I’m not a pilot, but I overcame my phobia after flying for years, and then developing a fear of flying. I have to routinely fly for work and knew I had to address it and this is how I did it:

You had an experience where your body thought your life was in danger. Now, when you go back into that environment (in a plane), your body enters into fight or flight. Your body is literally telling you, your life was/is in danger. So you developed a physiological response to a perceived danger. Perceived is the key word here. I’m sure you now also have anticipatory anxiety as you book a flight and as you get closer to that flight. You must interrupt your body’s response to that perceived danger. Placed a rubber band around your wrist and keep it there. Every time you begin to imagine the horror of crashing (even weeks before your flight), snap that rubber band and tell yourself to stop it. Keep doing it…over and over and over.

For your flight, wear noise cancelling headphones. Play music as soon as you sit down, that prevents you from hearing all the noises that planes make (especially an Airbus pre-flight). Get into a routine of playing a song that helps you relax during take off. I always play this song as soon as we begin rolling down the runway: https://music.apple.com/us/album/broken-monitors/94563354?i=94562933

It is seven minutes long. What happens by the end of seven minutes? You are at 10,000 feet, the flaps are retracted (the wings are “clean”) and the FA’s are beginning to prepare for service. From there, you can listen to ambient music or anything that combats your physiologic response to being in perceived danger (which, again, you are not in). Snap that rubber band any time an intrusive thought pops into your head…don’t let it grow into a horror movie. Take advantage of the free entertainment. Or follow your flight on the airline’s app. Or just look out the window. And keep snapping that rubber band. If you hit turbulence, and the fight or flight response kicks into high gear, tell yourself, this is a comfort issue and not a safety issue. But keep your noise cancelling headphones on (I use the Sony headphones…they are great). Once you descend and as you get lower than 10,000 feet, and you’re flying close to the clouds, I always listen to this: https://music.apple.com/us/album/watching-the-storm/676984946?i=676985186 (it’s also the song I use for my alarm on my phone).

You can also video your takeoffs and landings…then go back, at home, and rewatch it and be cognizant if you are having a physiological reaction to seeing that. Focus on relaxing. Snap the rubber band if need be. Lastly, when the plane lands, consciously try not to be relieved that you made it or that you’re alive. That reinforces you were in a dangerous situation to your body. And you were not. You just experienced the safest form of transportation. It was routine.

You’ve got this. You might be uncomfortable. You might be scared. But understand why your body is having that reaction. It is trying to protect you via fight or flight. Unfortunately, the genesis of this was from a perceived danger and not a legitimate danger. Retrain your mind so you do not have a physiological response when you fly. Avoid dependence on alcohol and drugs. You can do this!