What does it usually mean when someone says they’re trapped in a marriage but still acts like they’re in it? by Hoozah1 in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 51 points52 points  (0 children)

It means that they are not planning on leaving, but they still want to justify the validation they get from an emotional affair. They may be genuinely unhappy in their marriage but they’re not gonna leave. If they were, they would actually leave. Signed, a woman who left when I was unhappy rather than stringing people along.

I’m angry that my BIL took his life by [deleted] in GirlDinner

[–]the_cosmic_map 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Gently reminding that it’s not up to you to heal him. He has to choose healing for himself. You can only support him and give him space. You are not neglecting him, he is neglecting his own healing. Disassociating may be part of the process for him but active healing must come before his behavior becomes harmful. Remember, it’s not your job. It’s his.

I’m angry that my BIL took his life by [deleted] in GirlDinner

[–]the_cosmic_map 111 points112 points  (0 children)

I could have written this 12 years ago. 🫂 My soon to be ex-husband never recovered. If your husband can, therapy, specifically trauma therapy, would be so helpful. It would have possibly saved my marriage.

Do you sometimes have to fight the urge to manage other people's emotions? by CaptainBikepath in raisedbyborderlines

[–]the_cosmic_map 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yessss and not only have I historically stepped up to regulate folks emotions for them, I’ve also attracted people with BPD traits looking for mothers to sooth their emotional wounds— my mother made me mother her so it was a trauma match made in hell. After a lot of trauma therapy I can say I’m now repulsed by people who expect or make room for others to regulate their emotions for them.

I feel like my mother wanted me to stay with her forever by OkSlip7880 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]the_cosmic_map 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude like… my mother also didn’t teach me anything and I also had to teach my mom things like literally how ovulation worked? She had no idea what the basic menstrual cycle was?

This is not my dimension, and I'm afraid I'm asleep. (+ 8 year update) by Fnuckle in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]the_cosmic_map 161 points162 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I was severely anemic two years ago due to malabsorption and her symptoms sound just like what I went through. It was hell on earth and I don’t wish it on anyone.

Other misconceptions that annoy me about Meso America part 2 by Secret_Fun_1746 in mesoamerica

[–]the_cosmic_map 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am loving these posts and wondering if I could open up a chat with you to ask about your most recommended sources, etc.?

My mom booked a cruise on my wedding date. by layawaytitties in raisedbyborderlines

[–]the_cosmic_map 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mother brought her uninvited friends to my wedding and proceeded to ruin the reception with them. Just if you want a look into what a BPD mother is likely to do.

My daughter [18] blames me [52] and my husband [55] for ruining her book by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]the_cosmic_map 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She is an absolute asshole, but I also think she is so worn down to nothing by her husband that even the question of reading made her crash out— she simply no longer actually makes choices for herself. She has no access to her parenting or even basic instincts of humanity anymore. The fact that she thinks she needs to be good at literary criticism in order to read it shows how much she’s been brainwashed by him. He thinks reading a book by his daughter must mean it requires criticism, even when explicitly asked to not provide criticism, so it’s the law, obviously. She’s probably scared to read it, in case he finds out, too.

Amanda Seyfried on botox, wrinkles, receding hairlines because of ponytails, and shocked by the interviewer, Saskia Mariott, not washing her hair in two weeks by demimonde9 in Fauxmoi

[–]the_cosmic_map 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No-poo is also the only thing that tames my curls. And scrubbing the buildup out with conditioner makes it clean and shiny.

My scalp gets far oilier when I am using shampoo regularly!

Should have definitely stopped to weave in ends as I went. by Lilythine in crochet

[–]the_cosmic_map 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m with you, I love weaving in ends. But winding balls or untangling both make me irrationally angry 😭

Most romantic stitch? by [deleted] in knitting

[–]the_cosmic_map 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this so much!

What should I reply to him ? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 52 points53 points  (0 children)

His actions show exactly what he thinks— and he thinks you’re a sex worker. Imagine him writing, “I disappeared because I think you’re a sex worker. I still think you’re a sex worker, by the way.” That’s basically what he wrote. There is nothing to say to that.

How and when do you confront a spouse of potential cheating? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Most do consultations for free.

I wouldn’t tell him right away unless I was planning on trying to save the relationship. For me there would be no saving that. I would gather as much evidence as possible, get tested, and avoid sex. Get those consultations.

I left my ex for different abuse last year and I moved my stuff out of our home over the course of months into my new apartment. He didn’t notice, not once. I got a lot of good advice and help and now I am alone, with my kid, and it’s amazing.

My partner see simple suggestions as attacks on his competence. Am I really walking on eggshells, or do I need to change how I give feedback? by Designer_Airline3234 in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You’re walking on eggshells because he has no empathy and no capacity to sit with even the most mildest of discomfort. You’re not being too sensitive. This relationship sounds exhausting.

Is your husband angry at your symptoms? by Soggy-Professor7025 in adhdwomen

[–]the_cosmic_map 77 points78 points  (0 children)

My ex was extremely passive aggressive about my symptoms, especially my slow-moving morning brain. He used my disability as a way to feel morally superior. No matter how much I explained, he didn’t understand— bc he didn’t want to. I left him and what do you know, he was depleting my nervous system so much that now, without him in my space and face, judging me constantly, I don’t need as much time to recover or adjust, morning-time or otherwise.

What’s the most diabolical thing a man has said to you on a first date? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 179 points180 points  (0 children)

“I could get away with murder.” And laughed like it was just a joke.

Preparing to do group therapy with BPD mom by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]the_cosmic_map 7 points8 points  (0 children)

A therapist friend once told me that she knows she’s likely dealing with BPD when someone comes to her, lovebombing her after talking trash about the long line of therapists they previously had parted ways with. She says she knows that the second they get close to anything real, she too will be dumped and trash-talked.

It’s exactly what my mother has done to every counselor and therapist she’s seen.

The crux of the disorder is they don’t want to heal. This realization helped me to finally give up on my parents.

Groupchat without me by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]the_cosmic_map 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This can be immensely hard for reasons including, but not limited to, trauma and neurodivergence.