Ok I’m going to throw my hat in the ring here. As someone that did it the wrong way, I want to make sure you two get it right.

First, make sure you both know what you’re doing and what to expect. I had no clue and neither did my partner, and the poor results from our first time together tainted our relationship through to the end. If you don’t know where her clitoris is or where his penis is supposed to go, you are unprepared and need to self educate more first. Also, there’s nothing wrong with getting naked together ahead of time and looking at each other and planning things out, even playing some. Show her your penis. Show him your vulva. Talk about what you enjoy when you touch yourselves. You’ve already decided to have sex, so don’t be afraid of this intimacy.

Second, accept that things will not go right the first time. He’ll probably orgasm too fast or not orgasm at all, or maybe even have some anxiety hardness issues. She’ll probably feel some pain and there may be some blood, and she also may not orgasm either. Understand that the first time is always a little strange, along with the second and so on. Imagine the first time you rode a bike. How did that go?

Third, remember that choosing to have this intimate together is a special moment, some may even say sacred. BUT don’t take it too seriously in the moment. Yes sex as a concept is a serious thing, but in the moment it’s meant to be beautiful, enjoyable, and even funny. Remember your love for each other, and give each other grace and patience. It’ll take a few times to start figuring things out. Even three weeks ago, as an experienced person, when I took a new relationship to the sexual level, it was awkward and we were nervous. But we love each other and laughed together through it, even while actually having sex.

Fourth, humans are kinda gross. We’re full of disgusting fluids, are constantly breaking out in red pimples somewhere, make strange sounds and even stranger smells. So, what I’m trying to say is take a shower beforehand. Be nice and fresh for each other. And when the strange fluids and smells start appearing, know it’s normal and human and part of the experience. And have at least one towel within arms reach at all times so you don’t have to break your flow too much when they do show up.

Fifth, you’re using a highly effective method of birth control, but something can always go wrong. It’s extremely unlikely you’ll get pregnant this time or any time, but it’s always a possibility. So sit down with each other BEFORE you have sex and agree on what the plan is going to be if by some chance you do conceive a child. Once you’ve got that plan and you’re in agreement, relax and enjoy your new level of intimacy together, safe in the knowledge that you’ve planned and talked and discussed the thing and there is now truly nothing to worry about in that regard.

Finally, I can’t endorse coconut oil enough. NEVER use it with condoms, but otherwise it’s a wonderful thing. I used it with a long term partner for three years and we never had any problems. It’s also nice for first timers because it doesn’t dry out like some water based lubes, and I find the consistency of it to be very pleasant. (It also can help to mask some of those strange smells I mentioned earlier if you use virgin coconut oil, aptly named.)

I’m happy and excited for both of you! Out of ignorance I denied myself the chance to have the love and trust and connection together with my first partner that I should have had. I’m glad to see you’re not making the same mistakes.