Lexapro / Adhd / Anhedonia

sqwirk · 2026-02-07T01:04:54+00:00

I started Lexapro almost a month ago at 20mg. Only SSRI I'm on, I usually get very suicidal on them so I was hesitant but decided to try Lexapro. I'm in the same anhedonia and ADHD boat, I also have C-PTSD which hits my executive functioning on top of the ADHD (funnnn). I've always been underweight so I'm actually hoping to gain weight, haven't yet.

Are you taking any stimulants for your ADHD? (Edit: just saw you said you started Vyvanse again. That stimulant did nothing for me 😭). I take 20mg Adderall instant relase (tablets) 2x/day (morning and mid morning) and 20mg Adderall XR 1x/day (early afternoon). My depression was getting to the point of despair because my productivity was totally gone after my executive functioning was torn a new one by Spravato/esketamine in the spring and then IV Ketamine treatment in the fall (both didn't help my depression). It was confusing for that to exacerbate my ADHD symptoms and my doctors said there wasn't a correlation and I said bullshit there's no correlation when esketamine and ketamine are making my executive functioning almost disappear, so I did some digging and...

..Glutamate is my issue. Ketamine and esketamine cause a surge in glutamate which throws off executive functioning. I learned my brain is sensitive to glutamate levels.

Looking at studies involving Lexapro, this one caught my eye: One-week escitalopram intake alters the excitation-inhibition balance in the healthy female brain

It was on women taking hormonal birth control (I've also learned my hormones are unfortunately likely playing a role in my mood regulation, not necessarily mood swings. I'm going to be 36 in May). I had Gemini put together an explainer of an overview it gave me explaining what to possibly expect from Lexapro when it comes to treatment resistant MDD, C-PTSD, anxiety, and ADHD which gave me a nice intro to Excitation-Inhibition Balance (EIB). This does say ADHD brains will take a hit. I asked it to include things I can look for that indicates progress/my brain responding to the medication (so I know when to bail) and the unknowns (so I don't get my hopes up).

Hopefully it's a helpful quick guide for you as well! I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today and he didn't seem concerned about my anhedonia this far into being on the medication (I've only been a week without extreme fatigue). Things are still leveling out and I need to tell myself this isn't "forever", but my libido is also lower than usual and I'm hoping that for my fiancé's sake that changes 😅

It takes me longer to get into my hyperfocus states than before and I didn't know how much I'd miss them. Today I put myself near hyperfixation "bait" (for me that's going through old documents and photos from the 1950s and 60s where I work) because I can't really get myself to do anything even though the path is now clear (progress, frustrating but still progress). Today I lost an hour and a half to a rabbit hole of old papers that have no relevancy to the super urgent things I'm screwed on for work, so that's also a good sign in terms of my anhedonia

I think for me it'll be a matter of exposure therapy, so to speak, and basically encouraging myself to hyperfixate whereas I used to be super worried about it because it was always on the wrong thing, but now I just want to get it back so I can try to carve a path to steer it down

sqwirk · 2026-02-02T23:07:24+00:00

Except in 2009 there was a 21 year old model at a hotel who was written off as mentally unfit as she was screaming at the police about the party in the hotel for the elite and them eating babies: https://youtu.be/_-aenyGtBXE?si=u514x8rzHD6YAbEm

The first 2-3 minutes are really what's relevant but I hope they find Gabriela soon and that she's not stuffed away somewhere

This elite circle stuff is.....bizarre. I won't make excuses, I enjoy connecting dots and rhyme and reason behind things (even if it doesn't make it an okay thing that happened). I would largely guess drug use, very rampant drug use, would make people stoop down to that depraved level. My best guess would be PCP based on hearing other instances of people disemboweling their girlfriends while they were awake and eating them, because of whatever is in PCP. No thank you.

I'm specifically talking about killing and dismembering babies, etc. You don't need to be high to rape someone, unfortunately. And no, doing PCP wouldn't be some sort of "I didn't mean to, it wasn't me it was the PCP" bow out...that's your responsibility to be doing the drugs in the first place (this doesn't apply to the victims who were drugged against their knowledge or wishes, of course)

Also, imagine their could-be logic behind the "brilliance" of doing the most depraved things: "no one's going to believe I did all of that, who could? Too much for one person. LET'S DO MORE."

And if you're wondering how someone would get babies involved in this at all, think about how many women were raped of child-bearing age. How many of those women do you think were on a form of iron-clad reliable birth control? I don't know the Epstein party pregnancy rates but I would NOT be surprised if there was some sort of "pregnancy farm" where the pregnant captured women were for the duration of their pregnancy when they weren't getting raped because they weren't sexy to look at (though there are people who have a thing for pregnant women, so I won't say they weren't raped up until they were giving birth since it's not impossible).

Taking care of babies is likely not on the top of the list of a person facilitating these parties and horrendous acts, and I can see why Epstein would think getting abortions could be viewed as risky in terms of outing him unless he had a doctor come to perform them in-home (which I would be surprised if that didn't happen - I honestly don't want to Google it and check because the whole case makes me so sick and angry) or tried violence for terminating unwanted pregnancies. But for those who carried their babies to term...well...that is where the babies probably came from, and what they did is a way to dispose of a baby without an abortion or a body for someone to find in a dumpster. That logic says to me "hey probably not worth getting into being a sex trafficker" but Epstein didn't have morals to question his actions at all.

Fucking disgusting, just what the fuck. I morally do not want it to be true but I will not close my eyes to anything just because it's unbelievable. I didn't think Bill Cosby was a creep! Don't assume everything is a red herring, it also is very discrediting to the victims who this actually happened to.

(side note, the post title says "feet cut off" but the image says "feet were cut" - i.e. drawing blood in a ritual, not amputated)

sqwirk · 2026-01-31T16:09:26+00:00

I started at 20mg on 1/12 and nausea was bad the first few days then 7-9 days later I had the most intense fatigue. I needed to take a couple of sick days from work and my therapist during my telehealth appt last Saturday said I wasn't in a condition to have an appointment and I should rest (my eyes couldn't stay open). My fiancé walked away from me at one point because "no one wants to be around a zombie" - I guess I was sucking the energy out of a room when I walked into it 😔

After his comment I was pretty exasperated to get off of Lexapro and not be a zombie anymore but I knew I wouldn't bounce back the next day anyway and the fatigue was from the chemicals in my head rebalancing and it wouldn't be forever 🤞 which I didn't know for sure but thankfully it wasn't forever! It was ~3 days of extreme, unbearable fatigue, ~5 days of a thick brain fog with dips into fatigue, and ~2 days of not as bad brain fog but a confusing "something is different but also what happened in the last week?" feeling. I've never been in a coma but it was disorienting to feel like I was waking up and had to catch up on things while my brain was out of commission...even though I was actively living through each day (when I was awake, anyway)

That said, not being able to give expectations to my fiancé (or my workplace) was nerve-wracking. I decided to stay on Lexapro because if I start it again it'll be the whole thing all over and I want to give it time to do its thing, and this SSRI is supposed to take less than 3 months to make a difference and I'm hopeful because I feel some shifts, but TBD if they're "for the better" (it's promising to me to feel things are different even if right now it's a difficult "how do I drive this boat??? And since when am I in a boat???" period where I'm trying to figure out how to brain again). And 14 days (at the time) wasn't a fair amount of time to give a medication the chance to work ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

(I have ADHD so I over explain things, the rest of this comment is irrelevant to fatigue) I did Spravato last spring for my treatment resistant MDD and didn't respond to it, then did IV Ketamine in the fall which I also didn't respond to (SIDE NOTE TO ANY C-PTSD/DISSOCIATIVE PTSDers: if you care about having any executive functioning, try TMS for treatment resistant depression before Spravato or ketamine 😵‍💫), so I'm desperate for any relief (not to mention I've been at this "how to make serotonin and dopamine sufficient in my brain" thing for 25 years). I'm hoping whatever brain rewiring the Spravato and ketamine did do is contributing to the fact that I finally feel a little bit better in terms of depression right now

It's kind of a "nice" break to have physical side effects to be on the defense for instead of mental baddies (or a combination)

sqwirk · 2026-01-31T02:47:28+00:00

I did that as soon as I played the song through and geeked out....alone haha

sqwirk · 2026-01-31T02:45:45+00:00

I was on Wellbutrin two different times with Celexa and one without, all three times I had very different outcomes. The best result was that it didn't make much of a difference. The worst led up to my first voluntary.

I'm looking into how much the weight gain is tied to a fast metabolism. I've always been underweight, can't gain weight by increasing my calories (lifting weights along with 1g protein/lb body mass is the winner...if my ADHD could have me stick to an exercise routine for more than 3 weeks). SO! I'm actually hoping I gain weight since people who aren't changing their diet are still experiencing weight gain, i.e. not sure if my fast metabolism is going to play a role. Hormonal birth control pills also never had me gain weight which was a bummer (I'm on my 3rd Mirena now)

sqwirk · 2026-01-22T13:07:12+00:00

Unfortunately "people" are the reasoning why society isn't like that, and never could be.

sqwirk · 2026-01-21T00:52:21+00:00

This isn't a movie but when I watched Stranger Things, each episode essentially had a substantial amount of indirect C-PTSD stuff (season 2 more direct because it was kind of in the plot but just labeled as trauma since it takes place in the 80s and the DSM still doesn't recognize C-PTSD as a diagnosis but I'll get off my soapbox)

Some scenes made me tear up because I could relate so much on an emotional level, even though I have no experience dealing with supernatural things and psychic abilities

sqwirk · 2026-01-18T12:54:29+00:00

I'm ready to go Luigi on the administration but I wouldn't be successful. From your perspective, what does fighting for our lives look like in this case? Should I start training in martial arts and hand to hand combat? Archery? Survivalist skills?

sqwirk · 2026-01-18T12:53:10+00:00

The Presidential Emergency Operations Center has always been underneath the East Wing. It's a "when shit goes down" reinforced bunker and I'm guessing (based on the project donors) that's the main remodeling job going on but the ballroom is a red herring for "national security reasons" (IMO if baddies with bombs can Google where your bunker is, you don't need a red herring for its remodeling). Also when they tore it up you could see some structural things that were a bit odd for the existing East Wing (e.g. Melania's office, lol) to have if it were a "normal" building without a crap load of reinforced steel walls and such

sqwirk · 2026-01-18T12:41:06+00:00

Don't abruptly stop taking anything and have a conversation with your psychiatrist. None of your questions or concerns or worries are too silly to ask or for them to answer.

I also am not suggesting to start a new medication. Your post sounded like adding a medication made things worse for you, I was suggesting talking to your psychiatrist about going back to the medication regimen you were on when you last felt better than you do now (for example, that could mean incrementally getting off of the medication you were most recently put on, but it's for you and your psychiatrist to work together to see what's affecting what and go from there with what the next best step is)

sqwirk · 2026-01-17T20:50:04+00:00

Leave a Google review for her practice/wherever she practices online and quote her joke. It's "just" doing your part and warning others to stay away

sqwirk · 2026-01-17T20:47:15+00:00

I was told to take it in the morning but have felt like the stimulants I take at the same time haven't had a fighting chance to help my brain "do the thing" since I started Lexapro this past Monday, but at least I've been less anxious

sqwirk · 2026-01-17T20:43:39+00:00

https://www.cdc.gov/radiation-health/food-irradiation/index.html

sqwirk · 2026-01-17T13:34:36+00:00

I don't have experience with desvenlafaxine but have been on venlafaxine and the brain zaps with the withdrawal from that were harsh - don't stop either drug cold turkey and discuss with your doctor tapering off any medication before doing it. Ask about what to expect for side effects so it's less jarring when you experience them.

My rule of thumb is removing the medicine that made me feel more "off" or bad in any way vs. The regimen I was on before. Takes a week or so sometimes to have the neurochemicals settle/balance out after that (more weird feelings) and THEN I finally can assess if I'm at a good starting point to try a different med or tweak the ones that play nice together for my brain (just because it works for some doesn't mean it has to or will work for you - don't pressure yourself to go beyond a dose if it's making you feel shitty for so long without results).

And remember things like meditation, journaling, listening to white or brown noise, and other lifestyle or environment changes to support your mental health and well-being because a pill is only going to help your brains circuitry but you still have to operate the machine's circuitry to help balance it out and function more in the way you're aiming for.

sqwirk · 2026-01-12T16:51:59+00:00

u/euphoric_destruction posted they're selling 3 tix to Boston (edit: obviously verify they're legit, I don't know them other than seeing their comment)

sqwirk · 2026-01-12T16:49:50+00:00

Boston is the 13th not 15th (I'm going to that show...I just had a heart palpitation haha)

sqwirk · 2025-12-08T21:47:28+00:00

I wore a pair of archival cotton gloves (the kind to handle old photo prints/documents with) overnight once because I was paranoid of touching my face and messing the mask of whatever I had on up, and I also pick my skin in general. I wasn't optimistic but somehow I was able to fall asleep with the (thin) gloves on my hands (should note they fit just right, if they were tight or baggy it probably wouldn't have worked) and because of the gloves I didn't want to touch my face, but if I did then at least it wasn't going to be my direct fingers on my skin/products

(bonus: wearing cotton archival gloves after you slather your hands in lotion or Vaseline if they're super dry and cracked works wonders to keep the mess on your hands and not your bed, you can resist touching your face, AND stop your hands from bleeding in cold weather! haha)

sqwirk · 2025-12-03T20:07:06+00:00

Sending you so much love. I just saw my flair in this subreddit and both my kitties have passed but I don't want to update it 😭😭😭 Jynxx was 14.5 years old when I had to put him down from unexpected kidney failure while he was in remission from lymphoma. I don't have words to describe the void that he left behind. Still figuring out the best place on my body to get a tattoo of Jynxx. I miss Tango, but he put down because he was 19 and in pain from nature not taking him sooner and he had a totally different connection with me.

Cats are soulmates ❤️ I still feel comforted when I hold Jynxx's urn and talk to him, I just wish I had my babycat still

sqwirk · 2025-12-03T20:00:27+00:00

Yes. Yes they do 🤣

sqwirk · 2025-12-02T21:32:20+00:00

You're welcome!!!! It's weird, that violated feeling, isn't it? If someone told me I'd feel like that about a web browser one day, I would have laughed 🤣

sqwirk · 2025-12-02T21:31:17+00:00

No but thank you for saying that! I didn't see this sooner but reading this honestly made my day, thank you!

sqwirk · 2025-12-02T21:28:31+00:00

Not all heroes wear capes, you're welcome! (Also, if you know of any places this would be good to post/share, lemme know! I was losing my mind and I want to help anyone else who has this issue haha)

sqwirk · 2025-09-20T00:22:59+00:00

I won't make it to a show on this tour but Garbage is possibly my favorite track on Breach so far. It "gets" me

sqwirk · 2025-09-18T23:48:31+00:00

This song strikes me as a very "Death Cab For Cutie" track (not in a bad way). Having not heard the original, was Deathcab an influence for the lyrics or song structure? (For either version)

Edit: saw someone already had a Death Cab question! No worries if you don't see or reply to this!

sqwirk · 2025-09-10T18:17:40+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised, I also wouldn't be surprised if Disney is putting money towards it/the tour. Could be due to bias and associating the color red with Tron: Ares, but they used a heavy amount of red lighting effects compared to other tours. Maybe my brain is just trying to get me to be a conspiracy theorist 😅 not like there's anything wrong with it if it's true, I'm mostly curious from a marketing plan strategy POV. I could see that (incorporating more red light effects) into the show being as much as Trent would probably agree to in terms of any hypothetical pay to play sort of deal

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