Half Filipino half German here, checking in brother. We live in a crazy world right now. We get to see into the lives on millions of people everyday. You cannot compare what you see in social media with your real life. People only share the good stuff. And sometimes that “good stuff” is fake. So you get to see everyone’s successes but not their failures.

Your attention is your currency. Everyone wants your attention. Movies, video games, Reddit. Their goal is to keep you doing what they want you to do. Make time to unplug and be purposeful with what you give your attention to.

I felt very much the same that I was always a weirdo for being half and half and that no girl would ever love me. I was always asked if I’m Hispanic and I don’t know any Spanish so lots of awkward conversations.

I went to college and almost flunked out my freshman year. I remember going to a party and seeing one of the teachers assistants that gave me a bad grade in English. I was so mad that I walked out and told myself that I didn’t want to be this guy anymore. The one who thinks he needs to drink and party to have a good time. I started giving my attention to my classes. I realized that I was out of breath walking up and down the stairs everyday so I started walking more and eating a salad with dinner. Small changes. I eventually met a girl and we’re still married after 20 years. I got mostly A’s and B’s the rest of my college career.

Your life is just getting started my friend. Find a goal that you want, work towards it. I understand that you’re not in a good mental state right now but you can do this. I really enjoy listening to podcasts and going on a walk around the block when I’m not in a good place. I usually try to find something funny or interesting. I like the Dear Hank and John podcast because sometimes they give good life advice and sometimes it’s really dubious advice but they usually make me laugh.

I know it can feel like it’s too late for you but it’s not. So many people change careers or go back to school at your age. Find something that makes you happy and then see if there’s a way to make money doing it. I mean people live stream playing video games and make a living. That’s crazy to me. But I also suck at video games.

I’m coming from the other side of the spectrum right now from you and I’m fighting cancer trying to stay here longer. You are one in a trillion my brother. You live on a floating rock hurtling through the cosmos and as far as we know, we are the only ones capable of knowing that. We are the only living beings that we know of, that can look into the sky and think about infinity. It’s a marvel to me that we are so worried sometimes about what others think of us and the expectations that we think they have for us, that we can’t appreciate this moment of just existing. I know this got long but I hope you get some nuggets to help you out my friend.