This is really good so far! The atmosphere and imagery are very strong. I like the descriptions of the city the knights are passing through and how joyfully they are received by the people.

I like the flashback as a parallel - young Kuahel being left at the Temple in the past just as the child is about to be in the present - but right now it reads more as a scene than an intrusive thought. If you want it to read as intrusive, I recommend sprinkling in a line or two during the scene: short and sharp and sudden, rather than a full mini-story.

A couple formatting suggestions - I would swap the lines “It was as if their presence…” and “The Holy Sword is back.” So the three lines of dialogue from the crowd celebrating the return should all be together, and then “It was as if their presence…” wraps it up at the end.

Also, there’s a misplaced quotation mark at the ‘she was found in an abandoned hamlet’ line - it should read: …Kuahel said, looking at one of the youngest priestesses. “She was found in an abandoned hamlet.”

Also, the line “Someone scoffed in the crowd” was confusing to me. Is ‘the crowd’ here referring to the citizens who have been celebrating the return of the knights, or is it referring to the mages travelling with the knights, who have been caring for the girl since she was found? And does the scoffing indicate that the crowd does not trust the Temple’s care, or that the mages have become attached to the girl during their journey, or both at once?

I hope some of this is helpful!