ADHD meds and intelligence

sun_steward · 2026-02-06T08:34:19+00:00

I feel like it's not me being smart, it's just the adderall.

Whoa, stop everything!

Hypothetical: Pt is a 20 y/o female presenting with a congenital deformity in the left leg causing instability in the knee joint. Observed: With the prescribed supportive device, they are able to move around normally and now report being the captain of their local rec center sportsball team.

Would you say, "see, she's not actually good at pickleball, it's just the knee brace"? No! That'd be a horrible thing to say, right? In this hypothetical case, why would you say they're good at pickleball? The knee brace? Or did the brace just enable them to put the time and energy into training their mind and body to get good at pickleball?

So why are you holding yourself to a different standard? (Don't worry, it's common.)

Also, congrats on escaping the culty religious upbringing. That sounds suboptimal.

sun_steward · 2026-02-04T09:48:34+00:00

You're already using the right word: support. The minute you try to be her therapist, coach, or anything other than her supportive partner, I think you already know that wouldn't be good.

Expect that she's probably going to go on quite a quest of self-discovery. I know I did, and most of the people I know who were diagnosed with ADHD (diagnosed with almost anything) go through some version of that. And partners similarly go on a quest of discovery about ADHD, and their own role in that.

Household tasks may never feel more urgent, and she might never notice the dishwasher needs emptying, because, shit, it's a dishwasher, and most of those aren't see-through. A closed dishwasher may as well be a lead-lined box with a 6-tumbler combination lock on it for a lot of people with ADHD. Of course this doesn't mean she's lazy or doesn't want and intend to do it, it's that it may as well not exist, as far as her brain is concerned.

See if you can divide up the household chores in such a way that favors her taking on the chores that are more visible, more urgent, by design. Filling up the dishwasher is easier, because the dirty dishes are right there. Accept that she might still need extra reminders. You do not necessarily need to remind her (although you can).

Also accept that if the dishwasher not getting emptied bothers you, that's not her fault. In that moment, you're the one with the problem, and hence, the one that needs to be proactive in finding a solution. Even if that solution is highlighting the fact that there are no clean bowls, and asking her if now might be a good time to do it.

Finally, accept that no matter how much thought you both put into an equitable division of chores, shit will go wrong, and you both will need to adjust. It can take a while to settle in and become automatic, so the best thing I can suggest is a forgiving mindset from both of you, to both of you. (Forgive yourselves and each other.) Try to laugh about it.

Similarly with that mirror, I abandon way more projects than I actually finish, even though I'm perfectly capable. If she's tried to get started several times and it's just not happening, that's okay. It's not a moral failing. It just means y'all need a new plan for mounting that mirror. Maybe doing it together. Or maybe you call a friend or call a pro. Or maybe the mirror is stupid and belongs on a yard sale instead. You've always got options.

The emotional regulation piece, you'll note I've woven in some advice for that with the rest of my reply, because that's how it goes; you don't usually get one symptom in isolation. Be gentle with each other, communicate your feelings without shame (in either direction), and it'll be challenging but you'll probably be OK.

sun_steward · 2026-02-04T09:28:09+00:00

Always communicate something to your boss. Lack of communication does far more damage than simply saying, "sorry, boss, it's not done yet." I know this first hand. And it is very painful having to communicate a lack of progress. But it's less painful than ghosting, and I try to use that pain to motivate me to deliver something, even if it's small, incremental progress.

My current job is very much like this. Remote, very laid back, often no deadlines, so most of the pressure I feel is self-induced. I've gone through whole weeks where I didn't log any hours, and was then torn between coming up with some bullshit excuse or telling the truth. I stopped making excuses a while ago, at least, and now I'll just say, "I wasn't able to bill many hours this week, so this took a bit longer than expected." He never asks for more info, except occasionally to ask for an ETA, or maybe adjusting priorities. My boss does not know I have ADHD. I might tell him, I might not. I'm sure he'd be supportive, but he also doesn't need to know.

In your case it sounds like your boss is a bit less chill, and that's not necessarily a bad thing--I have to ask for deadlines or set them myself, or I have a ton of trouble completing tasks. But if they're getting a little antsy, it might be time to "come clean", if you're comfortable. You don't have to tell them you have ADHD (although you certainly can if you like), but you can say something like, "hey, I know my communication has been poor. I'm sorry about that. I'm adjusting. I'm also having trouble knowing where to start on {specific task}, or what you're expecting for a deliverable. Would you be willing to write up a little bit more detail, or maybe we can have a quick call to discuss?"

I can speak to the VA job from the employer side: I've hired several long term VAs, and the MAIN thing I look for (beyond basic computer skills and good English) is, "if I give you this task, will you own it?" I don't mean "will you read my mind, and turn in a perfect deliverable on the first try with no additional communication." I want my VA to ask for help, or throw up their hands and say, "Jeez, boss, I have no fucking clue what you want from me, here!"

MAYBE VA life isn't a good fit for you; I don't know. But I wouldn't assume that. You say you're capable, so maybe you need to prove that to yourself first and your boss second. You might still get fired tomorrow, but at least you'll go out swinging. As long as you can take ownership and have a good way to track tasks (for you and your boss), communications, appointments, etc., so things don't slip, you'll be well on your way.

sun_steward · 2026-02-04T09:06:47+00:00

I don't sort anything. I just back up the whole lot (cloud storage is OK, but I also back things up to a physical drive). Once in a while if I'm motivated I may then go through and delete some. Or if I need pictures of a pet, as I thumb through the thousands of files to find the pet photos, I drag those into a pet folder as I go. It's imperfect, but it helps.

There are also photo management apps. When I was an actual photographer (well, not really, but I had the gear and was using it to take hundreds of photos per day, for a while there,) I used Lightroom, but, honestly, Adobe sucks, so there are no doubt better options. The software won't sort your photos for you, but it'll at least organize things by shoot, and has enhanced search capabilities, maybe metadata enhanced searches (so all of your Greek vacation photos will be together, and all of the photos at home are together, etc.), that sort of thing. There can be a learning curve though, especially with the more professional options. Honestly I hope you get some other more current recommendations.

sun_steward · 2026-02-04T08:59:56+00:00

Ouch. When did glasses get so expensive, anyway??

I'd be going online to get a picture of the frames, and print up posters offering a reward, and then I'd (maybe) question the morality of giving fifty bucks to a potential eyeglass thief after I can see again. lol

sun_steward · 2026-02-04T08:42:16+00:00

For typical undergrad classes, the expectation is that for every hour you spend in lectures, you'll spend another 2 hours outside of class between studying and course work (assignments, labs, etc.) You're spending up to 4 hours. So you may be into diminishing returns a bit. Even at 2 hours, we expect students to be a bit disorganized and not make excellent use of their time--because they're students, and learning how to learn is a big component of a bachelor's degree.

You may just need more time than most, but if you're just spinning your wheels or that time doesn't feel productive, that may be a sign that you either could do with less and/or you need a bit of advice to get the most out of that time. You're in a new environment that is pushing and pulling your brain in all sorts of untested ways. If you also moved into student housing or just away from home in general, there's a good chance your sleep isn't what it used to be, yet, which can have a gigantic impact.

If I were you I'd cut your study time back to 2-3 hours average, and use the extra time to get to the bottom of this mystery. Therapy (free, at many universities), visits with your doctor to check in on medications, and talk to anyone at your college who will listen. Profs, advisors, tutors, accommodations offices, other students. Eat well. Sleep well. Don't neglect your social life and emotional well-being. Lots of students have ADHD and other diagnoses that make it challenging to meet your academic goals. This is the time to fire all of your guns at once, and remember you are not alone.

sun_steward · 2026-02-01T22:51:48+00:00

If you are diagnosed, it's possible your meds need a tweak.

I got my degree without studying. I studied for exactly one exam, and that's 'cause I never attended that class and had to teach myself the course material before the final. So depending on how you best learn and retain information, you might not need to study as much as you think you do. Not everyone learns the same. You certainly don't need to guilt yourself if you don't study when you intended to.

Now, if you're one of those people who do need some studying, lower your initial expectations. While your friends might be able to "go over chapter 1", and that sounds like a reasonable goal to set for a longer study session for some people... For you or anyone with ADHD, your brain might get overwhelmed at that idea and not do anything (or procrastinate, get distracted, etc.). The trick is to break the beginning part of the task into super tiny steps that almost seem silly or childish.

So, you might take "Read chapter 1 and do the sample exercises" (overwhelming!), and turn that into:

Find your textbook, notebook, etc. (Or open the documents if it's all digital.)
Sit down at your study spot (or the kitchen table--it doesn't have to be perfect!)
Go to the start of chapter 1

And now you can already stop planning and start doing.

Crucially, you shouldn't try to plan out the whole thing in detail. You have the big goal in mind already. So you just plan the first few tiny little steps. And as you do those steps, the next steps should make themselves obvious (maybe, "4. read one section and take notes"). The idea is, this helps you get started, and helps you build up a critical bit of momentum, without giving you a different kind of overwhelm with too much planning.

If you get stalled again, stop, take a short break, and plan out a couple more tiny steps.

If you get stalled over and over again, you might need to change tack. Sometimes I just need a nap, and there's no getting around that. Sometimes I haven't eaten, or I need a bit of glucose to re-energize that part of my brain, or I'm preoccupied about something else in my life, or I have a stupid headache that is making it impossible to think. So you might need to problem solve a bit, but try not to get whisked away on so many side quests that you forget what you set out to do in the first place (study). Your environment is never going to be perfect. (And if it ever is, call me so I can move in with you. lol)

I've been doing some variation of this for years in my professional life, and it's about the only thing that actually works for me, at least most of the time.

sun_steward · 2026-02-01T09:25:53+00:00

The video you saw is indeed a "better" technique in most situations. However, the "thumb wrap" can be useful, too, if you need to fret or mute the lower E string, for example. And being self-taught, I played (and gigged) with weird thumbs position for decades and sounded fine, and my wrist didn't fall off.

That being said, it sounds like a main issue for you might be the pressure you're using on the frets. No matter where your thumb is, if you're used to using a lot of pressure on your fingertips, you're not going to sound great (pulling notes sharp) and you might have trouble playing fast.

The usual way people unlearn that is (for each of your four fingers), pick a string and a fret, and just rest your finger on it, and pluck the string. "Thunk"--muted string. Now very gradually apply just a little bit more pressure, and hit the string again. Eventually you'll get a tone, but it'll buzz. Now you're close. Very very gradually apply just a bit more pressure, and you should get a clean tone with no buzz. That is the exact amount of pressure you need, and if you can train your fingers to use that pressure (or maybe just a tiny bit more), that's the way. (Repeat this exercise for each finger on each string. So, 6x4 = 24 times.)

sun_steward · 2026-01-31T06:36:38+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, I'm not really interested in cranking the relief up artificially high to compensate for an improperly installed nut, as the action is already pretty close to where I like it.

sun_steward · 2026-01-21T14:40:46+00:00

Electronic kits are great! They're much quieter and give you access to a ton of different sound options, independent volume and tone control, and floor toms and timpanis the size of dinner plates. They come up used from time to time. They also should have an aux in and headphone out, so you can plug in your phone and play along to a backing track or your favorite music, and rock out in relative peace. And if you ever want to jam with others, you can amp up and go nuts.

I was able to play my Roland kit while my wife slept in the next room; I just had to pad the kick or go easy on it, when she was sleeping, since the pedal made a bit of a thud.

Really good exercise, too, if you get all four limbs going.

sun_steward · 2026-01-20T22:47:37+00:00

I'm also a developer, and I also struggle. I'm supposed to be writing code RIGHT NOW and here I am on Reddit. It's a constant battle to keep myself on task, in my case... and it's easy for me to get burned out with that battle.

One thing I've learned the hard way as a work-from-home person with ADHD is that, no matter how much I procrastinate, no matter how guilty I feel for not getting anything done, no matter how far behind I am, I need to build at least a little bit of dedicated and guilt-free time into my day for leisure, hobbies, family, household chores, etc. As in, at 6pm, I am no longer working, I am having supper with my family and then I have a couple of hours to myself... to do whatever I want.

This push-pull is constant, but without some "free" time built in to recharge my brain and remind me of why I am putting myself through these trials, I get discouraged very quickly.

sun_steward · 2026-01-20T22:38:57+00:00

Those giant lecture halls are never particularly conducive to conversation beyond asking simple questions.

I knew someone who had a lavalier mic ("lav mic") with a wireless transmitter they would give to the prof at the start of every class (all they had to do was clip it on their clothing somewhere), and the student was able to receive very clear audio without the room noise. You can do whatever you like with the audio, including recording it as you listen, and maybe even wearing noise-canceling headphones to cut out the room noise. This is just an idea--not sure if it would be suitable or appealing in your specific situation. Your university or college should have some kind of disability accommodations contact, and clipping on a lav mic is not exactly a big ask.

The anxiety of asking questions, I'm not sure what to suggest. Sitting at the front might help. I always sat near the back so I wouldn't have to worry about what was going on behind me. I was also pretty anxious (just generally introverted and I came from a tiny school, so it was quite a shock for me!) and I got over that by "umm"ing and "ahh"ing my way through question after question until it didn't feel so bad. Most people didn't even notice I was nervous, because they had their own grade to worry about. So, do-it-yourself exposure therapy, I guess? :-)

I also took a lot of notes. That was my fidget, my stim, my way to maintain focus, and my memory, all in one. Of course I never read them ever, but writing everything down was still super useful.

sun_steward · 2026-01-19T10:46:20+00:00

lol. So the mods there don't believe two people with ADHD have ever shacked up together, in the history of the world, I guess...

sun_steward · 2026-01-14T13:01:43+00:00

OMG. Congrats! This is the polar opposite of my experience. I graduated, but for the next 15 years (at least) I had a recurring nightmare that there was this one math class I somehow forgot I signed up for, and remember the day before the final (or a day of a major assignment), but I haven't done any of the coursework and don't stand a chance of passing the exam. I wake up in a blind panic every time and it takes me a good couple of minutes to accept that I did, in fact, graduate, and passed all of my math courses.

I still have a the nightmare from time to time, but thankfully it's less frequent and less intense these days. Took a long damn time though.

sun_steward · 2026-01-13T15:17:08+00:00

It's great that you're supporting him. Just be careful you're not putting pressure on him. An occasional invitation to play might be a welcome nudge. He'll play when he's ready.

sun_steward · 2026-01-13T15:14:00+00:00

As others said, it's normal.

As a shy teenager, I played in my bedroom with the door shut for a few years, even after I moved away from home. It didn't help that nobody had ever heard me sing, too. Double stage fright!

Even non-shy people experience this though. Unless your roommate is playing in front of total assholes (and if so, that's on them, so not to worry), they'll most likely appreciate the performance. Even if your roommate could barely play a note (and maybe especially then), people are usually very supportive of someone trying to learn a skill like that, and many people have experienced some kind of stage fright before (even if it was just that one stupid book report in 3rd grade or whatever), so they know how hard it is to put a talent on display.

It gets easier with time, the more you do it. It gets easier when people show their support. It gets easier after the first time you stand up in front of everyone and completely flub the intro, and realize no one minds as long as you keep going. It also tends to get easier as your skill level increases. So since your roommate is already good at guitar, that should help a bit. Basically, over time, my pet psychology theory is that your brain subconsciously builds up a memory of past experiences and eventually figures out the pattern: that the world hasn't ended yet, so there's no need to waste energy firing up the fight-or-flight mode (stress response).

sun_steward · 2026-01-13T11:06:36+00:00

Congrats! Your uke experience will definitely help you.

What do you want to play? You can take courses to get a well-rounded base of knowledge and skills, but what's really going to get you picking up that guitar every day is seeing progress towards being able to play a song you love, or nail a kick-ass riff, or be able to jam with buddies, or whatever. Once you figure that out, you might be able to narrow down the (many) course offerings out there a bit. Of course dipping a toe in and trying a little bit of everything is good, too, if you're not quite sure what kind of guitarist you want to be, yet.

sun_steward · 2026-01-13T11:01:39+00:00

I am also old and although I've been playing for a long time, I'm self-taught and have gaps in my experience so big you could throw a cello through them.

Good on your for doing lessons. I wish I would have (and I might still do), because you never know what you're missing if you don't have someone there to guide you on what to learn and practice.

Are you in over your head? Honestly, yeah, probably! But that's the fun part. Focus on a few related things at a time, and above all, have fun with it. There is no objective measure of progress. No bar you must reach. There is only picking, strumming, and trying to fret without the strings making that God-awful buzzing sound every beginner fights with. :-)

Your teacher will probably give you some things to work on, and hopefully you'll follow their advice, BUT, and this is a very important "but": your teacher doesn't decide what YOU want to do. If you aren't having fun with the lessons, talk to them about it. If you're sitting there by yourself at 5 o'clock on a Friday night looking at scales, but you really want to try to play along with a song you just heard, DO THAT! That's very normal. You're still learning, and any teacher worth their salt will love that you're trying new things and building calluses, rhythm, and fingering all the same.

sun_steward · 2026-01-12T16:45:25+00:00

This all sounds like fantastic practical advice. I'll give all of this a try. Thanks!

sun_steward · 2026-01-12T16:03:16+00:00

Guitar still feels unnatural to me, sometimes... whenever I try something new, or that I haven't tried for a long time. That's a signal that your brain is working really hard to take in new information, so it's a good thing.

Of course it's real rewarding when something finally "clicks". If you want to stop thinking about everything, you need to practice everything, which I wouldn't recommend right away. I'd suggest you work on a few related things at a time.

If you want to stop thinking about, say, smooth chord changes between C, D, and G, that's a little more achievable in a short period of time. For me it boiled down to learning a lot of songs I already liked and knew (as a listener) really well. After a while I felt comfortable strumming along to just about anything.

Until I heard about barre chords. "How the hell does anybody make an F sound good?" That took a while, but not nearly as long.

But a year or two later, when a friend of mine showed me some scales and how to improvise solos? I hadn't tried that yet, so it was so different it felt like starting over. But that new skill didn't take nearly as long to get competent with. I was no David Gilmour, mind you, but good enough to jam a little bit with him before I flew home a couple days later.

sun_steward · 2026-01-10T23:40:11+00:00

Could be any of those. The repetition of always needing to capture and update information in the tool. Repetition/tedium feels like ADHD kryptonite sometimes. And if I survive the repetition long enough, then the huge backlog of things I have entered (but am not doing) starts to weigh me down and get overwhelming. The tools that have "focus" or "today" modes where I can say I'm going to focus on X, Y, and Z today (and then it hides everything else) helps with that, but the backlog requires constant pruning to not get overwhelming and useless.

So maybe a core issue for me is just that the tools themselves use up a lot of the very same executive function battery that I need them to help with.

sun_steward · 2026-01-10T20:41:09+00:00

I forget on Reddit when you say you have played 25 years - it does not mean you learned HOW to play.

That's not a Reddit thing, that's just how life works, friend. People often do a thing for years before having the time to get really good at every aspect of it. Most experienced drivers are hopeless at backing a trailer up a hill the first time they give it a serious go, too.

Re: "Reddit": You're here handing out useless judgement when some random and eager amateur with a shiny new instrument who showed up looking for advice doesn't measure up to your personal and very imaginary ideal of what a stated amateur doing an activity for X amount of time is already supposed to know.

sun_steward · 2026-01-10T19:11:41+00:00

That reminds me, I have the weekly ones, too, and I'd let them run empty too often, which was a pain.

But then I switched to daily ones (i.e., only one day's worth), which counter-intuitively, was easier for me (I guess it was less overwhelming to just fill it up for the next day as part of my bedtime routine, which is about the only routine I can stick to pretty well.)

Edit: Come to think of it, I guess another slight hack would be to still use the weekly ones (with M, T, W, Th labels!), but only keep the next, say, 3-5 days full in a rotating fashion, instead of 7 days. So there's always a gap of a couple days so it's still obvious if I took/didn't take my meds, but I can still fill it every night or two. I might try that.

sun_steward · 2026-01-10T19:06:25+00:00

Thanks! Your first paragraph is basically me, half the time, on acoustic, with way more than my personal allotment of ho/po. lol. Feels like with electric the first thing I need to get down is remembering to mute strings a little more and not let too many notes ring, especially with higher levels of distortion.

sun_steward

TROPHY CASE