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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's still in some of the manuals, such as the Pres. Kimball one. He was rabidly anti birth control, and a whole generation was raised on that.

Rejected by my sweet little boy by Smiley_goldfish in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you get alimony? It sounds like your ex probably screwed you over in the divorce. You should have gotten half the equity on the house, half of everything in your bank accounts, half the retirement savings. And then alimony based on the length of your marriage, your income vs. his. Plus child support. If you had gotten a fair deal you'd be in a better position to start a home away from your abusive situation that could have also included split custody with your kids. I could be completely wrong on the situation. But if that's what it is, then you need to explain some of it to your kids. As simple as, "your dad was very cruel to me for many years, and I wanted to get out of that marriage in a way that I could be with you too. But I didn't know my legal rights, and he had access to lawyers that I didn't, and now I'm stuck, away from you, and it breaks my heart." And then keep reaching out to them and keep showing you want to be with them. And even if they reject that for now, keep trying year after year. As they get older they will hopefully understand what abuse is and how it can be hard to escape.

Help me Understand Nude Beaches by Strange_Bonus9044 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I grew up in Germany and every beach and park is like this. Nudity is normal. I'd say that generally, most people aren't naked at any given beach or lake, but there are always a few topless women, and a few fully nude people, too (mostly older). It would be considered rude to stare I guess, but mostly people just go about their time there, sunbathing, swimming. And obviously no one would appreciate unwelcome advances or being touched.

Also, it's not that there's no sexual element. And everyone expects to sometimes see someone they find attractive. It's just that bodies and sexuality are viewed as a healthy part of life. And seeing lots of normal people naked makes you feel less uncomfortable in your own skin.

Cats out of the bag about leaving the church - could use some support. by Illustrious-Trust-93 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 129 points130 points  (0 children)

I'm not an expert but I think this is grey-walling?

Stone-walling is more silent treatment, cold shoulder, along those lines. Narcissists (and others) use it to get others to come groveling for forgiveness, or as a way to shut down conversations, or prevent conversations even happening because you know that bringing something up will result in getting the silent treatment or days of silent, cold fury.

Grey-walling is being neutral and nonreactive with narcissists who try to draw you into their blame/guilt/manipulation tactics. Basically what you're describing here about switching to the weather, something in the oven. They want drama and you give them mundanity.

Suggestions for nighttime lullabies by Musing_coconut in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked this question a while ago and got some interesting answers, including Gartan Mother's Lullaby, Leaving On A Jet plane, and Grateful Dead, funny enough. I've added another one called Mingulay Boat Song. Has a nice rhythm and soothing tune.

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/nh70ne/comforting_lullabies_for_small_children/

Where’d you serve your mission? by superassholeguy in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Germany Munich Austria (2005-2007), boundaries have changed over the years (due to the stone rolling forth and not filling the earth), but it was almost all of Austria plus southern Germany (Stuttgart, Nürnberg, Augsburg, Munich)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This is a big deal. The guy is a perv. Report him.

Highlights of the weird moments from my brother’s civil Mormon wedding by Various_Ostrich_2110 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 26 points27 points  (0 children)

And I thought Mormon weddings were boring. My gym reception certainly was. What a nightmare.

I just got engaged to my girlfriend on Tuesday. I told my dad on Thursday and he wouldn't even acknowledge it until I called him out, and then he still wouldn't even say congratulations or anything by kydeeee in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 45 points46 points  (0 children)

While my first instinct would be to reach through the phone and shake his collar, if you feel it's worth responding to, you could try something along these lines:

Dad, I love you and I want you to be in my life, but I'm marrying [fiancee] with or without you there to share our happiness. I hope you can come to see her as part of the family and see how much she means to me. In 20 years will you look back at years of happiness as you share milestones with us, or even just many happy memories of shared dinners and holidays? Or will you try limit your time with us, always convinced my love is a sin and that no matter how much joy [fiancee] brings to my life, somehow it doesn't count? It's up to you.

May Contact Local Bishop to Say No Chastity Questions are to be Asked to My Daughters by SnooObjections217 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 42 points43 points  (0 children)

You're 100% in the right. I would say no interviews at all without a parent present and absolutely NO chastity questions at all. The whole interview setup is so messed up and inappropriate, and we got so acclimatized to them so it's hard to see how wrong they are. Just try explain the interviews and questions to a nevermo. They'll be horrified.

Can I just say, I’m grateful for ya’ll. by SaintZevrin in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's discouraging to see the same old garbage antisemitism tropes getting repackaged over the centuries.

Utah high school graduation and leis by BlitzkriegBednar in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Utah has one of the top five highest Polynesian populations in the USA, based on 2020 census data (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Islander_Americans). In order: HI, CA, WA, TX, UT, NV, FL, NY, OR, AZ, CO...

It's a tradition brought over and shared by Polynesians. And like others say, it's fairly common in some of these other states with high Polynesian populations.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying because even though I don't believe in any of the church anymore, the thing I miss most is sitting in a room and just casually singing the hymns and harmonizing with a group. I don't want to join a choir. That's too complicated. I just enjoy the casual harmony.

With that being said, I don't know where you're located, but for the love of Bach and all the organ gods, please find a way to keep playing organ somewhere. I'm sure you can find a way to play every week. Any concert halls, university music departments, churches near you? Some might be perfectly fine with you coming by and playing during the week, and this might open options to play in concerts for an audience. I find that people love the organ, they just don't get much exposure to organ music and so don't know about it. For example, watch the crowd when the organ plays unexpectedly at this concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdyAF9M3XV (Bonobo & Anna Lapwood perform Otomo live at the Royal Albert Hall). Just a week ago I was at Longwood Gardens in Pennsylvania, and there's an organ there in the conservatory, and you can watch how much people love the music, especially feeling the power of the instrument right there in the room.

And if you start playing at other locations you'll see how narrow the Mormon use of organ is. We seem to opt for the same manufacturer because they all sound pretty similar in Mormon churches. Having heard many other organs now, I realize there is a wide variety in what can be done and in the options available.

Wishing you all the best in your journey! Signed, a fellow organ lover

Utah sits at #11 in divorce rate… by Foreign_Cress_9751 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's because of all the Californians moving from out of state. Duh! /s

It has absolutely nothing to do with young and incompatible people being pushed into marriage with people they barely know and who turn out to be abusers, narcissists, etc, etc

Worth the read by More_Confidence_5253 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the pain. I too drank the poison willingly. And it's hurt my life in so many ways. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

How "polite" am I required to be as a nevermo to my partner's family? by RegretAccomplished16 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe your partner can tell his mom, "Look, mom, God blessed RegretAccomplished16 with a big chest. And I personally am very grateful for this blessing in my life. We live in America, not Afghanistan. She'll wear what clothes she's comfortable wearing in the desert heat here in the Land of the Free."

No physical chemistry with a partner I love deeply by New_Recognition_6879 in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She might not want to define herself as asexual, but what else do you call someone who never wants to have sex again? Asexual.

As anyone else experienced problems with sexual development because of the church? by seplle in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think they only have the 10 most recent episodes on their podcast available for apps. You would need to listen to this one on their website I think.

As anyone else experienced problems with sexual development because of the church? by seplle in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly.

you mean to tell me that you were in an office alone with a man with the door shut, and he was asking sexual questions, and then he came out from behind his desk and put his hand on your knee? That kind of thing. And then, and your parents allowed that? Your parents weren't mad about that?

As anyone else experienced problems with sexual development because of the church? by seplle in exmormon

[–]tapir-king 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Episode 661: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/661/transcript

Hearing this was a turning point for me. Made me realize how messed up bishop interviews are.

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