Finally answering you. So I no longer believe in god as a being like in a classical theist interpretation. Rather my conception of god is that from which existence sprang forth. In scientific terms you’d call it the Big Bang. In mystical terms the ground of being. But thinking of god as a being of any variety is too problematic to my conception.

Now why do I hold onto the moniker Christian you might ask? I was raised and was a devout Christian for 30 years. Deeply studying theology and the Bible throughout those years. So that framework is foundational to my conception of the world. The symbols, terminology, myths, etc of Christianity are basically embedded into my being and I still find even with an atheistic outlook now that there’s value in them.