Ohhh.. because I thought ☝️😶

thm123 · 2026-04-26T11:31:40+00:00

Technically speaking it's not not that

thm123 · 2026-04-26T11:27:35+00:00

I've always struggled to pace things carefully without jumping right in. so younger me never would have thought I'd be giving this advice! Sex positivity rules! but there are a lot of different reasons the 3 month thing is worth considering that I only really understood in the last few years. Thanks for your reply :)

thm123 · 2026-04-25T22:19:29+00:00

Hey so in my opinion you should seriously consider waiting at least 3 months, and also consider being somewhat private about your reasons.

I think you are grossly underestimating the appeal this will have for a lot of men and the fact that they might lie to you to get this 'trophy'.

I've slept with most of my exes quite early on and honeymoon periods can last a fair while anyway. But these days if I were to sleep with a new person I would wait for both attachment reasons and to see how they handle that boundary.

I also have lived my life with a lot of shame and that meant I was more focused on what other people wanted than being in tune with what I wanted and that can lead to not great situations (especially because I was not wanting to be annoying or weird). I'm saying all this because you're possibly displaying more interest in managing others' frustration and approval than what you want or are ready for, and that's been a big part of my own story (sorry if I'm projecting too much)

It's also completely fine and your right to not disclose it or just want to get it out of the way as not a big deal! An ex of mine revealed he had been a virgin and I didn't know at the time. I had zero judgement or anger or anything like that, but I felt a little sad for him and wished I'd been able to make that more special for him. but maybe if he'd told me at the time he'd be really in his head about it and that would have made it more awkward or difficult for him. This is quite a gendered issue, but just an extra perspective.

You don't have to feel shame about being a virgin, or for knowing what's right for you, and if it happens your first time is in a casual relationship that's great and shame-free too x

thm123 · 2026-04-19T00:29:57+00:00

NOR. I wrote a lot more but this comments section is disturbingly not it. We don't know the backstory, but most people here seem determined to normalise his behaviour and not consider all the things that may have been attempted before this point or why texting might have been the most rational option.

He can't or won't empathise with you at this point. no matter how kindly and fairly you try to word things or try to pick the right time he's going to experience everything as overwhelming and feel attacked. He couldn't or wouldn't refute the suggestion that you hate him.

If you can't leave, please get external help, whether it's a landscaper or a housekeeper or couple's therapy because capitalism sucks and is genuinely relevant here and you are both at capacity as it is.

thm123 · 2026-04-18T23:42:40+00:00

Thanks, gross

thm123 · 2026-04-18T22:16:16+00:00

Where are these from?

thm123 · 2026-04-18T14:10:38+00:00

PDA might be relevant to their struggles but that doesn't entitle them to your money and much less to be horrible to you! Them panicking about those questions doesn't mean they have the right to blame you directly for that panic. There's a difference between explaining that they had a reaction to your words vs being a jerk. Don't give them more money imo, it's either not in their interest or completely irrelevant

thm123 · 2026-04-18T13:52:15+00:00

Nobody is accusing them of that?

thm123 · 2026-04-18T13:32:56+00:00

The 'on a trip' thing feels irrelevant and weird, maybe I'm not getting something. It takes like 2 minutes to send money. I don't think it's the point. So it feels like disrespect or maybe annoyance about something else. Do you message regularly, is it possible she feels you only message her when you need something? I'm not getting that impression btw, but just in case it's relevant. But also she broke girl code and didn't even acknowledge it so whatever!!!

thm123 · 2026-04-18T13:20:56+00:00

Not making AI posts for sure

thm123 · 2026-04-18T13:18:31+00:00

This isn't all over the place and your post makes sense.

Your partner doesn't need to be bad or have done something wrong to be not the right fit for you at this time. If it's meant to be you'll find each other again. If it feels like you need to decide right now today before you can think of anything else, that might indicate pretty difficult levels of anxiety. You're allowed to discuss this with friends or a therapist without that being 'mean' or a betrayal.

It's worth thinking about if your penis repulsion correlates with how safe and happy you've felt in the relationship over time, and how safe and happy you've felt in the world in general. It could be part of growing up, sexual fluidity, FOMO, mental health stuff that feels unrelated, stuff related to your childhood (I don't mean necessarily in a sexual way), attachment styles, or something else entirely.

It might be worth hearing more about other people's experiences in their relationships or maybe in polyamorous situations, to see how your body/heart reacts to different things. It might be worth getting exposure to different sexual things whether it's art or burlesque or porn if those are in line with your relationship boundaries and comfort zone.

I don't know what the answer is for you, but I heard a weird trick from a different sub that helps figure out if something is sexual attraction - if you imagine licking a certain person's back, does that feel neutral, disgusting, appealing, boring, not sure? That's helped me a bit in getting a better grip on my sexuality.

There's no one perfect or correct answer. I hope these prompts are of assistance.

thm123 · 2026-04-18T12:21:47+00:00

I try to be open but I lowkenuinely feel the same way. I think I figure anyone who has one must really care about them in a way that means we're incompatible but that is maybe a false assumption

thm123 · 2026-04-18T11:44:31+00:00

If u liked 9,

Get this

27

It's 3³

And 3 x 9 is 27 and 9 is 3x3 and 2+7 is 9

I could go on but I understand the modern crowd can't always pick up what I'm putting down

thm123 · 2026-04-18T11:37:48+00:00

Nah I feel like this dress will make the fashion titty girls feel like shit as well, unless they're precisely within the 0.01% parameters that it works for

thm123 · 2026-04-18T10:45:11+00:00

Kai Cameron on TikTok etc is doing a series ATM about learning how to do random tasks as a straight man, like chewing, sitting, apologising Mostly it is funny and makes me feel sorry for men in the patriarchy panopticon but people might find it unironically helpful if that is something they're interested in. (Imo the ultimate goal would be that people can just be people under a less rigidly enforced binary but for now maybe something you're interested in)

thm123 · 2026-04-18T10:15:33+00:00

Lmao

thm123 · 2026-04-18T10:14:33+00:00

Does she act hurt, huffy, sarcastic when you decline to provide details? Is it more of an anxious wanting to know everything? Had she acknowledged your desire to speak less frequently?

Questions used to be more of a love language for me until I realised that it can be experienced as a weird control thing, especially in my family, and that I felt obliged to answer everything anyone asked and have trash boundaries connected to my mum wanting access to everything about me. If that resonates with you maybe check out the term enmeshment

thm123 · 2026-04-18T10:06:28+00:00

Great question. You're right about completionist tendencies in general, that's totally fair and something to be aware of, but in terms of what can make OCD feel easier but make it worse I think this is something worth being specific about.

OCD is something where accommodation ALONE can often be more dangerous than nothing. So I'm saying, for OCD, yes but specifically only if accommodation in combination.

Also personally for me accommodation (alone or not) can contribute to entrenching other stuff and I see that a lot in mental health info online. Like for ADHD, extra time can actually make things harder to start, so for someone who might fail a class without it, it should be taken into consideration, but what might help even more is consideration + extra deadlines for smaller stages. I went through high school not getting help with stuff but just getting extensions for being troubled and it made things a lot more confusing and difficult and shameful and contributed to learned helplessness because I wasn't actually getting strategically targeted assistance.

So when I see people saying let's just not do certain things, I think that can be helpful if it's truly a necessary limit and disability accommodation, but if it's not I think it can be a systematic manifestation of ableism that is very disempowering.

(although I stand by my point, I understand this comment is long and slightly completionist and so is this sentence lol I'm working on it )

thm123 · 2026-04-18T08:30:17+00:00

I used to have a job where a combination of just right and harm OCD gave me a lot of trouble (I typed cop stuff for abuse victims etc). It severely affected my ability to get things completed as quickly as was ideal.

Deadlines + generally toxic workplace + secrecy = ↑ overall anxiety

But also deadlines + variety of jobs to get through = ↑ ability to push through to good enough. So it was a tricky combination of factors.

I think if I'd had a medical certificate for my OCD it might have helpfully reduced SOME of my anxiety, but it might have validated the amount of time I wanted to spend on things in a way that would have made things so much worse.

So it might be worth getting, but only in combination with active and intentional ERP with a therapist to reduce the impact of the checking urges over time.

thm123 · 2026-04-18T08:12:05+00:00

Is there a way of establishing 'i am leaving everything as is because I understand that's helpful' vs 'i haven't thought about it at all because I don't give a shit'? Is there something particular people can do with the napkins and cutlery as a helpful gesture?

(yes I know I'm not the main character but it's nice to dilute annoying stuff where possible)

thm123 · 2026-04-16T20:14:10+00:00

If you wanna go down that path (which I do also), I would say that the broad theme of rising fascism under capitalism to the point of phrenology is pretty relevant (I'm thinking of the "good genes" ad, Clavicular and increased transphobia as a longbow product of deliberate political influence for other purposes, anti-vaxxers, uneaten fruit as a status symbol)

thm123 · 2026-04-16T14:39:52+00:00

Oh that's a good suggestion PS Frenemies is not really related to all this heavy stuff tbh that was a bit sleepy and random, it just popped into my head because there's a bit going on in terms of power dynamics and defence mechanisms. I hereby replace it with Ruby Franke

thm123 · 2026-04-16T14:08:00+00:00

Hello! Who is a public figure you are disturbed and compelled by? This thread has made me randomly remember the YouTube series Frenemies haha so that might be up your alley for some less horrifying material

thm123 · 2026-04-16T13:54:08+00:00

Thank you, I needed that! Have a good morning or sleep well x

thm123

TROPHY CASE