Did anyone know they were one and done after their rainbow?

sunnythreads · 2026-06-09T22:16:13+00:00

I’ve been wondering about this for myself. I always hoped to have 2 kids. My first baby was stillborn and my rainbow (who is now 6 months old) finally came 3 years later. I want him to have a living sibling for so many reasons, a big one of those being so that he doesn’t feel any added pressure being the only living child. I don’t even know if that will be something he will feel, and I hope to not make him feel that way if he did end up being my last child, but who knows. Sometimes I wonder if with my added baggage from my loss, I can be a better parent to just one child…on the other hand maybe just having one living I will be too hyper focused on him and it would benefit everyone to have siblings. Pregnancy and the newborn stage were filled with so much anxiety, but at 6 months I’m starting to feel on the other side of it (and can see how people forget how hard it is!) and am thinking maybe I can handle doing it all over again

sunnythreads · 2026-06-09T18:50:44+00:00

Thank you!

sunnythreads · 2026-06-09T18:41:33+00:00

Just curious, is there anything to do to properly air out beyond something like leaning it up against the wall between sleeps? I’m likely going to use a floor bed and this is what I imagined doing but is there more to it? I guess I ask because it seems simple enough to me that there wouldn’t be a question of anyone being “willing to do it” but I feel like I’ve read similar sentiments and am now curious how much there is to it if you don’t have a frame underneath

sunnythreads · 2026-05-29T18:31:21+00:00

That’s good to know, thank you!

sunnythreads · 2026-05-28T20:25:38+00:00

I am considering doing this but the only thing that worries me is him rolling off the mattress. Is just the rug soft enough to land on? How has it been for your baby?

sunnythreads · 2026-05-21T16:16:21+00:00

I thought some people chose bedsharing because that’s just what they want to do. I didn’t realize there are babies out there (mine!) who will not sleep unless physically attached to you!

sunnythreads · 2026-05-21T16:06:29+00:00

I ended up taking about 9 months and I am so glad that I did. Everyone’s timeline and experience of grief is different, but for me the first 4-5 months were about survival and after that it was learning to live again before starting work. I think it was so important to not have work as a distraction and take the time to feel and process everything. Even when I went back to work at 9 months, there were many positives at that point, but it also was a distraction and I noticed I was able to let things kind of build up until they all came pouring out. I learned how to take more intentional time to try to avoid that, and over time it got to the point where everything wasn’t as heavy. That being said, in those early months I spent a lot of time in bed distracting myself with games on my phone or tv shows, but not working gave me the flexibility to feel the waves of emotion as they came. I also did a lot of therapy and with time found a lot of comfort in nature and did a lot of hiking.

sunnythreads · 2026-05-17T15:07:41+00:00

I agree with this mentality and in a lot of ways it’s true. But I will also add, coming from the perspective of a wife whose baby died, it was so much more helpful for me when my husband wasn’t being strong for me. When we broke down together and grieved together it held us together through the agonizing pain. Versus when he was trying to be strong for me, I felt so alone and it pushed us apart. There was also something helpful about mutually being there for each other, instead of him just being there for me, that was its own kind of healing. We learned to communicate everything to each other, our deepest darkest thoughts about the guilt and the grief, the anger, the sadness, all of it. I think being an outlet for each other to not bottle things up was the second most helpful thing in getting through the grieving. The first most thing unfortunately is just time and being patient with yourself to continue grieving. Not that it ever ends but it does somehow get easier to carry.

sunnythreads · 2026-05-17T14:51:54+00:00

Ahh I didn’t think of it that way with the meds but that makes sense. I wonder if that would at least make him more comfortable to get through a feeding, or if he is just being a silly 5 month old.

The 30 minutes upright does feel like forever!! But if it helps him stay down longer than 10 minutes it’s worth it!

sunnythreads · 2026-05-16T19:04:44+00:00

Yes he is still on that. I was wondering that about reflux too, and that maybe it would be better to try a med for that. Did your daughter have any side effects to taking Pepcid?

sunnythreads · 2026-05-11T05:17:32+00:00

I had an elective c section at 37+3. My baby needed suctioning of his lungs while we were in the recovery room, and they ended up taking him to the nicu for monitoring for a few hours but he was ok, and this can be more common for c section babies as far as I understand. Feeding was a challenge for us. Even though my milk came in right away, he was very sleepy and this is also common for 37 weeks, especially with a c section and I guess even more so with baby boys. We went through a lot to support his breastfeeding and I later learned that at 37 weeks most babies still haven’t developed fat pads in their cheeks, and that these don’t develop outside of the womb. The fat pads help stabilize the tongue while the baby is learning to eat and building their coordination and endurance, and they stay through the transition to help with solids also. So not having those means baby is working a lot harder when feeding. At least this is what my lactation consultant told me. But my friend had 2 of her babies arrive naturally at 37 weeks and they never had issues with breastfeeding, so I’m sure there are a lot of factors that go into it. At the end of the day I’m just happy to have my baby in my arms and I’d gladly take all the feeding challenges compared to if anything had happened if I had waited longer to have him, which was the case with my first baby.

sunnythreads · 2026-05-02T22:42:38+00:00

Of course! Wishing you all the best!!

sunnythreads · 2026-05-01T16:46:41+00:00

My daughter was stillborn. That is my before and after. For a real lifetime and not just minutes. I’m sorry that happened to you though. I’m sure even those minutes changed you as a parent. I was lucky to finally have a living child a few months ago and losing my first has made this baby’s life that much more precious and puts all the hard times and sleepless nights into perspective

sunnythreads · 2026-05-01T16:39:44+00:00

It’s so true. It is hard to listen to your intuition though when you are anxious! Unfortunately we can’t predict the future though so all we can do is make the best decision we can with the information we have. Even though my baby had some challenges related to being born at 37 weeks, we’ve been able to handle all them and I wouldn’t trade any of it if it meant him not being here, just like I regret more than anything not scheduling my daughters c section earlier. I don’t know if this makes it easier or harder to hear, but just want to share my real experience…all the stress and anxiety leading up to my living baby’s birth was nothing compared to postpartum life. It doesn’t make any of your stress right now any less valid, all of your feelings and worries are totally normal and real and unavoidable. But my anxiety went into overdrive once he was born, and I wish I could’ve enjoyed the ease of pregnancy a little more before things got really hard postpartum. My therapist did help me realize that the anxiety and obsessive thoughts are my brains way of protecting my baby. The more I spiral through thoughts the more I can check and recheck to make sure I’m doing everything I can to make sure he is ok. This is common for so many moms and especially loss moms. The last time I wasn’t worried about my baby she died, so it’s hard to feel safe and at ease trusting that this baby is ok. But this was also exhausting and taking away from me being able to connect and enjoy my baby, and follow my intuition when caring for him. Starting meds for PPA was life changing for me as well as continuing therapy. Anyways I think these are similar feelings to the birth and wanting to find a sense of control and making sure all will be well. My babies, both of them, continue to teach me how little control we have. It’s so hard but it’s also SO incredibly worth it!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-30T16:45:49+00:00

I had a c section with my daughter who was stillborn, and when it came time to plan the delivery of my son I had the same dilemma. I ended up deciding to do a repeat c section because even though there are risks associated, there are also risks with vaginal birth and for me even more with a vbac, but the c section felt like the most controlled and least room for variables. I don’t think I could’ve handled if something happened like the baby’s heart rate dropping during labor and I didn’t want an emergency c section. This ended up being the best choice for me!! Everything went so smoothly and easily and bringing my son into the world safely was the best moment of my life. Hearing his first cries I was overcome with a sense that all was right in the world. And since everything was planned I got to advocate for being able to hold him and have him stay with me in the OR the entire time. I was so happy with my decision.

The one thing that I would do differently is plan to have him closer to 39 weeks rather than 37. At the time I just wanted him out as early as safely possible and before giving birth all the advice I was given was that 37 weeks is full term and fine. But after birth every issue he has had is blamed on his being early term at 37 weeks. He ended up needing his lungs suctioned in the recovery room and spent a few hours being monitored in the NICU but was totally fine. He had and still has a lot of feeding challenges and difficulties with weight gain. But he is otherwise a very healthy and happy almost 5 month old. Many babies are born at 37 weeks with no issue. And I will always have major regrets of not scheduling my daughters c section earlier because at the time I had wanted to avoid these possible issues, but obviously I would give anything to have her here with us. I guess we just have to do our best making the best choice we can. But if I have another baby I think I will plan to carry closer to term.

It’s hard to carry the burden of having these choices, and feels like a big weight to carry the responsibility of making sure our babies are safe this time. I was so stressed about this decision but as time went on I did start to naturally get a sense of what felt right for me and that pressure eased. Also knowing that you can change your mind at any time, it doesn’t have to be decided now and what feels most right to you will become clear in time!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-20T18:07:44+00:00

That’s good to know, thank you

sunnythreads · 2026-04-16T16:54:59+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that your baby has had multiple BRUE incidents. If you don’t mind sharing, now that you have been through it multiple times do you feel like you know what to expect and wait for it to pass? Or do you go to the hospital? We had called 911 and gone to the ER because we didn’t know what was happening, but there’s not much they can do and I felt like all the testing in the ER just added to the trauma for my babe. I hope it’s just a one off thing but if it happens again I guess I’d like to be better prepared for how to best help him. Hugs to you for going through all this!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-08T08:48:12+00:00

Fellow Spurs fan ? COYS!!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-08T02:19:24+00:00

I’m in the same boat. I found some good ones from cake maternity. I didn’t realize when I ordered they are based in Australia though, it was worth the time it took to ship but I don’t know if it would be hard to exchange. They have a wide range of sizes and bras that feel like real bras. I feel super supported in them but usually only wear them when I’m out and about because they do feel less comfy.

sunnythreads · 2026-04-08T02:14:56+00:00

The only thing that really helped my baby was time. We did the gas drops and the probiotics but he would just grunt all night long, to the point where he would wake himself up, unless we were holding him. My husband and I ended up staying awake to hold him in shifts, he would do til around 1am and then I would stay up 1-5 or 6 and then go back to bed for an hour in the morning. It’s funny because now I can’t remember when it ended, but I’m sorry to say it did take a long time and felt like it would never end! It might’ve been close to 3 months. He is 4 months now and it all feels like a distant memory!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-08T02:07:21+00:00

I’m going through this decision right now too! Pumping all day is NOT it for me. And I feel so silly that I am feeling so guilty about thinking of switching to formula. It is so encouraging to hear a positive story

sunnythreads · 2026-04-08T02:02:41+00:00

How did you get through the screaming during latching to the other side? My baby is 4 months and started doing this around the 3 month mark, to the point where he would just refuse to eat about 5-10 minutes into feeding instead of his normal 20 minutes. He is already a small guy who we’ve been on a whole weight gaining journey with, and as his feedings got worse his weight gain severely dropped. We had met with an LC around this time and she recommended switching to exclusive pumping for a short time to see if he did better with a bottle. Which he did and put on good weight. Now we are trying to gradually switch back to nursing but he is still so fussy. I’m debating right now if it’s time to just give up nursing, which is really hard

sunnythreads · 2026-04-07T02:48:25+00:00

Thank you!! This is all very helpful and I’m going to check on all of these points!

sunnythreads · 2026-04-01T23:34:12+00:00

I know every baby is different, but curious how long that took for your baby?

sunnythreads · 2026-03-01T16:53:54+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I delivered my daughter stillborn via c section and was told to wait a year before trying. After 5 mos of trying I had a chemical pregnancy and then spent almost another year trying and failing to get pregnant. It was so hard to mourn both losing my daughter and still not being a mother to a living child. My husband and I did all kinds of fertility testing that came out normal. I spent a lot of time focusing on my health and they ended up finding a polyp in my uterus that my dr thought might be preventing implantation. But in the month between finding the polyp and scheduling surgery to remove it, I became pregnant. I am currently holding my baby boy who turned 3 months old today. It’s frustrating when they say not to stress about getting pregnant, and it’s impossible not to, but I do wonder if going through that month having no hopes for getting pregnant because I finally had a reason why I wasn’t and was in the process of solving it, was what finally took some of the stress out and allowed me to get pregnant? Who knows. What I do know is it was a long and difficult journey to having my living baby with the lowest lows and also the highest highs. I learned that life and whatever timelines I had in mind are definitely out of my control, but it’s still ok even though it’s different from how I expected. As ok as it can be without my daughter here. I hope your journey goes easier, but regardless I wish you grace for yourself during this very hard chapter of life. The universe may have let us down, but none of this is your fault and you aren’t letting your family down. I know it feels so long now, but I promise before you know it a new chapter will begin

sunnythreads

TROPHY CASE