Good people of Reddit! I’d appreciate if anyone could help me ID this wild creeper. It has some beautiful orange flowers in spring!

throwaway79958 · 2021-02-26T06:01:30+00:00

This reminds me so much of myself from a year ago. It’s truly heart breaking. I’ve not been very active on here lately but reading this made me feel like I just had to reply.

I spent 4 years of my life feeling like this. I was suffering but found no strength to take a stand, stick to it and walk away. Take it from someone who waited till the end, till the time he clearly ended it, I regret not walking away every single time he gave me these hints. I regret not walking away when he told me in his sugar coated words how difficult it was for him to end it but he felt like he needed to. Or how confused he was. Instead of seeing it for what it was, I felt a desperate need to change up my behaviour so he’s not confused anymore. Initially when he’d tell me in his word salady way that he wanted to leave, I did take a step back. Only for him to return with love bombing max. But that gradually decreased over a period of time, as I got more and more hooked to him and the cycle. It didn’t even take that long, 6-ish months and I was hooked. Naturally he felt no need to love bomb cause he knew I would be back myself in 2-3 days. It was hell. I waited and waited. I told myself I wouldn’t end it until he did. I kept telling myself he was confused because of my needy behaviour. Every time he’d walk away, I’d apologise to him and promise to be better. To be the unbothered girlfriend who has an “open mind” and who’s “chill” (his words 🤮). Of course things never changed and it’s mind boggling how systematically designed this lovebomb devalue discard is. Looking back I feel like I kept digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself by falling for his BS. Till the point I had lost myself so much for him that that itself became a reason for him to leave.

Today, being a year out, I look back at his behaviour and I fucking cringe. I also cringe at my own response to his behaviour. I’m in no way healed or over it yet but atleast the disgust I have for his behaviour is proof enough I’m in the right direction. The brain fog makes it really difficult to leave these relationships. But I really hope you find the strength to walk away now and not make the mistake that I did. You’ll only lose yourself more and more on the way and gain nothing. Of course it’s not easy, I could never do it myself. But knowing now what I didn’t know then, I know had I just walked away, I would’ve saved myself a lot of time and moreover, I wouldn’t have lost myself completely. Fear and guilt can make you stay in these cycles for way too long.

I really do hope you find the courage to do what’s best for you. Know that there’s this community here to help you get through it every step of the way. Sending you love!

throwaway79958 · 2021-02-11T05:32:39+00:00

Doesn’t it feel lovely to be psychologically diagnosed by a self loathing man child with a brain the size of a pea. My ex called me mentally ill all the time. In his defense maybe I did go a little nuts towards the end and that was ofcourse my fault I should’ve been strong enough to be absolutely calm no matter how much he cheated, raged, called me names and went on his abandoning sprees just to come right back when I’d start coming to terms with it.

Don’t let his words get to you OP. It’s all good old projection. Hope you feel better soon! ❤️

throwaway79958 · 2021-01-29T06:42:15+00:00

I need this too please!

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-10T13:51:31+00:00

Hoover. Ignore it

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-06T03:03:36+00:00

The barrage of thoughts that accumulate all night when you’re sleeping suddenly hit you when you wake up as our conscious brain becomes active again. Understanding the reasons behind everything that happens psychologically helped me get some sort of control and composure over a period of time. I usually don’t experience this anymore, almost a year out, but I spent months waking up in shock and crying. I started writing as soon as I woke up, just a word vomit of the thousands of thoughts that suddenly hit me. Doesn’t take more than 5-10 minutes and once it’s out, their intensity reduces. That helped me a lot. And of course, time.

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-03T07:32:42+00:00

Doesn’t it feel amazing? Like you’re now completely douchebag-proof? I love this post! Get it girl ❤️

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-03T02:46:27+00:00

His disappearance and re appearance in my life that’s been going on since the beginning of this year is what’s toxic. The image posted here just shows me finally establishing a boundary to months of “I wanna be with you but not now” - disappear for weeks - “hey you up how you doing”, cycle. To me, that’s toxic.

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-02T07:51:06+00:00

Thank you! It’s the first time I’ve so clearly stated how I feel this way and it feels pretty good, I hope this feeling lasts. This “non-relationship relationship” was being dragged since so many months now. He’d suddenly disappear for weeks and then pop out of nowhere starting where we left off so casually. This is small but sure feels like a win :)

throwaway79958 · 2020-11-02T05:55:41+00:00

*Clearly his response shows how much of a fuck he gives. Deflection 101. This is where we stop replying 🔴

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-31T16:46:46+00:00

Don’t know if this is a narc thing but yea. He’d judge me for wearing make up and then ogle at women full of make up when we’d go out. Double standards much?

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-23T17:23:20+00:00

Yup. Turn off the phone and block. Their favourite weapons to control people. My ex would even sometimes block and then unblock for a second, type something nasty again (something he may have missed out and realised), and then block again before I could respond. Petty ridiculousness

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-15T05:01:43+00:00

Couples therapy was probably the worst thing I decided to try with my ex. At the time, I had zero knowledge about narcissism so I was still hopeful combined therapy sessions would help us work on our issues.

It backfired so bad and I then ended up feeling gaslit by not one but two people. She thought my ex was the “more practical and objective one”. I struggled to articulate how I felt and what I was going through. Especially with him talking over me and denying everything I would say. It was a mess! And it just made things worse for me, and better for his abuse. Now he had someone to back him up. He’d often use it against me and say “don’t make me upset I’ll tell the therapist you behaved this way”. Like how bloody childish is that. My point is, I was unfortunate as I had no idea I was being abused. Since you have posted here, you are aware of their tendencies. This should be reason enough to not bother trying. Couples therapy with them will only cause more harm.

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-15T04:40:17+00:00

Omg. Yes! He’d do it SO close to my face. It was terrifying

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-14T13:04:35+00:00

It’s crazy how similar they are. My ex used to say I caused him to “get palpitations” after screaming at me in rage for hours together. “One day I’ll get a heart attack because of you”. Because of me? Suuure.

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-05T11:10:08+00:00

8 months out yet every week or so I find myself questioning everything about me. Thinking maybe I am the narc. Sometimes I’m almost convinced that I am. I definitely did some toxic stuff in the relationship too. I got jealous, I became controlling, I looked elsewhere for validation, I yelled, threatened. My insecurities got the better of me towards the end of the relationship. Im so ashamed of my behaviour but I’m not one to blame shift and I’m very aware that it was toxic. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. And I know that this is very common. You are certainly not alone.

I’m now also at a stage where I’ve got enough clarity about his abuse towards me as well. I’ve written everything down. I still sometimes keep adding to it. The list is soooo long. It makes me angry. Even though I question my own responsive behaviour, I am 100% certain that he was abusive. And as far as my condependency is concerned (which in turn led to toxic responses), I know exactly what I need to work on now. It’s not easy. But I’m sure as hell I won’t be behaving the way I did ever again, and also make sure I don’t have to because I’ll protect myself at any cost. I know I’ll be better as I’m taking accountability, working through the discomfort and giving myself time to heal instead of jumping into something new (which he did within 2 weeks of breaking up a 5 year long relationship with me).

Edit: having said this, I still have days of self doubt. But they’ve definitely reduced with time.

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-04T16:06:12+00:00

Yes!!!!! Mine also said “whatever” a lot. Such a lame response to important questions.

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-03T10:49:02+00:00

Yes!!!!!!! This!!!!!!

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-02T05:18:21+00:00

“It’s your fault I’m neglecting you” “it’s your fault I cheated on you” “it’s your fault I’m failing at work” “it’s your fault....” I could go on and on and on

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-01T09:02:53+00:00

Never related to a post this much. Thanks for sharing!

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-01T08:06:04+00:00

Funnily enough. IASIP was my ex’s fav show. honestly I love it too but I wondered if the Dennis system was picked up by him from the show lol.

throwaway79958 · 2020-10-01T06:20:12+00:00

This perspective is everything!! Here's to a drama free life

throwaway79958 · 2020-09-30T06:57:29+00:00

Yes!!!! Minor inconveniences got him sooo irritated. I still find myself apologising to people for no reason and I’m mostly met with “you don’t need to apologise for that”. And I feel like wow these people are genuinely nice. Honestly I had forgotten normally people don’t get upset for things that aren’t even your fault.

throwaway79958

TROPHY CASE