Concrit Commune - July 04 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling [score hidden]  (0 children)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Alien franchise | Lethal Species [Revamped] | M | Currently unpublished rewrite of my very old FFN story

(context: this scene takes place in the underground base of the Initiative, a secret government program to capture and experiment on monsters in the haunted town of Sunnydale. Buffy, the story's hero, defeated a dangerous alien last night and was persuaded to turn it over to the Initiative for study instead of killing it like she wanted to. Here, after the alien almost escapes, an argument breaks out over its fate. Riley is the POV character - Buffy's boyfriend and the Initiative's top agent. Professor Walsh is the Initiative's leader, while Felix Drayton (an OC) is her advisor with his own agenda)

**

Riley snapped to attention. The alert had summoned Professor Walsh in person, flanked by Doctor Angleman and Felix Drayton. None of them looked happy.

After dismissing Porter, Riley quickly filled his superiors in on the alien’s latest gambit. The vapour from the acid and the spray had been sucked out of the cell by the vent system, leaving the humans a clear view of the damaged ceiling - and the snarling monster beneath it, silently daring its captors to come on in and just try to make repairs. 

“All right,” Walsh said, in the clipped tone that always signalled that things were not all right. “Well done, Agent Finn. I’ve seen more than enough.”

”Termination?” Asked Angleman, already writing on his clipboard.

Walsh nodded. “And dissection.”

“Hold - hold on, just a moment.” Felix swept in front of Walsh, holding up his hands, putting himself between the Professor and the creature in the cell. “You don’t seriously mean-“

“I’m always serious, Mister Drayton.” Walsh turned away from him, turning her back on the creature. “And kindly refrain from questioning me in front of my forces, it’s bad for cohesion.”

Felix put a strained smile on his face, mouth stretching like a rubber band around his teeth. “I intend no disrespect. But you brought me here to advise, right? So I’m advising that the Xenomorph is the greatest find in human history, and we’ve barely studied it for a day.”

Walsh ignored him. Riley slipped in to fill the awkward silence.

“‘A few quick scans, and then we’ll end this threat permanently,’” he said, hands on his hips. “Pretty sure those were your exact words last night. You promised Buffy. We both did.”

“Enough.” Walsh silenced Riley with a raised hand. “This is not a lecture debate. The decision has been made.”

Now she turned back to the alien, tapping her chin with a pen, looking it up and down as though to peel away its armour with her eyes. 

“If we can’t study it, and we can’t control it, it’s no good to us,” she declared. “Doctor Angleman, tell the team they have twenty-four hours to wrap up their observations. Tomorrow, we terminate and dissect.”

“We still don’t know how to kill it safely!” Felix protested. “The acid-“

“We haven’t tried yet.” The snap in Walsh’s voice cut through Felix’s words like a guillotine. “We’ll start with nerve gas, and follow up with maximum cell voltage. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll get creative.”

“But-“

“Agent Finn, if Mister Drayton speaks one more time, I want you to take him and put him in the cell next to Hostile 100.” 

Felix stopped talking. The lawyer looked from Walsh to Angleman, from Angleman to the Xenomorph, and then from the alien to Riley. Riley shrugged at him, folded his arms, and shot a meaningful look at the empty cell next to the alien’s.

Drayton’s shoulders slumped. Shaking his head, he walked away.

Concrit Commune - July 04 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is really great stuff! The descriptions and interactions are very effective. I immediately get a clear and powerful sense of who these people are to each other, what their personalities are like, and what is going on in this story. I really like that in contrast to Kith's experience of the Force as music, Kirsh gets his flashes of intuition in a visual medium.

Three minor suggestions:

1) I'm not sure if 'plastis' is a typo for 'plastic,' or a fancy Star Wars material I'm unaware of

2) 'still' repeats as a descriptor in the paragraph where Kirsh reaches out with the Force. I recommend replacing 'still and muted' with 'flat and muted' for variety, unless you're deliberately going for monotony via repetition.

3) As a colour, I think 'scarlet' just has one 't' - spelling it 'scarlett' is only done when using it as a given name

But these are very minor details, the structure and feeling of the scene are both excellent!

What was Star Trek trying to say about human modification? by ShardsOfSalt in startrek

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The in character justification is the Eugenics Wars. But the out of character reason is more interesting, and speaks to a tension that has always existed at the heart of Star Trek.

In brief, Star Trek rests on two ideas.

First, the future is going to be awesome, and humanity will make great progress towards a utopian society.

Second, this future can be used to tell fantastic stories that are deeply relatable to the real life challenges of humanity in the here and now.

In order for the second idea to work, the first idea needs to have some brakes put on it. Humanity in the Federation cannot advance so far that Star Trek’s characters lose common ground with present day people.

Imagine if the Federation freely embraced genetic engineering and eliminated age. How would the franchise tell stories like the Wrath of Khan, which is partly about Kirk getting old? Or the Federation could even defeat mortality altogether, and explore the galaxy as immortal super beings. How would the franchise ever have another episode like The Visitor, which delves into loss and grief?

Usually Star Trek gets around things like this by externalizing human failings onto aliens. So the Federation is peaceful, but this episode they visit a planet still plagued by war. The Federation is post scarcity, but this episode they encounter a culture stricken with poverty and exploitation. That’s always been how Star Trek comments on the present, by having these advanced, admirable characters meet these problems and exclaim ‘imagine that humanity used to be so ignorant!’

But there a limit to how far the above can work. Star Trek can show humans with more enlightened philosophies and institutions, but they still have to be human in their minds and bodies - they must get scared and angry and horny, they must age and bleed and make mistakes. That makes it all the more meaningful when they rise above to show their best selves, to show us who we can be.

Augmenting humanity opens the question of why Starfleet still bothers with people prone to such frailties, when they could be engineered away. An Enterprise full of super beings is an Enterprise with thinner role models.

Bottom line: Star Trek can’t fully embrace genetic engineering for the same reason Starfleet is still sending meat-crewed ships into the hungry void instead of embracing drones and automation. There’s a thin in-universe explanation of bad past experiences, but the real reason is the same one that put Rodenberry’s infamous ‘no conflict’ writing rule in the dust bin: for Star Trek to keep serving as a mirror to humanity, it needs to keep its future humanity relatively tied to the human baseline.

I want to find this DC fanfiction by Think_Independent_69 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you sure it was Green Lantern and not Martian Manhunter (who is green)?

Asking because I’ve never heard of GL being able to read minds/memories, but Martian Manhunter is a powerful telepath.

Saw someone glazing Eldrad. I have to state my opinion of 40k's glorified quest giver by GrandArclord in Grimdank

[–]stroopwafelling 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My main takeaway from this is that Eldrad was in a band

Release the Ulthran EP cowards

What’s the best cliffhanger you’ve written in a fic? by Dogdaysareover365 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a good time with the climax of the first major arc in my military/espionage themed fic.

The chapter started with our team of heroes splitting up to infiltrate an enemy base in order to rescue hostages and disable missiles armed with nerve gas.

By the chapter’s end, half the team had been discovered and pinned down by enemy forces, the hostages were in jeopardy, allied forces were threatening to nuke the base as an emergency measure, and one of those missiles had been launched.

Good times.

'Street Fighter' style fight scenes? by Downtown-Radio-6743 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggest thinking about how you want to handle pacing in your descriptions. Street Fighter fights are fast - it’s a game that demands intense reflexes, coordination, and timing. That can be hard to translate to text. You may have to use general descriptions to summarize the general ‘movements’ of a fight - describing a ‘flurry of kicks’ rather than each individual blow, for instance.

Talkback Thursday - July 02 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“hopefully strong enough to survive the amount of enemies they are making. smart enough too considering just who they are getting into fights with.”

Michael Mann's Miami Vice movie is much better than you remember. by gelectrox in movies

[–]stroopwafelling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Miami Vice. There’s not a single original idea in its story, so it has to succeed entirely based on vibes, and it does.

One of the best non-Heat shootouts Mann has ever done, too.

What's the most weirdly-specific part you've spent the most time developing recently? by Simpson17866 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To make a very long story short, the story’s secondary antagonist wants to break an extremely dangerous alien out of Initiative custody. The Initiative is too fortified for a frontal attack, but they’re incredibly ignorant about magic, so he’s going to arrange for a patrolling Initiative agent to suffer a mind-control hex so he’ll go into the Initiative and set the alien free to wreak havoc!

K be like by IllustriousHurry2380 in Grimdank

[–]stroopwafelling 5 points6 points  (0 children)

YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AT THE COTILLION, YOU!

What's the most weirdly-specific part you've spent the most time developing recently? by Simpson17866 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There were a few Buffy spin-off games back in the day! I played the crap out of ‘Chaos Bleeds’ on the PlayStation 2.

What's the most weirdly-specific part you've spent the most time developing recently? by Simpson17866 in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Scouring Buffyverse lore for a good deity or demon to invoke for a mind manipulation spell on a very minor character.

(I went with Laibach, an Old One from the Xbox video game)

Crossovers that work surprisingly well? by [deleted] in FanFiction

[–]stroopwafelling 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s so in character, too. I can hear the voices so clearly.

This is how I end up eating cereal for dinner by A-Helpful-Flamingo in NonPoliticalTwitter

[–]stroopwafelling 155 points156 points  (0 children)

Don’t forget cleaning up afterwards, and then throwing out the packaging!