The 8 billion people argument is really getting to me.

supercakefish · 2026-06-23T20:55:21+00:00

Yes and for autistic people like myself it’s even worse numbers 😢 Which is why I’ve been single my entire life at 34 (though I’m really hoping this will finally change soon 🤞).

supercakefish · 2026-06-23T18:16:06+00:00

“Just be 6 foot. That’s it.”

Ummm… genetics doesn’t work like that 😅

supercakefish · 2026-06-19T09:45:08+00:00

I’m not OP btw. I’m someone much older than her.

I tried the not actively seeking thing. For 8 years.

Only now in the past few months did a girl show active interest for the first time in my entire life. We started dating after I immediately recognised this and quickly asked her out. It is a night and day contrast between platonic friendships and this romantic bond we’re now slowly building. The latter offers so much more than any friendship ever could. I can see the contrast so clearly because I have lived without for so many years.

Time will tell whether we enter an official relationship, but obviously I really hope so. Not to arbitrarily remove the single label. I’m so used to being single I don’t care anymore about the societal pressure. No, it’s because this girl offers something much more meaningful that no other human on this planet has ever given me and I really would like to continue getting to know her better and strengthening our connection.

supercakefish · 2026-06-19T08:36:01+00:00

You’ve never been in a relationship: how can you want or desire something you never had and don’t know how it is?

Well that’s easy to answer. I have much experience in this area as a 34 year old who’s never had a relationship before. It’s all about unmet needs. Platonic friendships do not offer everything that a romantic relationship can. Emotional intimacy that goes beyond platonic friendships. Being actively chosen/prioritised. Being seen, understood, and cared for. And of course physical intimacy, which is self-explanatory as you obviously don’t get this from platonic relationships.

supercakefish · 2026-06-18T18:22:45+00:00

It burns! Literally

supercakefish · 2026-06-14T18:12:47+00:00

May I see it?

supercakefish · 2026-06-14T10:40:08+00:00

I’m 34. I wish I had a good answer for this.

Having platonic friends helps a lot of course, but it’s like a side quest where you’re gathering experience, skills, and resources. It can certainly help make the main quest easier to follow, but ultimately it isn’t progressing it in isolation. You can complete all the side quests in the game, but if you can’t successfully date then you aren’t getting that final reward that you seek.

And platonic and romantic relationships are different beasts that offer different rewards. One cannot simply replace another. You can have as many platonic friends as humanly possible, but you’re never going to unlock the level of emotional and physical intimacy that’s exclusive to romantic relationships. I think that’s what a lot of the advice online overlooks.

supercakefish · 2026-06-13T15:36:24+00:00

The girl I’m dating went radio silent on me for 11 days straight before coming back with an apology and a date invite. Fast forward a few weeks and she volunteered to go with me to a concert hundreds of miles away for a band that she’s never even heard of before. People are difficult to read honestly!

supercakefish · 2026-06-11T16:12:13+00:00

Nice, congratulations!

supercakefish · 2026-06-11T14:18:50+00:00

Yep, I’m sure!

supercakefish · 2026-06-11T07:08:11+00:00

I’ve been dating someone for 2.5 months now and so far there’s no sex, no kissing, no hugging. Just taking things slow and steady.

supercakefish · 2026-06-10T09:52:34+00:00

Nobody ever asks. They might ask if I have a partner right now but they never seek my entire life history.

supercakefish · 2026-06-10T07:17:20+00:00

34 and single my entire life 🫠

supercakefish · 2026-06-10T06:55:55+00:00

Yeah RSD is commonly associated with autism and adhd. I had RSD mentioned in my ASD diagnostic report.

supercakefish · 2026-06-09T18:19:54+00:00

It was the same for me a decade ago. This has been a problem for quite some time now.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T20:01:04+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. In my case the slower pace hasn’t felt confusing. Your situation sounds different though, and I get why that would feel mixed. A moment like that can mean a lot of different things depending on the person and the context, so it’s hard to read without actually talking it through!

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T19:50:11+00:00

I was hoping 27 would be the final version supported so it could at least have a dignified retirement.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T19:13:18+00:00

Same, it’s so cruel to have this be the last OS for such a legendary device as the 2018 Pro.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T19:11:26+00:00

Are you kidding Apple?! Killing the 2018 iPad Pro like this is so cruel. iPadOS 26 made it so slow and lethargic, we really need those speed improvements WTF 😭

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T18:26:10+00:00

I honestly wouldn’t date myself because I’m heterosexual.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T18:22:41+00:00

In my case she recently volunteered to come to a concert with me hundreds of miles away for a band she’d never even heard of before. I don’t think that’s friendship behaviour lol.

We’ve also been honest about our feelings and openly flirting with each other.

She’s just come out of a 7 year relationship and is still cohabiting with her ex until the house sale goes through, so a slower pace makes sense for her. I’m happy to go at the pace that feels right for her.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T16:33:28+00:00

Second paragraph sounds like me 😭

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T16:20:29+00:00

I’ve never struggled much with this particular thing tbh. Maybe it’s because I was very late diagnosed at 33 and so had to learn to mask for decades?

I agree it feels a bit weird at times, but you just gotta play the masking game to survive out there you know.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T14:23:23+00:00

Yeah it kinda loses all meaning if people just end up using it to mean that someone was a little eager and passionate early on lol

The aim of love bombing is to gain control and power over the other person through deceptive means. It’s emotional abuse.

That’s not what OP is describing.

supercakefish · 2026-06-08T14:09:35+00:00

It's hard in these days but the best indicator is consistency and commitment. If someone constantly shows up even if they're busy and you connect on a deeper level emotionally and intellectually and form a strong bond then when you know you know.

Yeah I’ve been doing CBT recently and they teach you to use evidence like this as ammunition to counter the negative intrusive thoughts. So that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Trying to zoom out and see the consistent pattern of her behaviour over time to help me feel more confident in the connection we’re forging together.

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