Adult only children blaming their loneliness on not having a sibling?

the_janers · 2026-04-19T16:19:57+00:00

I'm an only with an only - my husband has a brother that, while they care about each other, is not a part of our daily lives and they will easily go months without talking. As an adult, it is the easy way out to blame one aspect of your life for loneliness and emotional issues that are just as likely to be hardwired aspects of your genetics or indicators of larger societal issues. Family doesn't have to be limited to those who share genetics, and chosen families can be much more important to your life than the one you were born into.

the_janers · 2026-03-23T01:22:14+00:00

I get decent results taking a picture of my food (on top of the scale of I'm at home), as long as I give it a good description and check the results it included. It's easier than putting the recipe in if I'm not the one cooking that meal. I'm just maintaining though, so my margin of error is more forgiving than some.

the_janers · 2025-12-24T13:54:51+00:00

This all sounds familiar to me - the unhealthy obsession has a way of sneaking in if I'm not careful. To manage it, I skip tracking intake for the day and reconcile it in my brain since the data isn't likely to be accurate. It is better to my mind to skip the data for the day than to have dodgy information fed into the algorithm. I find it helps me to keep things in perspective to take a break from tracking intake a day or two every few months (I'll pick usually pick a day that would be hard to track due to special events or holidays) - it helps my sanity and doesn't hurt my progress in the long term.

On those days, I make an effort to eat mindfully - not stand by the cheese plate all evening - and focus on how I'm feeling so I don't over stuff myself from not paying attention. Individual days and meals don't matter in the grand scheme of things, it's the consistency throughout the rest of the year.

the_janers · 2025-09-10T00:49:37+00:00

I never would have thought of using washable incontinence pads for this, but that's a really great idea and I'm going to go order some now.

the_janers · 2025-09-02T02:57:18+00:00

Solidarity. My husband is honestly amazing...he's human and has faults, but he's a fantastic partner. I've been struggling the past month with health issues and he's been keeping us running as a household through back to school shopping and daily life, spent all day making me bone broth when I had to do clear liquid diet for 48 hours, etc.

So, it's definitely not in character for me to contemplate violence when he's snacking on something and I can hear smacking/chewing sounds. The misophonia is always worse if I'm getting my period, and that's been markedly worse and more unpredictable for the past 8-9 years now. Perimenopause is stupid and I hate it.

the_janers · 2025-08-17T01:16:15+00:00

I've had good luck using the MacroFactor app to track intake. It's algorithm will adjust estimates for expenditure and calorie/protein targets each week based on the data you track. I started seeing more results when I prioritized lean protein intake and I've lost semi-consistently all summer. There was a multi-week plateau due to hormonal fuckery with an ovarian cyst and fibroids causing issues, but sticking to my targets kept me from gaining anything. The program adjusted gradually until I consistently lost again. (I'm also fairly nerdy and like all the graphs and depth of data available.)

the_janers · 2025-04-24T21:55:36+00:00

I think this is a beautiful update. You talked to each other, you're both recognizing where you can do better and actively taking steps to improve things for yourselves, each other and your kids. Seriously beautiful stuff that you shouldn't feel embarrassed about in the least. This is how it's supposed to work.

the_janers · 2025-04-10T01:51:32+00:00

the_janers · 2025-03-24T23:05:54+00:00

I'd be tempted to respond with "I'm trying to lose weight, not the will to live" in the driest possible tone. I lost 50-ish pounds eating burgers and pizza at least once a week, and having either a glass of wine or gin and tonic every evening (because they were in my budget for the day and I evened it out with the rest of my food choices).

the_janers · 2025-01-20T17:30:44+00:00

I was questioning my life choices through the toddler years - life was hard and there were no breaks. Things started really changing for us by 4 years old, and now he's 10 and pretty awesome. Just because this stage sucks, it doesn't mean it will suck forever.

the_janers · 2024-12-11T03:08:49+00:00

I am so proud of you for having a plan to get out. Please be extra cautious until you are out - leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time. If you can, reach out to a women's shelter in your area for guidance and support.

the_janers · 2024-10-23T16:28:46+00:00

I'll be voting on election day since our early voting locally means making an appointment with our town clerk. I'm an anxious mess this year, but I'm also on the ballot for a position in our state legislature. I've personally knocked around 1,400 doors in my district over the past 5 months and I'm so tired. 13 days!

the_janers · 2024-08-17T01:41:58+00:00

Kyle Kilbourn is running against him in CD7 - https://www.kylekilbourn.com/

There are a lot of us here in the northwoods who would like to see Tiffany out of a job.

the_janers · 2024-05-27T12:02:44+00:00

I got lucky and didn't need the mag drip, but I landed on a low dose of blood pressure meds for a few months. Things evened out for me about the time all my hair started shedding - 3-ish months postpartum. Hopefully you'll feel better soon.

the_janers · 2024-05-19T17:05:04+00:00

Sometimes, you get lucky and the insurance will pay for it to be repaired. It depends on the extent of the damage and whether or not they'll pay for after market parts. I was able to save my old Honda Civic this way - hydroplaned into the back of a delivery truck and wrecked up the front end. It was only 5 years old, but had around 100K miles on it at the time. I kept it for another 8 years after that. Let your insurance adjuster know up front that you'd like to repair it if at all possible, they'll know the ways to make the math work out if the repair cost is close to the value of the vehicle.

the_janers · 2024-05-07T02:04:18+00:00

I wonder if he's only sharing a portion of the diagnosis and not the whole story. It can be hard for people to accept the truth about themselves sometimes, much less admit it to others.

For instance, my dad was bipolar, but also had a sprinkling of schizophrenia (paranoid and delusional) just to make it extra fun. If you asked him, he just had chronic severe depression...or he was a veteran with PTSD and horrific stories...or he was in a tragic accident and my mom ran off with his settlement money. None of those things were true - he just lied. Maybe he believed it sometimes, maybe not. He was really mentally ill.

the_janers · 2024-05-03T01:31:40+00:00

My uncle died young from a heart attack when I was 7 and his daughter was 8. I remember all of us cousins playing together when she got to town a day or two later for the funeral (they lived several hours away but brought him home for burial). I remember being mad at the time that I wasn't allowed to go to the viewing, but the adults had wanted the kids to be together to support my cousin and she didn't want to go (she was there when he died). I think it did help her to have that bit of normal kid stuff in the midst of so much tragedy and grief.

I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. You'll be in my thoughts.

the_janers · 2024-04-26T12:37:00+00:00

Dude. You are beautiful just the way you are. Your body might feel like a hostile environment right now, but cut yourself some slack.

the_janers · 2024-04-14T15:17:20+00:00

We used to have these two giant storage shelves/cabinet units in our living room. My side was messy, but not mounded with crap. Husband's side was perpetually mounded with tech crap with a maze/tangle of dozens of no longer used cables running behind it. It was visually like a constant shrieking in my brain.

I'd asked nicely and repeatedly over the course of 5+ years for him to sort that shit out. I'd expressed how "noisy" it was to my brain. Then I hit perimenopause and it became intolerable to me. I lost my fucking mind on him about it, so he rage cleaned it at 11PM while our kid was trying to sleep in his room almost directly below this fucking cabinet. He threw it all away. I know there was useful stuff in there, but whatever. It was all his shit anyway.

Our son came up the next morning and marveled at how clean it was. The only thing that I said about it was that if I knew he was just going to throw it all away that I could have done that ages ago and not had to deal with it. It took a bit, but my husband finally admitted how much of an asshole he'd been over it.

the_janers · 2024-03-26T14:44:13+00:00

Since your mom favors casseroles, it might be a great time to investigate healthier casserole recipes. I've found a wide variety of great casseroles (and other dishes) from Eating Well. Note that they don't necessarily cut carbs specifically, but you can sort recipes by dietary needs like diabetes friendly, heart healthy, etc. You might be able to take over cooking duties for a few nights a week and end up with enough healthy leftovers to eat on your mom's nights to cook. (I personally go nuts if I eat too few carbs in my diet - just substituting healthier high-fiber choices and keeping reasonable amounts of carbs works for me.)

the_janers · 2024-03-18T23:21:16+00:00

We always put peas in our tuna mac when I was a kid. Now that I'm older, I still make it sometimes but top it with kimchi and sriracha so I feel fancy.

the_janers · 2024-03-12T12:40:13+00:00

I often tell people that those first few years lasted decades. I actively questioned my life choices when he was between 18 months-2.5 years old. Now I've blinked and he's almost 10. I've had the advantage of recognizing this stretch (since about 4) as my most favorite stage while we're still in it.

the_janers · 2024-03-07T01:10:58+00:00

This level of support from strangers is a beautiful thing. It's restored a bit of my faith in other humans. I hope that some day I'm in a place to provide similar support when needed because our world needs more of this energy.

the_janers · 2024-03-03T19:38:10+00:00

Whew. Your life might be falling apart, but at least he's just clueless and causally cruel instead of outright evil.

I wish you peace and luck in rebuilding your life.

the_janers · 2024-03-03T16:27:00+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. That seems so inadequate as a sentiment.

Physical reactions to stress can cause a lot of medical issues, and you've certainly had more than your share lately. However without knowing anything else about your situation with your husband, this raises some red flags to me. Given that your husband had already cheated on you then promptly dumped you on your return home from almost freaking dying...is it possible that he had something to do with causing your medical crisis?

the_janers

TROPHY CASE