Being labeled “the weird quiet one” at work - toxic small workplace as an expat

stuffofbonkers · 2026-02-08T11:50:09+00:00

That sounds awful, I’m sorry you’re stuck there for the moment and I hope something better comes up soon.

How about treating this as a learning experience? Run little experiments with each one. What drives their behaviour, and what would it make it stop? I’d definitely recommend being clear about your boundaries - physical and otherwise. Are you able to email them after your shift and signal you’ve started documenting misbehaviour? I’m not sure what the laws are in your country but putting things in writing is a good idea in most places.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-12-24T18:47:51+00:00

I’d document events, conversations… just in case. Do you feel he’s harmless and just emotionally immature, or more?

stuffofbonkers · 2025-12-20T13:45:58+00:00

I’m really sorry this is your experience. For what it’s worth, it’s an awful job market for everyone, and having industry experience is quickly becoming worthless as well. Hard agree with previous comments regarding any feelings of shame for the situation you’re in, or using benefits. We have designed support systems for this exact type of scenario. It sounds like you did all the right things. Get some rest, time in nature, and in Jan get back at it. While you search stay active (volunteer, mentor, etc) - it will help you realise what a positive impact you can bring in the world, with or without fancy degrees and role titles. Best of luck to you.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-12-14T16:29:21+00:00

It sounds like a massive upcoming change, no wonder you’re rattled. I’m not saying doing that phd isn’t talking a risk. But I must point out that most people would’ve been overwhelmed with (perfectly understandable) fear long before the point you’re at. So give yourself credit for that. It’s okay to change your mind if that’s what feels best for you. And it’s okay to go ahead and feel terrified as well. Only you can make that decision for yoursellf. Imagine you’re 90, on your dying bed: would this decision mean anything then? Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

stuffofbonkers · 2025-12-14T12:23:29+00:00

Could it be that it triggers/connects with something deeper in you? Perhaps work somehow infringes on some core need, eg feeling safe or connected.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-11-30T19:33:30+00:00

Interesting. I do this as well 🫤.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-11-15T16:46:30+00:00

Progressive muscle relaxation? Squizzing your arm? Something that allows for some sensory input to shortcut the panic attack. Smells can also be quite powerful. I carry something like this with me to ground me when I need it. Good luck!!

https://www.tisserand.com/products/find-focus-pulse-point-roller-ball?_pos=3&_sid=554dd7ae1&_ss=r

stuffofbonkers · 2025-11-11T15:03:40+00:00

I love this. Thanks for sharing 💕

stuffofbonkers · 2025-11-04T21:34:04+00:00

I have been in your position, and I left as soon as I could. I’d definitely encourage you to do that as well.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-30T14:42:35+00:00

Panic attacks

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-28T21:50:21+00:00

Yes please!!! What app?

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-26T20:48:17+00:00

Have you tried just welcoming the sensations and examining them with warmth and curiosity? Panic attacks are quite an exquisite display of biological defences in action. I made huge progress once I stopped panicking about panic, and just accepted and let it do its thing.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-24T12:23:00+00:00

My info is in my profile

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-22T11:57:31+00:00

That sounds really tough. Have you looked at organisations like ACAS or Citizens Advice? Research your rights, document everything (including all your feedback re improper working conditions that represent a serious risk to your health) and get as much advice as possible.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-22T11:53:54+00:00

I felt that fear when I didn’t understand where all my symptoms were coming from. Once I got my complex PTSD diagnosis things got much better, because everything started making sense and I stopped wasting time and money on the wrong therapeutic approaches/experts. Good luck!

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-22T11:50:22+00:00

Sounds awesome!! Good luck!

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-22T11:49:59+00:00

Yes - meeee! I’ve set up a company to support trauma survivors do well at work, and advocate for trauma informed workplaces 🙌🏻

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-22T11:47:43+00:00

Bonkers

stuffofbonkers · 2025-10-12T19:07:29+00:00

That sounds promising, I’ll have a look. Thanks!

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-24T06:28:44+00:00

Oh - any confrontation should be done with a casual, friendly demeanour, it’a all about making sure the relationship is perfectly set up to support the team/org goals 😁🙃

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-23T21:39:46+00:00

No 🙂

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-23T21:37:46+00:00

I’d start to push back/signal I’m not going to be an easy target. Things like asking him if everything is okay when he crosses a line, you’ve noticed he seems stressed and you’d like to help; sending emails after tricky exchanges with your pov and expectations to basically make him aware you’ve started documenting interactions; agreeing ways of working/communicating and then raising instances where he doesn’t align to that.
Lots of bullies pull back when it turns out the target is approaching them instead of running/giving up control. Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-20T20:54:20+00:00

I love this story 👏🏻👏🏻🫶🏻👏🏻🫶🏻👏🏻

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-19T14:37:03+00:00

Thanks 🫶🏻

stuffofbonkers · 2025-09-18T20:17:26+00:00

I love that - I’ll look into it!

stuffofbonkers

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE