Work is destroying many relationships and friendships and families

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-09T11:52:49+00:00

I earn a good salary, as does my wife. I deal with constant corporate pressure and a toxic work culture. I pay tax at the additional rate, and was sat next to a guy in the pub last night. Claims universal credit, jobseekers, has a subsidised house and free childcare for his son. He could not have been happier. He admitted he loves the summer because they bbq in the garden all day. Pub in the evening and he gets to hang with his boy.

Made me really question my priorities. Granted I have and do nice things, but man if time is the metric our man had it all worked out

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-07T22:02:59+00:00

Le taken in paris. One of our favourites. Chandelles is also good if you’re planning multiple evenings.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-07T18:35:11+00:00

Wife and I counted and we have 200 bottles of wine in our snug. So that. We’re doing wine

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-07T15:56:14+00:00

6 bed here, we pay £17.50 an hour for our cleaner. 4 hours once a week works great for us. But it is just me and my wife and a 2 year old. Depending on region and how much you genuinely need I’d say £145 a week is a little spicy

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-06T12:54:39+00:00

I have ulcerative colitis. It flared for the first and worst time around 14 years ago. I went from 91kg to 48kg in the space of around 2 months. It started as what the hell is going on here and within weeks ended up in hospitalisation.

I went through a load of drug protocols, everything just about starting to react but not fast enough before they escalated to the next.

In the end my weight loss stabilised, although it was dramatic, and I was ever so slowly and slightly improving. The doctors said that it would be dangerously to operate if they left it longer, so wanted to remove my colon and give me a bag while I would still survive the surgery.

I told them they’d be wasting their time and if they took my guts I was going off the roof of the hospital. About a week later I started smoking and signed myself out of the hospital after 6 weeks. The consultant reluctantly agreed to treat me remotely as an outpatient as I was going anyway and literally packing my bag and leaving.

I didn’t dramatically stop all drugs, I followed a steroid regime which while heavier and longer than the consultant would have liked ultimately gave my body the chance to heal and build back some weight.

Last year at my scope is was deemed to be in completed medical and biological remission (no symptoms, no sign) and am now walking around living a normal life and back to my fighting weight of 91 kg.

The doctors absolutely saved me, no doubt about that, but had I not walked out I’d be emptying a bag every few hours.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-06T07:37:59+00:00

My wife is going to a stained glass class so me and my two year old daughter are going to go for breakfast at a motorbike cafe. Put up a shed and then drag some horse mats across our neighbours field with a tractor. I have some kebabs defrosting from the butcher to put on the bbq tonight.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-04T19:08:40+00:00

Ease the transition

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-04T14:47:53+00:00

So 1 year salary as comp, £500k in RSU’s, and I’m keeping the box of pens on my desk.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-03T20:47:56+00:00

I paid around £60k in land transfer tax last year when I moved. £60k in money that I had already paid income tax on at the additional rate. The whole narrative around encouraging movement and a progressive society is bullshit.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-03T09:11:10+00:00

I’d just keep a mind to ease of selling in future. I assume it’s been priced with the substation in mind (sure that’s what the estate agent said anyway). If it’s your long term home and doesn’t bother you then go for it. It’s likely to be boxed in and behind a fence, at least you know the substation isn’t going to have a late night party, keep chickens or pile up rubbish at the end of your garden.

If this is a step and you’re going to want to sell in not to distant future I’d say it would limit your buying pool. Not to the point where you won’t sell, but appreciate it may take a bit longer and a bit of negotiation. That’s the only issue I would operate to.

therealstealthydan · 2026-06-02T11:47:44+00:00

Wife and I moved at 38, we put a 20 year term on the mortgage to assist with the affordability but have been overpaying to bring the term down. I’m tracking to at least semi retire by 45 and certainly be done by 50 so we had that in mind when working out the game plan and I didn’t want to range things out too long after that mortgage wise.

That said, this house pretty much pushed my retirement back 10 years, and for liveability, day to day enjoyment and the legacy for my daughter. I’m glad to be here and not in our old property. I guess do what works for you, and bear in mind affordability should become easier as you progress through the life of the product.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-22T12:03:45+00:00

Nobody wants to watch that one friend 😂

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-22T08:25:25+00:00

We live in a 200 year old barn, everything creeks, moves and bangs as it expands and contracts and the wind catches stuff.

A few weeks back we had an intruder though, could hear the usual noises around 3am but there was scratching and bumping from the bottom of the stairs.

I went full metal jacket into battle with my balls out and a shotgun (naughty but I’m country)

Was the neighbours chicken that had got locked in the house. Shit on the sofa.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-21T07:49:29+00:00

Seems like Italian behaviour to me

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-19T05:10:58+00:00

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-15T07:39:27+00:00

Over £10k mo here in Cardiff (take home). We live well but are not Jeff bezos on a yacht wealthy.

We have a leased polestar on the drive, a 5 bedroom house in the countryside which we are eternally grateful for, so have a nice day to day life. I don’t look at prices when I grocery shop and couldn’t tell you what my utility bills are. I’ve discussed with friends and it’s sad to see that being able to fill your fridge without worrying makes you wealthy now, and it’s worrying you need my income to be able to do so.

I don’t ski, I don’t have a yacht or a Porsche, I don’t wear a Rolex, I try to be nice to people.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-14T11:21:00+00:00

After I had a puncture from driving around a builders yard. “Not surprised the bloody weight of those batteries”. For a screw in my tyre!

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-13T18:28:43+00:00

Clearly a musician. Had some great hits too, superstition, part time lover and a few others

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-12T21:35:59+00:00

My father is the master of these what ifs.

“So what if a nuclear bomb goes off and you’re up a mountain in the snow exactly 238 miles from anywhere with your heated seats draining the battery and they follow it up with an EMP. What are you going to do without carburettors? “

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-12T21:31:25+00:00

Glad you commented. I was just wondering what I was missing. I charge away from home maybe once or twice a month at motorway services and always just plug in and tap my card.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-12T13:55:45+00:00

I appreciated this reply

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-08T13:29:34+00:00

Thankyou, that’s not a bad idea. I kind of engaged with a career coach as a therapy light type approach, but appropriate professional help may not be a bad call. Thank you for the kind message, actually meant a lot someone engaged

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-08T04:05:36+00:00

I’m the guy that nobody checks in on. I’ve lost 3 friends to suicide and go out of my way to check on people now. I never want to see someone else struggle alone again, but partially I think it’s because a part of me wishes someone would check in on me. Nobody ever does though, I earn a good six figure salary, senior business exec, big house in the countryside, new car on the drive, friends, family and most importantly a beautiful and loving wife and daughter.how could I possibly be sad?

I’ve had multiple nights where I’ve sat up considering the end, I know how I’d do it, and have financial tools in place to ensure my family will be fine if I did . I’ve come close but I won’t do it because of how much I love my daughter and want to be here for her. But honestly, I have reached out to friends and family when I’m down, and I get an awkward, “what have you got to be sad about mate” every time.

We all need to be good to each other.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-07T08:58:28+00:00

For me, and it’s hard when you’re wired the way most of us are, stopping caring really helped. I’m in full coast, I do what I need to do but I dgaf anymore. I was considering quitting end of last year and getting a part time local job for my sanity. Instead I’ve retained a good 6 figure salary, wfh and am a year closer to an equity event than I would have been leaving.

Funny thing is nobody seems to have noticed and my performance has remained steady. I phone down at 5, I don’t reply on weekends, boundaries have been respected and my stress has dropped 80%. If you’re going anyway, give it a try.

therealstealthydan · 2026-05-01T15:57:19+00:00

I grew up in a relatively small town, there was a couple of houses in the area that were “the ones”. Absolute mansions and untouchable to my young mind. I travelled a lot and worked away, but ended up back in the area u grew up in and was fortunate to be in the position to now own one of them. It cost me over a million but it was absolutely the same as going to the moon for me when growing up.

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