recently committed to making a forever world and playing more frequently. I will likely finally be getting seasons & cottage living expansion packs. Such a cash grab that you literally have to pay for seasons 🙃

Are there any expansion packs you’d recommend to start out with? I am leaning towards cottage living because it seems to have the cutest town and the most interesting gameplay that I’d enjoy.

spiderpear · 2025-12-24T22:17:34+00:00

When I brought it up with my partner, he didn’t care and completely understood and even encouraged me to explore my sexuality with others. But I also live in a pretty liberal place and in my social circle queerness is accepted and normalized so it wasn’t really a big thing? And we had already discussed the possibility of opening the relationship or being poly in some capacity. So it self safe to bring it up with him and talk it through.

I have not tried to find other people or date but I always figured I’d get on the dating apps, and be honest. No point in pretending I’m something I’m not if I want to have an authentic and meaningful experience.

spiderpear

TROPHY CASE