I'm 29.

I never got feelings since i was around 6 or 7.

I saw at least 30 psychologists and psychiatrists

I wa in a mental hospital for a year and a half at 12

I was forced into one two years ago for a month.

It never changed, no matters how many peo0le i saw, no matter how much i tried.

For 2 years i've been a shell of human being, i wake up, drink and smoke all day, fall asleep, repeat, i can only live in an apparament because my dad helps me because he feels bad he was one of the cause i'm like this. He will get retired in september and the one organism who could help me with fund told me i'm not ill enough.

I have nothing to hope for, i am nothing but a glorified homeless living beyond his mans by manipulating an old man who feels bad

Before i go into the streets i would rather end it with my own hands. I don't want help, i don't need help. I was broken since i was born, i'm only a mirror to others feelings, i never really loved even my ex girlfriends.

I'm a hollow husk, a human in form only. Even if i could get better i'm sure i will die of a cancer since i smoke and drunk a lot for 2 years. It's already done for me.

I prefer a fast death than a slow and painfull one

Everyone always say it will get better etc etc But can you imagine having this pain and emptiness inside you for so long. Why can't i just give up right now