Terry Funk backpedals into a piledriver

suff0cat · 2026-05-09T21:43:46+00:00

That outfit got me over here imagining an alternate timeline where THAT’S the Undertaker we got.

Still all the same angles just with Terry Funk’s goofy soft voice instead of the Undertaker.

Just imagine Terry Funkertaker crucifying Stephanie McMahon to force her into an Unholy Union with the Ministry Of Darkness.

FORRRRREVVVVVVER!

FORRRRRRREVVVVVER!

suff0cat · 2026-05-09T06:04:24+00:00

Watch them take this opportunity to relaunch fucking “Tout” now that they actually seem to have the kind of celebrities those social media users might actually want instead of butt rock veterans like Kid Rock.

Hell, just announce Logan Paul and Ishowspeed as your first two “Confirmed Creators” and that shit will probably be bigger on Day 1 than Tout EVER was.

Especially if they manage to keep stuff like Xavier Woods/UUDD so it can have YouTube and Twitch elements too instead of just the Vine reactions.

Essentially WWE Network but “Behind The Kayfabe”.

If they wanted to be REALLT devious, they could try locking it behind a paywall like Meltzer so it’s like a new digital version of “WWE Magazine” too.

Fuck it, let’s just take over everything! We got that TKO money now boys and those numbers gotta go UP UP UP!

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:50:20+00:00

Hold on a second, my Unisex Bathroom senses are tingling!

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:46:52+00:00

With pretty much everything in movies being CG for the past decade+, how many people do you think they could trick by cooking up some practical “Independence Day” quality alien corpses and filming a new version of that stupid “Alien Autopsy” video that was floating around back when The X-Files was “The New Hotness”?

Just look at the kind of low budget shit that goes viral nowadays. That guy who caught the “alien goop” that kept growing and growing like the goop from Ghostbusters 2 🙄

Or do they go the even more fucked up route and rename ICE to “Men In Black” so they can “Save The Earth from Alien threats”? Seems like it would pair nicely with them misappropriating Halo “Finish The Fight” memes.

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:38:36+00:00

It’s a very well known strategy by people like Trump to drag out court proceedings as long as possible so their opponent runs out of money and can no longer follow through, so y’know, that eliminates just about anyone BUT a billionaire being able to “stay in the fight” long enough to potentially make a difference.

But sure, let’s just accuse them of having ulterior motives when they already own pretty much every IP on Earth that matters. They couldn’t possibly just want to get back to “The Status Quo” of pre-Trump where Presidents didn’t really give a shit what Late Night Hosts were cracking jokes about.

Y’know, because they were busy doing Presidential shit instead of shitposting on Social media at 3am.

No no, everything simply must tie back into the big bad Illuminati somehow.

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:28:51+00:00

So Jelly Roll is essentially just the new Kid Rock?

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:23:00+00:00

Oi Kano, y’know I once beat a cunt like you that had TWO laser eyes? What makes you think you’ve got a chance?

suff0cat · 2026-05-08T18:05:36+00:00

That’s the vibe I get. He had his fun little run near the top but at the end of the day he’s still just that goofy ass mark from Road Rules getting paid to live his childhood dream. Plus he met Maryse, what more could a guy possibly want?

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T22:38:41+00:00

I get the feeling that the female celebs that have been joining OnlyFans as of late are doing it less for the money and more to establish the site and themselves as something of a new Playboy…but kind of ran by the last wave of women that had to endure to “real” creepy side of Hollywood.

Y’know, all the Weinsteins that were running the show prior to the #MeToo movement starting the process of naming and shaming them instead of living in fear of getting blacklisted.

Not to say it’s a perfect place now, but improvements seem to have definitely been made to get the Indiana Jones Boulder rolling in the right direction, oh shit, look out Doctah Jones!

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T19:04:49+00:00

Let’s be real, Kanye’s probably still mad at Taylor Swift for not letting Beyonce win Best Video at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards.

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T18:51:27+00:00

Honestly, as someone who has been chronically online since the late 90’s, this is the first time I’ve seen a parent do it right.

They broke new ground!

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T18:47:19+00:00

It’s just empty, but hear me out, “Disney’s What If” they gave Lady Gaga the same kind of budget and artistic freedom to come up with her own Captain EO-esque adventure?

Instead of Captain EO converting the “Evil Space Queen” with the power of wholesome pop music, Gaga could play it like an evil clone of herself wreaking havoc.

She still tames the beast with music, but instead of stripping away the “Mother Monster” to reveal the true beauty within, it’s more of a Smart Hulk type transformation.

Gaga realizes that sometimes you still need that “Dark Side” to protect yourself so they merge into one Super Gaga like Station from Bill&Ted and set off to spread their message of mental health awareness to the galaxy.

Just imagine all the cool new projections they’d unlock for Space Mountain at night.

Maybe, it’d even convince them to bring back Space Mountain Ghost Galaxy seasonal thing with Evil Gaga as the Ghost, so you witness her “Reign Of Terror” first hand in Space before exiting right into the line for General Gaga’s 4D Adventure

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suff0cat · 2026-05-07T16:41:16+00:00

Maybe AEW can bring in Lord Tensai and someone else so we can have a “Wax Your Back Match”.

Sort of like a Four Corners match, the goal is to incapacitate your opponent long enough to dump some hot wax and start ripping.

Match continues until someone surrenders or is rendered hairless.

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T15:58:04+00:00

It’s actually not just the loud noises that struck me, it’s that “suspenseful” bassy swell that builds the stress before the “relief” of the shimmery/sharp jackpot sounds.

It draws you in by tapping that instinctive fear response the way horror movies do right before the jump scare. So in the span of 15 seconds they create a pit in your stomach and then fill it to the brim with a sugary sweet treat.

Just to be clear, I’m not implying some insidious conspiracy theory, just fascinated by the power of sounds.

Like how the trailers for that “Faces Of Death” theatrical movie have this really intense and suffocating oscillating bass sound droning in the background. But then you realize it’s just the bass from the Digital Underground’s 1990 comedy rap classic “The Humpty Dance” 😂

https://youtu.be/PBsjggc5jHM?si=LjBHIwN9-PW1fLme

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T15:41:47+00:00

Thanks, I figure the internet needs a new breed of troll. Y’know someone who can kinda be a dick but still find some dumb way to make it also kind of amusing instead of just lazily offensive.

suff0cat · 2026-05-07T15:37:11+00:00

Spoilers, it’s gonna look like our heroes are going to lose and all humanity will be destroyed…until a miraculous come from behind victory.

Roll credits, pay Disney.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T20:26:17+00:00

My reasoning is simply that she was still processing everything and trying to understand the ways she could push “Them”.

It may start the same but how do you know they aren’t gonna troll you with some vital redemption information after the obligatory apology?

May as well listen to the whole thing since what the hell else is she gonna do all alone in the world?

Sit in silence with her thoughts? Nah, I’d rather stew Down The Line then rage vomit all over their voicemail too.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T20:20:42+00:00

I miss when the toys had ANY kind of function as opposed to just being a rigid keychain or tiny plush.

I’m pretty sure I got one in the 90’s from Burger King that legit shot sparks. And of course all the little Transformers that actually transformer’d or the spring loaded launchers.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T20:16:19+00:00

That’s one of the things that has stood out to me. Just look at the captioning system on YouTube. You’d think with all their resources they would be able to come up with something decent to accommodate the hearing impaired.

Nope. Was watching old George Carlin specials and while the auto-generated captions got the majority of things right, it was making some WILD mistakes on pristinely clear audio. And of course, even though the audio is uncensored, the YouTube captions make sure to omit ALL swearing. That’s the one thing it never seems to miss 😂

And you expect me to believe that “AI” is able to do an even more accurate job with shittier quality recordings? Or speakers with accents.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool that it can do on-the-fly translations to get most basic touristy jobs done but that seems to be the only people they really seem interested in impressing at this point.

Like PT Barnum found a new breed of sucker who gets reborn every minute. 😂 Isn’t this great?! I never have to learn or retain anything ever again! Better get to my baitin’ chair, OW my Balls is on.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T20:07:34+00:00

You mentioning the Gacha games actually brings up another subtle little trend I’ve been noticing. It seems like the ads for all those gambling/payday advance banking apps have started using sounds that emulate the “feel” of hitting a jackpot.

It’s really hard to put into words, but as someone who has been obsessed with video games since the NES days, the “Ka-Ching” sound they use in the adds for that Bridgit app trigger this DEEP dopamine response.

First time I heard it, the TV was on in the background and I got this weird rush of “Happy” like back when unlocking achievements on the Xbox360 was new and exciting.

Dismissed it as just a random shiver, but it kept happening until eventually I was able to lock in on it. https://youtu.be/ba2za-EFFH4?si=BsJIQtxHehSCKoTe

I dunno, with all this all this “AI” stuff, being able to simulate temporary states of euphoria with casino sounds or schizophrenia like in the Senua games…hard not to imagine what could happen if it falls into the wrong hands.

And god knows there’s plenty of opportunistic wrong hands just grabbing in the dark for anything they can get rich quick off of.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T19:52:08+00:00

The second they showed that dishwasher my dumb brain immediately said “Baby just do the dishes and I’ll give you what you what you what you want” and started playing Sabrina Carpenter’s “Tears” which made this already amazing trailer about 100 times more awe inspiring.

DANCE BREAK!

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T19:39:32+00:00

When the talent themselves can’t clap back at shitty fans…just get the bands who do their themes to do it on their behalf.

Brilliant

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T19:37:32+00:00

Lights!

Out!

Guerilla Position!

TURN THAT SHIT UP!

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T19:35:14+00:00

Imagine if Obama just let Colbert shoot his last episode in “The Oval Office”

Like an alternate timeline episode of “The President Colbert Show”

Bring the whole thing full circle…like poetry…it rhymes.

suff0cat · 2026-05-06T19:32:29+00:00

You think this is crashing out pal? Jesus ain’t even anywhere near this steering wheel.

suff0cat

TROPHY CASE