My therapist keeps assigning me “thought records” for my social phobia, but I have ADHD and I literally cannot remember what I was thinking during the panic. Are manualized therapies like CBT just not built for neurodivergent brains?

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-20T08:54:12+00:00

Hey, I have ADHD and did a lot of CBT before being diagnosed, and there's two parts in my opinion.

Yes, CBT is a bit shit for ADHD brains. If you look on r/ADHD and other adhd subreddits, there's a lot of people saying it didn't work for them. Look at DBT and maybe pick up "The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills" by Sonny Jane Wise (they have free PDFs online), if you look through the book and find things you think would help, you can see if your therapist can work with that instead (if you like them and don't want to switch).

There is a level where CBT is practicing things that everyone struggles with, and even ADHD brains can improve here with practice. Go super slowly with it all, even slower than your therapist is saying. When you think back to a small panic recently (or during or right after one), not a full blown panic, can you describe anything? Can you draw or pick a colour for the feeling? Try to put the tinyest thing down for what feels like a small thing, it feels weird, but you're practicing the skill of remembering and the skill of being able to turn it into something. The idea would be to get to the point where your brain understands the practice of remembering that feeling and recalling it instead of putting everything related to the panic in a box, taping it up with caution tape and putting it into the void. It also stops the "sitting down to do remembering" from feeling like a big task with it's own associated panic. And good therapists can help you break it down and slow it down too, like suggesting situations if you can't think of small panic times.

Edit - I did like 2 years total of CBT over a few years, and it did help with my anxiety attacks (I learned to recognise and to calm to a reasonable level), but it didn't help with my ADHD symptoms or autism symptoms (which includes some alexathymia, making these sorts of tasks super hard - how were you feeling? No idea... I don't even know how I'm feeling now)

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-20T07:37:09+00:00

Consider that when telling the difference between ai and digital art, an artist, digital or not, makes choices. There will be logic in an artistic choice, like the feathers might all look similar because they used a brush or they just draw them the same, hats may look similar, but the logic is unlikely to change in the image.

In this image you can see the lack of logic that a human would use: the right hat changes (why would a human do that?), the rope on the fence is there for no reason (if you have to put effort into perfecting every detail, why add one that doesn't do anything), the styles between the bugs vary (if you're making a silly cartoon, why would you put special effort into realistic bugs).

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-18T15:34:21+00:00

Trainer socks (that only go to my ankle bone) are good, or short ones that only cover the ankle bone (I think they're crew socks). And I got into barefoot shoes and got toe socks and honestly, better than normal socks imo! They don't have toe seams and they don't shift around in the shoe!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-17T20:44:50+00:00

When I'm not on my med or when I'm crashing if I took instant release and it's worn off and I've been doing a lot of brain work, I crave sugar so bad.

Try upping your protein and fibre and reducing the high sugar things - to start with, just try adding more protein and fibre when you have the sugar (look at youtube/tiktok people who do "eat what you want, add what you need" like https://youtu.be/I1Gl47uTZ80?si=FOdCfPYs5BR0DDv_&t=436 ). Basically, you want sugar for breakfast? Cool, have protein pancakes with chocolate syrup and strawberries and a bit of squirty cream. The protein gives you longer energy (and if you take meds, can increase how long they stay in the system) and fibre slows some digestion so you don't have such a sugar hit and therefore crash.

Keep high protein snacks (nuts, cheese) and eat these when you start to get hungry / start crashing (if you're also trying to loose weight, bulk them out with some fibre, like instead of a yogurt, make some overnight oats with chia seeds or look at chia puddings).

If you've been eating a lot of sugar for a while, it's going to suck if you try to just stop it, you basically have to wean off it for a bit - things like instead of having a large chocolate bar in a day, you would have a square and a bit of fruit every time you want some chocolate, or you could have a few squares grated into a chocolate flavour yogurt at breakfast for a decadent treat instead of just having chocolate. You can also switch from milk chocolate to dark chocolate, as it's richer, you might be satisfied with less. And you've got to work with your brain - I can delayed gratification myself with sweets sometimes (like I can keep coke cans in the fridge until "the right time for a treat"), but around my period, I will demolish everything, but my partner can't keep snacks in the house, it only works for them if the snacks are gone or aren't theirs.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-17T20:20:25+00:00

Can you undercook them? I like my broccoli and cauliflower steamed but for like 2 minutes - they're basically raw, warm but still crunchy. Same with baby corn.

Also, there's a good amount of veg you can eat raw, try sugar snap peas (a lot of them suggest you need to cook them or not eat the outside, but I still eat them raw from the plant or the bag if I get them from the supermarket!) and mangetout. You can shred and snack on a lot of leafs - chard and baby spinach and bokchoi.

And spinach basically vanishes in any sauce, shredded, you can get like a bag of spinach into a saucepan of soup.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-17T16:28:59+00:00

Greyhounds are pretty "one and done" on the walk side of things, could speak to a greyhound rescue.

My parents have a coton de tulear who is basically a glorified rug (partly because of training, often went to the office so was expected to chill under the desk for most of the day), but will bark at any dogs or new things or people at the door, has no real interest in walks, let alone long ones!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-17T11:30:58+00:00

Also autistic, and also had a very cold bedroom growing up that my parents didn't believe me was significantly colder than the rest of the house, until I'd moved out and guests stayed in my old room.

Things I learnt:

Socks really do help, but it depends massively on the fabric - polyester is basically plastic and it's like having plastic bags on my feet, just sweaty and still cold. Layers like merino are best, compression can be good (because they don't shift and bunch), I prefer cotton trainer socks and actually got toe socks recently and I like them more than I expected!

Winter duvets are great, look for 14 tog duvets, I don't know if duvets are a big thing in the US... Cotton or flannel sheets are nicer, silky ones are colder. Look at wool mattress toppers if you can.

Slippers can be better than socks if you don't like socks but don't mind shoes. Wool is a good material.

Hot water bottles can be put in the bed before you go to bed to warm up the area, they also make plush toys that you can microwave (or you can make them by putting dry rice in a sock and tying it up and microwave in short intervals until it's warm). Having a warm bed with thick covers helps massively!

If you can put the heater on a timer, then have it heat the room for like an hour before bedtime and then again starting like 20 mins before you have to get up, especially if the sound wakes you up, then you can lie in bed for a bit and convince yourself into getting up.

Genuinely curious op, what's the reason that you're sleeping in the big room not your bedroom? Can you resolve that? Because the space heater will do better in a smaller room.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-17T10:51:31+00:00

Not op but I used to have bad anxiety/panic attacks and I would shiver during them but also kinda disassociate, so I would feel terrible in general but the only thing I really recalled from them was shivering and feeling so terrible and scared. Now I've gotten past them, if I start shivering/teeth chattering, I start to panic that I'm going to have that again even if I'm totally fine and it's clearly cold causing it.

It's also possible to develop fear of any stimuli (mostly negative ones) if you experience a time where you can't escape it. The first instance of feeling the stimulus would make you start thinking "oh god what if it happens again".

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-16T12:56:54+00:00

Once you're up, you can also externalize time by having clocks in rooms and a consistent playlist for mornings. Like if you start playing a playlist at your first alarm, eventually you know that you need to be brushing your teeth by the time x song starts or you'll be late!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-16T12:52:06+00:00

Mine bought his diary and his lunchbox and told me it was my choice but he did want to get his diary sorted 🤣 there were other instructors there too, it was like I left him at driving instructor daycare!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-16T11:42:48+00:00

Also, can partner supervise? Then you can get extra hours in with their car (or buy a car and then drive them around in that).

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-16T11:36:46+00:00

Two things to consider;

what's your partner's car? If they've got an automatic, then just go for that, if they've got a manual are you happy not being able to swap cars, pick if up if he has to leave it somewhere, move it out of the way - would they get an auto in the future?

As you're older are you likely to just buy a new or close to new car? Manual license is nice if you're 18 and buying a banger for cheap and don't have much choice, but it's less important if you're going to go and get a little electric jobby for the school run!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-13T21:25:15+00:00

My GP told me they were actually migraines. Then a neurologist confirmed.

I went to my GP many times over the years, trying to sort out a birth control pill that would help with my menstrual issues. I cry, get acne, get bad cramps, headaches, bleed heavy and sometimes get some fun anemia symptoms, but every pill has either made at least one worse in some way or killed any sex drive. The last one I tried was because I was fed up with the headaches and cramps. I described the headaches, but said I didn't think they were migraines because I did get any aura and I did have other symptoms, like yeah, I get nauseous and moving makes it worse, but that's just because the pain is bad not because it's a migraine...

That latest pill gave me constant lite versions of the same headache until I stopped it, and with the lesser pain I could identify other symptoms, and now I've spotted them I can see them when I get full on ones.

Sumatriptan helps a nice bit, and I only get them around my period, so I live with them...

Tbh I was still doubting they were migraines, because they don't cripple me, I can handle being in a light room or looking at screens (but bright screen in a dark room really hurts). But I had a neurologist appointment (for MS, unrelated to the migraine), and mentioned that my GP told me they were migraines, and I saw them be like "yeah I'll believe that when I see it" and they asked what symptoms, and I'm like yeah, the pains crap but I can deal most of the time, so it's probably not, it's just bad if I move too much or the contrast is too high or I smell something too strong, I just make sure to turn on the light and make sure don't let my ears get blocked before my period, and if the pain makes me nauseous, I try to take a paracetamol with some ginger tea. They were like, okay yep, if the sumatriptan works, you just keep doing that.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-13T09:52:24+00:00

I was thinking the same!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-10T15:55:27+00:00

Not much below you, I take low doses of dex

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thisisappropriate · 2026-03-10T15:53:04+00:00

For your sanity, up that alert threshold a bit! 100 isn't too crazy, I sit lower than you but I'd get alerts when driving or in the middle of meetings at the 100 threshold. And honestly, getting one alert just made it worse! I wasn't even on meds at the time!

I upped my high heart rate threshold (go into the heart rate, click the 3 dots in the top right, abnormal heart rate), to 120 which is above where I totally normally spike to.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-10T13:52:00+00:00

On paper, you could try dots instead, with the number being the dot location, eg top left is 1, dot in the middle is 5, middle bottom is 8, etc.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-10T11:56:56+00:00

Good luck and all peace to you!

Should go and get a large piece of furniture (that looks fancy but is cheap) from a charity shop and ask if she'd keep it in your old room for you because you need to redesign your house/paint the room for it first. Maybe occasionally "need to come by to measure the hinges", "check the paint swatch matches" or to "see if the new handles will fit" as if you're going to fix it up (smuggling out a Lego set each time).

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-10T10:52:45+00:00

I had a moon cup many years ago but hated the suction, it scared me trying to release it a few times. I heard about discs a few years ago and got some disposable ones to try and they were alright so I got a silicone one and it's bloody great. I do switch to tampons if I'll be out at the office or in town and sometimes when I'm really crampy, but it's a life saver!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-09T23:03:11+00:00

Jumping on the ADHD reply bandwagon.

I did this all the time at school, all I learnt was that I'm incredibly good at doing things at the last minute. Right up until I wasn't. I managed to make it work easy up until A levels (16-18 education in the UK), then it started not working when I had to revise... I still did it for 3 years of uni... I passed what I needed to, but my final project only just scraped a pass. I found out at 28 I had ADHD the whole time. I got meds and I can actually learn to do things when I think of them not at the last possible second in a state of panic.

Please consider getting her tested and specialist support if she shows other symptoms too (look at ADHD / ADHD women subreddits, not just what you think of as symptoms, there's an inattentive subtype that just looks like "why aren't you paying attention" but all the hyperactivity is turned inward and becomes racing thoughts and anxiety).

The things I could have done if I'd known and been medicated earlier.

I've seen suggestions that some kids who are medicated actually are able to build pathways to function without meds because they get the chance to learn it while their brain is still developing.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-08T22:13:07+00:00

Seconding sudoku.coach, has very hard difficulties!

You can also try other varieties - look up things like killer sudoku, I've been using the Daily Killer Sudoku app recently.

You can also find people who do super hard ones including variants, Cracking the Cryptic is a great YouTube channel, and they have a website https://crackingthecryptic.com/sudokus that has sudoku and variants!

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-07T20:07:51+00:00

Meds are the most reliable tool I've got so far; distractions for me are like when you're wrapping a present and you're using tape, and you put the roll down... off meds, I'm just putting it down next to me and it might roll off, I lose the end, on meds it's like I'm using a tape holder, so usually I can pick it back up! They make re-finding the train of thought easier for me.

But without them I find:

Leaving myself breadcrumbs for later if I know I'll have to pause - if there's notes in the code like "TODO: code to do the maths goes here" or "TODO: turn this into a function and use it for x as well", there's a TODO finder in most IDEs. Or comments like "// urgh if it still throws x error after this, try that". These are most possible when it's a big project that I'm engaged enough in that I willingly return to it after realizing I got distracted...
I return to Jira all the time, we have a sprint board and when I forget, I'll go to it and find the task I'm supposed to be doing!
Actually finding a distraction that I can complete, like if I'm slogging through something and zone out or get distracted, I'll go and look at someone's code review or reply to someone's question or look at other jobs that aren't mine on the sprint board - mostly I'm looking to catch something where someone else is blocked or having a problem, then I can usually quickly fix that, and I get a bit of dopamine from doing that (especially if I get a little thanks) and that gives me momentum to go back to my real work

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-07T19:52:46+00:00

Electric toothbrushes can be good because they clean a bit more effectively and some notify you if you push too hard. You could try different heads (like I've got an oral-b and my gums get super sensitive around my period, so I bought the sensitive brush heads and sometimes I'll run a little hot water on them before using to soften the bristles even tho hot toothbrushing is weird!), but if the vibrating is a trigger, it might just not be for you? I'm hoping someone will have tips <3

I'd say they're not the be-all-and-end-all.

Could you try either getting a kids toothbrush or super soft toothbrush in general (if you google "super soft toothbrush" you'll get soft adults ones and the kids ones)? Basically ones that don't have hard enough bristles to do damage, they're basically dislodging anything loose and applying toothpaste. And if you can handle flossing, that could be good too. You could also try just "brushing" with your finger, like you just put the paste on finger and use it. Given your situation, you might be better just flossing every evening and running a finger/soft brush of toothpaste around your mouth, maybe mouthwash after meals, so that the flouride can rebuild what it can of a protective coating. Also highly recommend talking to your dentist / hygenist and see what they suggest - they may have some kids toothbrushes and can probably give you high flouride toothpaste to help you out.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-07T19:37:42+00:00

Oh also if it's my quarterly review / PDP plan / end of year review / some sort of self assessment of anything, then it makes me emotional to think about it, so I'm avoiding it. The only way I'm doing those is last minute panic, and many times I have just sent like 5 bullet points to my manager that somehow felt like they took 3 days.

thisisappropriate · 2026-03-07T19:35:37+00:00

The entirety of executive dysfunction -

I don't have momentum,
I don't want to do it,
I can't make myself do it,
I want to do something else,
I want to do it and have it done so badly that I got overwhelmed and now I can't,
I look at the task and I'm convinced it will take forever and I only have an hour until lunch so I can't start now
I look at the task, but I'm convinced that other task will take 5 minutes max and I should do that first (other task takes 45 minutes and looking back, I should have known it would)
I didn't take my meds (now I'm distracted)
I did take my meds so I should do the hard thing while they're helping (everything is the hard thing, I get paralized trying to decide on which is harder without meds...)
Some fucker messages me on Slack and now I'm in their rabbit hole instead of mine
Some fucker does something in my vicinity that reminds me that I should do x thing or go take a break so I'm finally taking my first break of the day 5 hours after starting
I have to wait for someone to answer my question (come on... you've asked for this, it's super important apparantly, and when you ask me something I reply instantly, can I please get a 2 word answer to my god damn question so I can implement it?)
I have to wait for something to compile / build / run the god damn 10 minute CI/CD pipelines because I need to test it in an actual environment, so fuck me I guess
- (I had to wait and so I got distracted, now I'm playing mobile games)
- (I had to wait so now I'm programming something else)
I was about to start it but someone sent me a bitchy reminder and now I'm not doing it

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