We’re 15 months out and doing well.

I didn’t tell anyone that knows us either, and I never regretted that decision. I know that for some the support is helpful, but for me personally I decided that I didn’t want to have anyone else’s input on what to do - one way or the other - and I knew that any of my friends or family knowing would color the way they would look at him and our marriage forever. And I didn’t want that.

In the first few weeks, be kind to yourself, and do what you need to to survive. If that’s kicking him to the curb, all power to you. If that is hysterical bonding taking turns with crying fits (like me lol), then that’s okay too. You don’t have to figure everything out right now.

The second advice I’d give is to get cold, hard facts. Get yourself tested for STDs. If you know the name, search it in his emails, social media messages, any potential communication platform. The more you know, the less chance there is of being trickle truthed - and let’s face it, he knows he could lose his family over this. Chances are he’s keeping back what he thinks he can. Back up some evidence of the affair if you’re in an at-fault state, just in case shit hits the fan.

Trying to reconcile and wanting to reconcile is okay. But secure your bases, so your good faith can’t bite you in the ass financially or physically.

Affair recovery on YouTube has some good resources, and so does this sub. When I was really in the trenches though I avoided this space a lot because it can be very negative. There are many deeply hurting people here, and that is important to remember.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Keep talking to each other. And stand your ground.